Friendships with straight guys

[Graeme]

I don't like breeders. They are boring and one dimensional.... barely sentient.

 

I am wary of them they tend to think gay people are weak, stupid and/or easy to take advantage of. It gets tiresome showing them the error in their thinking.

 

We should be allowed to get a hunting license and kill a couple of dozen of them every year just to thin out the heard- you know the stupid ones, the ugly ones, any named Bubba or Skeeter... They would definitly benefit from some eugenics as they apparently don't care which cows they impregnate. Sometimes it seems they look for the worst match possible.

You know I like you, James, but every so often I have to smile and shake my head. In this case, I'll just point out that my wife is 'a breeder', as are my brothers, sisters and mother My father was, too, when he was alive.

 

On the other hand, there are definitely some non-gay people who I accept wouldn't be missed if they disappeared one fine day

[JamesSavik]

My sense of humor can sometimes run a little dark. Benji has the right idea- we need an icon for "just kidding".

 

On the other hand, it really would be cool to take out the trash every year between January and March...

[Menzoberranzen]

My sense of humor can sometimes run a little dark. Benji has the right idea- we need an icon for "just kidding".

 

On the other hand, it really would be cool to take out the trash every year between January and March...

 

It might take more than two months to take it all out. And the cleanup....

[Tiger]

I don't like breeders. They are boring and one dimensional.... barely sentient.

 

I am wary of them they tend to think gay people are weak, stupid and/or easy to take advantage of. It gets tiresome showing them the error in their thinking.

 

We should be allowed to get a hunting license and kill a couple of dozen of them every year just to thin out the heard- you know the stupid ones, the ugly ones, any named Bubba or Skeeter... They would definitly benefit from some eugenics as they apparently don't care which cows they impregnate. Sometimes it seems they look for the worst match possible.

I am glad to know that you meant that in jest. Just as we don't want to be stereotype, we should not stereotype straights. There are the redneck gay basher types, but they don't represent all heteros.

you can't possibly take all the straight guys and says they're all the same. This is as wrong as saying that all gay are promiscuous and will give you HIV by touching them.

Exactly Sacha. If he were serious, I would strongly disagree with him. I have a lot straight friends. If they were boring people, I wouldn't hang out with them at all.

[Graeme]

My sense of humor can sometimes run a little dark. Benji has the right idea- we need an icon for "just kidding".

I know, James, but I wasn't sure others realised that.

 

On the other hand, it really would be cool to take out the trash every year between January and March...

Why restrict it to just those months? Taking out the trash should be a year-round activity

[Razor]

you can't possibly take all the straight guys and says they're all the same. This is as wrong as saying that all gay are promiscuous and will give you HIV by touching them.

 

 

Wait wait wait... you're saying that won't happen?

 

Straight guys are so weiiiiiird... okay, I'm making it my own personal mission to find at least ONE straight boy I like. I shall seek one out who I can tolerate and even enjoy as a friend! I have a sneaky suspicion that this will take a long, long time, though.

[rich_e]

James, that was priceless. haha

[Hylas]

Closeted as I am. ALL the friends I can actually consider my friends are straight. I have had no gay classmate in high school. And in college, the gay guys generally stick with the girls or with other gay guys, so friendship with them was more or less by acquaintance. No closeness.

 

My bestfriend is straight. One of my best online friends is a straight 17 year old romanian guy. An artist like me, he knows I'm gay and is really VERY cool about it. He talks about girls, I talk about guys. LOL

[Tiger]

Wait wait wait... you're saying that won't happen?

 

Straight guys are so weiiiiiird... okay, I'm making it my own personal mission to find at least ONE straight boy I like. I shall seek one out who I can tolerate and even enjoy as a friend! I have a sneaky suspicion that this will take a long, long time, though.

I happen to think part of the problem for you may be location. Maybe if you lived in a more progressive area, you view of straight men would change.

[Menzoberranzen]

I happen to think part of the problem for you may be location. Maybe if you lived in a more progressive area, you view of straight men would change.

 

I live in a very urban, cosmopolitan area and the straight guys are still weird. Some of them are fun to be around but most of them get excited by the most peculiar things. Straight women rock though

 

Menzo

[old bob]

Hi Kevin,

As a former psychology major I can't help but try to analyze people (okay, actually enjoy it tongue.gif). My conclusion is that most gay males who want more friendships with straight males are trying to work out earlier feelings of rejection that they experienced from straight males. They find it particularly affirming to their masculinity and self-esteem to have friendships with these straight males.

As a former "industrial schrink" I tried to "analyse" the background of your poll and the details of your first post here. What kind of experiences you really made with straight males ? What is behind ? fear, need to accenting the differences, lack of confidence ? We are, you and me, very close as it concern our moods, we are "cyclothymics" with a quick alternation between euphoria and depression (Isn't it ?). BTW, please don't be angry with my comments ( ?)

For me, friends are friends, gay or straight doesn't matter, it's just random who I meet. To be out of the closet (as a bi) and to be as old as I am has certainly big advantages, I made a lot of friends in the past, more straight than gay, but I must confess that today I'm more open and free with gay friends than with straight ones. Its easier to be accepted .

Take it easy and have a good day.

Old bob

[Tiger]

Straight women rock though

 

Menzo

Straight women are the best. They love talking about men. I'm not really into the shopping though.

[FrenchCanadian]

Straight women are the best. They love talking about men. I'm not really into the shopping though.

 

They can be great indeed,,, I don't mind going shopping with them either.. they find I got good fashion taste

[AFriendlyFace]

I don't think I have any "real" straight guy friends. I mean, my best friend and best group of friends are all straight, but that's not quite right. They're more...metrosexual. It's interesting, together we've all been mistaken for being gay. I guess you'd have to see us to understand.

Yes, it wouldn't be so bad if they were metro...at least we could go shopping and get our hair done together

 

Straight guys are so weiiiiiird... okay, I'm making it my own personal mission to find at least ONE straight boy I like. I shall seek one out who I can tolerate and even enjoy as a friend! I have a sneaky suspicion that this will take a long, long time, though.

I've known quite a few very nifty straight guys

 

I definitely agree with you that most are weird. Some are fun and sweet though.

 

I live in a very urban, cosmopolitan area and the straight guys are still weird. Some of them are fun to be around but most of them get excited by the most peculiar things. Straight women rock though

Straight women are cool. Saturday I went out with my two best friends (both gay males). Before we left we spent about an hour deciding on the perfect clothes, talking about guys, doing our hair and make up (for the record I only used a little bit of powder and concealer to even a few places out ), and then posing for various solo and group shots (I hate taking pictures but they made me ). As we were leaving I realized that we were acting very much like 3 straight girls

 

...Somehow I doubt that's how the majority of straight guys spend the evening with each other before they go out.

 

Hi Kevin,

 

As a former "industrial schrink" I tried to "analyse" the background of your poll and the details of your first post here. What kind of experiences you really made with straight males ? What is behind ? fear, need to accenting the differences, lack of confidence ?

Obviously I spent some time analyzing my motivation too; I'm few things if not self-analytical

 

I don't think it's fear or lack of confidence. You're almost certainly on to something with accenting the differences though. Indeed, when I was first coming to terms with my sexuality I had to be sure I wasn't just doing it to be different. I've always hated "being one of the crowd".

We are, you and me, very close as it concern our moods, we are "cyclothymics" with a quick alternation between euphoria and depression (Isn't it ?). BTW, please don't be angry with my comments ( ?)

Certainly your comments would not anger me I'm always delighted to see your posts, for I know I'm in for an insightful, wise, and well thought-out comment!

 

I don't think I agree with your characterization of me as one who alternates quickly between euphoria and depression, however. My mood usually stays toward the positive end of the spectrum and when it doesn't it more often strays to contemplative, or perhaps irritable as opposed to outright sad or angry. I definitely do get sad on a regular basis, but it's generally too short-lived and situational to qualify as "depression", and as I said even when I am "sad" it's usually more in the order of "grumpy" or "petulant".

 

I also don't tend to be "volatile" in my interactions with other people. I'm almost always pleasant and patient with others, and on the very rare occasions when I am rude, insulting, or even mean I confess that it's usually quite intentional and controlled, and not one of those "in the heat of the moment" things.

Edited February 14, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[Azure Dragon]

I make friends with whoever wants to befriend me, and am equally comfortable around guys and girls, gay or straight. One side does have advantages over the other though. Gay guys are obviously less likely to be uncomfortable or ask dumb philosophical questions ("Is being gay a choice?") when I discuss my love life, but straight men play WAY fewer games, and tend to be less cliquey and pretentious in general. I like that easygoing nature. Plus, there's no chance that the friendship will be threatened by us having sex. A lot of gay men won't even look at you if they don't want to f**k you (sometimes the only reason why they want to be friends), and will be downright rude in a social setting.

[Tiger]

I make friends with whoever wants to befriend me, and am equally comfortable around guys and girls, gay or straight. One side does have advantages over the other though. Gay guys are obviously less likely to be uncomfortable or ask dumb philosophical questions ("Is being gay a choice?") when I discuss my love life, but straight men play WAY fewer games, and tend to be less cliquey and pretentious in general. I like that easygoing nature. A lot of gay men won't even look at you if they don't want to f**k you, and will be downright rude in a social setting.

You've got that right for sure. I know some people think it's weird to have straight friends, but I will never understand why. With straight people, you can just have a good time. On the other hand, gay friends are more likely to understand you. I judge people as people and not by who they share a bed with. I try to keep an open mind. Some of the best friends I have are straight.

[miker33]

Hey, personally, it does not matter whether if gays have a lot of straight friends or not. What matters the most is RESPECT. If the straight guys does not respect gays, then they are not friends. I have seen this before. One of my friends had that straight guy friend who out of nowhere hurt him badly. Most gays have a lot of straight guy friends or not. Another friend of mine was being made fun of people because he is gay and he doesn't really have straight guy friends. What really pissed me off is that straight guys made fun of him and laughed at him.

[PlugInMatty]

ok, you're probably not gonna believe this, but I don't actually have any gay friends.

 

I have ex-boyfriends (who I don't talk to), I have gay friends of friends that I've almost been set up with, but I don't have a person that I actually hang out with who's gay.

 

keeping that in mind...

 

What's the big appeal?

 

Common interests, I guess.

 

I play sports, watch sports, enjoy live music and prefer pubs over clubs. Basically, I get labelled 'straight-acting', and I've yet to meet a gay guy (you know, an actual breathing one) who wants to watch a basketball game or hit the local for a couple of drinks on a Saturday night.

 

Alternately, if I want to hang out and talk about hot boys, I do it with my straight female friends. If I want to talk about my writing or a particular gay issue, I do it with my best friend. She's female (and an artist). We talk about everything, she gets it. I don't need to worry about putting on my game face for her.

 

Maybe I don't know what I'm missing, but I don't really think there's a gap in my life that would be filled by having a gay friend. Maybe there will be down the track, but as things stand, it's not something I'm really seeking at the moment.

 

What exactly do you get from your friendships with straight guys that you can't from anyone else? (I usually get the generic "guy stuff" answer, but I get the guy stuff from my gay male friends).

 

I get FREEDOM.

 

I get to hang out and know that sex is never going to complicate our relationship. I don't have to read anybody's signals, I don't have to make any effort to be interesting and I don't have to worry about anybody's feelings.

 

I don't really want to get drawn into stereotypes, but there's a lot of gay guys out there who are superficial. I don't want to talk about my wardrobe, my boyfriend or my sex life. Obviously, there's a whole lot of straight people out there who are just as bad, but you know what? I'm not friends with them either.

 

Do you yourself have a longing for more straight guy friendship?

 

No.

 

My friends are my friends, no matter who they find themselves attracted to.

Edited March 30, 2008 by PlugInMatty

[GaryK]

I have just enough straight guy friends. The balance is fine as-is. I'm not averse to having straight guy friends so long as we get along.

 

Most of my friends, gay and straight, are just plain weird. Don't get me wrong. I love my friends. My two best friends in the world are guys. One gay the other straight. Both like to talk about most anything without putting any sort of gender/orientation bias on it. When it comes right down to it I tend to attract odd friends. I definitely prefer my guy friends. Straight girls are alright as long as they don't try to take me shopping.

 

My sense of humor can sometimes run a little dark. Benji has the right idea- we need an icon for "just kidding".

It's not an official GA smiley. I wish I knew how to get it added to the list of smileys on GA. Here's my own personal tongue-in-cheek smiley: . Feel free to download it and use it on your own server. Don't link to it on my server please!

[AFriendlyFace]

Plus, there's no chance that the friendship will be threatened by us having sex. A lot of gay men won't even look at you if they don't want to f**k you (sometimes the only reason why they want to be friends), and will be downright rude in a social setting.

 

I get to hang out and know that sex is never going to complicate our relationship.

 

Well I just have a no sex and friendship rule. If I'm friends with the person I'm not going to have sex with them unless we're trying to start a relationship or something. So I don't worry about sex complicating my friendships because I don't do that with my friends.

 

I don't have to read anybody's signals, I don't have to make any effort to be interesting and I don't have to worry about anybody's feelings.

I'm thinking you probably mean in a more romantic way or something, but I certainly think you should worry about your friends' feelings in general - regardless of their orientation or gender.

[Tiger]

I'm thinking you probably mean in a more romantic way or something, but I certainly think you should worry about your friends' feelings in general - regardless of their orientation or gender.

That's an excellent point, Kevvie. While some may hide their emotions more than others, most people are emotional. When you say or do something hurtful, people are going to react, even if what you said was taken out of context or if what you did or said was unintentional. I know I have been guilty of such gaffes, and even straight friends have been mad or hurt at one time or another. I'm not know for being intentionally cruel, but I have been known to say things i should not say. I am quick to apologize though.