I woke up in the same position I’d fallen asleep in, and rolled onto my back. Robbie was still sleeping on his side, facing away from me. I rolled over again and spooned up behind him, kissing his neck. “Morning,” I murmured. My hard cock was pushing into his crack, and when he woke up, he instinctively pushed back into me, so I was right at the entrance of his hole. One push and I’d be in. I could feel the conflict in him. He was mad at me and he knew he couldn’t be. He wanted me to fuck him, but he didn’t want that kind of intimacy. I solved the problem for him. I grabbed the lube and put it on my dick, then moved back up to him and pushed into him slowly and lovingly. “You feel so good baby,” I cooed into his ear as I nibbled on his lobes. I moved my mouth down, kissing his neck and behind his ears, letting my hands explore his body.
Slowly I made love to him, and slowly he came around. I felt his body shiver from the waves of pleasure I was giving him, and each wave seemed to drive some of the anger and jealousy out of his body. About half way through, he was with me. “Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That’s what I like. That’s it Brad!” He started babbling and moaning, and once he started, he couldn’t stop. After we came, he lay on his back and let me curl up on his chest, my favorite thing to do. We didn’t say anything for a long time, we just lay there. I think we were both worried that if we said something, we’d just fuck up the nice time we were sharing.
“I have to go into the office for a while,” I told him.
“You figure out what you’re doing?” he asked. I almost told him about our plan, and then stopped myself. It bothered me to the extreme that I couldn’t tell him, and it bothered me even more that I didn’t trust him enough to break my promise to Stef and divulge it.
“We’re working on it. That’s what I have to do today.” I sighed and tweaked his nipple playfully, making him do this snort and laugh thing that he does. “You going home after our meeting with David?”
“Yeah, I’ve got shitloads of stuff waiting for me at the office,” he said. And Carson would be waiting too.
“You going in tonight?” I asked him. I felt his struggle, trying to decide whether to go into work, get stuff done and fuck Carson, or go straight home.
“Why?” he asked.
“Well, I figured if you were going to go home, I’d go with you. If you’re going to the office, I think I’ll just stay up here until tomorrow night.”
“If you’re coming home, I’ll be there with you,” he said. I smiled up at him to thank him.
“Alright, then we can have Rafael take us to see David, and then drive us to the plane after that. Sound good?” He nodded. I left him in bed, got up, and got ready to go in to the office. I found Stef waiting for me in the kitchen.
“I am driving into work today,” he said. “Would you like to ride with me?”
“Sure,” I told him. I gave Rafael instructions on when to pick me up, and hopped in Stef’s Porsche. “I see Mom gave you back your Porsche.”
“She has become old and does not appreciate excitement,” he said. I laughed, even though it was probably true. “What are you going to do?”
He gave me a frustrated sideways glance. “About Robbie.”
I’d thought about this a lot, most of last night, and I’d tried to figure out a strategy to deal with this whole situation. This was my chance to run it by someone else and get their insights, and Stef’s insights were usually spot-on. “I’m going to make him earn me back,” I told him.
“And how are you going to do that?”
“I’m going to fuck other guys, I’m going to do what I want, and if he wants to spend time with me, he’s going to have to work at it. I’m not putting up with this bullshit where he whisks his twink off to Cancun for a weekend, and thinks that he can just ignore me until he wants me to fuck him.”
Stef nodded. “You are playing a high risk game. What if you lose him?”
“Stef, I know him. If I don’t do this now, then I’ll stay with him and he’ll have the upper hand in our relationship. I know this is gonna sound shitty, but I don’t think he’s stable enough to do that.”
“He is that dependent?” Stef asked.
“In high school, I had a lot of problems with that, feeling that he was totally dependent on me. During that time after we were outed and fled down to stay with you, I had an epiphany.”
“I’m seeing how many poly-syllabic words you understand,” I teased. He rolled his eyes. “I’d gone through that crisis where I’d felt so dependent on him, it was like he was this weight I was carrying around. I finally figured out that in a relationship, he’s not an author, he’s an editor. He’s not the kind of guy to take charge, but he’ll help guide things along.”
“What if he meets a new author?”
“Then I lose him. But I don’t think I will. I know him, I know how he works. He’s freaked out right now and he’s been thinking of things based on what he’s already got. He’s got me and he wants other guys. If he doesn’t have me completely, I think he’ll decide the other guys are a waste of time.”
“I agree with you, for what it is worth. That is not my big fear for you two, though.”
Now he had my attention. “What’s your big fear?”
“What if you find a new editor?”
“You make me sound like I’m fickle,” I said, getting pissed off.
“Not at all. I see you as a lover. You have so much love and devotion to give, but you demand that back in return. If he does not give that to you, and someone else does, it will be very tempting, I should think.”
“You may be right,” I agreed. I could see myself doing that. If he pissed me off enough, and someone else was there without all the bullshit, it would be really tempting. I’d like to think that I’d stick it out, but he’d shattered my feelings pretty badly already. We were quiet for the rest of the drive to the office.
We got in just in time for our meeting with Luke. He’d already put together a schedule, based on Rule 144, on how many shares of our stocks we could sell, and when.
“Once we agree on this, in principle,” Luke told us, “I’ll have the accountants look at the tax implications. We may want to make some minor adjustments around the end of the year.” We all studied the reports carefully.
“When will we have to file with the SEC?” I asked. We’d have to notify them of insider sales of that magnitude.
“According to this plan, we’ll have to do it on Wednesday. We’ll need to make a statement to the press,” Luke said.
“You must do it,” Stef told me.
“Me?” I was flabbergasted. “You want me to talk to reporters? I’ll end up telling them to go fuck themselves.” Luke and Stef laughed at that.
“Part of our goal here is to antagonize Amphion,” he said quietly, as if they’d bugged the boardroom with low-tech listening devices that couldn’t pick up soft voices. “If you are the main irritant, seeing you in the press will egg them on.”
I stared at Stef, who was adamant that I do it because he thought he was right, and Luke, who was adamant that I do it because he didn’t want to. I caved. “Fine. Is someone going to brief me?”
“We will work up talking points for you,” Stef promised. “You will need to be here on Wednesday and Thursday. This is where the press will be.”
“I can do that. I am going to take Will to Maui this weekend to surf, so if I can be home on Friday, it will be nice.”
“We will try to run our empire around your schedule,” Stef said, teasing me. We worked through details, and through my talking points. I dreaded dealing with the press. They always twisted my words, so I usually avoided them. Plus after dealing with the French paparazzi during Robbie’s murder trial in Paris, I’d grown to see them as sub-human beings.
Rafael arrived to pick me up as scheduled and then we drove by Escorial to pick up Robbie. He was waiting impatiently. I’d never met anyone so anxious to get to a psychiatrist appointment as he seemed to be. He seemed nervous, and the fact that I was glacially calm made him even more nervous. It was funny to see him studying me, to figure out if I was acting or if it was real. It was real, I really was calm, because I had a plan, I knew just how I was going to fight this battle, and just how it was going to turn out. I felt empowered because I’d made my decisions, plotted my strategy, and the rest was just implementation. Robbie wasn’t there yet. He was still floundering around, like a lost little boy.
“Thanks for going with me,” he said as we got closer. I put my arm around him affectionately.
“I love you baby. I told you I’d go with you.”
He smiled at me, an appreciative smile. “I love you too.”
“I’m going to be up here from Tuesday night to Thursday sometime, maybe Friday morning,” I told him.
“Will you be home this weekend?” he asked, but not because he wanted to do something with me. He was making plans with Carson. I refused to let that piss me off.
“Am I supposed to be? Is there a party or something we are going to? Check your calendar,” I said. He pulled out his calendar, and I saw the words ‘Palm Springs’ written on the weekend spot. “You’re going to Palm Springs?”
“I’m thinking about it,” he said defensively.
“I think I’d rather be your boy toy than your partner. He gets to go to better places than I do,” I said, making it a joke. He looked at me horrified.
“I’ll take you wherever you want to go,” he said.
“Does Carson plan your trips or do you?” I asked.
“I do,” he said, and knew he was busted.
“So you’ll go out of town for a romantic getaway if I plan it, but you’ll only plan one for Carson,” I said, looking at him with steely eyes. We pulled up in front of David’s office and I jumped out before he could answer. I gave our name to the receptionist.
“Brad, look, I’m not trying to do that,” he said.
“But you are,” I said. “You treat me like shit. You keep this up; you’re going to lose me.” He stared at me, dumbfounded. Before he could say anything else, David ushered us into his office.
“How are things?” he asked nervously, sensing the tension between us.
“I don’t know,” Robbie said.
“I do,” I chimed confidently. David looked at me, giving me the floor. “This week has been like going through a crucible. I feel like my heart was ripped out, cut into pieces and spit on. I came in here last week, and the man I love, the man I have been faithful to for years, tells me he needs to fuck other men so he’ll feel younger. Nice ego blow.” Robbie looked at me, tortured with guilt.
“That must have been difficult for you,” David said, validating my feelings.
“It was. So Robbie came over the night after the meeting with you, we made love, and it was wonderful. We made a deal that we’d try this, try seeing other people for a month. Then if either one of us changed our mind, we’d go back to monogamy.”
“And how did you feel about that?”
“I was fine with it. I thought it was a good plan. I figured we could see how this worked for us, and then make a decision. It would minimize the damage to our relationship. But then I found out that he didn’t want to just fuck other people, he wanted another relationship.”
“That’s not true!” Robbie objected.
“This weekend, Robbie chartered a plane to take his new friend, Carson, down to Cancun for a romantic getaway, just the two of them. He’s planning another romantic getaway to Palm Springs this weekend. Does that sound like a fuck buddy, or a relationship?” I asked David.
“What do you think, Robbie?” David asked him.
“I’m just trying to find time away from the office to spend with him,” he said defensively.
“When was the last time the two of you had a romantic vacation?” he asked.
“We were just in Bermuda this summer,” Robbie said lamely.
“We were. We went with four other guys, all family members. Here’s the difference David, and I was trying to explain this to Robbie. He has never, in the time we’ve been together, planned something like this for us. Yet for this guy, he’s already taken time to plan out two long weekends. So you tell me, what am I supposed to think?” I was pissed, and they both knew it. Robbie was shitting bricks.
“That may be something you can incorporate into your time together,” David said.
“I’m sure we can, as long as I plan it,” I said bitterly. “But it really doesn’t matter.” They both stared at me.
“Why doesn’t it matter, Brad?” David asked.
“Because I’ve discovered something. I’ve discovered that I’m still young, I’m handsome, I’m rich, and I have a big dick. Men like me. I’ve gotten laid more in the past six days than I have in a long time, all by guys who are amazingly attractive. They appreciate me.” I adopted an air of nonchalance, and I watched as Robbie floundered. “And at the end of the weekend, I learned something else.”
“What?” David asked, just to prompt me.
“I used to think that I was lucky to have Robbie as a partner. Now I think that he was lucky to have me.”
“Was? You’re breaking up with me?” he gasped.
“Stef pointed out to me on the ride to the office that I’m a person that has a lot of love and devotion to give to someone who returns it. To be honest Robbie, if you don’t get your shit together before someone else does, that’s where it’s headed.”
“Then let’s not do this. Let’s go back to being monogamous,” he said.
“Not that easy,” I said. “I’m not willing to go back to that, to being your lapdog, to being taken for granted. I’m not going to be the guy who sits at home while you globe trot with Carson.”
“You’re breaking our deal!”
“I am. When we get back to Malibu, I’m going to reserve one of the rooms in Stef’s old house for me, and one for you. You have a place to meet other people, and I do too. It will save you from renting the apartment downtown.” That last sentence was purely a guess on my part, but it seemed logical.
“How did you know about that?” he asked.
“A six month lease, right?” I demanded. Another guess, but I knew real estate. “So who broke the deal?”
“This is not what I wanted,” he said.
“It’s not what I wanted either,” I said. “You decided to renegotiate the deal last week, and I discovered in the interim that I’m in a much much stronger position than I thought.”
“How do you feel about this Robbie?” David asked.
“Shitty,” he said.
“And you Brad?”
“Liberated,” I lied. Robbie said nothing, and the silence became painful. “Unless you think I can add something more to this meeting, I think I’ll wait in the car.”
David waited for an answer from Robbie, but didn’t get one. “I think that will be fine, Brad.”
“Let me know if you want me to come back with you again,” I said to Robbie. “No matter what happens, I will always love you, and I’ll always be willing to help you if I can.”
He nodded, and a tear fell down his cheek. I left before all of my resolve collapsed. Stef was right. I was taking a huge gamble. But if it failed, I’d be no worse off. The way we were going, I’d lose him anyway. I had been an open person before, I’d let my guard down way too much. I resolved to change that, and I started by forcing my mind away from Robbie, and onto business. I pulled out the talking points for my press conference and went over them. I was actually pretty successful in blocking Robbie out, so much that I was surprised when he got in the car over 45 minutes after I’d left.
Rafael whisked us to the airport where the plane was waiting. Robbie didn’t say anything to me the whole time we were in the car. We boarded the plane and sat down. He said nothing so I pulled out my notes again, which pissed him off.
“You’re not going to talk to me?” he asked.
“Sure. I’ll talk to you,” I said in a friendly tone. “What do you want to talk about?”
“You know, I’m pretty attractive too. I have guys hitting on me all the time. I’m a good catch. You’ll have a hard time finding a guy like me.” He was playing my game, only he wasn’t good at it.
“No, guys like you are a dime a dozen. Guys who won’t be faithful to their partner, who have boyfriends or mistresses and treat them well while they treat their partners like shit. Those guys are everywhere, nothing special at all,” I said coldly.
“So I’m nothing special?” he asked.
“You were. You’re not anymore,” I said callously.
“That’s not fair. You agreed to this. You could have said no,” he argued.
“I could have, but once you made it an issue, I really had no choice. You know it, and I know it. I’m not complaining. Like I said, I’m feeling good about things. I got a chance to step back and really look at the way you treat me, the way you take me for granted, and that’s never going to happen again.”
“So that’s the game you’re playing. You’re all wounded, you’ve been mistreated, and if I want you back, I have to grovel and fight for you.” He was bitter too.
“I am wounded, I have been mistreated, and if you want me back, you’re going to have to grovel lower than a snake, and fight harder than the Japanese on Pellelieu. But baby, this is no game,” I said.
I got up and went to the bathroom, taking my time so we’d have less time to argue on the plane. I got back to my seat and he looked at me strangely, still trying to figure things out. “By the way, I think you should take Carson to Vegas instead of Palm Springs. He is over 21, isn’t he?”
“Yes he’s over 21,” Robbie snapped.
“I wasn’t being rude or judging you. Kevin’s only 20,” I said innocently. “Anyway, stay at one of the big hotels and enjoy the shows. There’s more nightlife there.”
“I’ll think about it,” he said uncomfortably. The last time we’d broken up, I’d chased him all over the place. I’d fought for him, I’d put up with his bullshit, I’d done everything for him. It was his turn this time.
We got in the car and he decided that he was going to try to punish me. “Since you don’t really want me around, I think I’ll go into the office after we get home.”
“I never said I didn’t want you around, and I never said you wouldn’t get laid tonight,” I said pleasantly, winking at him. He smiled. “But you go if you want to. I wanted to go next door and spend some time with Cody and Max anyway.”
“With Max?” he asked, so upset his shields crashed to the ground.
“Yeah, with Max. He’s a good friend.”
“If you sleep with him, you could really hurt him,” Robbie said. It kind of pissed me off, but it was also kind of sweet the way he was worried about Max.
“I know, I’ll be careful. I even talked to Cody about it when he came up for Matt’s game.”
“Cody came up for Matt’s game?” he asked. I nodded. “Did you sleep with him?”
“I’ll answer your question, but before I do, do you really want to know?”
“I want to know,” he said.
“Yes, I slept with him.”
“I can’t believe you’d do this to me. You’re just trying to hurt me now,” he said.
I laughed, laughed at him and about him. “Yeah, and you were so concerned about my fucking feelings. I haven’t done anything wrong. You fuck other people, I fuck other people. Only I went to a hockey game with my lover, you went all the way to Cancun.”
“You’re playing games with me,” he said. I wonder if that’s what David told him, if David had read my true motives.
“Robbie, I told you before, this is not game. This is too serious for that. This is the rest of my life I’m talking about. I’m not going through this shit again. At least not with you.”
“What do you want from me?” he asked pathetically.
“I already told you. You decide if you want me back. If you do, you have to prove to me that you’re sorry for all this shit, that you love me, and that you won’t pull this crap again.”
“I’m willing to do that right now,” he said. It would have been so easy to cave, to believe him, but it wouldn’t work. I knew him too well. He’d keep his apartment; he’d still fuck Carson, only he’d do it behind my back. But he wouldn’t be good enough at keeping it a secret, so I’d know, and I’d be really hurt and really pissed all over again.
“That’s you saying it. You have to prove it.”
“How do I do that?” he asked.
“Well gee Robbie, you had it all planned out on how to get into Carson’s pants and how to really captivate him. When it comes to me, you have no imagination at all. Good luck with that.” We got back to the house then, and we put on our happy faces for the kids and spent some quality family time. That night, he didn’t go to the office, I didn’t sleep with Cody and Max; we slept in the same bed, just on opposite sides. My pillow was wet, but I made sure he didn’t see me cry.
November 9, 1999
I slowly went down on his dick, just like I’d done to Kevin. Only I knew Robbie much better, and I was able to keep him asleep that much longer. He woke up and almost right after he did he blew his load right down my throat. I used my hand to milk all the cum out of his dick and licked it seductively, all the time making eye contact with him. He smiled down at me, and then pulled me up into a nice kiss.
“What was that for?” he asked, confused.
“My way of helping you get a good start to your day, and to show you that I love you.”
“You all but broke up with me yesterday,” he groused.
“Whether I can be your partner over the long term is still uncertain. That I love you is not,” I told him, and kissed him again.
“We’ll get through this,” he said reassuringly.
“That’s mostly up to you. Remember, Vegas, not Palm Springs. I’m going to hang out here for a while, then head up to Paly. I have to give a press conference tomorrow.”
“You hate the press.” He knew me so well, and it would be so easy to confide in him, to trust him again, to be his partner.
“Yeah, but so does Stef, and he outranks me. And Luke freezes up and they eat his lunch.” Robbie laughed. Then he frowned.
“Did you sleep with him too?”
“No, that would be incest,” I joked back.
“Not Stef, with Luke,” he snapped.
“You going to ask me about all the guys I was with? You really want to know?”
He sighed. “I kind of do and I kind of don’t.”
“I feel the same way,” I told him. “I do want to meet Carson.”
“Why?” he asked me suspiciously.
“Because I hear he’s a nice guy, and he obviously has a lot to offer since he tempted you into his bed. I promise to be nice. Besides, you met Kevin.”
“I didn’t know you two were serious,” he said, like the idiot he was being.
“You mean serious like you and Carson?” I demanded. I’d trapped him, and he knew it. “Let’s review. You ask if you can fuck other men, while the whole time you were really planning a whole new relationship. Man do you have some work to do.” I shook my head, really pissing him off, and went off to take a shower. He didn’t join me, and I was glad he didn’t.
I managed to catch Cody before he went off to work and filled him in. I’d need his help if this was going to work, and he was probably the only guy in LA that I could trust and talk to at the same time.
“I think it will work, because I think he’ll get there in the end anyway,” he told me. Then he swallowed hard. “Max and I were talking, and I don’t know if you’re up for this, but if you wanted to be with both of us together, it might be cool.”
“You guys are so awesome,” I said. “Especially you. But I think that for right now, we should keep it just the two of us. I don’t want to hurt Max, and I don’t want to fuck up your relationship with him.”
“But you still want to fuck me?” he asked.
“Yeah. A lot,” I said. He gave me a really nice kiss, a nice long kiss, until we were unintentionally interrupted by Robbie. And that made it perfect, since it wasn’t scripted. He just glared at both of us and stormed out.
“Yep, it will work,” Cody said. “It’s going to take some time, and it will be a rough road, but it will work.”
“I hope so,” I told him. I headed out to the waiting car and headed for the airport again. It seemed almost a waste to come down here, except I’d gotten to spend time with the kids. In the past, I’d spent a lot of time at home with them, which was good, since I’d probably be pretty preoccupied over the next few months. I pulled out my phone and dialed Kevin, wondering if he’d answer.
“Hey Brad,” he said flirtatiously. “You called.”
“You Stanford boys are bright,” I said.
“I didn’t know if you’d call or not,” he said.
“You could have called me.”
“Men chase Sergio, Sergio doesn’t chase men,” he said, in his faux arrogant style. It took me a while to stop laughing.
“Well Sergio, can this man buy you dinner tonight?”
“Let me check my calendar. Oh look, it seems I’m always free for you.” I laughed again. God, he was fun.
“I’ll call you when I get in and firm up a time. Plan on around 6:00.”
“Where are you taking me?” he asked.
“Where do you want to go?”
“I want to pick up McDonald’s and go back to Escorial and fuck,” he said in his sultry voice. I was hard in an instant.
“I think we can do better than that,” I teased. “Why don’t we have dinner at Escorial? You can meet me up there at 7. Actually, JP’s really anal about people being on time for dinner. Better plan to get there by 6:45. Will that work?”
“That sounds better. See you then.” I hung up the phone and saw my smiling reflection in the mirror. Robbie had better get his shit together fast.