Trick Me Once - 8. Time to Tell the Truth

(Four years ago)

“If you must know, Trick moved to another school because of how you and other assholes have been treating him. He couldn’t take the bullying anymore. I know this must be so hard for you, but you won’t be seeing him anymore,” Zoe said venomously, looking Cody in the eyes as she closed her locker and left.

He stood in the hallway, feeling like someone had just run over his puppy before his eyes. A few seconds later, he came to his senses, wiped his tears and hurried to the bathroom.

Trick left because of him, and now he won’t see him again. He didn’t even get a chance to tell him how he felt, tell him he knew everything and that he felt the same way. But maybe it wasn’t too late…

He entered the bathroom and went to the sink to wash his face, hoping to hide that he’d been crying. As he finished and got ready to leave, Mason came in.

“Hey, did you hear the fag left the school?” Mason said gleefully.

Cody had never felt angrier in his life. Surprising both of them, he shoved Mason into the cold tiled wall as hard as he could, making him fall to the ground.

“Fuck you, Mason!”

“What the hell, man?!” Mason started to get up, confused and angry.

“Don’t talk to me again or I’ll fucking kill you!” Cody shouted and hurried out, leaving stunned Mason standing there, wondering what just happened. Passing the hallway and the classrooms, Cody ran out of the school. Skipping classes for the day seemed like the least of his worries.

That evening, Trick was in his room, doing homework. He had a bit of catching up to do in his new school, but he didn’t mind it. Now that he was able to go to school without feeling like everybody hated him, studying didn’t seem like a problem at all.

It was only his second week at Lake Heights, so he still hadn’t made any real friends, but people seemed nice. He didn’t go out of his way to talk to everyone, but there was also no fighting or teasing. There was even one openly gay guy in another class, which was a shock for him.

Even though the new school seemed miles better, he missed having Zoe and Brad around. They still saw each other a few times a week, but it wasn’t the same. Also, he didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he missed Cody too. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t help it. He was used to looking around the class and catching Cody looking at him shyly before quickly turning his head.

As he was doing homework and thinking about his friends, Trick had no idea that the guy from his thoughts had just parked his bike outside his window, trying to gather the courage to knock on the door and ask to talk to him.

Minutes were passing by as Cody sat outside, looking up at Trick’s window. Eventually, the lights went out and he got back on his bike and drove off.

“Coward,” he muttered to himself as he was driving through the night, going back home.

--

“I know you’re sorry…” Trick said.

“I don’t mean just about the bullying… I mean about everything.” Cody felt his heart beating harder and faster. He was sure Trick could hear it. Well, this is it. He has started the avalanche and he can’t stop it now.

“What do you mean?”

“Uh, Trick, I need to tell you something.” Cody was thinking hard, as if he was trying to divine how the entire conversation is going to go. He sat at the nearest bench and motioned Trick to come sit next to him.

“Is this what Brad told me you wanted to talk to me about? It sounded important.”

“Yeah, it is.” Cody reached for Trick’s hand, wanting to hold it. He thought it would give him strength to continue, but he stopped himself. “I don’t know how to tell you all this because I don’t want to hurt you anymore. Just… promise me you’ll try to understand, ok?”

Trick was confused and a bit scared. Can’t they ever have a normal conversation? It always has to be marred with the past.

“Ok, I promise…” Trick looked him in the eyes and nodded, trying to be encouraging even though he wasn’t sure what was coming.

Cody looked around, as if he was trying to absorb energy from all the trees around them.

“Ok, I guess I should start from the beginning… Back in high school, I did a lot of stupid shit, you know that… But then I realized something that made me change. I stopped harassing kids, I left you alone…”

“I know. First you were… ruining my days, and then you started avoiding me like the plague.” Thinking about it, Trick didn’t know which was worse.

“I just… didn’t know what to do,” Cody said, sounding sad and lost.

“What happened?”

“I, uh, heard you guys talking one day at school – you, Brad and Zoe. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I was just there. You were talking about your… situation and how you, uh… had a crush on me.”

Cody stopped talking, waiting for a reaction from Trick, but nothing happened. Trick was too busy sweating and hearing his heart beat loudly in his head to say anything.

“That was something totally new for me. I kept thinking ‘What is going on? Why would he feel anything for me?’ No one had ever shown any interest in me, told me I was special, nothing…”

“You knew all this time… That’s why you avoided me,” Trick said in a weak voice. “Every time I caught you staring at me… You knew. What were you thinking, that I was some pathetic idiot to fall for a guy who treated me like shit?”

“No, Trick! I never thought that. In fact, I thought I was a pathetic idiot. That’s why I didn’t get why you would even like me… I was just trying to understand.”

Cody was now sitting turned to Trick, looking at him and hoping Trick won’t bolt and leave him alone. Trick refused to turn and look at him, keeping his eyes on the path in front of him, his hands clutching the bench he was sitting on.

“So what did you understand?”

“That you’re a sweet guy who was able to look past my horrible behavior and see something in me that no one else did… And that you’re pretty damn cute, too.”

Cody knew he crossed the line with that last sentence, but it was a line he had wanted to cross for a long time. Trick frowned for a second, unsure what Cody was saying to him.

“Trick, do you understand what I’m trying to say here?” Cody asked softly.

“No, I don’t,” Trick replied. He had a pretty good idea, but refused to believe it. It couldn’t be true. How could Cody reciprocate his feelings?

“I like you, Trick. More than I ever thought I could… I don’t know if you still feel the same about me, but if you do…”

Cody stopped talking when Trick finally turned to look at him. His eyes showed desire, but also sadness.

“Why didn’t you say anything? We could’ve…” Trick just shook his head. He wanted to say how they could’ve been together all this time, all these years, but then realized it probably wouldn’t have happened that way even if he had told him the truth. He was too angry at Cody and wouldn’t have been able to forgive him then.

“I was a coward. By the time I came around, you were gone. I was afraid to look for you because I thought you would hate me, and I couldn’t take that. I couldn’t stand the thought of you hating me.”

Cody finally gathered his courage and placed his hand on Trick’s. Their eyes met once again. At this point, both of them were fighting tears, but knew they wouldn’t be able to keep that up for long.

Before he knew it, Cody gently placed his hand on Trick’s cheek. Perfectly synchronized, they leaned in, closed their eyes and their lips met in a soft kiss that made them feel like their hearts would explode. Cody hoped time would somehow stop, leaving them frozen like that forever. He’d kissed guys before, but none of them could compare to Trick. He could already feel getting addicted to the taste of Trick’s warm lips. It was as if his entire body was being filled with warmth and happiness.

Trick had a million thoughts running through his head, but he didn’t want the kiss to end. He squeezed Cody’s hand and kissed him more passionately, when he felt Cody’s hands around his face. To feel his fingers on his skin was heaven, to have their lips locked together was something he’d been dreaming of forever. He thought he’d start crying from happiness and never stop.

When they finally ended the kiss, breathing heavily, reality hit them again. For a while, they managed to forget everything they have been talking about, but now it all came back. They went silent for a few moments, letting tears fall down their cheeks, before Cody dared to speak first.

“So, you don’t hate me?” he asked nervously.

“Of course I don’t hate you, Cody,” Trick replied with a guilty look on his face.

“But…?” Cody sensed there was something.

“But this is too hard. I don’t know how to just get past everything. I’m not the same guy I used to be back then,” Trick said, hoping his words would not hurt Cody.

“You don’t trust me…” Cody realized and let go of Trick’s hand, feeling a little chill in his heart.

Trick looked down again.

“I don’t know. I want to trust you, I really do, but… This has more to do with me than you. You have to understand… Ever since high school, I don’t know how to trust people, how to make friends. I feel awkward doing anything in public, I can’t go out alone without feeling people are judging me…”

Cody felt his heart would break. He never realized how much being bullied had affected Trick, how deep the scars were.

“This is my fault,” Cody said, wiping tears from his face.

“Cody, don’t…”

“It is. Maybe I wasn’t the only one guilty, but I was there. I did nothing to make things better for you.”

He grabbed Trick’s hand again, squeezing it and bringing it to his mouth to kiss it.

“If you let me, I will be there for you. I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

“Cody, it’s not gonna be that easy.”

“I know, but I meant everything I said. I can’t let you go away again.”

Now that he’s had a taste of Trick, he wasn’t sure he could live without it again. He wanted to feel him and hold him every day.

“I need to think about all of this, it’s all too much.”

How could this be happening? Being with Cody had always been his biggest wish, but he was resigned with being alone forever. Could his dream really come true? Trick was sure something would go wrong, it was just too good to be true. How could Cody be feeling the same way? He must be lying… But he seems so honest. And that kiss…. Oh my God, that kiss! The real thing was a million times better than the dreams.

“Ok, I understand. But I’ll be waiting, and I’ll keep trying,” Cody said, giving him a small smile. He saw a tiny glimmer of hope in Trick’s beautiful eyes and decided to hold on to it. Trick was worth the wait.