Millennium - 20. Chapter 20

November 25, 1999

I had expected an orgy to break out, and I thought I’d be a key player. I cursed my ego, assuming that my big dick would make me the sought after star of this gayapalooza, as Matt’s father, Edward, had once called our family gatherings. I figured by this morning, I’d have fucked Lou and Marcel, maybe Kevin, and possibly Max. Instead, I woke up next to Robbie, wrapped around him like a boa constrictor.

Part of me was happy that it was just the two of us. We’d made love last night, and it had really been magnificent. The closer we got, the more our wounds healed, and the better we bonded. But another part of me was disappointed that I hadn’t gotten to experience these guys I’d wanted to be with. I woke up before Robbie, long before Robbie, and I just lay there, wracking my brain for the answer.

In the end, I decided that the unsettling feeling I was experiencing was a symptom of the extreme damage that had been done to my relationship with Robbie, and the fact that it was not yet repaired. I wasn’t ready to be with just him, even when it was really good. I needed more right now. I needed other men to fuck me, or let me fuck them. I needed to be validated. Or did I?

I thought about Cody and our encounter yesterday. It made me smile, and it made me horny. Cody and I had known each other for a long time, and there was always a sexual undercurrent there. I didn’t realize how strong it was. To me, he’d always been a good friend. In Hollywood, even for someone like me who wasn’t directly in the business, it was a dangerous place to trust people. Those friends you can trust completely, they are like gold. Cody was that kind of friend. I decided that I’d just repressed my feelings for him so much that I’d funneled them into a platonic friendship, and that had made it almost impossible to visualize how beautiful that friendship would be if we fucked.

Robbie seemed amenable to having a more open structure, at least for a while. If he made me pick one guy to fuck around with, just one guy, it would be Cody. If he let me pick two, it would be tougher. The most likely person I’d choose would be Kevin, but then there was Tim. Kevin attracted me for all the obvious reasons, but Tim’s attraction was different. It was based less on his cuteness, and more on his soul. Not his religious soul, but his soul in the form of his inner person. He had a serenity, a calmness, and a goodness about him, and those things never seemed to leave him, even when he was ejaculating. Of all the guys I could pick, Tim would probably be the one Robbie would like the least. He’d be annoyed that Tim wouldn’t fuck around with him, and it was unlikely that Tim would. And he’d be jealous of the intense friendship that seemed to automatically come along with knowing Tim intimately.

Robbie stirred, pulling me out of my thoughts. “You’re awake,” he said drowsily.

“I’m just lying here with this really handsome man, thinking about how much I love him,” I said, stretching the truth a bit.

“You think all the time. You’re going to wear out your brain,” he teased.

“You certainly don’t have to worry about that,” I said, giving him some good-natured crap.

“Ha ha ha,” he said. “I had a nice time last night.”

“So did I,” I said, smiling at him. I could sense what he wanted. He wanted me to tell him that it was great, that he was all I needed, and that we should just be together, just the two of us. “Isn’t there a football game for us to watch?”

He grimaced briefly because he didn’t get the answer he hoped for, but put on a game face anyway. “In a minute,” he said, and then we made love. As we showered together, I ruminated on this whole thing, as if I’d done anything else for the past three weeks, and another reason for my actions finally broke through my psyche. I needed to punish him for what he’d done.

That sounded incredibly petulant. It was almost childish. But I was better at rationalizing than that, and I really did think I was right. He fucked us up like this, I’d put up with unspeakable emotional trauma, so he had to pay the price. Not because I wanted to torture him, because I didn’t. I loved him, I always had, and I probably always would. No, he needed to feel real pain over this; it needed to be hard, really hard for him to get things back to where he wanted them to be. If it wasn’t, he’d be tempted to do it again.

The logical part of my brain argued that he’d done that before, back in 1985, and it didn’t change things now. But that was fourteen years ago. I thought about it and smiled to myself. I guess I should get pretty nervous again at the end of 2013.

I got into the Detroit-Chicago game, since it was pretty close. Detroit ended up pulling off a win, beating the Bears 21-17. The other game was just pathetic. Dallas played Miami, and shut them out 20-0. Robbie had really been into football this year, since he’d become a Rams fan after we moved to Malibu. Well, for both of us the 49ers would always take precedence, but they weren’t shit these days. The Rams had moved to St. Louis, picked up some religious whacko named Kurt Warner for their quarterback, and seemed to be on a bee-line to the Super Bowl. I was happy for them, even though I was pissed at their move to St. Louis, but it almost drove me insane when Warner would praise Jesus after every game they won. Maybe God really did like him? When they finally lose, will that mean God is pissed off at them? I’d have to ask Tim about that. I wondered if it would be possible to piss him off. I’d have to curb the evil Brad that lurked inside, the one who might try it just to see if it was possible.

Thanksgiving dinner was announced, and we all wandered into the Great Hall. I found myself sitting with Robbie on one side and Jack on the other. It was interesting how our seating arrangements changed over the years. The teenagers sat farther down the table, where Isidore and Frank were, while Jeanine sat in between them and the adults kind of like a buffer.

JP stood at the head of the table and we all stopped talking. “I’d like to talk about a few things as we celebrate this day of Thanksgiving. This is a day to look around and take stock not of the things we have, but of the people that we have in our lives, and the relationships that we have. As I look around this room at the people here, I could not feel luckier to know you all and to have you in my life. My family is my life, but my extended family is just as important to me.” I glanced at Robbie and saw him looking down guiltily. He’d taken our relationship and shot it into the trash can like it was a basketball.

“I don’t like to brag about my children, although I certainly should, and I certainly could. I’m proud of all of them. But every once in a while one of them does something that truly stuns me and fills me with almost overwhelming pride.” I couldn’t quite figure out where he was going with this. I didn’t see that Ace had done anything special this year. It must be Claire. She worked tirelessly on the project to weed out illiteracy. She was a gem, a role model for anyone. I gazed at her admiringly, but she just rolled her eyes at me. I looked at JP and saw him looking at me. “I’ve not been a good role model for my children when it comes to bigotry about religion.” I saw the Carrswolds perk up at that. They were a God-fearing couple. “Yet this year, Bradley overcame not only the prejudices I put in his mind, but also his own, and generously intervened to keep a mission in Hollywood alive, a mission committed to helping gay teens who are thrown out of their homes and would otherwise have to live on the streets.” I stared at him, stunned. Me? All I did was write a fucking check.

“Brad and Stef gave the United Church of the Covenant over $3,000,000 to ensure they will be able to continue and broaden their mission. There are two remarkable young men with us here today as a result. I’d like to introduce you to Jeff Grimes, who is now working for Stefan as his bodyguard.” He motioned to Jeff and he stood up. Damn, he was handsome. I felt tears in my eyes, about to overflow, along with my emotions.

“Bodyguard? I’ll bet,” Jack whispered, his humor bringing me back to reality and helping me gain control of my emotions.

“And Drew Andrews, whom Brad and Jeanine have adopted into their family.” Everyone clapped for them, but Drew rose and started walking around the table, right toward me. He waited while I stood up and he gave me a big hug. I couldn’t stop the tears now. What a gift to be able to help such a nice young man. I hugged him for the longest time, and then he went over and hugged Jeanine too. I caught her eye, and for the first time in a long time, we shared a sympathetic moment.

“So I’d like to mark this Thanksgiving Day by proposing a toast to Brad and Stefan, and their generosity, and to Jeff and Drew, to welcome them into our extended family.” We all toasted, and I felt Robbie and Jack give me congratulatory pats on the back. My eyes were on JP, telling him how much I loved him, and how much I appreciated him propping me up like this when I was at a such a low ebb in my life.

“I’m proud of you,” Robbie said to me. “I don’t deserve you.”

I frowned at him. “Not everything is about you, but you’re probably right. You’ll just have to be glad that I love you.” He smiled at me and rolled his eyes. We had a nice dinner after that. I sensed that the Carrswolds were itching to have a big conversation with me about religion, but fortunately they were farther down the table, near Matt. He looked down and winked at me and I felt my whole body quiver. I was going to have to jam this thing, this lust for him, back in the bottle and cork it up.

Dinner was winding down, and I figured all of the drama was over for the night. Last year I’d almost killed Brian when he outed Matt. That had been the worst Thanksgiving I could remember. Then JP stood up again, and asked for our attention.

“I hope you don’t mind me taking this opportunity to tell you of a new cause I’ve added to my list.” A new cause? We were paying close attention now. “Stefan got a letter recently from a nice young man we met in Claremont this summer. His name is John, and he helped Matt buy his brother Caleb a cell phone. If you don’t mind, I’d like to read it to you.”

“Go ahead Daddy,” Claire said, speaking for all of us.

“Dear Mr. Schluter, I’m sure that you have lots of guys write you about issues they have, or wanting to get to know you better.”

“That much is certain,” Matt interrupted, making us all laugh.JP gave him a mildly reproving look and continued.

“I’m writing to ask you if you can help me. I was recently outed, against my will. I go to Claremont High School, and to be honest, since then, things have been a living hell. I could probably handle the other students and their crap, but what has really made it difficult is the reaction I’ve gotten from the school administrators. It seems that if I do the slightest thing wrong, I end up suspended or with detention. I’ve been mysteriously removed from the soccer team, even though I was one of the lead scorers last year. Most of my teachers, besides the soccer coach, have been OK, but in some classes I notice that even if I do the same level of work as my fellow students, I get a lower grade. I know how attitudes here in this backwater city are, and that’s why I never would have come out while I lived here. But since it happened, I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle, and I’m losing. My future, that once looked so bright, is now much dimmer. My family didn’t abuse me or throw me out, but my parents don’t talk to me unless they have to, while my brother and sister are ashamed to even be around me when we’re not at home. I feel like I’m trapped, and I have nowhere to turn. I don’t know if you can do anything for me, but some friendly advice, or even a friendly hello, would be more than I can get in this town. It really is sad, because I know there are guys like me here. Trust me, I know. After seeing what happened to me, they’re all firmly in the closet, at least until they can escape from this place. If anyone wants to know why Claremont is a dying city, show them my letter. Best regards, John Carroll.”

“It is a good thing we got out of there when we did,” Stef observed sadly. “We must help this young man.”

“We will help this young man, but to do it, we must go back to Claremont,” JP said.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Robbie said, unable to contain himself. “That place is hell on earth. I have to take about five antacids just to stomach the Festival.”

“I’m with you on that,” Matt agreed. “If the town slid into the river, I’m not sure many people would care.”

I looked at JP carefully, and could see what was going on in his mind. “You think this is something you have to do, to try and save Claremont to make up for the guilt you feel for deserting it,” I told him.

“This is not about me,” JP snapped. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. His snippy response had all but affirmed what I said.

“What do you plan to do?” I asked.

“I’m going to help this John Carroll get his life back on track, and I’m going to fund legal efforts to make things better not just for him, but for the others in that town.”

“And?” I asked.

“I think we can help Claremont recover some of its luster. It used to be a cosmopolitan city, a center of commerce, a city that outclassed all the other small cities in Ohio. Now it is at the bottom of the heap, taken there by old, bigoted attitudes, a failing infrastructure, and a decrepit economy.”

“You are going to change all of this?” Stefan asked. “JP, I love you with all of my heart, but I am not moving back to Claremont.” That made us all laugh.

“JP, you could run for mayor and Stef could be your First Lady,” Cody joked, getting a glare from Stefan.

“Stefan’s not always the lady,” Kevin said, winking at him. We were all laughing now, all except JP, who was deadly serious.

“So how are you going to single-handedly save a bunch of backward rednecks from their own stupidity?” I asked him.

“Your brother is going to help me,” he said to me.

“Nick? Nick the dickhead? I almost had to kick his ass in July. What makes you think he’s changed? What makes you think he’s going to lead the charge?” I didn’t see that at all.

“He was drunk at the picnic, and pretty obnoxious, JP,” Wade chimed in. His logical mind couldn’t grasp this. “I didn’t see the type of leadership that you’re hoping for.”

“Sometimes a man’s family can change him,” JP said. His family? I knew Nick had two sons, but I hadn’t seen them in years.

“JP, you are being mysterious. Please enlighten us,” Isidore said.

“Nick has two sons. The older is Harry, and he just turned 16. The younger one is Barry, and he’s 14.” JP paused. “What John Carroll’s letter doesn’t say is that he was outed when he was caught having sex with his boyfriend in Founder’s Park, outside of town.”

“Tie this together, Dad.” That was Ace, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

“His partner was Harry,” JP said. So Nick’s oldest son was gay, or at least bisexual.

“Why wasn’t Harry outed too?” Ace asked.

“Because Nick was able to protect him, but he wasn’t able to protect John. This whole thing has made Nick do an awful lot of soul searching. His initial reaction was not good, but his wife explained things to him. He’s a convert, convinced that he has to work for social justice in Claremont.”

“Social justice?” I asked.

“He just got elected as the local District Attorney. That gives him no small amount of power over the legal system there. His constituents may not initially appreciate his change of heart, but he is committed to fighting for the rights of all of Claremont’s minorities, be they homosexuals, African Americans, or Latinos.”

I sat there stunned. My half-brother had gone and reformed himself and I’d missed it. How did that happen? Probably because he had so thoroughly convinced me that he was an asshole. “How can you be so sure he’s changed?” I demanded. “How do you know he’s different?”

“I don’t trust my own judgment totally. I have learned to rely on others, those whose opinions I value,” he said, looking directly at me.

“Please tell me you don’t want me to go to Claremont with you, especially not in November,” I said.

“No Bradley, I have made this much easier for you. Nick and his family will be joining us tomorrow.”

Isidore looked at him with a jaded expression. “JP, you have provided us with a lovely home, but it does not have infinite space.”

“Mother, I have a solution,” Claire said. “I think it’s rather dull and boring here anyway. How about if I drag all of our teenagers off to our house and you can retain the stuffy, boring adults here in your home.”

“I hardly think it’s dull and boring here,” JP said staidly, cracking us up.

“You don’t have a theater room, and you don’t have a play room with a big PlayStation set up on a big screen, a foosball table, a pool table, a pinball machine, and a bubble hockey game,” Jack said, grinning at him. He liked toys as much as his kids did.

“We are so out of here,” Darius said, cracking us all up. And so it was decided.

“I’d just like to say that I think it’s wonderful, all the things you’re doing,” Edward Carrswold said. “If I can help you, let me know.” I thought that actually might be a useful offer. He was pretty well-connected in Ohio politics.

“Thank you, Edward,” JP said with a gentle smile.

I managed to dodge the Carrswolds after dinner, and escape out onto the patio to smoke a joint and think about Nick. I had such a bi-polar relationship with him. One minute we hated each other, like when we were kids, then we got along, like we did when I met Robbie, then we hated each other again, like we did in July. I didn’t need fucking roller coaster relationships like these. Matt came out and smiled at me. I handed him the joint.

“We need to talk,” he said.

“About what?” I asked.

Then he shocked the shit out of me. He grabbed me and planted a lip lock on me. At first I pushed him away, but then I felt my resistance fading, then it was me pulling him in, my hands grabbing his ass, my hard dick ramming against his. It lasted all of two minutes, and then we broke apart. He had a crazed look on his face, I just stared at him, panting and confused. “About that.”

“Matt, you’re like my step-son. It’s fucking incestuous,” I told him.

“Alright, maybe it is. I don’t give a shit. All I know is that I want you to fuck me, you want to fuck me, and this whole thing is driving me crazy. Dude, I fantasize about this all the time.” He looked around to make sure no one was listening. “It’s fucking up my life. I’m with Wade, and I want it to be you.”

“This can’t happen,” I told him firmly. “We have to deal with it.”

“You are so fucking sexy. I remember the first time I met you, how I started flirting with you right away. You remember that?” I nodded. “We’re a lot alike, you and me. You know what needs to happen.”

“Yeah, we need to forget all about this and move on,” I said firmly.

“We need to get it out of our systems. One fuck, one time, no one knows but us. That’s what we need,” he said. He moved in closer. “You know it, and I know it.” His hand was on my dick and I couldn’t move. I heard the French doors open and we moved away enough to make it look like nothing happened. I re-lit the joint and handed it to him.

“Let me think about it,” I told him.

“I was hoping I would find you out here,” Lou said. Matt handed him the joint and smiled at me, then went back inside.

“Oh and why were you hoping that?” I asked. I watched him inhale the smoke. He was as hot as Kevin, only more so because he was older and more sophisticated.

“You know why,” he said. “Let us go.” I should have just laughed at him, but God, when Lou says jump in my bed, if you’re anything but completely straight, you jump. He led me downstairs the back way and to the room he shared with Marcel. I was so fired up from my encounter with Matt, one kiss from Lou and I was his. We stripped off our clothes and I pushed him onto his back, exploring his sexy body with my mouth. He had a really nice abdomen, so smooth with a cute little treasure trail. I kissed his stomach and played with his treasure trail, getting off on his moans. I sucked his dick, but only for a bit, because we both knew he didn’t bring me there to blow him, and then I licked his balls, and his taint, more to smell his intoxicating scent than anything.

“It is my turn,” he said. He did the same thing to me, his mouth and his hands moving over my body so perfectly, his tongue teasing me as it moved to my hole, and then it was sheer nirvana as he rimmed me. He was good at that, just like a top should be. By the time he entered me, it was a relief, I was so keyed up. He almost reminded me of Marc Sievres, the guy I’d fucked in Paris when I was in high school, a guy who’d almost cost me Robbie. But Marc taught me to take my time and enjoy sex, and Lou must have graduated from the same school.

There was no such thing as a quick fuck with Lou, at least not this time. He worked me, and I worked back, so by the time we came, and we came together, of course, we were both sweating like we’d run a marathon. It was so raw, so masculine, and so hot. Yet as soon as we were done and I’d rinsed off quickly, dressed myself, and left his room, visions of Matt returned. I went back to the patio to smoke more weed. Seemed like the thing to do. I was just about to head back inside when Cody came out.

“You busy?” I asked him.

“Not for you,” he joked.

“Come on” I said. I led him down a path, even though it was pitch dark and pretty chilly, to an old log and sat there with him. “I have a problem and I need your advice.”

“Matt?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said. He put his arm around me. “You told me to leave him alone, and I know you’re right, but he’s driving me nuts. Every time I see him, I want to fuck him.”

“So don’t see him,” he said.

“That was my plan. Only he told me that he’s obsessed with me, and that it’s affecting him when he fucks other people, even Wade.”

“He said that?” Cody asked. He seemed kind of sad about it. “I fucked him last night and he seemed pretty distant.”

“Fuck!” I said. “He told me that we need to fuck, one time, to get it out of our systems so we can move on. I think I can move on without it.”

“But can he?” Cody asked.

“That’s what I’m wondering,” I said. “I mean, if I wanted to get in a guy’s pants that would be a great way to do it. But Matt wouldn’t bullshit me, would he?”

“What if someone finds out?”

“He says it stays between us, just Matt and me, and no one else. Only I trust you, so now it’s three of us.” He moved slightly then I felt his lips on mine. I’d just had a massive orgasm, but this guy had me ready to go again.

“Brad, I know how he feels. I was there. You’re a guy like that, the kind of guy that won’t go away. You did that with me, sat in my mind, in my sexual psyche, as this thing I had to conquer. It took all of my willpower not to do it.”

“Thanks,” I said. I didn’t think I was like that, I didn’t see that, but Cody was the best relationship guru I knew. I had to trust his judgment. “So now that we’ve been together, it’s fine now, and you don’t want to fuck me anymore?” I joked.

“I didn’t say that,” he said. “I’ll fuck you any chance I get. But somehow the fantasy part of it is gone.”

“Ah, the reality sets in, and it’s just not as good as you dreamed,” I teased.

“No, it was just as good as I dreamed; it’s just now I have better fantasies for when I jack off.” For some reason, that joke just fueled my libido.

“It should be illegal for you to jack off,” I told him, and ran my hand up his thighs and grabbed his hard cock. “I want to taste you.” I got down on my knees in the dirt and he unzipped his pants, and then I downed his perfect cock, giving him my very best head. When he came, I swallowed almost all of him, then kept some in my mouth and swirled it around in a sexy way.

“What are you doing?” he laughed.

“Savoring you,” I said. He laughed even harder.

“You are one awesome dude,” Cody said, and kissed me gently. “You wanted my advice? That’s why you asked me out here?”

“I’m not sure. I think maybe I wanted to blow you,” I joked. He laughed again.

“Fuck him. Once. And no one knows.”

“I’m worried that it will eat away at me and it will drive me crazy until I have to tell Robbie,” I said.

“No, you can’t. You need to feel like you’re not his bitch, like you didn’t get completely fucked over on this deal. If you fuck Matt and tell him, that’s way too much. If you fuck Matt once, and it’s a secret, when he does shit that pisses you off, or when you think about this shit that he put you through, that can be your counter-irritant.”

I sighed. “I’ll think about it.”

“You have to do it before you and Robbie are back together,” he emphasized. “Otherwise it’s cheating, and you’d tell him that. You have to. It’s your way.”

“Theoretically, that’s next Friday,” I said.

“You got a week to close the deal then. Do it.”

I went back to my room, really confused. Robbie and Kevin were there, mid fuck, but I joined right in. In between the ensuing orgasms and screams, Robbie seemed to forget to ask me where I’d been. Kevin had been with Lou almost non-stop, so he just smiled at me knowingly.

I forced myself to pretend to sleep so I could digest this thing with Matt, this thing with Nick, and my growing feelings for Cody.