Millennium - 39. Chapter 39

December 18, 1999

 

“For the gay guys in town, this is THE party to go to,” Cody told Kevin as the limo drove us to Jackie’s house. “The woman who throws it is my boss. Don’t piss her off.”

“You might want to pick up some lawn ornaments, especially pink flamingoes, if you ever have to take her a present,” Robbie joked.

“She’s just a bit tacky,” I said, before Cody got pissed off. He was really defensive of her. “She’ll remind you of Joan Rivers.”

“Why is it a gay boy’s paradise?” Kevin asked.

“Because there’s a room upstairs with a bunch of guys fucking,” Robbie said.

“That’ll do it,” Cody chimed in.

Kevin looked at him nervously, his feelings so transparent. “Are you going up there?” Wow. He’d fallen pretty hard for Cody in just a few days.

“If you want to,” Cody responded nonchalantly. That was just as revealing. His calm response spoke worlds about how he felt about Kevin. He’d fallen just as hard. Only Kevin didn’t know how to read him yet. He just looked at Cody, and said nothing.

I sighed. “Kevin would rather just stay and fuck you, but if you’re going up there, he’ll do it,” I said. Kevin gave me a dirty look, while Robbie snaughed. Turning to Kevin, I continued, “And if you do go up there and fuck someone else, Cody will get so jealous he’ll turn green. Only you’ll have to look real close to see it.”

“We should have taken our own car,” Cody said as he glared at me.

“Would you be jealous?” Kevin asked him sweetly. Damn he was good. How could one guy be so damn sexy?

Cody shot me a dirty look. “It’s possible.”

Kevin smiled and hopped on his lap. “Good. Cause I’d rather just fuck you.” I watched Cody’s face break into a smile, until he saw me watching him.

“Fuck you, Brad,” he said, then gave Kevin a really passionate kiss.

“What about you big guy?” I asked Robbie. “This was the party you didn’t want to take me to, if I recall.”

Cody and Kevin looked at us, amused that I’d decided to torture someone else. “I’m planning to go upstairs,” Robbie said calmly. They laughed as I started to freak out, because it took me longer to realize he was messing with me. “I want you to fuck me in front of all of them.”

“You gonna put on a show Brad?” Cody taunted.

“He likes that. He’s an exhibitionist,” Robbie said, piling on.

I was blushing and a little pissed off. “So it’s OK for you to pick on everyone else, but you can’t take it?” Kevin asked. Now they all roared.

“Fine, I’ll do it. Problem is, then every guy here will know how hung I am,” I said.

“They already do. I told them,” Cody said.

“So are you guys a couple?” I asked him, hitting the ball back into his court.

“Yeah, what are we?” Kevin asked him.

“Fucker,” Cody said to me. “What do you want to be?” Cody asked Kevin.

“Flat on my back with you on top of me,” Kevin said. “And in me.” I saw Robbie swallow hard at that visual.

“Fuck this. Let’s just go home and have an orgy,” Robbie said.

Cody pulled a pill bottle from his pocket and handed us all a white pill with a little cross on it. “We’re rolling tonight?” Kevin asked.

“I’ve never done E before,” Robbie said.

“Me either.” I pretty much stuck to pot.

“You’ll feel great tonight, but shitty tomorrow,” Cody said. I shrugged and swallowed the pill with my drink, and Robbie did the same thing. The car pulled up to Jackie’s house and let us off. Cody and Kevin went off on their own.

“You feel anything yet?” Robbie asked me. I shook my head. We wandered through the crowd, greeting people that we knew and meeting people that we didn’t. Jackie drew crowds from a lower level of the Hollywood hierarchy than most of the parties we went to. Having Robbie here was a huge coup for her, because that gave her clients face time with him. For us, it was like a family obligation. She and Stef were friends, and Cody worked for her. She’d done lots of favors for us in the past, so it was payback time.

We made it out to the patio when Robbie stopped me and looked into my eyes. “I love you so much,” he said. He kissed me, really passionately, and I couldn’t figure out what got into him until the ecstasy hit. I kissed him back just as passionately. We made out for a while until Cody told us we were being a little obvious. We started socializing again. It was so funny. I loved everyone.

We were having a really good time, until I looked over at Robbie and saw him looking really sick. “You OK, baby?” I asked softly.

“It’s like I can’t breathe,” he said. And in an instant, I was completely sober. I looked around and amazingly enough caught Cody’s eye. He came over, sensing a problem.

“Robbie’s not doing too well,” I said. “Breathing problems.”

“Take him home and have him lie down. If it doesn’t get better, take him to the hospital,” Cody said, concerned. I didn’t think it was that bad. I thought he was just a little disoriented, and freaked out about tripping around all these people.

“You stay here. We’ll be fine,” I said. I led him out to the car, neglecting to say goodbye to Jackie. We’d pay for that later. Once we were in the car and away from all the people, he seemed to get better.

“I’m sorry. I felt like the world was closing in on me.”

I smiled. “I think you just wanted an excuse to get away from there.” We made out the whole way home. Something about that drug made me want to do shit with my mouth. Whatever it was, it made me so fucking horny I could barely stand it. We got home and practically ran up the stairs.

“I need you to fuck me now,” Robbie ordered. He tore his shirt off, sending the buttons flying across the room. I went as fast as I could. I lay down on top of him and grabbed the lube, slicking myself up, and pushed into him gently. He was so keyed up; I’d never seen him like this. I knelt between his legs and grabbed them, pushing them back, then started fucking him. I started out slow, but I could tell he wanted more, so I really pounded him. “God, I love it when you do that!” he cried.

He was really into it, and I kind of lost myself in the whole thing. I let my drug-clouded mind take over, giving me pleasure I never imagined. And then, as if by a completely random act, I felt my balls tighten as I reached the point of no return. I pulled out of him and started stroking my cock. “Higher. I want to drink you,” he said. I did what he said, and blasted my load into his mouth. He smiled and swallowed, licking my cum off his lips as he went, and the sight of that just made me cum even harder. I finally finished up, and knelt there over him, panting. He looked up at me, almost disappointed, his own cock still throbbing, begging for release.

I lay next to him. “You aren’t worried I’ll leave you like this, are you?” I said, as I gently stroked his dick. He moaned. “You worried I won’t get you off?”

“No, I know you will,” he said. I smiled and made my hand into the fisting shape.

“Can I do it?” His eyes got huge. “I really really want to.” He nodded and whimpered, pulling his legs apart for me. I lubed him up well and started working my way in. He was so keyed up; it took about half the time it normally took me. When I finally got in, he just put his head back and sighed contentedly. I stroked him inside, gently massaging the walls of his intestine, so he knew I was there. It had a calming yet erotic effect on him. Then I went to work on him. On ecstasy, it was different. I had it down when he wasn’t fucked up; but not like this. His limit was longer, much longer. Normally, there was a point where he’d had enough stimulation, where it was time for him to cum. He never seemed to get to that point tonight.

I was fine with that. I had a blast. I worked him and worked him. It was so hot to see him there, throbbing and writhing with the pleasure I was giving him. And it was at times like this I was glad that we’d moved to the other house, because he was really loud. I was pretty focused on him, but I still managed to hear the door open.

Cody looked in nervously. “Is he OK?”

“Come see for yourself,” I said. I’ll admit it; it was a total turn on to let someone else watch me bring him off when he was like this. Cody came in and led Kevin over to the bed.

“Fuck,” Kevin said, impressed. He and Cody started pulling off their clothes. I slowed my stimulation down a little bit to let Robbie come down to earth, but he didn’t give a shit about them being there. He moved his ass around, begging for more.

“You wanna suck my dick?” Cody asked Robbie. He moved his hard cock toward Robbie’s mouth and Robbie latched on to the head. Kevin started sucking on his nipples, then moved down Robbie’s abs to his dick.

“Not too much,” I said to Kevin. “You’re so good you’ll bring him off too quickly.” Kevin smiled and moved away from him, and the next thing I knew his mouth was on my dick. I moaned, but forced myself to stay focused on Robbie. Kevin pulled off of me and moved back up to Robbie. I reoriented myself so I was kneeling, really focusing on making him feel so good.

“I know what I want,” Kevin said, grabbing the lube. “He’s gonna blow a major load and I want to take it.” I thought about stopping him, but I didn’t. He slathered lube all over Robbie’s dick and lowered himself onto him, his back to me. I watched as his ass started to work Robbie’s dick. No way would Robbie last long this way. I started using my knuckle, like he loved and I heard him moan and then roar, then bellow. He arched his back and almost knocked Kevin right off of him as he blasted into Kevin’s ass. Cody just watched, amazed, as we brought Robbie off.

Kevin pulled off of Robbie, the cum pouring out of him. Robbie must have shot a fucking gallon up there. I was kind of jealous, because that must have been a really intense experience for Kevin, but I loved being the one to really make Robbie enjoy himself. I wouldn’t be able to do both at once, and I’d never be able to handle letting someone else do this to him.

Cody pulled Kevin over to him and bent him over, and just started pounding him. Robbie and I watched amazed as they went at it, while I slowly pulled out of him. Once I was out of him, Kevin moved over on top of Robbie, just like he’d done that time Robbie and I had fucked him. It worked perfectly for Robbie’s mood. He wrapped his arms around Kevin, while Kevin thrust his groin against Robbie’s pubes. Robbie needed to feel loved and safe, while Kevin wanted his hot body underneath him.

Cody’s ass was in front of me, and I took advantage of that. I ran my tongue up his crack. He moaned and gave me access, and I started working his hole. It didn’t take him long, what with Kevin’s ass and my tongue in action, to get him off too. After he came, Cody pulled out of Kevin. “Your turn,” he said.

Kevin lay there, whimpering, grinding his groin against Robbie, who just held him and kissed him. I moved up and pushed into Kevin effortlessly. He’d seemed kind of lost when Cody left him, but with a new dick in his ass, he was alive again. I moved in and out of him, not hard like Cody, but deliberately, making sure my big dick slid across his prostate. I felt arms around me as Cody stood behind me and played with my nipples, and nuzzled my neck behind my ears. I thought about all the cum in Kevin’s ass. Robbie’s load, Cody’s load, and then I added mine to the mix. I’d been so focused on my own orgasm; I didn’t even realize Kevin had had one too.

Now that we’d cum, it seemed like four guys was a crowd. Cody is pretty perceptive, and he picked up on that right away. “We’ll leave you alone.” He kissed Robbie and whispered “Thanks” in his ear, and did the same for me, then led a really stunned Kevin back to his room.

“That was hot,” Robbie said. I laughed as I cleaned us both off. “I think I like it better, when we do that, when it’s just the two of us though.”

“I do too.” It was fun to share once in a while, but it was our intimate thing to do. I was so glad we were on the same page.

 

December 19, 1999

 

“I feel like shit,” Robbie said. I lay next to him, not sprawled on top of him as usual. Neither one felt good enough for that.

“Me too,” I said. “That stuff is fun when you’re doing it, but this is a big price to pay.”

“I think I’d rather do ’shrooms,” he said.

“No, those make me puke, and that hasn’t happened. Yet.” We chuckled together, even though we felt bad. Slowly I recovered, but he still seemed pretty down. We took a shower and ate some food, but he went right back up to bed after that. I checked on the kids, and then went up to see him.

“You still feel like shit?”

“Yeah,” he said. Only it wasn’t the ecstasy hangover.

“You didn’t like being with them last night, did you?” I asked.

He looked at me nervously. We were allowed to fuck around with them, that was the deal, and he was being really nice, not bitching about it. “That’s not it,” he lied.

“Robbie, it’s OK. I know that bothered you. You can admit it. Remember, I’m the new improved Brad? The one who doesn’t get as pissed off about things?”

He grinned. “It bothered me a little bit. I just don’t like to share you.”

“And that was our thing, the thing that is really intimate,” I said. He nodded.

“We don’t know much about Kevin, and we fucked him without a condom,” Robbie said nervously. Suddenly all the eroticism of last night faded with the horror of what that could mean.

“That was really stupid,” I said despondently. What if he got ‘it’? It would be all my fault for insisting on keeping Kevin as one of our allowed sex partners. I felt the guilt envelop me, and just as he usually did, Robbie sensed my mood and the reason for it.

“Brad, it’s not your fault. It was just a stupid thing to do. We won’t do it again, OK?”

“He’s fucked a lot of guys. What if he has it, and he gave it to one of us?” I asked, near panic.

“All we can do is realize how stupid it was and not do it again. There’s no use freaking out about it now,” he said calmly. “Besides, Cody’s a smart guy, and I trust him. He’s probably checked Kevin’s status out.”

“This is what I get for insisting we have other guys in our lives.”

“I don’t want to go back to having no one else. I like having a release valve for right now,” he said. Only he didn’t, and I could tell he didn’t. He just didn’t want to change our deal. We were doing great. Why fuck it up?

“I like being able to fuck around with Cody because he’s such a good friend. But you know, I’d just as soon blow him as do anything. Kevin, I’m less hung up on, especially now that he’s kind of found Cody.”

“You blowing some guy doesn’t really bother me,” he said. “I guess it’s just like it was in high school. Seeing you fuck him last night, that bothered me.”

“You want me to not fuck anyone else?” I asked him. He looked at me and just shrugged. “I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

He looked at me, surprised. “You won’t? Really?”

“Yeah. You’re really the only guy I want to be with,” I told him.

“I am?” he asked.

“Robbie, even if you told me I could blow anyone I wanted to and you wouldn’t care, it still wouldn’t happen very often. And now that I know it really bothers you if I fuck someone else, I won’t. It doesn’t make me feel good enough to risk hurting you.”

He pulled me into a hug and just held onto me really tightly. It kind of hurt, but I went with it. When I felt my shoulder getting wet, I pulled him away and kissed away his tears. “You know how they talk about those moments where your life changes for the better, that one moment?” I nodded. “Mine was at the Claremont Festival in 1980 when I met you.”

“That can’t be. We both can’t have the same turning point moment,” I teased. “I have to fly up to Paly this evening.”

“When are you coming back?” he asked. He looked so sad.

“Tuesday night.” I got up and grabbed my schedule. “I finish up with a meeting with Stef. I’m not sure if I’ll make it back in time for dinner, but you can wait and I’ll try, if you want to.”

“Sounds good,” he said. I got up and got ready, got all my notes together, gave him one last kiss, and then turned to leave for the airport. Right before I could go, Will burst in, absolutely distraught.

“Drew left” he said, almost a scream. He was waving a piece of paper around. “He left!”

I went over to him and took the letter. He wouldn’t appreciate drama at this point. It was pretty short and to the point. Drew thanked us all for what we did, told Will he really cared about him, but he’d talked to his parents and he’d decided to move home. “Maybe it’s for the best.”

“He didn’t even say goodbye,” Will said.

“It really hurts to lose someone you love,” I told him. “I’m leaving for Paly for a few days. Want to come along? No waves, but you can ride and see your cousins. And get away from here for a bit.”

He nodded sadly. “Sounds better than looking at his empty room.”

“Go pack up a few things. If you’re missing something, Stef will take you shopping.”

“I’d rather not go than do that. He takes forever to buy stuff,” Will groused as he left.

I turned to look at Robbie, and he just shook his head. “We’ll have to deal with a lot more of this.”

“Darius was always the one breaking it off, so he didn’t have these crises,” I said, almost chuckling. “I think with JJ and Will, we’ll have to learn how to handle them.” They were both more emotionally vulnerable. I trudged off to find Jeanine and fill her in. The new and improved Brad was trying hard to incorporate her into decisions about Will. She looked sad for Will, but raised no objection to him running off with me.

I went back downstairs and found Will there, out of breath from hurrying, with a backpack full of crap. He hopped into the car with me and I drove down PCH, enjoying the lack of traffic on this early Sunday evening. He and I didn’t need to talk; we could just be together quietly and enjoy it. In fact, it wasn’t until we got situated in the plane that he opened up.

“Maybe it was me. Maybe he left because of me,” Will said despondently.

“I doubt that. Why would you think that?” He blushed. “Did he want you to do something you didn’t want to do?”

“I wouldn’t let him, uh, do me,” Will said. I barely stopped myself from giggling when he almost said ‘fuck.’

“Will, I seriously doubt that’s why. You did other stuff and he enjoyed it, right?” He blushed even harder and nodded. “This isn’t about you, or about us, it’s about his family. He probably missed his parents and his sister. They probably talked, and his parents finally figured out they were being assholes.” At least that’s what I hope had happened.

“I thought he loved me.”

“He may have. Who do you love more? Drew or me?” He looked at me strangely. “If Drew had wanted you to run away with him, and you wouldn’t get to see me anymore, would you have gone with him?”

“No.”

I smiled, because he loved me. “That’s because your family is more important at this point in your life than a boyfriend. Can’t you see that maybe it was the same for Drew?”

“Maybe,” he said. Then he looked away. We understood each other so well. He’d gotten something to think about, and he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He liked to discuss and digest things in handy little packets of information. I let him do that in peace, while I enjoyed the easy flight up to the Bay.

Rafael retrieved us from the airport and whisked us up to Escorial. We got there just in time for dinner. My parents hurried to set up a place for Will at the table, since they didn’t know he was coming. “What a pleasure to see you Will!” my mother said. They all embraced him warmly. It would have been horrible to have a son they didn’t like.

“How’s Robbie treating you?” Frank asked me gruffly.

“Really well. We’re doing great,” I told him. He actually smiled at that.

JP was the one who worried me. When I hugged him, I felt the agony in him, the way he tried to draw strength from me but couldn’t. At dinner I watched him, and it was like watching a hollow man. He hardly said anything. I caught Claire’s eye and she just shook her head sadly.

We finished dinner, and I didn’t want to desert Will, but I wanted to talk to JP. “Will, I need to talk to Grand. Maybe you can hang out with Wade?” Will really liked Wade. Their logical minds seemed to connect well.

Wade smiled. Damn, he was cute. I should have fucked him when I had a chance. “Come on Will. Let’s go hang out.” I winked at him to thank him, and then dragged JP out onto the porch to smoke a joint.

It was freezing cold, but clear. The lights of the Bay Area twinkled in the distance, kind of like the stars twinkling above us. “This is not your fault,” I told him.

“I brought him into this family. I nurtured him along. I created this monster. And he almost destroyed you,” JP said. His hand flicked up to his face. Did he just wipe away a tear?

“Actually, it was me who brought him into this family,” Stef said. “Evidently I should be flagellating myself as well.” He was clearly very irritated at JP for taking this all on himself.

“Well Dad, almost is a long way from succeeded. I’m doing just fine now. You didn’t create this monster. But you know, I think I’ll follow your logic here. If that’s the case, I have a hell of a lot to atone for.”

He gave me one of his looks that said I was being tiresome. “And what exactly do you have to atone for?”

“You’re sitting here blaming yourself for everything Brian does. He’s your half-brother. I guess that makes me responsible for everything Bitty ever did. She was my half-sister. We can leave Nick off the table for right now.” Stef was trying not to grin.

“That was different,” he said.

“Those are the exact words you always use when you’re wrong,” I told him.

“Did you just come up here to torture me?” he demanded, in an unusually nasty tone.

“No, you’ve got that under control yourself.” He glared at me, but I just looked back at him calmly, and that just pissed him off even more. “I mean, look at you. You’re so emotional. It’s like you’ve lost control of yourself over this.”

I was pushing him hard, trying to make him snap. That finally did it. “It’s easy for you to say crap like that. I feel like I aided and abetted a mass murderer. First he outed Matt at Thanksgiving, and then he tried to mess up Wade’s election to the GLBT presidency, and now he’s working on breaking you and Stef.”

“So you bear all the blame. That sounds pretty pathetic to me. Let’s exchange this joint for a tea set and have a fucking pity party,” I snapped back at him.

He ignored me, and we all just sat there, pissed off at each other. “I suppose you put him up to this?” JP asked Stef.

Stef jumped in before I could really rip him to shreds. “He is no one’s whipping boy for hire. That I agree with him is based on a more reasoned assessment of the situation.”

“You sit here and just beat yourself up, but you aren’t giving the rest of us any credit,” I said to him, ignoring Stef. “Matt had to endure the pain Brian inflicted on him, but look at him now. He’s in a great relationship with his parents and with Wade. He tried to mess up Cody’s world, but Cody’s doing just fine too, when we can get him to pull out of Kevin long enough to talk to the rest of us.” Stef giggled at that. “And he had this big, convoluted plan to drive me insane and our company into the toilet. Yeah he hurt me, but I’ve come through this just fine. I have a stronger relationship with my partner than I ever had. I have a firm direction with my professional life. He’s done nothing but make me stronger. And now, the monster he has created is about to turn on him and destroy him.” The hate in my voice when I said that last sentence surprised both Stef and JP.

“I have faith in all of you, and I’m proud of you,” JP replied. “It is very unfortunate that you had to get there through a trial by fire that he created.”

I looked at JP strongly. “I’m not upset about that, not with you. I’m upset with you for being all emotional and maudlin about this, for taking responsibility for things that aren’t your problems, when the rest of us are trying to fight our way out of this. It would be nice if you’d pull yourself together and lend a hand.” I realized I was almost yelling and forced myself to calm down. He stared at me, blinking. “But I will tell you one thing. Don’t you even think, not for a minute, of intervening when this thing ends. You are not allowed to save his sorry ass. No writing of checks, no pulling of strings. I want your pledge right now that when I bring that son of a bitch down, you’ll let him fall.”

“So now you will dictate what I do?” JP asked. I almost smiled at how I’d pissed him off enough to make him stronger.

“Right now, you’re the only one who blames you for what he’s done. If you lift a finger to help him in the future, then it really will be your fault. Are you going to do that?”

“I don’t think so, but I wouldn’t want to rule anything out.”

“If you do, if you help him in any way, as far as I’m concerned, you will forfeit your position as the head of this family.” Stefan gasped, and JP looked at me, stunned. “So why don’t you get off your ass, pull yourself together, and try to fight the good fight with us. We’re the ones who deserve your loyalty. We’re the ones who deserve your support.” I stood up and glared at him, then stormed into the house, even deigning to slam the door behind me.

I called Robbie and filled him in on the whole big confrontation, and that helped calm me down. He sounded so lonely without me there. I should have felt bad about that, but instead I was just glad he missed me that much. I checked on Will and found him hanging out with Wade and Matt, bullshitting with them. I left them alone.