This is a great blog topic, Sir.   BDSM porn is terrible for the most part. What you describe sounds like abuse and an ego trip for the spanker. I'm loath to refer to that person as a Dom, because he isn't. 

I can only sigh and shake my head in disgust!  Of course all you have said is right, Mac. 

I am a sadist, however I have never done that to anyone. I enjoy inflicting pain, but I make sure my sub is in the right place first, and I don't want my sub in tears unless it is from happiness, or relief. 

Subs are not dolls, or playthings, even the ones who visit me on a professional level. They see me to address their needs, not for me to torture them. 

Mac this blog is welcomed, as are the home truths it contains. 

People who want to know about D/s and BDSM should talk to people who live it, not watch porn which is only there to titillate. 

it was hard to choose what reaction emoji to use for this Sir

the LOVE one that You talk about the subject with such passion, that what the video was, was wrong

the ANGER reaction that this event happened, that the boy was used so horribly

the WOW because, that's NOT what this Life is about, and to represent it like this IS what it's all about

that there is somewhere, some guy on a power trip, who will model himself after what he sees in these videos makes me ill, because on the other end of that is some poor guy, or girl, who thinks this is what being a sub is all about.  he or she may never know the beauty of a true D/s relationship

......sigh........

We see this all the time. Garbage like 50 shades. It’s disappointing with porn even more. Porn sells fantasy. D/s is a lifestyle, not fantasy. Well explained. Thank you Sir.

Reading your words and "hearing" your frustration at the misrepresentation of what it means to be in an D/s relationship brings me a sense of relief. You are people I have come to care deeply for and I could not wrap my head around why you would find fulfillment in that sort of behaviour. Now I know you don't. I'm learning. Thanks.

16 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

This is a great blog topic, Sir.   BDSM porn is terrible for the most part. What you describe sounds like abuse and an ego trip for the spanker. I'm loath to refer to that person as a Dom, because he isn't. 

No, he most certainly isn't a Dom. Far from it it. However, in his mind... and according to his sub... well, different story. What angered me the most was the fact that this was a homemade clip, not some poorly orchestrated porn-industry production. Which means, this donkey does it because he enjoys it and gets off on watching his own performance.

16 hours ago, MichaelS36 said:

I can only sigh and shake my head in disgust!  Of course all you have said is right, Mac. 

 

I am a sadist, however I have never done that to anyone. I enjoy inflicting pain, but I make sure my sub is in the right place first, and I don't want my sub in tears unless it is from happiness, or relief. 

 

Subs are not dolls, or playthings, even the ones who visit me on a professional level. They see me to address their needs, not for me to torture them. 

 

Mac this blog is welcomed, as are the home truths it contains. 

 

People who want to know about D/s and BDSM should talk to people who live it, not watch porn which is only there to titillate. 

Sadly, the person who shared it with me thought I'd enjoy it on some asinine level. I was very quick to set him straight with the same explanations I provided here in this blog. And as you have stated - subs aren't playthings, and torture isn't welcomed or condoned. On rare occasion, I've had a sub plead with me to beat him. Nope. I give explanations and guidance and send him on his way.   

16 hours ago, mollyhousemouse said:

it was hard to choose what reaction emoji to use for this Sir

the LOVE one that You talk about the subject with such passion, that what the video was, was wrong

the ANGER reaction that this event happened, that the boy was used so horribly

the WOW because, that's NOT what this Life is about, and to represent it like this IS what it's all about

 

that there is somewhere, some guy on a power trip, who will model himself after what he sees in these videos makes me ill, because on the other end of that is some poor guy, or girl, who thinks this is what being a sub is all about.  he or she may never know the beauty of a true D/s relationship

......sigh........

molly, you covered it all. As you aptly stated, some poor girl or guy (or many) will be deceived by this misrepresentation and fall into a pattern of abuse that they believe they deserve. And, on the other side of that coin, Doms will continue to get a bad rep because of shyte like this. Unfortunate all around. At least we can have conversations about it. 

15 hours ago, Reader1810 said:

Excellent blog, Mac, it’s just unfortunate there was cause for you to need to set the record straight, as it were. I’m sure things of this nature must be very frustrating for real Doms and subs. 

 

Going off topic for a moment.

 

I know that you are The Handler, and Mike is The Observer, but the picture you chose for your blog headings tells a bit of a different tale, imo. Did you realize that the third tree from the right has an eye on its trunk? Is it happenstance? Hmm... More like fate, I think since I believe you to be watchful like Mike. 

 

Okay, so that’s where my mind went, take my musings as you will. 

Reader, your observation about the eye in the tree bark isn't so off-topic. I did notice it when I chose the pic, and yes, I am watchful. An Observant Handler.     

15 hours ago, BlindAmbition said:

We see this all the time. Garbage like 50 shades. It’s disappointing with porn even more. Porn sells fantasy. D/s is a lifestyle, not fantasy. Well explained. Thank you Sir.

D/s is a Lifestyle, not a fantasy. you are spot on with that comment, my boy. These are all things that we know... yet many people are still very misinformed, and some choose to live a life that is disrespectful and abusive. Such a shame to miss out on the positive things true D/s offers. As for 50 Shades... I saw a preview for the new one... won't even go there.

6 hours ago, dughlas said:

Reading your words and "hearing" your frustration at the misrepresentation of what it means to be in an D/s relationship brings me a sense of relief. You are people I have come to care deeply for and I could not wrap my head around why you would find fulfillment in that sort of behaviour. Now I know you don't. I'm learning. Thanks.

dugh, you're kind to read this post and share your honest thoughts about it. I know that D/s doesn't make sense to many, but a willingness to understand some of the dynamics means a lot. We're a pretty open group around here. You can ask questions any time. 

4 hours ago, BHopper2 said:

Not being in the D/s Life, but friends with several here, and a few I've met in the Real World, it does piss me off that misrepresentations like this happens.

Just saw an Advertisement for a new 50 Shades movie coming out soon. I suspect it's gonna get worse.

I saw that preview, too, A. Just... no.

As for your friendship and support - we value it. Thank you for keeping an open mind and learning along the way. You're a good friend.

55 minutes ago, MacGreg said:

No, he most certainly isn't a Dom. Far from it it. However, in his mind... and according to his sub... well, different story. What angered me the most was the fact that this was a homemade clip, not some poorly orchestrated porn-industry production. Which means, this donkey does it because he enjoys it and gets off on watching his own performance.

 

There are subs though, who like that kind of treatment. People who like being beaten, like really rough treatment. I'm not sure that would be classed as D/s though i'm sure i've read it is, by them. i think they are more on the fringes of the D/s lifestyle myself. But i hope people who may be interested don't just look at things like that. Thanks again for the excellent blog, Sir. Always good to hear from You!

1 minute ago, Mikiesboy said:

There are subs though, who like that kind of treatment. People who like being beaten, like really rough treatment. I'm not sure that would be classed as D/s though i'm sure i've read it is, by them. i think they are more on the fringes of the D/s lifestyle myself. But i hope people who may be interested don't just look at things like that. Thanks again for the excellent blog, Sir. Always good to hear from You!

Hanging in the Centre and talking with those there I have learned there is a very big difference between D/s  and S&M. 

We had a father at the daycare who used to tell us how he is the dominant party in the family and both his wife and daughter always submit to his wishes.  He was rather surprised when he broke his daughters collar bone and momma left him, got a restraining order, and we would not allow him to take the girl out of our care, calling the local PD as soon as he arrived in the parking lot.  I think he was more surprised at me standing between him and the child with a baseball bat in my hands!   Its people like him referring to himself as a Dom that cause a lot of the misconceptions.

Your post here illuminates the important aspects of the relationship between Dom and sub that cannot be shown on quick porn clip. The scene you described hurts for all the wrong reasons. 

Pain is a tool, and thus should be used accordingly. In a D/s relationship its not a requirement. It can be used to correct. In my case, a last resort. When I’m so far in my head and Sir is trying to pull me back to focus. Pain is usually last method. The pain is a physical manifestation, or focal point for focus and concentration.

Now, we start to see all our differences when speaking of pain. i'll post more when i get home.

2 hours ago, MacGreg said:

As for your friendship and support - we value it. Thank you for keeping an open mind and learning along the way. You're a good friend.

Thank you, Mac. I value you all, as well.

On the topic of pain... I don't do pain well. Not at all. I have a very low tolerance for it.

Inflicting pain on subs and beating them just to beat them are what make a difference in this scenario. Everyone has different levels of tolerances and desires. Some subs desire more pain than others, and the reasons why vary from person to person. A Dom/Domme needs to make sure He/She knows what the sub's tolerances and desires are, just as the sub needs to understand what the Dom's/Domme's expectations are. That's where the partnership comes in. It's never just physical, it's cerebral. In regards to the video I saw... if the Dom shows zero care for and respect for the sub he's handling, I don't care how much pain tolerance the sub has - it's an unhealthy scene. I will push a sub's limits... but I will always take care of him.

1 hour ago, MacGreg said:

Inflicting pain on subs and beating them just to beat them are what make a difference in this scenario. Everyone has different levels of tolerances and desires. Some subs desire more pain than others, and the reasons why vary from person to person. A Dom/Domme needs to make sure He/She knows what the sub's tolerances and desires are, just as the sub needs to understand what the Dom's/Domme's expectations are. That's where the partnership comes in. It's never just physical, it's cerebral. In regards to the video I saw... if the Dom shows zero care for and respect for the sub he's handling, I don't care how much pain tolerance the sub has - it's an unhealthy scene. I will push a sub's limits... but I will always take care of him.

Again, I cannot agree more.  We all have our own way, but what you've described is not healthy, as you've said Mac.