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- 04/25/2017
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Little Things - 4. A Time Traveler's Rant
I’m a time traveler.
Oh great you’re saying, like there have never been stories like this one before. You think that I don’t know that there have been time travelers before me? Of course I know, I’m not stupid or ignorant. I know I’m not original. But hey, why can they tell their stories and I can’t relate mine?
I know all about the precious Doctor Who. Have you seen him lately after his latest regeneration? Oh my good god, he looks ancient. Oh and then there’s his wanna be lover, Captain Jack Harkness from Torchwood (okay I admit I wouldn’t say no to him if our paths crossed). That one is nothing but trouble though he can control his movements.
Let’s not forget about Dr. Sam Beckett, the quantum physicist who ballsed up his experiment and jumps through time and space seemingly without direction.
There are tons of us out here but let me tell you it’s really hard to get many of us to the ATTC (pronounced ATTiC) or Annual Time Traveler’s Convention. We have a tendency to pop in and out when we can.
This year one of the topics at the convention was how to deal with time lag, our version of jet lag. It can be a real problem and affects the digestion. Other topics included the different mental health issues affecting spontaneous travelers versus controlled travelers. Sadly I have no control, so I’m a spontaneous traveler. It can be difficult sometimes and you can end up in some very weird or dangerous situations.
Last month I traveled to a log cabin somewhere (I don’t know where but they spoke English). When I materialized I had my pants around my ankles and my dick buried to the hilt in some guy’s ass. He was bent over a dresser, screaming at me, “Come on, get it done you bastard. Come on I’m really close.” I thought perhaps he might notice that I wasn’t the guy that had been there before assuming one had been. So, well I’m a man and always like to do what the hot guys want me to, so I did what he asked and banged him silly. When he was done, he jumped up, pulled up his pants, kissed my cheek and ran from the room. Sadly I traveled out of there with my pants down without ever knowing where or when I had been.
Most of the time things aren’t this exciting. More often than not you end up on a mountain top with no coat or in the centre of a highway trying to avoid traffic. Of course you can end up like poor old Henry DeTamble, who always ended up naked wherever he landed. His was a sad tale though. I think they made a movie out of his story a few years back, or it could have been last month.
Sometimes I’ll end up someplace that I stay for a while. Once I stayed in a small town in Canada for a year before I traveled. That was the hardest for me. I’d developed relationships and I had a wonderful boyfriend. I had actually started to believe that I would remain there. It wasn’t to be however. For a while after I’d traveled I tried to get back to that town. I finally did get back there but no one knew me—it was the wrong century.
This was the worst time of my life. I gave serious thought killing myself then.
Time travel doesn’t stop you aging, I move to different times but I still get older. It scares me frankly. I don’t want to travel around when I’m eighty years old. Who knows maybe by then I’ll find the courage to end it all.
Sorry, I hope that this little rant doesn’t make you…
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Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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