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I Make Little Girls Cry



So Christmas was fun. I went and visited with my mom and grandparents, then my mom and I went to see my aunt and cousin (They're still not eager to mix with my grandmother :( ). Boy I'd forgotten how much fun my cousin could be! We played cards for awhile, hung out, listened to music, chatted. It was really nice. I also decided I got really lucky in the family department, and within the family for some reason (and I feel a little guilty about it), my aunt, cousin, and grandmother seem to treat me more nicely than they do the rest of the family. :mellow: ......it's probably just because I'm a huge suck up! :P And of course my mom and grandpa totally rock in everyway anyway! :D


So Yesterday was really fun too, me and Patrick (my gay work friend), went in and cleaned up and stuff and got everything ready, even though we weren't open today. Then we went and had Sushi (and Japanese liquor :boy: ), and hung out at his place for awhile with a couple of his friends. It was really nice. And I was quite amazed, he kinda "in-ed" himself :blink: . Turns out for last year or so especially he's been attracted to some girls. Which I guess shouldn't surprise me that much, I'm attracted to the occasional girl too, but he really didn't seem like the type! Anyway he was worried about it, he said in a lot of ways it was harder for him to admit to his friends than when he first came out. Apparently because he's always had a lot of gay friends so he just "fit in" that way, but now he's worried they'll be disgusted. But his other friend that was with us (this was before the 4th guy showed up), was like "no man, don't worry about it, there's a few choice women I'd like to sleep with too",,,,well whatever, I'm not into the whole casual sex thing, but it was really nice and supportive of him so I was glad. And of course I took the opportunity to partially out myself and be like "yeah really, there's LOTS of guys I find really attractive, like the guy at the coffee shop earlier". He went and pick up coffee before we went to work, I of course didn't get anything since I don't drink caffiene, but anyway there was the CUTEST, gay, redheaded dude working. LOL we were both flirting with him, and once we left I'd even commented that he was cute and I liked redheads, and we had a nice chat about gaydar (heck even I picked this one up). So anyway it was really fun, and while we've always been friends I definitely feel closer to him now, and it was nice meeting his other friends. But I think the 4th guy was hitting on me alot, and he wasn't really my type. I'm usually happy when ANYONE flirts with me, but if they're too forward with it and I'm not interested I always have trouble figuring out how to not lead them on, or seem rude (if it's casual I just always flirt back). There's this girl a few shops down who often comes in, and occasionally I go there. Anyway she really makes me uncomfortable. I don't even like the way she flirts, I can't explain it, she acts like i'm the one flirting with her (Which ISN'T true), I think she's one of those girls who likes to treat guys badly and watch them drool.....LOL but I ain't drooling.


So then today was pretty good too, I didn't get enough sleep last night and I was kinda run down. Anyway my dad called to wish me a late Merry Christmas. We'd missed each other's calls on the actual day. So I didn't really like the conversation that much. He's a college prof. himself, and he's been bugging me to start applying for grad. school since like the summer (ok not really "bugging me" since I've only talked to him like three times in the last 6 months, but still). So anyway I'm basically 90% sure I'm going to MISS the deadline for the school I want to go to. Which I think I kinda wanna do anyway because I want to take a year off and just work and get used to the city (and hopefully find some really great guy to fall in love), so the last couple of conversations I'd just dodged the specifics as much as possible, but today he backed me into a corner so I was like "well if I miss the deadline I'll just reapply the next year". Which I guess coulda gone over much worse, but I still definitely got the impression that wasn't what he wanted me to do. Anyway I feel like such a jerk, but I gotta say my gut reaction is that it isn't any of his buisness. I haven't lived with him since I was 2, I saw him maybe twice a year until I was about 13, then MAYBE 3 times since then. Which is really fine, I've always said I grew up with three parents (mom and grandparents) this way, NOT one short. And it probably sounds like it, but I'm not at all resentful, he paid child support and stuff, sent birthday and christmas gifts, called periodically, and I really am sure I always had the option of going to visit him more if I asked for it. But while all that's really not a big deal, I just don't feel the need to "impress" him. But I've got that stupid "I can't stand to disappoint anyone" thing going, so I still don't care for the situation.


So anyway he also put my seven year old half sister on the phone for awhile (I have two half sister 7 and 5, the last time I saw them, was when the 7 year old was 2 and the baby,,,,was a baby). It seems she's painfully shy now and basically started crying because he was making her talk to me. Which sucks because (1) I love kids (2) I really do regret not knowing the two of them very well (3) it's always sad when you make little kids cry. But we did finally manage to talk a little anyway.


Oh yeah and then I got a haircut! WOW! huge difference, I bet they cut off 5 or 6 inches in some places. When I'd get out of the shower my hair used to come down to like my mouth (dry it didn't of course, and I usually combed it to the sides a little). Now I've got the boring shortish cut everyone's got, I can't even cover my ears anymore -_- . But I said I wanted a change, and actually I have to admit I like it, for pretty much the first time EVER I was thinking today after I'd gotten it cut, that I liked the shape of my face. Still I think it makes me look more serious (which I wasn't going for), so I guess I'll have to do some extra smiling to make up for it :) .


Anyway that's my life in the last 3 days, and of course tomorrow I'm going to Houston! I can't wait,,,and I won't have to, I've gotta leave in like 9 hours, and honestly I wanted to spend all that time sleeping ;) . Have an awesome day everyone and take care!!




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I hope you know that it wasn't you that made her cry... plus A LOT of little kids, boys and girls bith, seem to have a fear of men that aren't their dad's for quite a few years and the bigger you are or the deeper your voice is the worse it gets... just know it wasn't you, it was instinct :blink:


But it's a good thing that you have such a friendly face :P and a full mouth to smile with now that we can see your face 0:) with that new haircut!! I wish Rich would cut his again, it's almost as long as mine now... AGAIN!


Have a great time in Houston!




PS. You're right, it isn't any of his business now... last time I checked you were like 22 years old?? Not that he doesn't have a right to care what happens to you but... you are a grown man now, YAY!!

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I can't believe that you made a little girl cry. She was probably sitting on something uncomfortable like her brothers ninja throwing stars. :ph34r:

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Kevin..I agree...no way you could make a little girl cry..she was shy, she doesn't know you and Dad was MAKING her do something she didn't want to.....since she doesn't know you and that has nothing to do with you.


Be happy you have lots of hair that you can cut and grow back (as opposed to some of us who are happy to have any hair left)


I do getcha on the flirting thing..its like how much is too much and what is innocent from one person may be deemed as being serious by the other person..etc....and how does one say "I am flattered you are interested..but I am not feeling the vibe" It gets awkard and grrr...


but cool you found a new Gay friend....I wonder if he is maybe more bisexual or he is emotionally and/or physically attracted to women...well, as his other friend said, relax, just be free to love whom he wishes..


On the Kinsey Gay scale..I am all Gay....even growing up...geez, girls could have paraded naked in front of me and or in their underwear (I was always the "Will" to the "Graces") and it had no effect on me..as I would chat away....and help them figure out life, boys, etc....Still am the same way....Now, put me in the boys locker room back then and well, that's another story....(no less the men's locker room now...all that eye candy and well, with those metrosexuals< I can't tell if they are Gay or not..so....well at least I can smile and hopefully not get beat up...most times I just smile inside...and try to figure out...are they or aren't they....)


I know way off topic..sorry.


As to your life, Viv is right..you are 22 and an adult..you have a plan....its a good one...just make sure you do apply to grad school....go and do it....you can always apply early...and keep writing..see I can be a pain and a Nag...Mother Michael reminding you to keep writing:)


BTW..the party and the coffee shop scenario sounds like a great story..hint hint..write about it:)


ok, that's all..since I have gone way off topic and I don't want you telling me enough already....sorry...besides you are the coolest....and I am jealous, I wish I had all that hair:)



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Heya Kevin


Just adding my two cents (converted in Aussie dollars it would be worth about 1.5 cents atm).


I think it would be a good idea to apply to the grad school, at least while you are still working out what you want to do. Remember, if they offer you a place, you can always turn it down if you decide to take that year off. However, if you want to go ahead you can accept the placement. Either way, it will give you some breathing space.



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Awww thanks guys! I do try not to take the crying thing personally, but even if i don't, it still makes me a little sad that we never really got to know each other.


Anyway also, I'm definitely going to do what I feel is best for me. It's just more I don't like to tick people off, so while it isn't going to stop me, I still won't like it if it upsets anyone. I know I should just get over it, and not worry about it, and it's not so much that I'm worried about what people think of me, I'm just worried about upsetting them or making them unhappy. Anyway Thanks, and I think I found the perfect middle ground anyway I was talking to a friend of mine who just applied for the SPRING. So that seems perfect, I don't know why it didn't occur to me to just do that.


Anyway take care all and have an awesome Year!


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