Book of Heroes: George of Sedona I

[TalonRider]

David McLeod has posted Chapter 1 Book of Heroes: George of Sedona I.

 

This chapter is fast paced as you move thru the setup for the story. You will finish the chapter wondering 'what's going to happen next'. I'm looking forward to learning more about David and George and the hardships that George will endure as the story unfolds.

[Dolores Esteban]

The story fascinated me at once. I'm looking forward to reading more. I do love historical settings and magical stuff.

 

 

Dolores Esteban

 

[Kade]

First thing I read upon remembering my password here. It's excellent, keep it up.

[TalonRider]

Chapter 2 has been posted. It's too early for me to make any comments so I won't spoil anything.

[TalonRider]

If only gaydar was that simple, to hear a tone. It was good to get some of David's back story so quickly, but then again, we did get a lot of George's in chapter one.

[David McLeod]

If only gaydar was that simple, to hear a tone. It was good to get some of David's back story so quickly, but then again, we did get a lot of George's in chapter one.

 

 

Thanks for your comment. Yes. it would be great. On the other hand, George is an exception.

 

I think you were poliltely saying that there possibly may have been too much exposition in Chapter 2 (and perhaps in Chapter 1, as well). I do think that is the case. I was torn between (1) providing "enough" background in which to operate and (2) boring the reader. That's one of the challenges of writing fantasy.

 

If you have an opportunity to read the first chapter of "In the Prince's Secret Service," I'd appreciate your thoughts (and anyone's, for that matter) on both the amount of exposition and how the passsage of time between scenes is treated.

[TalonRider]

It was good to get some of David's back story so quickly, but then again, we did get a lot of George's in chapter one.

I actually should have worded that differently. I should have said, It was good to get some of Davids back story so quickly, just like we did for George in chapter one.

 

I find that sometimes a story can be slowed down by adding too much at once for multiple characters. The way you've done it is fine to me.

[David McLeod]

I actually should have worded that differently. I should have said, It was good to get some of Davids back story so quickly, just like we did for George in chapter one.

 

I find that sometimes a story can be slowed down by adding too much at once for multiple characters. The way you've done it is fine to me.

 

Thank you for the clarification, but you were right the first time. Every bit of feedback counts.

[David McLeod]

Chapter 3 has been posted (link, here). I think it has a little more action and a little less exposition (with one notable exception). Thanks to all for your comments. I'll be away until November 30th, but will check this topic, then.

 

Happy Holidays.

[Dolores Esteban]

I liked the third chapter. I start to care for David and George. I don't want to see them hurt or their lives ruined. You made me curious also. I want to know who this dark figure is. So I have to read on.

 

Your descriptions are very lively. I was able to imagine the village, the surroundings, the people. Well, I'm a big fan of LOTR. I have read all the books. That's why I'm quite familiar with an Elvish world. At first sight one might think your story is just another LOTR fanfic. But it is not. It is an original story.

 

The story is complex. Personally, I do like complex stories that are a bit of a challenge to the reader. You might repeat important details now and then, occasionally and sublte, just to make sure that your readers remember them and don't lose thread.

 

One question came to my mind. George was eager to enter the new world. Is he really able to forget his past entirely? Would not a memory, a good or a bad, disturb his mind? Not right now, a little later perhaps when he has settled in. This is up to you, of course.

 

I think it is very important that you stick to your very own concept of your story. I once wrote a chapter of a story not the way I had wanted to write it. I wanted to please my readers. I was very unhappy with where the story went and I dropped it after seven chapters and have never taken it up again.

 

Your story is amazing. I look forward to reading the next chapter.

 

Dolores

 

[TalonRider]

Of course we have to have the bad (evil) character. A story like this wouldn't be complete without the dark side.

 

I don't think George will completely forget where he comes from. David hasn't.

 

I agree, David's writing does tend to get the imagination going while leaving somethings for the readers own imagination.

 

Several writers tend to write for themselves and not so much for the reader. Sometimes a reader can have a good idea that will work. It's ultimately up to the author to decide what they want to write. I've had authors that I work with ask me question about something.

[David McLeod]

I liked the third chapter. I start to care for David and George. I don't want to see them hurt or their lives ruined. You made me curious also. I want to know who this dark figure is. So I have to read on.

 

Your descriptions are very lively. I was able to imagine the village, the surroundings, the people. Well, I'm a big fan of LOTR. I have read all the books. That's why I'm quite familiar with an Elvish world. At first sight one might think your story is just another LOTR fanfic. But it is not. It is an original story.

 

The story is complex. Personally, I do like complex stories that are a bit of a challenge to the reader. You might repeat important details now and then, occasionally and sublte, just to make sure that your readers remember them and don't lose thread.

 

One question came to my mind. George was eager to enter the new world. Is he really able to forget his past entirely? Would not a memory, a good or a bad, disturb his mind? Not right now, a little later perhaps when he has settled in. This is up to you, of course.

 

I think it is very important that you stick to your very own concept of your story. I once wrote a chapter of a story not the way I had wanted to write it. I wanted to please my readers. I was very unhappy with where the story went and I dropped it after seven chapters and have never taken it up again.

 

Your story is amazing. I look forward to reading the next chapter.

 

Dolores

 

 

 

Thank you for your positive feedback, and your very insightful comment about George's state of mind. He does (with a couple of brief exceptions) seem to be taking this well. It's as if he thinks, at some level, he's still at the faire. You've given me a lot to think about.

[TalonRider]

It would appear that with each chapter, we learn something new about the past while George learns a new skill. This time, his archery skills help save the day.

[David McLeod]

Chapter 5, "Good Attracts Evil," has been posted here.

 

Please let me know what you think of it.

[TalonRider]

Good chapter, David. We learn more about Davids past. It was a good thing that he went to see what was going on and was there to help Haydon.

[Dolores Esteban]

I felt slightly confused when I started reading Chapter 5. But I soon realized that Chapter 5 is a flashback.

 

I agree, we learn more about David's past. I liked the pace of the chapter. We get more acquainted with World.

 

We have four threads of the story now. My one concern is that maybe I mix up the threads if you plan to post more than four. I might not have the time to closely read all of them then.

 

 

[David McLeod]

...We have four threads of the story now. My one concern is that maybe I mix up the threads if you plan to post more than four. I might not have the time to closely read all of them then...

 

 

Actually, (he said), actually the two threads that will link soon are In the Prince's Secret Service and Knight Templar in Training.

 

Book of Heroes: George of Sedona is set a decade or more earlier than those. The Translator is not connected.

 

Unfortunately, it's not going to get easier. A new story, "Master of Fire," will begin, soon.

 

Hang in there!

[Dolores Esteban]

I do! When will I finally work on my own story?? lol

 

Not a problem. I will keep up.

 

 

 

The Translator is not connected!!!!???? Not connected??? Okay

I do love the The Translator.

[David McLeod]

Chapter 6, Poltergeist has been posted here. I've made several changes based on feedback on the forum and in emails. Thank you, all, for your help. This chapter includes a "story in story," and I'd appreciate hearing how you like that (the technique as well as the story).

[TalonRider]

It seems that the shadow is slowing catching up to the guys. Tho he's not that close to them, he's close enough to cause problems.

[David McLeod]

Part II of Book of Heroes: George of Sedona begins with Chapter 7, posted today. George and David travel south, and their nemesis...well, he's not forgotten them.

[David McLeod]

Chapter 8, "Mithral," of Book of Heroes: George of Sedona has been posted.

 

It was the intention to split this rather long story into four; it will now be published as a succession of some 30+ chapters, hence the "Part II: Forging the Sword" subtitle. Sorry for any confusion!

[David McLeod]

Chapter 9, "Breaking the Trail," of Book of Heroes: George of Sedona has been posted. There's a long way to go before this story is complete, and I'd like to hear what folks think so far. Thanks!

[hh5]

Hey should have George develop saddle sores??

 

or had frequent bathing or boy magic clear up the sores?

[David McLeod]

Hey should have George develop saddle sores??

or had frequent bathing or boy magic clear up the sores?

 

Actually, it's likely that George was a little sore when he first began riding, but it's been more than 18 months since he arrived in World, and he's probably over that. And, yes, everyone on World--well, almost everyone--is a clean freak, and bathes daily. The hot soak is an important social event, too. We've found no instances where boy magic, alone, was used to heal; however, David is an accomplished healer, and could have helped George get over any soreness/sores that might have occurred at first.

 

Glad you're back.