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Haiku

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MichaelS36

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Okay … so here are some haiku.  Six to satisfy the prompt from AC's Zero to Hero Guide.

 

 

 

waxy lily pads
keep the green leaping frogs dry
between awkward jumps

 

the smiling dog runs
his lolling tongue evidence
of his happiness

 

 

 

puddles line the walk
jumping feet leave small footprints
one of springtime’s games

 

 

 

leaves change colour now
donning coats of red and gold
a glowing farewell

 

coloured leaves taken
by cold breezes fly and drop
making bright carpets

 

 

 

warm houses and cold
make icy patterns on glass
like dancing snowflakes

 

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Small footprints brought to mind something I see at the barn all the time.  Tiny deer prints in the mud showing what has been  nibbling the bushes. 

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Well done, Mike. You have painted vivid pictures with your words, I was there to witness it all. 

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These are fantastic! The changing seasons make for great haiku. I especially like the two you wrote about autumn leaves. Really nice collection you put together here, my friend.

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very nice Michael Sir

my three favorites are the dog and his tongue; puddles and footprints; and the last one about the cold.  i remember those icy snowflakes on the windows

 

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AC Benus

Posted (edited)

I see lots of potential here, and I still really love the frog/lily pad one :) In terms of the prompt criteria, and the self-check list, I wonder about the puddle poem. Maybe I'm just  not reading it right tonight, but it seems a bit like three poems, where each line is making a complete statement on its own. The concept is a strong one, but maybe look at the poem again in terms of the checklist. 

 

I love the dog poem, but please don't be afraid of punctuation. It can help things stay orderly, like I might suggest a comma at the end of the first line as a way to pave the transition away from the dog's "running", and onto the important part of the last two lines: the "lolling". Anyway don't be afraid of commas, semicolons or colons if you need them. 

 

The carpet of leaves is a beautiful image, and likewise the growing ice patterns on the windows brings me back to being a child and watching them form on our kitchen window above the sink. 

 

With this poem, I might make a small suggestion relating to flow. See what you think, and feel free to ignore my thoughts here. But what if your

 

leaves change colour now
donning coats of red and gold
a glowing farewell

 

Was changed very slightly to say 

 

leaves change colour now
donning coats of red and gold
as glowing farewell

 

Do you think it flows better? Do you think it better completes an unbroken line of thought? 

 

Thank you, Mike, for taking these poetry prompts challenges! I'm really happy you are doing them. 

 

Edited by AC Benus
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2 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

I see lots of potential here, and I still really love the frog/lily pad one :) In terms of the prompt criteria, and the self-check list, I wonder about the puddle poem. Maybe I'm just  not reading it right tonight, but it seems a bit like three poems, where each line is making a complete statement on its own. The concept is a strong one, but maybe look at the poem again in terms of the checklist. 

 

I love the dog poem, but please don't be afraid of punctuation. It can help things stay orderly, like I might suggest a comma at the end of the first line as a way to pave the transition away from the dog's "running", and onto the important part of the last two lines: the "lolling". Anyway don't be afraid of commas, semicolons or colons if you need them. 

 

The carpet of leaves is beautiful image, and likewise the growing ice patterns on the windows brings me back to being a child and watching them form on our kitchen window above the sink. 

 

With this poem, I might make a small suggestion relating to flow. See what you think, and feel free to ignore my thoughts here. But what if your

 

leaves change colour now
donning coats of red and gold
a glowing farewell

 

Was changed very slightly to say 

 

leaves change colour now
donning coats of red and gold
as glowing farewell

 

Do you think it flows better? Do you think it better completes an unbroken line of thought? 

 

Thank you, Mike, for taking these poetry prompts challenges! I'm really happy you are doing them. 

Hey AC … thank you. Don't be afraid to tell me like it is. I'm not going to wilt into a pile of tears if I messed some up. It's how we learn.   I see what you mean when changing 'a' to 'as', that works and flows better.  And I do understand about the  puddles poem.  Okay, love the feedback, thank you. I'll see what I can do. 

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11 hours ago, Kitt said:

Small footprints brought to mind something I see at the barn all the time.  Tiny deer prints in the mud showing what has been  nibbling the bushes. 

Thanks Kitt … I am very new to haiku. I'm glad it reminded of the deer!

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10 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

These are great. My hat is off to your for these acute observations.

Thank you, Parker. Much appreciated. 

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10 hours ago, Reader1810 said:

Well done, Mike. You have painted vivid pictures with your words, I was there to witness it all. 

They need a bit of work, but thanks Reader. Glad there was picture there. 

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9 hours ago, MacGreg said:

These are fantastic! The changing seasons make for great haiku. I especially like the two you wrote about autumn leaves. Really nice collection you put together here, my friend.

I think you're right, Mac. I need some practice, but that's fine, I like a challenge.  Thanks for your support. 

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1 hour ago, mollyhousemouse said:

very nice Michael Sir

my three favorites are the dog and his tongue; puddles and footprints; and the last one about the cold.  i remember those icy snowflakes on the windows

 

I liked puddles too, but seems it's not quite right. I'll see if can 'make it so' LOL. Thanks for reading them molly!

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These are excellent MIke. Thank you for sharing them with us. The two visuals that stood out to me the most was the happy dog, and the dancing snowflakes. In my opinion, I think you hit these out of the park.

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