What do you like about being gay?

[rknapp]

Being gay, my lover would logically be male. As such, it would A LOT easier to connect with him and to understand him. Likewise he wouldn't have a hard time understanding me. The going theme that I've noticed with heterosexual couples is that men complain about not understanding their women and women complain about not understanding their men. In a homosexual relationship, that misunderstanding of each other is taken out of the equation (most of the time, anyway).

 

Though that does present another new problem... who pays for dinner? LOL

 

As far as James' and Kevin's opinions on gay people's personalities... I've seen and heard of both sides of the coin. The gay friends I hung out with last year were of Kevin's variety, while I remember talking with one of them about some of the gay guys he knew around campus who were total bitches. I never met said bitches, but his stories were enough to convince not to seek them out.

[AFriendlyFace]

I think I can say this simply. There are friends who mean the world to me I have that I never would have met had we not been gay, nor would we have grown as close. It's not just one person, but a whole community of people, that have made my life more meaningful, made me more adventurous, helped me see the world differently, given me comfort, made me laugh. It's all quite accidental how it all happened and these friends aren't necessarily people I've slept with (although a few I have, admittedly), but they have all shown me something I didn't know before and well maybe hopefully I've done the same for them.

That's wonderfully put and I completely agree and can relate!

 

For me, there's a sense of community, ones I can talk to, certain gay people we can talk about anything that most straights would never talk about.

That's a wonderful point, Drew! I think being gay gives me the freedom to say, do, and discuss things I couldn't/wouldn't say, do, and discuss as a straight person.

 

I guess in many ways it goes back to the whole going outside of gender lines thing, but as a gay person I'm comfortable blending and taking the best of both traditional 'male' and traditional 'female' activities and ways of relating. For example I know I wouldn't have as close a relationship with my friends if I were a straight guy. We might still really care about each other, but I doubt we'd be as emotionally open or as affectionate.

 

And yeah, there simply are things I can discuss with people (of any particular gender or persuasion) as a result of being gay that I probably wouldn't be comfortable discussing as a straight guy.

 

Of course I know straight guys could do these things, but there's more social pressure not to, and even if the straight guy himself is comfortable with them it's harder to find other people who are comfortable with him behaving that way and who can/will behave in kind.

 

I think it goes even further to 'alone stuff' too. There's a lot of activities or thoughts or things that I do by myself that I enjoy but probably wouldn't be comfortable doing as a straight guy, or would at least feel the need to hide to some extent.

 

For example lighting candles, putting on some soothing music, taking a hot bubble bath, and sipping a glass of wine. I love doing that, it's a really pleasurable, sensual experience (I know it's not for everyone!), and I could it as a straight guy, but I'd probably be a little embarrassed about it if people found out.

 

Being gay, my lover would logically be male. As such, it would A LOT easier to connect with him and to understand him. Likewise he wouldn't have a hard time understanding me. The going theme that I've noticed with heterosexual couples is that men complain about not understanding their women and women complain about not understanding their men. In a homosexual relationship, that misunderstanding of each other is taken out of the equation (most of the time, anyway).

I think that's an excellent point too. To some extent I definitely agree that there's greater potential for you to be in tune with each other's feelings and mindset and also the whole stereotype about the relationship being more sexually satisfying because both people 'know what it's like'.

 

My personal 'big thing' about gay relationships has always been the greater potential for true egalitarianism and a lack of sex/gender roles and expectations.

 

On the other hand that only goes so far. Some of my feelings and thoughts ARE very different from many other guys (of course I think everyone has unique feelings and thoughts). Sometimes it's still very easy to misinterpret what someone is thinking or what their motivation is. It's also possible to be completely out of sync 'physically' in terms of what you each like and want.

 

So I agree with you for the most part, and I definitely agree with you from a 'potential' point of view, but I think good and effective communication still trumps everything else in this regard.

 

 

Just my thoughts

Kevin

[viv]

(Drewbie @ May 30 2008, 03:48 PM)

For me, there's a sense of community, ones I can talk to, certain gay people we can talk about anything that most straights would never talk about.

 

Again, I'm not sure why this is a gay/straight issue. It seems there are plenty of people of both sexualities who are judgemental, ignorant people... I know not every straight person out there is an open-minded, accepting, well-adjusted human being, but there are plenty of us out there, and further, I would venture to say that there are plenty of gay people who are just as closed-minded and judgemental.

 

**Shrug**

 

Viv

[AFriendlyFace]

Again, I'm not sure why this is a gay/straight issue. It seems there are plenty of people of both sexualities who are judgemental, ignorant people... I know not every straight person out there is an open-minded, accepting, well-adjusted human being, but there are plenty of us out there, and further, I would venture to say that there are plenty of gay people who are just as closed-minded and judgemental.

 

**Shrug**

 

Viv

I would definitely agree with that.

[Drewbie]

Yea I would agree with that too, im just saying my experiences, yes you can with straight's too. im mostly saying, could I really talk about a boyfriend or something very emotional where some guys wouldn't be very comfortable. however im not saying it's 100% true.

Edited May 31, 2008 by Drewbie

[AFriendlyFace]

Yea I would agree with that too, im just saying my experiences, yes you can with straight's too. im mostly saying, could I really talk about a boyfriend or something very emotional where some guys wouldn't be very comfortable. however im not saying it's 100% true.

For talking about boyfriends...yes, I definitely think you could talk about boyfriends comfortably with straight women.

 

Could you talk about them with straight men? Depends on the guy (well of course it would also depend on the girl, but I think overall fewer guys would be comfortable), but would certainly think that there are some you could discuss such things with.

[Tiger]

My personal 'big thing' about gay relationships has always been the greater potential for true egalitarianism and a lack of sex/gender roles and expectations.

 

On the other hand that only goes so far. Some of my feelings and thoughts ARE very different from many other guys (of course I think everyone has unique feelings and thoughts). Sometimes it's still very easy to misinterpret what someone is thinking or what their motivation is. It's also possible to be completely out of sync 'physically' in terms of what you each like and want.

It does not always work that way, especially in the bedroom. Yes, some may be versatile, but not always. That does create somewhat of a gender role. However roles sometimes equal out or even switch outside the bedroom. It all depends on the couple. Some also suggest that it has nothing to do at all with gender roles, but I happen to think it does at least to a certain extent. I can see the hate mail arriving any moment now.

[AFriendlyFace]

It does not always work that way, especially in the bedroom. Yes, some may be versatile, but not always. That does create somewhat of a gender role. However roles sometimes equal out or even switch outside the bedroom. It all depends on the couple. Some also suggest that it has nothing to do at all with gender roles, but I happen to think it does at least to a certain extent. I can see the hate mail arriving any moment now.

LOL, yes that's right, along with the next chapter of BMAD to beta I'll send you a dirty note about what I think of gender roles!

 

 

No, I mostly agree with you, none of the circumstances preclude gender roles nor they make them inevitable. It all just depends on the couple.

[Tiger]

LOL, yes that's right, along with the next chapter of BMAD to beta I'll send you a dirty note about what I think of gender roles!

 

 

No, I mostly agree with you, none of the circumstances preclude gender roles nor they make them inevitable. It all just depends on the couple.

There's something I'm tempted to say, but I will not say in the forum. I have my own way of saying how I am. If you want to know what I'm getting at, feel free to ask me in PM. Now, as far as outside the bedroom, I do believe in minimalization of gender roles. Inside the bedroom, well, I am not going into that here.

[Razor]

Out of the many perks to being gay, I find that our handbook is really great. It elucidates so many difficult and complex points in life, not to mention tells us exactly what's fashionable YEARS in advance. The chapter on corrupting youth is also golden, as is the great how-to on drag.

 

[Bandage]

Out of the many perks to being gay, I find that our handbook is really great. It elucidates so many difficult and complex points in life, not to mention tells us exactly what's fashionable YEARS in advance. The chapter on corrupting youth is also golden, as is the great how-to on drag.

 

 

Handbook??? I guess I missed that line in the introduction speech!

[AFriendlyFace]

Don't worry Zilar; I've already committed mine to memory so I'll send you my copy

[Bandage]

Don't worry Zilar; I've already committed mine to memory so I'll send you my copy

 

Wheeeeee

 

Ugh, it's gonna cost you though :wacko:

[Tiger]

I have no idea where to find the handbook either.

[GaryK]

If that section of the handbook about corrupting youth means what I think it does I wish the publisher would remove it.

 

It's not true that all of us older guys are looking to take advantage of you younger guys.

 

I wish James would stop by and share his thoughts cause I know they're the same as mine.

 

I'm proud to say one of the things I like about being gay is having a chance to show the younger generation that we can be friends, mentors, maybe even stand-in gay fathers, which is how one member refers to me.

 

Yes, there are guys out there who want to prey upon young kids both gay and straight. It's a sad reality. But at least a few of those kids will know that not all of us are like that.

[Benji]

If that section of the handbook about corrupting youth means what I think it does I wish the publisher would remove it.

 

It's not true that all of us older guys are looking to take advantage of you younger guys.

 

I wish James would stop by and share his thoughts cause I know they're the same as mine.

 

I'm proud to say one of the things I like about being gay is having a chance to show the younger generation that we can be friends, mentors, maybe even stand-in gay fathers, which is how one member refers to me.

 

Yes, there are guys out there who want to prey upon young kids both gay and straight. It's a sad reality. But at least a few of those kids will know that not all of us are like that.

 

...........I don't know what "handbook" your talking about, but I will echo Garys' sentiments regarding those preditors out there.

[Demetz]

Frankly, I like being able to fully appreciate the beauty of the male figure.

 

 

I also like being able to help those who are undergoing the process of coming out, to ease their consciences and help bring some peace to their frequently otherwise tormented minds.

[Razor]

Seriously, out of all the annoyances and frustrations, I latched onto one awesome thing about being gay. It makes me even more unique.

 

Check the math, yo.

 

68% of people have an IQ within the standard deviation from average, so from 85 to 115. 14% are in the deviation from that, fifteen on either side. Roundabouts 2% of the population have an IQ higher than 130, so I'm already unique.

 

How many people have read even half the books I have, and found so much joy in doing so? How many other people have been able to foster an imagination like mine (not to brag or anything, but I think mine's pretty damn cool)?

 

How many people are as empathetic as I am, and actually care about other people? Not a lot, I can tell ya that from experience.

 

The list goes on and on, and being gay just makes me all that more rare and unique, so I embrace it wholeheartedly. While yes, it does cause me some problems and frustrations, I don't have any issues with it and I sorta like standing out sometimes.

 

 

 

 

That's a really superficial reason, I know, but hey... I'm gay, so why not play into the stereotype just to mess with some heads?

[AFriendlyFace]

Well said, Jamie!

 

On the other hand, it's my personal suspicion that most of those things are correlated together. It's been my finding that while there are certainly a lot of dim, or only averagely intelligent gay people, there's a higher than expected number of very sharp ones.

 

Similarly, I think being very intelligent, and gay for that matter both correlate with being creative and empathetic (which themselves probably correlate).

 

Hehe, not to brag, but all those things you mentioned would actually also apply to me, and I suspect more than a couple of other individuals around here as well. (On the other hand being a gay, LITERARY community, we're probably also asking for a high representation of those qualities)

 

Anyway, I certainly think you're nifty and unique, and quite honestly not being 'normal' or 'average' is one of the most appealing things to me as well, but I do think there's some cross-over effect.

 

Good points though, as I said, I fully agree with them

 

-Kevin

Edited June 4, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[auel]

I must add that it was really amusing to see the look on my colleague's face when I told her I was gay because apparently she thought I was hitting on her.

[Phantom]

I love the fact that I can make a hetrosexual man jellous at a bar by having three women on my arms when he's sitting all alone (hehe yes I can be a total bitch ROFL)

[AFriendlyFace]

I must add that it was really amusing to see the look on my colleague's face when I told her I was gay because apparently she thought I was hitting on her.

 

Aww though, poor girl! It's never fun to realize you haven't been hit on. Well I guess sometimes it's a relief, but it's usually nice if you think people find you desirable.

[JamesSavik]

There's so much to love about being gay. I am older than the average user here and from a place that a little less gay-friendly than say maybe Iran so maybe I'm a little screwed up in my thinking. I didn't have the luxery of waiting to come out. I was outed at 13 before I was even sure what a homosexual was. So let's work through the joy shall we?

 

I loved hearing my mother cry and my Dad beating my ass when they found out.

I was thrilled when people I thought were my friends turned on my like a pack of wild jackels.

I was exillerated when adults I didn't even know set the dogs after me when they saw me coming [which might explain why I hate f*ing dogs].

School was always a joy when the staff ignored what was going on but suspended me when I gave some of it back.

All of the cheap shots and harrassment were always a joy playing sports.

I loved seeing the people close to me taking crap just because they stood by me.

Seeing people that you've known for years walk away without even saying goodbye.

Having people call you names that you don't even know is always a joy.

Being accused of being a devil worshiper always gives you a warm feeling.

Getting told that if you are a f*ing faggot all you can ever hope to be is a prostitute or a bartender is always good for a kid.

Getting told that you are damned for all of eternity for being a fag is so liberating. Once you're damned what else can they do to you?

The constant harrassment: eg. personal items stolen, destroyed, tires cut, etc always reminds you that people are thinking of you.

One of my favorites is the sudden, random extreme violence that would leave me either in the hospital or suspened from school or arrested.

Oh yeah- I almost forgot the motherf*king cops who would arrest me for bullshite, then tell me they would let me go for a blow job and then leave me 30 miles out in the country. How endearing is that.

Then the people that you love give into the pain, renounce their sexuality and go to some X-gay quack and have their heads completely screwed up.

Others that can't handle the pain put a gun in their mouth and blow their brains out. Such sweet memories.

I really love how when you snap and retaliate for all the crap you are taking, YOU are the criminal!

When they throw you in jail, they let everybody know you are queer so you either have to f**K everybody in the joint or kick their ass.

Ahh my teen aged memories, aren't they f*king sweet?

 

As an adult, it not as intense but its still there. Being fired for no apparent reason. Taking any oppertunity that you can get because they don't come along that often. Given the shittiest work so you'll quit. It all gives me a warm feeling... like I need to puke.

 

Best of all after years of abuse needing constant psychiatric care and having to pay for it.

 

Yeah. It's a f**king joy to be gay. In my next lifetime I hope they are more humane and just shoot me instead of leaving me with all of this broken glass in my soul to sort out.

[Demetz]

That was... intense. You have my empathy, and I hope your future is not as turbulent as your past.

[Jeff Burton]

That was indeed intense.

 

And the crazy thing is I got to agree with em. The above list is pretty much why I never really cared to be gay. I didn

Edited June 6, 2008 by Treyvan