What personal relationship affects you the most?

[corvus]

What personal relationship affects you the most?

 

I wondered if I should have asked, 'What personal relationship is the most important to you?' but that invites all sorts of moral evaluations and thoughts of should-be and should-not's. This just wants to know what relationship affects you most powerfully.

 

I remember a time when my mom could drive me to tears with a single comment. I once wrote to her, in a very embarrassing letter and when I was very young (haha), that she routinely "raped" my mind. Evidently that was how I felt about it then. Now that I've moved out for college, seen my mother in a different light, and had a questionably successful coming-out episode, I think it's lessened -- or at least changed. But no doubt it's still a very strong tie I have.

 

I haven't got a significant other... although my ex-boyfriend can still drive up my blood pressure. I have very few close friends, and they're very important to me, but I don't think they'd be able to hit me like lightning. Society can be a bitch, but, as I'm in hiding, it doesn't aggress itself on me very much. (Yeah, I made that word up. You know, aggressive?)

 

I think my relationship with myself is also very important. I talk to myself a lot, especially over tea on Sunday afternoons. (Just kidding.) But I think a lot of my happiness depends on how I evaluate myself and my accomplishments (which, of course, are in reflection against my society, friends, and parents). I'm still not sure if this was a great choice to put up, but there it is.

 

So... what about you?

[AFriendlyFace]

Well, personally I'm inclined to say that one's relationship with one's self should always be paramount. The relationship to friends, family, and a partner can also be very significant and I also selected those options. Personally I find society to be of the least importance. I refuse to conform for the sake of conforming or rebel for the sake of rebelling. To me society is just there and if we mesh fine, if we don't fine.

 

I'm not seeing anyone right now and nor am I in close proximity to my family, or even very frequent communication with my family (we talk 2 or 3 times a week usually), so right now my relationship with friends would outweigh those two; however family is still significant.

 

I would say that if I did have a significant other then ideally my relationship with him should take precedence over my relationship with my friends, and probably family as well; however, I'm very VERY much against this whole insanely intense, exclusive thing that drives people away from their friends and family. A healthy romantic relationship should, in my opinion, leave plenty of room for these other relationships as well, but it probably should take slight priority to them.

 

Obviously I don't have any kids, but if I did I think that relationship would and should easily trump all others, with the exception of one's relationship to one's self: I still think that should be number one if you even have any hope of having a decent, satisfying relationship with any of the others.

 

Interesting thread

 

Take care all

Kevin

[Krista]

Well I depended on my friends for all of my happiness while in high school. It wasn't until I graduated High School that I became close to my mother and still we have our days where we're arguing and such, but the friends I had kept me sane and on the track that I'm on now. So out of the list I would choose them as being the personal relationship that affected me the most as I really wouldn't know where I'd be without them - well really, losing anyone of the relationships that I have with family and close friends would be a significant loss.

[scoopny]

My mother was sick last fall and that really made it clear how close and complicated our relationship with, it was also a wake-up call to the fact that she won't be around forever. And it also reminded me of the importance of friends. My dear friend, who is a doctor, actually came down to New York and sat with my mom after surgery and sat with us after the doctor came out of surgery to help ask questions. I don't know how I could ever repay him. Very few people can put my mom at ease and he did. So it reminded me that I shouldn't take for granted the important people in my life.

[Tiff]

At the moment, I consider my personal relationship with myself the most important. It may change as I get older, or maybe was something different in the past, but after a rough couple years, I really believe how you think of yourself, get along with yourself, handle your inner demons and such, affects your ability to connect with others or have good relationships with others.

 

It's the whole, you can't love others until you love yourself. I kinda feel strongly about that these days.

 

Sometimes I get so angry and frustrated with my family- especially my Dad- and my super close friends, and significant others in the past, but the one thing that keeps me sane, keeps me going, keeps me feeling confident and some hint of self-esteem or whatever is how I feel with myself and perceive myself, and all that good stuff. You know, like personal qualities and personal character.

 

Did any of that make sense? I had a similar conversation with my mother this morning before school and then again after school, so forgive e if my thoughts are a little all over the place.

[JamesSavik]

I don't discriminate. I hold everyone in contempt. Except for cats. They are my favorite people and they bring me yummy birds and squirrels. Who else will do that for ya?

[Procyon]

What personal relationship affects you the most?

 

I wondered if I should have asked, 'What personal relationship is the most important to you?' but that invites all sorts of moral evaluations and thoughts of should-be and should-not's. This just wants to know what relationship affects you most powerfully.

 

I remember a time when my mom could drive me to tears with a single comment. I once wrote to her, in a very embarrassing letter and when I was very young (haha), that she routinely "raped" my mind. Evidently that was how I felt about it then. Now that I've moved out for college, seen my mother in a different light, and had a questionably successful coming-out episode, I think it's lessened -- or at least changed. But no doubt it's still a very strong tie I have.

 

I haven't got a significant other... although my ex-boyfriend can still drive up my blood pressure. I have very few close friends, and they're very important to me, but I don't think they'd be able to hit me like lightning. Society can be a bitch, but, as I'm in hiding, it doesn't aggress itself on me very much. (Yeah, I made that word up. You know, aggressive?)

 

I think my relationship with myself is also very important. I talk to myself a lot, especially over tea on Sunday afternoons. (Just kidding.) But I think a lot of my happiness depends on how I evaluate myself and my accomplishments (which, of course, are in reflection against my society, friends, and parents). I'm still not sure if this was a great choice to put up, but there it is.

 

So... what about you?

 

This sounded a bit like you meant 'who has the greatest ability to drive you up the wall?' and not who affects you the most in general.

 

And sure, a lot of one's most intense relationships seem most tangible when there's a problem or conflict. Because when you're just feeling happy about having someone's friendship or love you rarely pause to think about it, except when you're madly in love -- but when it something goes wrong it can make you suffer pretty badly and you'll never fail to notice those emotions.

 

But still, the relationship that affects me the most, no comparison whatsoever, is a rather friction-free one: the one with my son. (He's twelve and I've a feeling I should say knock-on-wood now... so, Knock on wood!)

 

He is the most important person in my life and has been ever since I lay in the maternity-ward bed just after he'd been born and was feeling completely overwhelmed (and angsty as hell and very alone) by the enormous responsibility that lay ahead of me. I hadn't grasped at all up until then what it meant to have a child, though I thought I was well-informed. Haha.

 

Other than that I also said parents, because that is a very intense relationship as well and my mother can still make me feel good about myself just by giving me praise (confirmation) or make me feel like shit if she chooses to do that.

 

My close friends are very important to me and can make me feel both good and bad. I hate falling out with people, and that goes for anyone of course, my mother, sister, and son especially (btw I think you forgot 'other family' as an option...?) But often friends have a great ability to make one feel good, that is the best thing about them.

[Tiger]

I would say that if I did have a significant other then ideally my relationship with him should take precedence over my relationship with my friends, and probably family as well; however, I'm very VERY much against this whole insanely intense, exclusive thing that drives people away from their friends and family. A healthy romantic relationship should, in my opinion, leave plenty of room for these other relationships as well, but it probably should take slight priority to them.

I happen to agree with that. If a significant other wants you to stay away from friends and family, he is controlling, and that's a sign that you need to end the relationship as quickly as possible. I also agree that a person's relations with oneself is important, because when it comes right down to it, we trust ourselves the most. If we have personal demons, we must try to vanquish them before it's too late. If we don't, we may end up in a bad situation such as being in a relationship with a control freak. I definitely have no desire to be in such an unhealthy relations, but if others want to be, that's their problem.

[Procyon]

I happen to agree with that. If a significant other wants you to stay away from friends and family, he is controlling, and that's a sign that you need to end the relationship as quickly as possible. I also agree that a person's relations with oneself is important, because when it comes right down to it, we trust ourselves the most. If we have personal demons, we must try to vanquish them before it's too late. If we don't, we may end up in a bad situation such as being in a relationship with a control freak. I definitely have no desire to be in such an unhealthy relations, but if others want to be, that's their problem.

 

I forgot, I also said 'myself', because I have issues with myself sometimes, of course, and that affects me greatly as well -- and I love and hate myself alternately, though the older I get, the more I accept myself the way I am (unless there's something I want to and can change -- it *is* possible, sometimes.)

 

And I agree with the Writing Tiger and Kevin that a significant other should never take over completely, that is definitely not healthy. I was i a rather intense, isolationish relationship once, and needless to say it didn't end well. Thankfully though, it did end.

[Drewbie]

For me, A Boyfriend, then friends then family.

 

Friends are important to me, so is family, but some items I find it easier to tell to some friends.

 

if we have kids just about the same with a boyfriend. course I think, Might have to protect them more, or so.

 

if that makes sense.

[AFriendlyFace]

My close friends are very important to me and can make me feel both good and bad. I hate falling out with people, and that goes for anyone of course, my mother, sister, and son especially (btw I think you forgot 'other family' as an option...?) But often friends have a great ability to make one feel good, that is the best thing about them.

I agree the friend thing. I fell out with a once good friend a few months ago and it was very difficult. Still is actually since our social activities and other friendships pretty much require us to remain in each other's lives

[old bob]

I didn't vote !

because I can't decide about the word "most".

-my parents ? they are dead since more than 20 years.

-my wife ? we are both about 80 and more than 56 years together. It doesn't matter who will go first. We have both our memories and the future doesn't affect us.

-my children ? they live their own life. My daughter is dead, my three sons are 56, 52 and 43 years old. They have their own problems, its nice to see them but the distance is growing each year after the other.

-my platonic friends ?What's the meaning of "platonic" ? A platonic friend is not a real friend and you can forget him.

-my society in general ?. Same question : society, which society ? The world I live in ? people with the same political opinion as mine ? The signification of this word is unclear.

-myself ? I know my own character too good to be affected.

-other ? Who else ?

Old bob

[Benji]

I didn't vote !

because I can't decide about the word "most".

-my parents ? they are dead since more than 20 years.

-my wife ? we are both about 80 and more than 56 years together. It doesn't matter who will go first. We have both our memories and the future doesn't affect us.

-my children ? they live their own life. My daughter is dead, my three sons are 56, 52 and 43 years old. They have their own problems, its nice to see them but the distance is growing each year after the other.

-my platonic friends ?What's the meaning of "platonic" ? A platonic friend is not a real friend and you can forget him.

-my society in general ?. Same question : society, which society ? The world I live in ? people with the same political opinion as mine ? The signification of this word is unclear.

-myself ? I know my own character too good to be affected.

-other ? Who else ?

Old bob

 

 

.......Maybe this poll should have been "in which order.... for me my wife, than children.

[corvus]

At the moment, I consider my personal relationship with myself the most important. It may change as I get older, or maybe was something different in the past, but after a rough couple years, I really believe how you think of yourself, get along with yourself, handle your inner demons and such, affects your ability to connect with others or have good relationships with others.

 

I think that's a good mindset to have. At the end of the day, you simply have to please yourself. It doesn't matter how the world adores you, or others think highly of you, you have to recognize it for yourself. That's kind of why I was hesitant about putting that up as a choice -- it's almost a given, an a priori issue.

 

This sounded a bit like you meant 'who has the greatest ability to drive you up the wall?' and not who affects you the most in general.

...

(btw I think you forgot 'other family' as an option...?)

 

Yeah, the extent to which people affect me shows up most obviously in 'hurtful' or 'negative' ways. It implies that the mindset is that the status quo should be happiness, which could be dangerous. And 'other' would suit for 'other family.'

 

 

-my platonic friends ?What's the meaning of "platonic" ? A platonic friend is not a real friend and you can forget him.

-my society in general ?. Same question : society, which society ? The world I live in ? people with the same political opinion as mine ? The signification of this word is unclear.

 

By platonic I meant someone who isn't your parents, children, spouse, etc., as I assume those family members and lovers may very well be your best friends as well. These terms are definitely very ambiguous, and their definitions very lax, but words are symbolic anyway, and I was hoping you'd manage to assign your own substance to the emblems.

[Menzoberranzen]

I don't discriminate. I hold everyone in contempt. Except for cats. They are my favorite people and they bring me yummy birds and squirrels. Who else will do that for ya?

 

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

 

I picked the relationship with myself, because that's the only one I have that is unconditional.

Edited April 25, 2008 by Menzoberranzen

[old bob]

By platonic I meant someone who isn't your parents, children, spouse, etc., as I assume those family members and lovers may very well be your best friends as well. These terms are definitely very ambiguous, and their definitions very lax, but words are symbolic anyway, and I was hoping you'd manage to assign your own substance to the emblems.

Hi Corvus,

I did !

Thanks a lot to have taken time to answer to my post. And BTW, teasing a little is always fun.

Old Bob

[ashessnow]

My relationship I had with my parents ended 4 years ago. I think because of it I put more importance on the relationship I have with my friends and the relationship I have with my significant other. So yeah, those are the relationships that I value above all others.

Edited May 4, 2008 by Nerotorb

[Graeme]

I voted for both my significant other and my children (was I supposed to be allowed to vote for more than one?).

 

My significant other, because I know how badly it's affected me when I've said something or done something that's upset my wife. I'm not talking small things, but big things where I've cause her a lot of pain by being unthinking.

 

My children, because I just can't imagine myself without them. That will change when they become teenagers, I suppose, but for now, they are the centre of my life.