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Do You Ship Us? - 45. Damien

“Jasper, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Damien swishes his drink and pats the seat beside him.

“I think you know why I’m here, lets not play this guessing game crap.” Jasper crosses his arms, looking at the chair and deciding he’d rather stand. He didn’t want to look at all like he was welcoming Damien’s phony politeness.

“Because you can tell I’m a threat to this pretend relationship you have with Ryan, it’s a pity he’s not here, because that would really make this interesting, does he know you’re here?” Damien seemed annoyingly amused by Jasper, but it was clear there was also some disappointment evident on his face, that it wasn’t Ryan joining him for a drunk right now.

“I’m not threatened by you, in any way. Don’t credit yourself for thinking you got under my skin. I don’t know how you got Ryan’s number but you need to stay away from him. You had your chance with him, and you royally fucked it up, he is happy so step the fuck back and let him go. If you care at all about him, you’ll respect that he is better off without you.” Jasper was thankful now of all times to be excellent at faking absolute confidence, given that he still didn’t even know whether Ryan was actually interested in him, or still in love with Damien after all.

“He gave me his number.” Damien shrugs, looking at him with a smug expression. “Still not feeling threatened? He gave me his number, by choice. Why would he do that if he was so secure and happy with you? He knew why I came to see him, he went out for a drink with me and kissed me. He knew if he gave me his number he would get texts and calls from me, and he still did it. So if you’re so confident with him, then maybe you need to talk to him about why he let me back into his life.” Damien looked so pleased with himself that Jasper couldn’t stand it, he just scoffs and shakes his head. “What?”

“Honestly, I’m not going to satisfy you with the answer to that, because you know what you’ve done to him to make him keep letting you in. You get how manipulation works because you’ve done it to him for long enough to know every way to make him give in to you, and every way to guilt him. You’ve kept him guessing about his own worth, so long he forgot to ever look at you and ask you whether you were actually worthy of him. The truth is though, I really don’t care what history you have. I don’t care if you feel powerful or strong being able to walk back into his life and have him think he owes you his time. All I want to know, is if you care about him, at all. Because if you do Damien, then you need to stay the hell away from Ryan. Because you being here is stopping him be able to move on in his life.” Jasper tells him angrily, staring at Damien with hatred burning in his eyes. Damien seemed almost completely unmoved by everything Jasper had just said.

“Ryan will come back to me, he’s always forgiven me. You don’t know what he likes, what he needs to keep him interested and excited in a relationship. He will get bored of you.” Damien smirks. “Have you even slept together yet?”

“Are you really that unaware? He may get bored of me, but he will never go back to you out of ‘forgiveness’. If he goes back to you again it will be out of habit, not love, not forgiveness, just good old Stockholm syndrome, that’s why they call the kind of relationship you had with him, an abuse cycle, what he has with me is an actually relationship. You may have been with him longer, but that doesn’t mean you know him better than I do. I actually take the time to give a shit about what he is going through. It also might surprise you to know, we’re not fuck buddies. We’re capable of spending time together and being intimate without having to whip our dicks out.” Jasper rolls his eyes and Damien snorts and shakes his head.

“Cute way of saying you’re too frigid. You weren’t out until recently right? So have you ever actually pleased a guy? Is that what you’re afraid of? That you won’t know what you’re doing and you won’t be able to make him happy?” Damien teases.

“Maybe. But can I ask you one simple question. In all the time he was with you, did he ever genuinely seem happy? Because I have to bend over backwards and walk on egg shells around him at times to not have him think I am mad at him, to not have him think there is any animosity at all. He doubts me and my motives and my every word because of the abuse you put him through. He was happy with me before he saw you again, and now it’s thrown us out. You walk into his life and seeing your face ruins him. So how dare you keep doing this to him? He’s desperately trying to sort himself out here and he cannot do that with you hovering around. If any part of you has a heart, you really should step back and see what you’re doing to him. If you care about Ryan being happy, truly, then you need to get out of his life once and for all. You aren’t good for him.” Jasper snaps. Damien steps back and frowns at him for a moment, thinking about how to reply to him.

“You really do like him don’t you?” Damien smirks at him.

“Like him? I’ve never been in love before to know what that feels like but the way I feel whenever I look at him, hear him speak or just remember he exists is unexplainable. I may be in love with him, but because of you, saying that to him feels like a manipulative move. You used that word as an easy ploy to get him in bed with you and now I am doing damage control in my relationship, because of the damage you caused in yours. He deserves someone who’s content to just have him in their life, he deserves someone who doesn’t act like he owes anything to them and he deserves someone who can have a genuine and meaningful relationship with him. If he wanted meaningless sex, I’m sure he would have actually replied to you by now, since he knows how easy and desperate you are to sleep with him again.” Jasper concludes and stands up to walk away, deciding it was best to leave while he felt like he had won.

“If you’re so happy, then why did you come here? Is it because you realize he will always love me?” Damien’s words infuriate Jasper who suddenly couldn’t just walk away, he turns to the bar tender and orders a drink, knowing he wouldn’t get through this conversation without alcohol in his system.



Jasper walks into the apartment, the light still on, and sees Ryan lying on the couch, his phone and Ryan’s side by side on the coffee table, a cup of coffee beside it. Jasper goes to him, picks up the coffee and sips it. The moment he realizes it’s cold he decides to pour it on Ryan to wake him up. It felt petty but satisfying to tip it out all over Ryan who wakes up startled and looks at Jasper annoyed at first but his expression quickly changing.

“Thank god you’re home, I’ve been so worried about you.” He tells him, standing up and giving no attention to the way Jasper had woken him.

“Oh wow, you do seem more interested in guys when they leave you.” Jasper turns and stumbles his way to the sink in the kitchen, grabbing a glass from the dish rack and over filling it then spilling it all over the bench and stumbling a little, leaning against the bench for balance and whining at his now wet sleeve. “Fuck you bench.” He reaches for a tea towel to wipe it up and spills more of his water on the floor.

“Oh good, you’re messy drunk. It’s not even worth trying to talk to you like this.” Ryan sighs.

“Shut up, I had one cocktail.” Jasper slurs and rubs his forehead then starts making his way towards the lounge area.

“Where have you been?” Ryan asks and walks over towards Jasper, watching him barely able to stand without swaying spilling his glass of water all over the ground from the bench to the lounge room.

“Why did you ever like Damien, he is a douchebag.” Jasper turns and looks at Ryan who just frowns at him. Jasper stumbles backwards and drops his glass as he tries to rebalance himself. As the glass shatters on the tiles Jasper stumbles further back and falls onto the couch with a relieved sigh. Ryan chooses to ignore Jasper’s comment and quickly moves to start cleaning up the broken glass on the floor, glancing at Jasper who was losing the battle to get his shoes off, managing one then giving up. “He wants you back you know. Would you leave me for him? Because he said you would. He is just a real jerk face though.” Jasper sits up again, trying once more to take off his shoe but giving up again just as fast. He stands up and takes a step towards Ryan.

“Just stay over there while I clean this up, please.” Ryan orders, taking the large pieces of glass he had picked up to the bin and going to get the vacuum from the hall cupboard.

“He said he was your only true love and you would always choose him in the end. No wonder you freaked out when I said I am falling in love with you, he’s you’re true love. I can’t replace that.” Jasper was clearly upset by all this but Ryan couldn’t help but scoff at that comment. “Oh FUCK me!” Jasper shouts, Ryan drops the vacuum cleaner and rushes to Jasper who was cursing under his breath over and over while blood trickled from his bare foot.

“I told you to stay there!” Ryan snaps, he was frustrated by everything to do with this night. He was annoyed that that he was once again having to discuss Damien and he didn't expect that anything would be logical to Jasper in his inebriated state so it wasn't even worth trying to explain. He’d waited up to be able to tell Jasper what he’d spent the night thinking about but he doubted much would get through to him right now. He lifts Jasper and puts him on the couch.

“Now please don't move. I am just getting the first aid kit.” Ryan tells him sternly before getting up and grabbing the box from under the sink.

“He said you would get bored with me.” Jasper starts crying, trying to lift and inspect his own foot.

“When did you even talk to him?” Ryan asks as he sits in front of Jasper with the first aid kit, looking to see if there was glass in his foot or if it was just cut.

“Tonight, he texted you to meet you at the club. I went to tell him to leave you alone. He is just such a dick, I can't see why you would be with someone so full of himself.” Jasper winces as Ryan pulls out a small shard of glass and wipes the cut with an alcohol wipe before covering the cut with a band-aid.

“You shouldn’t have gone, what we’re you thinking?” Ryan sighs, returning the kit to its place under the sink.

“Would you have gone if you read the message?” Jasper asks, his question stealing the last of Ryan’s patience.

“First of all Jasper, I’m sorry that you saw the message and were upset about it. I’m guessing this is why you were so shitty with me today, but you could have just said why so I could tell you not to worry about it. No I had no intention of going, I haven’t gone any of the other times he’s told me to meet him somewhere, because I respect the relationship I am in and would never do that to you. Secondly, Damien was never my 'true love’ I have told you before about our relationship being unhealthy, nothing about what he put me through for 2 years was 'love'. I loved him but only because he was an emotionally abusive person that conditioned me to think that was what I deserved and I didn’t have anything to compare it to. Now I look back and wonder how I ever even thought that because this is so much more than what I had with him. Thirdly, you can’t trust Damien to respect our relationship, but you can trust me to, I was honest to you about the kiss and I am guessing you saw all the other messages he has sent me that I have ignored asking me to meet him somewhere, telling me to leave you and go back to him. I have been ignoring them all, you would have seen that.” Ryan pulls his phone out and shows Jasper the dozens of messages that hadn’t earned an answer.

“I do trust you, I just don't want you to talk to him.”

“I don’t talk to him. He gets no response at all. Literally not one, not once.” Ryan snaps as he scrolls through the entire one sided conversation in his inbox.

“Why did you give him your number then?” Jasper asks miserably.

“I didn’t. The night I went with him to talk, he told me his phone was dead and asked if he could use mine to call a taxi. He put his number in and sent himself a message from my phone. He has been texting me ever since, and I haven’t answered once. To be honest I was hoping if I ignored him for long enough he’d assume I changed numbers, but now that you went and saw him he knows I have been ignoring them.”

“I am sorry I went to him, I just want you to love me but he was adamant that you would never truly be happy with me and that you would go back to him.” Jasper starts crying again, completely overwhelmed, overtired and his brain was much too fuzzy to think properly.

“Good, he can be as sure as he wants, that doesn’t mean it will happen. What about me and what I am telling you? That is what you should listen to. I know I’ve played my part here, I should have blocked him, I should have told you about the texts, but I didn’t want you worrying about him because you’ve had enough on your mind.”

“You literally said you don’t know if you love me like, a few hours ago. I just wanted to know what was up with your thing with him, I wanted to know where you guys stood so I could work out where we were…” Jasper pauses and gags. “I am going to throw up.” He says before gagging again.

“Oh great.” Ryan rolls his eyes and stands up, helping Jasper to his feet and taking the weight off his cut foot, he helps him to the bathroom just in time for Jasper to sink before the toilet and start throwing up into it. “I’ll be back.” Ryan leaves him to finally clean up the glass from the floor. He grabs his phone and reluctantly calls the person Jasper had been with all night.

“I was wondering when you would finally talk to me again.” Damien answers, sounding as smug and cocky as ever.

“So Jasper is in a state, that seems to me to be a little more than just drunk since he said he didn’t have much to drink and I know he was with you, I have a bad feeling you’re to blame. It’s not from alcohol is it?” Ryan asks, listening to the laughter on the other end.

“Oh he drank barely anything, what you should be asking is what did he have?” Damien teases playfully.

“I don’t think this is funny. Just tell me. For once just be honest with me.” Ryan sighs, leaning against the bathroom wall and hearing Jasper vomit again. “He’s really sick, so just tell me.”

“He has turned you boring. You know he even said you aren’t much of a drinker. Does he even know you? Because I sure remember you liking a few drinks. You should have come out with me. All the fun we use to have. You know, I don’t think I have ever seen anyone get so smashed so fast. It really went to his head.” Damien was having too much fun with this and the way he was talking made Ryan’s stomach churn at the memories.

“So you did put something in his drink.” Ryan sighs, covering his face with his hand.

“You know what, I told him you would always love me and he ordered and drank a long island iced tea in less than a minute, ordered a second one and he’s so gullible, I told him he you turned up and he honestly believed that you were there so he kept looking around to see where you were, which made him so distracted trying to see you in the crowd, probably also thinking you would be furious at him for coming to see me behind your back. Really was just a joke, he made it too easy.” Damien sighs. “Aren’t you mad at him for coming to see me?” Damien asks but Ryan is distracted by the sound of the shower, he glances in the room to see Jasper sitting in the shower, fully clothed still with one shoe on getting drenched by the water.

“Your attempts to get between us are obsessive, you need help Damien, serious help because what you’ve done to me in the past and what you’ve just done to Jasper is sick. You need to stop messing with people, I stood for it for too long with me but I will not stand for it with him. The fact that you are laughing about drugging my boyfriend after trying to convince him I still love you is not funny, you’re delusional to think I would want to be back with you after you hurt him like this. I actually love Jasper and I know he loves me and despite what you think I am not bored, but comforted by that. I don’t have to wonder with him and that is better than every single feeling I had with you. He is a beautiful caring and passionate person and if it wasn’t for him, I would have given up on life all together, when I was on the edge he actually answered my call, told me I mattered and ran to stop me at 2am. You couldn’t even answer the phone the night I needed a reason to stop myself when we were together. I stopped talking to you because my Mum blocked you while I was in hospital on suicide watch after trying to cut my own throat the night you used me for sex and ran off with another guy anyway. I thought that was my only option to get away from your manipulations and mind tricks. I was so hurt by you that I tried to die. I wanted nothing to do with you after that and I want nothing to do with you ever again now.” Ryan tells him, listening to the silence on the other end, it wasn’t often Damien had nothing to say or even picked up on the seriousness of a comment about suicide, god knows Ryan had given him plenty of warning last time with it constantly being either laughed off or encouraged with a ‘go on, I dare you’ kind of remark.

“What? I didn’t even know about that, I’m so sorry.” Damien finally sounded like he cared.

“Well I didn’t think you would have taken me seriously, or that you were entitled to know about it. If I had come tonight, would it be me drugged right now while you enjoyed my lack of personal control to your advantage? Was it your plan? Would you have called Jasper just to make sure he heard you with me so he would think I was cheating on him, willingly? Like you did anytime you wanted me to feel worthless and not good enough for you. In your head how was it going to go? You’d get between us and break us up by drugging me and using me and manipulating Jasper, then I would just go back to you and we would continue our toxic relationship. Did you honestly think I’d forgive you and want to put myself back into the hell that was dating you?” Ryan wasn’t holding back on honesty, he wanted Damien to feel the resentment and the pain that he’d been holding onto and that Jasper had been having to deal with.

“Ryan.” Damien is silent again for a few moments. “I am just so sorry.” He was at a loss at what to say, understandable given what he’d just learned had really happened that night after he left.

“I appreciate that you are sorry now that you know, but you must be able to understand that it is so far from good enough after everything you put me through and now hurting Jasper. We are done Damien, for good. I need you to leave us both alone and find something good to do with your life.” Ryan orders, hanging up straight away and blocking the number immediately so Damien wouldn’t have the chance to call back. Ryan wipes tears from his cheeks, he hadn’t even noticed them until now but assumed that bringing up the past was of course going to have emotional effects, he’d closed the door on that part of his life properly now and had to open the door to his future, finally able to feel like he could move forward without any reason to wonder whether he was doing the right thing.

Ryan stands up and opens the bathroom door, looking in at Jasper who’d passed out sitting up in the shower, absolutely soaked with the water still running. Ryan just looks at him for a moment with a smile, not knowing where to start with sorting him out but the relief of finally ending things with Damien made him see a new kind of beauty in Jasper. At least Jasper had always fought for Ryan to be treated better, at least his intentions for the night were to get rid of someone that was causing Ryan pain. He may have been in the wrong in his actions, but his intentions were pure. Looking at him now and knowing what he’d done, he finally felt the love Jasper had professed actually sinking in.

He turns the shower off and crouches in front of Jasper with a towel, ready on the floor beside him. He takes his shoe off but decides to leave the soaked skin-tight jeans for last as they would be an absolute mission to get off. Ryan peels Jasper’s shirt off, struggling to do it gently since Jasper wasn’t able to move his body to make the task any easier. Ryan had enough experience being the one in Jasper’s position to know he would likely be out cold until morning, so he couldn’t be left or woken to make it any easier of a job.

Ryan lies him on his bed wrapped in his towel and tucks the blankets over him. There wasn’t much Ryan could do about the side effects Jasper would feel in the morning, the headache and the lethargy but from his memory of the times Damien had done this to him, he knew what he’d always wanted most when coming down from it. Ryan climbs on the bed beside Jasper and spoons him, all the times it’d been him, he’d woken up alone, but at least Jasper wouldn’t have to.

@Copyright (2018), Claire Rosalind; All Rights Reserved.
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Wow what a slime ball Damien is, he has no respect for anybody it seems. Jasper is going to suffer tomorrow after being drugged by Damian, hopefully Ryan has got through to Damian when he spoke to him.

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I’m glad that Ryan finally got to tell Damien that they are finally going to stay away from each other and he was not to attempt to contact him again. Especially since Jasper went to see him instead of Ryan going, then he drugs him and he thought it was funny. I hope that he will take the time to realize that he does need help to control himself. The way that he has been treating Ryan tells me that Ryan is correct in saying that Damien desperately needs to get some help even though he said he was sorry he didn’t know what really happened to him the last time they were together after which he went out with another guy after they’d already made love. To me I think this was the things that Damien needed to hear for a long time and I hope he actually listened to Ryan and leaves them alone from now on. 

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The realiity is that there really are people like Damien out there. Hateful, hurtful, narcissistic,  abusive morons who deserve to get hurt, vey badly! Rant over!

Great chapter on all levels. Just hope it works.

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