Millennium - 71. Chapter 71

March 25, 2000

 

JJ skated out onto the ice, so we all applauded loudly. He went to the center of the rink and adopted his starting position, waiting for his signal to go. I looked up and down our row, at the group that had assembled to watch him perform. In addition to Robbie, Jeanine, Tiffany, Darius, and Will, we’d brought Wally, Clara, and their brood, not to mention Stef and JP. Cody and Kevin were behind us, sitting next to Matt and Wade. It was quite a crowd; a big show of support.

JJ began skating, his lithe form gliding gracefully across the ice in time to the music. We’d watched the skaters before him, and none of them came close to his style and form. Since I was a neophyte when it came to figure skating, the fact that I could tell that just emphasized how much better he’d been than his peers. I found myself on edge, nervous lest he fall and hurt himself, or almost as bad, embarrass himself, but his routine seemed to be flawless. I looked down the row at Tiffany and saw her smiling, so he must have been nailing the performance. It seemed to last forever, but that was only because I was nervous, so I was almost surprised when he finished. The applause now was deafening, and as I looked around, I was really happy to note that it wasn’t just our group that was cheering.

“He did really well,” Robbie said.

“He seemed too.” Robbie gave me a dirty look for not being effusively supportive. “You know how they have all those technical details that we don’t know shit about. Other than that, he was awesome.”

“I’m going to go get some fresh air,” Gathan said as he squeezed past me. JJ had been really bitchy with him, and evidently Gathan had decided that he wasn’t going to be all that nice to JJ if he wasn’t going to respond in kind. They didn’t seem to like each other very much. It had been one of the flies in the ointment of an otherwise nice week.

Ella and Darius got up and followed him, and that was another fly. They were inseparable, and while that was fine with the rest of us, it clearly wasn’t fine with Wally and Clara. It’s not that they didn’t like Darius, they obviously did, but they were very protective of Ella, and were reluctant to let them spend unchaperoned time alone. There had been a tense moment at Escorial when Clara had caught Darius in Ella’s room; we’d been saved from a massive confrontation only because they’d been sitting there, fully clothed.

I thought about their attitudes. It was a marked difference from how we handled the boys, where we focused on making sure they knew the risks of various activities and relied on them to make the right decisions. Then again, we had boys. I wondered how I would react if we’d had a daughter. I thought about how JP had reacted when Claire and Jack were sexually active in high school. Even the most well-intentioned people could get derailed when the girl in question was their daughter.

“I think I’ll step outside too,” Clara said. “I want to enjoy a little more of this beautiful weather before we have to head back.” I smiled as I moved to let her pass me on the row. She was unwilling to leave them alone, even outside an ice rink. It was nice having all of them around, but they were leaving tomorrow, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved.

The final fly in the ointment was Will. Something was bothering him, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was. I knew it involved Zach, because they were barely on speaking terms. It was strange too, because John, Zach, and Will had started off the week like the three musketeers and had been inseparable. Then mysteriously when we were ready to fly down here a few days ago, they all three seemed to be mad at each other. Between them and JJ, I felt like I was surrounded by drama queens.

I’d managed to spend the rest of the show mulling these thoughts, so I was almost surprised when Robbie nudged me, telling me we were leaving. We went to the lobby to meet JJ. He had that supercilious attitude that performers sometimes got after they put on a really good show.

“You did really well,” I told him. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I did better than all the other guys,” he said, being cocky. That made me nervous. He’d be in for a nasty ego check when he inevitably botched a show.

“Yes you did,” Jeanine said supportively, even though she looked a little nervous.

“You were so graceful,” Stef said effusively. “I do not think I have ever seen such smooth movements.”

“Thank you,” JJ said to him, smiling at his praise.

“We’re going to go that restaurant with all the games for dinner,” I told Stef. “You think your record on the Star Wars machine has been beaten?” We’d teased him about his inability to play video games the last time we’d been there, and he’d turned around and shown us that he was actually really good at them.

“If it has, I will simply have to get a higher score,” Stef said, as if it were no big deal.

“How many days are we staying here?” JP asked, slamming him. “Last time you beat the high score it only took you a thousand tokens.”

“Let us see how well you do,” Stef said, challenging him. We piled into the limos we’d hired and they took us to the restaurant. As soon as we got there, Stef went off with the boys, armed with tokens, to play video games with them.

“I’m surprised that Stef likes video games,” Wally said.

“He’s very coordinated,” I said, and watched Robbie smile at my double-entendre. Darius and Ella went off and found a two-player game, pointedly excluding everyone else from the last few hours of their time together. I watched Stef playing a racing game with Gathan, Zach, and JJ. Evidently there was some disagreement, because I saw Gathan and JJ back away from the steering wheels and square off with each other until Stef intervened to smooth things over.

“They don’t get along all that well,” Robbie observed sadly.

“Well, it seems that they either get along too well,” I said, gesturing over at Ella and Darius, “or not at all.” I could tell that bothered him. “Don’t worry about it. They’re still young. They’ll mature, and be less obnoxious.”

“I just wanted them to have a really good time here,” he said, referring to Wally, Clara, and their family.

“I think they did. They seemed to. I think Wally and Clara are smart enough that they won’t let a couple of bitchy teenagers ruin their time.” He wandered off to talk to them, while I went over and cornered Will.

“What’s your deal with Zach?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” he asked me in a tone that told me how annoyed he was that I was prying.

“You guys were friends, and now you hardly talk.”

“We’re fine. He just gets annoying after a while,” Will said.

“Well, try to at least be civil,” I said firmly, reminding him of his social obligation. He gave me a dirty look and headed over to play video games with Zeke and Trent. They were really unremarkable guys. They didn’t seem very bright, and they didn’t seem to have sparkling personalities to make up for it.

Dinner seemed to replicate the entire visit. It started off nicely, but ended on a nasty note. Stef had reclaimed his seat in the Star Wars machine, and evidently that was a game Gathan was good at. The two of them got absorbed, trying to beat the game and each other. JJ walked over and watched, then got all pissed off and stormed out of the restaurant. Tiffany was feeling ill, as morning sickness was really starting to get to her, so Jeanine took her and JJ home.

“Where did JJ go?” Stef asked, when he finally pulled himself away from the game.

“He went home with Jeanine and Tiffany,” I said.

“Was he upset about something?” Stef asked, concerned.

“He’s just being bitchy, Stef. Don’t worry about it.” Stef looked really upset about that, but there really wasn’t much we could do about it.

By the time I went to bed, I was pretty exhausted. Robbie was already asleep. I lay in bed, trying to relax, but as tired as I was, I couldn’t do it. I thought about waking him up, figuring a round of amazing sex would make me sleepy, but he looked so peaceful, I let him be. I tossed and turned for a while, then sighed, slipped on some clothes and headed downstairs. I’d foregone my nightly joint, assuming that wouldn’t go over well with Wally and Clara, so I grabbed it and went outside. I was going to go out on the deck, but I opted to walk down to the beach itself. There was a rock next to our house, so I sat on that, sparked up my joint and just enjoyed the weed and the sound of the waves. It was a relatively calm night, so the waves weren’t too loud.

I got up and started to walk in when I saw two people on a blanket underneath our house. I moved over to one of the piers and hid there, trying to figure out who it was. I grinned when I heard moaning and groaning; whoever it was was at least involved in a heavy make out session.

“I want to,” I heard a voice say. Ella!

“Are you sure?” I heard Darius ask.

“I love you. I want to be with you,” she said, her voice dripping with both resolve and desire. “I want you to be my first, and my only lover.”

“I love you too. I just don’t want to do something you don’t really want to do.” I smiled at how well we’d trained him, and how considerate he was. I thought about all the times that I’d been in the throes of passion and made stupid decisions. I was impressed that he was thinking so clearly.

“That’s sweet Darius, but I want to,” she said. The moaning and groaning resumed. I thought briefly that most parents would probably stop them, would intervene, but this was clearly consensual, and I didn’t really feel like barging in. I heard them stop, and could tell by the noises he was fumbling with a condom. Good boy, I thought.

“This is going to hurt a little, at first,” he told her. I heard her gasp in pain, and then I heard him mumbling to her. I slowly and carefully backed away toward the stairs, hearing their moans change now that they were actually fucking. From the sound of things, Ella had definitely gotten over the initial pain. I went back upstairs, rinsed my feet off in the shower, and headed back to bed.

“Where were you?” Robbie asked.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?”

“No, I just rolled over, you weren’t there, and I missed you,” he said.

“You’re trying to get laid,” I teased, as I kissed him.

“Maybe,” he said, flashing me his cute grin. We made love, and as I bonded, with him, I marveled at what a wonderful thing sex was, and how it could truly cement two people together who loved each other. I resumed my favorite position on top of him, moving up enough that I could nuzzle into his neck as we lay there, drifting off to sleep.

“So is everyone asleep?” he asked.

“No,” I told him. “I went down to the beach to smoke a joint to relax. I couldn’t sleep.”

“I could have helped you with that problem,” he joked.

“You were sleeping so peacefully I didn’t want to bother you. You helped me in the end anyway.”

“So who was awake?”

“Darius and Ella.” He looked sideways at me. “They were on the beach together.”

“Did you tell them to get inside?” he asked.

“No, I didn’t say anything. I don’t even think they knew I was there.”

“What were they doing?”

“Having sex,” I said, deadpan, knowing that there was no way to calm his reaction to this, whatever it would be.

“And you didn’t stop them?” he asked, sitting up and pretty much knocking me off of him.

“No. Why should I? How would you have felt if JP or Stef had interrupted us and tried to stop us from having sex?”

“That’s different,” he said.

“You sound just like JP when he’s wrong. How come you didn’t think it was wrong when Claire and Jack had sex. She was Ella’s age, younger actually.”

He lay back down. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m older, and I know better.”

“Right,” I said sarcastically.

“You think I’m just being an unreasonable sexist?” he asked.

“I think you’re conflicted because your son is having sex with your cousin, and you know how protective her parents are of her. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your initial reaction.”

“So what do we do about it?”

“We don’t do anything. What are you going to do, talk to Darius and give him a bad time about it? What do you think his reaction will be?” Even though it was too dark to see him, I knew he was rolling his eyes. “He was really a gentleman.”

“What do you mean?”

“She asked him to do it, and he stopped to make sure that she was really OK with it.”

“He did?” I guess he envisioned one of those classic high school sex scenes, where the girl says ‘no’ over and over again until the boy gets her horny enough that she gives in.

“Yeah. I was actually proud of how he handled it. I haven’t always shown that much restraint.” I felt the guilt rolling over me like an avalanche.

“Neither have I, but that’s in the past.” I looked up at him quizzically. “These past few months I’ve thought about some of the stupid-ass things I’ve done in the past, and I honestly think that if I was faced by them now, it would be easy to say no.”

“Really?” That surprised me. “Why?”

“I think that during this whole nightmare we went through, we both matured a lot in the process. I think before, we were men in a relationship where we still thought and acted like we were in college. Now I think we’re really men.”

“Maybe that’s what this middle-age crisis shit is really about,” I pondered. “Maybe it’s learning to put those things that used to seem so important into perspective, so they end up on the backburner.”

“And maybe it’s learning to appreciate what you have, especially when you’ve been lucky enough to find your soul mate.”

“Maybe you’re right,” I said, and gave him a nice kiss. I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.

 

March 26, 2000

 

“It’s nice to have our house back,” I said to Robbie. We were sitting on the deck eating lunch. The morning had been chaotic, as everyone had gotten up and ready to leave. The plane would be full, since it was stopping in Palo Alto to drop off Matt, Wade, JP, and Stef before heading to Claremont with Wally and Clara and their kids. JJ hadn’t even bothered to come down and say goodbye until I went up and made him, and that had involved a very unpleasant exchange. That was contrasted with Darius’ and Ella’s poignant separation.

“Teenagers can be so dramatic,” Robbie said, echoing my thoughts. “Which cufflinks are you going to wear tonight?” he teased, changing the subject.

“The diamonds?” I asked. Tonight was the Academy Awards, and he was only going because if he didn’t, it would look bad. His absence would make him look embarrassed, and look like he wasn’t confident about the future.

“Save those for next year,” he said. This was the year that he’d have to pay for the mistakes Carson had cajoled him into. He didn’t have a single movie that was up for an award. But Erin Brockovich was already a box office hit, and the buzz was that it was a sure thing to bring in a few Oscars next year.

The patio door opened and Darius came out, looking nervous and subdued. “Hey,” I said to him cheerfully.

“Hey,” he said morosely.

“What’s wrong?” Robbie asked.

“I miss her,” he said.

“Being separated from the one you love sucks,” I said. There was no way to couch that, or ease the pain.

“I probably won’t see her again until the summer. What if she meets some other guy?”

“She won’t,” Robbie said. I could never offer blanket platitudes like he did, because I knew that it was entirely possible that what Darius was afraid of could happen. Maybe that’s why Darius usually talked to Robbie instead of me.

“When you go back to Claremont, let me know. Maybe I can go with you,” he said.

“I’ll let you know,” Robbie answered. I sensed there was something else he wanted to talk about, but he was nervous.

“I should probably go in and get organized for tonight,” I said, assuming he wanted to talk to Robbie alone.

“Wait,” Darius said. “We had sex, Ella and I.”

“Why are you telling us this?” I asked, unsure of what else to say.

“You were worried about our relationship. Remember how you gave me the third degree in San Diego? I’m just keeping you posted,” he snapped.

“I know you did,” I said. “I was on the beach last night and I heard you.”

“You were spying on us?” he asked, instantly outraged.

“No, I couldn’t sleep, and I heard you when I was heading back upstairs. I was really proud of you.”

“Why were you proud of me? It’s not like I gave her multiple orgasms or anything.” Robbie snaughed, and I chuckled.

“Because you were a gentleman, and you didn’t force her to do something she didn’t want to do.” He rolled his eyes at me, as if he was so cool it was inconceivable he’d have to pressure a woman to have sex with him.

“I love her. I respect her,” he said.

“I know.”

“It broke,” he said.

“What broke?” Robbie asked.

“The condom. It broke.” We stared at him, aghast.

“It broke?” Robbie asked unnecessarily.

“Yeah. That’s never happened to me before, but it did last night.”

Robbie looked intensely irritated while Darius looked really worried. “Look, there’s nothing you can do about that now,” I said logically. “Ella is going to be freaking out about this until she gets her next period. You’ll have to help her stay calm.”

“If she has her next period,” he said glumly.

“Let’s cross that bridge if we have to,” I said firmly. I figured I was due for a little luck.

“What if she’s pregnant?” he persisted.

“Then you two have some decisions to make,” Robbie said. “Like Dad said, let’s see what happens before you start freaking out about it.” None of our comments had placated him. He had more on his mind.

“What are you worried about?” I asked him.

“I’m worried that if she is, they won’t let me see her again. I’m worried they’ll keep her from moving out with Claire. I’m worried that it will be the end of us.”

Any of those things was possible. “You worrying about it won’t change anything,” Robbie said. “You have to be strong for Ella. She needs you now.” That seemed to resonate with Darius, the knowledge that he had to be her rock, to be there for her, instead of worrying about what the personal consequences were. That’s why Darius asked him for advice. Robbie did that, looked at it from a kinder, human perspective, and thought about all the people involved, not just Darius.

“Thanks,” he said, and gave us both hugs, then left us. I got up like I was leaving, but sat in his lap instead.

“What?” Robbie asked.

“You’re such a nice guy. You always think of other people.”

“So do you,” he said.

“No; compared to you, I’m a prick.” That made him laugh.

“Come on, let’s go get ready.” I learned that his definition of getting ready included an amazing round of sex.

 

We had a nice time at the Awards, even though we didn’t have anything or anyone in particular to root for. All night I’d whispered encouraging things into Robbie’s ear, either reminding him of his past successes, or projecting that next year would be so much better. He didn’t really acknowledge my efforts in that regard, but I knew him well enough to know that he appreciated it. He was the kind of guy that needed lots of positive reinforcement, and if he didn’t get it through public recognition ceremonies like this one, he had to get it somewhere else. I thought about that enough that it turned into an epiphany for me.

I thought about the two guys that had stolen him away from me: Neil and Carson. Both of them had done that. I remembered our walk on the beach back in 1985 when Robbie had tried to tell me why he loved Neil. He mentioned that Neil was always there to encourage him, and prop him up. I guess Carson had done the same thing. While I was running around, focusing on my own career and my own issues, Carson had been there pumping him up, making him feel good about himself and validating his decisions. I guess every guy needs that, but maybe Robbie needed that more.

We went to the Governor’s Ball afterward, just to make an appearance, and then went on to another party. In the past, when he’d really racked up some wins, we’d gone to a lot more, and stayed out late. That was kind of how things went, just like we’d done the other night when Erin Brockovich debuted. It was a hit, so we partied into the night. Tonight, there were no hits, so there was no reason for us to stay out late.

We were just about to leave and go home when we ran into Miram Barnes. He ran another production company, one that Robbie ended up competing with pretty regularly. Most of the people Robbie butted heads with were gentlemen, and they had a polite but fierce rivalry. It was similar to the relationship we had with our competitors, with people like Richard Giddons and Carmella Watkins. Miram Barnes wasn’t like that at all; Miram Barnes was an asshole. To continue the parallel, he was the Cary Chase of the production world.

“Well hello Robbie,” he said in a snide way. He was short, bald, and ugly, with a beautiful blond on his arm. “I’m surprised to see you out tonight.”

“We were just leaving,” Robbie said tersely, and made to push past him.

“Not exactly a banner year for you, eh?” he said, and then laughed at his own joke.

“Not exactly,” Robbie said coldly.

“It was for me. We did great!” He began to enumerate all the awards his movies and stars had won.

Robbie cut him off. “I’m very happy for you.”

“Don’t be sad that I beat you so badly this year, Rob,” he said in his patronizing tone.

Up until that point, Robbie had been trying to ignore him and just get past him so we could leave. I watched his whole demeanor change as he leveled both barrels at Miram. “Actually, I am very happy for you. This will be the first time in fifteen years that you’ve actually won more awards than we have. If this didn’t happen, you might have finally given up and crawled back under your rock.”

He glared at Robbie. “This is the future; this is how things will be.”

Robbie laughed in his face. “This is an anomaly. Next year you’ll be losing again.” I decided that it was time for me to enter the fray.

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” I said to the blond. “You must be Mrs. Barnes.”

“I’m Allison Kennedy,” she said, then looked off into the distance as if I were boring her to tears.

“I’m sorry,” I said, pretending to apologize. “What happened to your last wife?” I asked Miram.

“I’m not married,” he snapped.

“It’s hard to keep up with you, Miram,” I said, using his same fake jocular tone. “The last one was your sixth or seventh?”

“Sixth,” he said coldly.

“They don’t seem to stick around very long,” I observed. “I wonder why?” I looked at his crotch meaningfully and snickered. Robbie snaughed, and we took that opportunity to breeze past them and out the door. It wasn’t until we got into the limo that I felt Robbie relax.

“That was pretty funny,” he said. “From what I hear, you hit the nail on the head.”

“Needledick?”

“Yep,” he said, and we laughed some more.

“You don’t have that problem at all,” I said, as I kissed him. He gave me his cute grin.

“It sucked to lose this year,” he said, letting his insecurities out.

“Like you said, it was one out of fifteen. You’re going to clean up with this latest movie, and the others you have in the works look good too.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” I told him confidently. I decided that now was a good time to try and make him feel better about himself. “You have so many good qualities, it amazes me sometimes. Like the way you handled Darius today, picking up on the fact that he wasn’t really worried about himself, but he was worried about Ella. That’s how you are. You really care about other people, and you seem to instinctively know what they’re concerned about.”

He really grinned at me. “You’re trying to get laid.”

“I didn’t realize I had to work for it,” I told him, joking.

“That’s true,” he said, and gave me a nice kiss.

“I meant what I said. Even if we weren’t together, I’d bet on you any day of the week over the rest of those idiots, and especially over Miram.”

“Yeah, but we’re always going to be together, so that’s not a valid statement,” he said.

“You’re right, we will be,” I told him lovingly. I just turned away and leaned my back into his chest and felt his arms wrap around me. As well as I knew him, there were still things I had to learn and discover. I’d remember this one. There were so many positive things about Robbie, and he had so much going for him, but one of his biggest weaknesses was his insecurity. I decided it was my job to help him realize that he was an amazing guy, and to keep that insecurity at bay.