I read about what people say about lockdown and this pandemic. I watch my beautiful boy suffer from sadness he doesn't understand. Watch him choke back tears he doesn't know why he's crying. In the dark of night I hold him close when his dreams are bad and when he needs the comfort of my skin.
I listen to people complain about how hard it is. How they want normal back.
I wonder what normal is gonna look like?
I am lucky that I have tim with me. Lucky that I can hold him close and that we are not alone.
I go to help my parents, and I look forward to the day that maybe I can hug my mother again rather than just wave to her. I cannot fathom not being there when she dies or having my last words with her by phone. I want that to not happen. But I am lucky and go and see them and wave.
I never want to stop enjoying when a stranger says, Hi to me when we are out walking. We are in this together. Be kind, be generous of spirit. Smile.
We miss our new boyfriend. We talk with him and maybe there's been some sexting.. maybe a little more. But that's no substitute for having him with us. But we are lucky there's skype, phones and yes, webcams.
I want normal. I want to not stand 2 metres from everyone. I want not to wait in lines to shop. I want toilet paper, cheap meat, to eat in a restaurant, to hug my family and a shit ton more.
Be happy, and be creative. Do not be afraid, this is our life. It may not be perfect, but it's what we have.
I want a lot.
But right now I am grateful for what I have.
- 9
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