Boy Story: The Road Taken - 63. Game On!

Game On!

In September of 2002, Ginny and Bill had their marriage ceremony. It was a small, intimate affair since they both had already been married. I guess the second time around, people don’t make a big deal of it. So they had a ceremony and a reception with mostly close family and friends. Bill went out of his way to introduce us to his nephew Kevin and Kevin’s boyfriend Vince. Kevin had just graduated college and Vince was in his final year. It was eerily familiar. Needless to say, we got on like old friends, and a long-term friendship developed between us. Kevin was gregarious, outgoing, friendly, and a smooth operator like a politician. He was kind of good looking, though not really my type. But in general, people always liked him and that was one big reason for our enduring friendship. Vince was thin, with short dark hair, glasses, and sort of cute. I found that anyone who talked to him for just a few minutes could probably figure out his sexual orientation. He wasn’t flamboyant, but he did give off the gay vibe. I wasn’t sure if I found Vince attractive or not. If I was single and the opportunity presented itself, would I sleep with him. I dunno, probably.

When we were in the men’s room fixing our hair at the wedding reception, I whispered to Parker, “Do you find Vince attractive? I can’t decide.”

He checked for legs under the stalls, then straightened back up and said, “Yeah, I guess so. But I think they are really good together. I bet Vince is amazing in bed though.”

“What makes you say that?” I questioned.

“He’s with Kevin. Enough said?” he replied.

I guess what he was saying was that Kevin could probably work a room better than anyone, and he could probably get a hook up very easily. So there’s gotta be a reason why he stuck with Vince instead of playing the field.

“He’s probably a stallion between the sheets!” Parker added.

We both cracked up laughing because Vince was so low key, it was difficult to envision him as a wild man in bed. But you never know what happens behind closed doors.

Though Ginny and Bill could get married with relative ease, things were different for Parker and me. Obviously, going in to a city hall and signing the request form for a domestic partnership was not the same as a marriage ceremony. However, a domestic partnership was the only thing available to us, so there would be no “wedding” per se, just a document that comes in the mail. In the end, we were engaged and would have a legal domestic partnership, so in our minds we were married. We just had to accept the fact that we wouldn’t be recognized legally as a married couple and get the exact same benefits that all spouses get.

So we signed forms and paid a nominal fee to declare our domestic partnership on Parker’s 24^th birthday in 2003. The requirements for domestic partnership were as follows:

• You and your partner must reside together in a relationship of mutual support

• You cannot be related to your partner

• Both applicants must be 18 years of age or older

• Neither party can be married or part of an existing domestic partnership

• This record will be public information, just like a marriage record

As you can see, there is no mention or requirement that the applicants be of a specific sex, so it’s available to any couple that meets the criteria, fills out the paperwork, and pays the fee. A week or so later, we received a certificate in the mail that confirmed our domestic partnership. It was kind of a laugh knowing straight couples heading for a marriage would be worrying about invitations, gift registry, gowns and tuxes, people in the wedding party, the reception, the church, and the rest of the arrangements. The only thing Parker and I had to worry about was hoping that our document didn't get lost in the mail...and it didn't. We were now engaged and domestic partners.

And that was that, or so we thought. In that same year, a court case named Goodridge v. Department of Public Health, where several same-sex couples were suing for the right to legally marry, was making its way through the court system in our state of Massachusetts. After hearing the case, the Superior Court judge ruled in favor of the Department of Public Health. The same sex couples were denied. The plaintiffs appealed the decision directly to the Supreme Judicial Court (SJC) the highest court in the state, which accepted the appeal and heard arguments on March 4, 2003. After more than six months of weighing the evidence and hearing testimony, the SJC unexpectedly reversed the decision of the lower court and decided that “the denial of marriage licenses to same-sex couples could be considered sex discrimination and is therefore unconstitutional” in our state. Suddenly it was game on!

This whipped up a firestorm of controversy between all sorts of organizations. GLAAD was battling the Catholic Church, the Supreme Judicial Court was battling Mitt Romney, the Governor of Massachusetts, not to mention the ACLU squaring off against the Federal Government, which had passed the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Suits were filed by opponents of the decision asking federal courts to overrule the decision. When the dust settled, it was a stalemate. The Supreme Judicial Court of Massachusetts decided that the prohibition of same-sex marriage denied rights granted by the Massachusetts Constitution and was therefore unconstitutional, yet the Defense of Marriage Act passed by the US Federal Government prevented the federal government from recognizing marriages of same-sex couples. This was getting very confusing. Same-sex married couples would be recognized in the state but not in the country. How was that possible?

Parker and I were certainly in no hurry to be Guinea pigs in this battlefield, so we largely remained on the sidelines to see what would happen. Three years later, after some 10,000 same sex couples were wed in the state of Massachusetts, I asked Parker if he was ready to formally tie the knot. He was in full agreement. We talked to all the parents involved. We told them that we didn’t want to make a huge production out of this and just wanted it to be quick and easy. As far as Parker and I were concerned, we were already married and we didn’t need a piece of paper and a big production to prove it. But to gain the benefits afforded to all married couples in the state, we realized we had to get married legally. We set the date for June 2006, two months after my 29^th birthday. We both liked the significance of a June wedding.

We kept the guest list small just like when Parker's mother married Bill, only relatives (sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and in-laws) and close friends. We were both raised somewhat Catholic, so we knew that same-sex marriage was not allowed in the Catholic Church. According to Church doctrine, “The Church holds that same-sex unions are an unfavorable environment for children and that the legalization of such unions is harmful to society.” Harmful to society? What proof does the Church have that same-sex unions are harmful to society? Because I've seen a room full of court documents and transcripts on TV detailing how Catholic priests have been sexually abusing children for decades. So who is truly harmful to society here?

Sure, if every straight person suddenly became gay, there would be a lot fewer children created, and that might be harmful to society because humans might eventually cease to exist. But that isn't the situation. The majority of people are heterosexual and we have an overpopulated world already. It is estimated that 10% of the world's population is LGBTQ, making it a minority. Just like it was only proper to give Black people in the U.S. (another minority) the same civil rights as everyone else in the 1960s, isn't this much the same situation?

Parker and I thought that the little nondenominational church on the college campus would be very fitting for our ceremony with a Justice of the Peace presiding. This took the whole Catholic Church conundrum out of the equation. My parents were still very much active in the Catholic Church, so I wanted them to feel it was a ceremony they could be supportive of. They understood the situation and made the best of it. This was also the first time in years that both Parker’s mother and father would be in the same building at the same time. We thought about seating them apart from each other as much as possible, but since both he and Ginny were remarried by this time, it wasn’t an issue.

And that's the way it happened. We were married in June 2006 and went on our honeymoon—a week in Paris and a week in Amsterdam. A trip befitting of something that was a long time coming.

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