Matthew Figures it Out

[Agincourt]

Since today is the appointed day to begin discussing the next assigned story, Matthew Figures it Out, I thought I'd go ahead and start up a topic for it.

 

There will be spoilers for chapters 1 through 5 below. I have read the entire story (22 chapters) and will try NOT to spill any beans about later chapters.

 

This truly is a coming-of-age story in the classic sense.

 

Young Matthew Jordan, aged 14, has just moved with his parents to rural North Carolina from Sausalito, California, a chi-chi suburb of San Francisco. We only get bits and pieces about Matt's earlier life in the Bay Area. What becomes clear as he shows up for his first day of school in North Carolina is that he is not happy that his dad got transferred there by the bank he works for. (The story, which seems to parallel the real-life Bank of America, is that his dad's bank was bought out by a North Carolina bank, and that's why his dad got transferred.)

 

The first kid he meets is Chris Briggs, who turns out to be the son of one of the highly feared sports coaches, Mr. Briggs. Matt and Chris hit it off. Matt also comes to meet another classmate named Tommy Johnson, who is kind of a loner but turns out to have an incredible depth once you get to know him.

 

It seems as though these two friends represent two more friends than Matt had back in Sausalito. Moreover, in chapter 5 we learn (from a conversation between Matt and his mother) that it wasn't the bank that forced his dad to transfer to North Carolina -- it was the parents' decision to move there because they thought it would be beneficial for Matt. Every indication is that they were correct, as Matt seems to be finding connections with other kids that he apparently did not or could not make back in California. It seems as though Matt was a veryunhappy young man previously.

 

Chris, who is handsome, athletic, and a real charmer, befriends Matt and promises to teach him enough basketball to make the school team. In the course of this, it becomes clear that Chris and Matt are developing serious feelings for each other. However, Chris has a girlfriend, Katie, to whom Chris is loyal because of her loyalty to him following an event two years earlier. Matt learns from Tommy that Chris beat another kid, Jay Henson, within an inch of his life, and was later institutionalized for a time. Tommy is concerned that Matt could get hurt if Chris loses it again. Matt can't believe the Chris he knows would be capable of such a thing, leading to a blow-up with Tommy.

 

But when Matt goes over to Chris's house and has his first basketball lesson, and later they talk together, it's clear that Matt and Chris are developing something:

 

"Matt. I'm really glad you came over. I haven't had a friend

over in a long time. People at school treat me real nice,

but it seems like they try to keep a certain distance. Maybe

they stay away because of my dad. I don't know, maybe it's

me."

"Chris, everybody likes you. I wish you could see yourself

the way I see you, then you'd know. Maybe some folks are a

little scared of your dad."

 

"I don't know, but I meant it. I'm glad you're here, Matt."

 

"You know you were the first person at school to ever speak

to me? Did you know that, Chris?"

 

Chris just softly chuckled recalling the moment. "I didn't

know that. You have to admit though, that was pretty damn

funny."

 

"That it was, most definitely. If you hadn't spoken up that

day, I wouldn't be sitting here with you right now. I've

always been so afraid to talk to people, to make that first

move. It just seems like I've always been a loner, like no

one ever liked me enough to stop and find out who I was. The

reason I never talk about any of my old friends from back

home is because there weren't any, at least none good enough

to miss. You know how earlier, I was staring at all those

old family pictures? I know you wondered why I was standing

there, almost in tears, looking goofy. You want to know why,

Chris?"

 

"Tell me why."

 

"Because I wished there were some pictures of me in there

with you, riding bikes together, playing little league

together, opening Christmas gifts together, fighting over

some toy, stuck up in some tree, just growing up together.

It's like I missed so much, Chris. I don't want to miss

anything else" quiet tears now mixed with the sweat running

down my face.

 

There was more I wanted to say, but that would risk more

than I could afford to lose. I had said enough for one day.

What a day. We sat there, our backs to each other in silence

for several minutes. Just as earlier in the day, I

again hoped that I had not already said too much. Just as

the worry entered my mind, and just when I least expected

it, the most wonderful and most intimate thing in my young

life happened. It was a simple gesture, but it meant the

world to me. I felt Chris slowly lean back against me,

resting first his bare back and then also his head against

mine. In turn, I relaxed my weight back into him and the two

of us sat there resting squarely against each other. I

wished we could stay right there on that old stump together

forever. If only we could.

This is characteristic of the Matt we meet, who seems astonishingly insightful and self-reflective for a 14-year-old. But even though he often speaks as though he's many years older, it somehow fits with the overall flow of the story.

 

It isn't long before Matt learns that Chris, his idol, his ideal picture of a happy and successful kid, lives in a home from hell. His mother is obviously an alcoholic, and his dad is a spiteful, mean-spirited jerk who abuses Chris relentlessly. Matt is very conflicted when he gets home.

 

Adding a bit of comic relief, his dad -- home unusually early, and therefore present at the dinner table -- leaps to the conclusion that Matt's mood swings are because he has found a girlfriend. Matt is so rattled that he passes out. If his parents only knew.

 

Meanwhile, his other friend Tommy invites Matt to go camping on the night when other kids (including Chris) will be going to the Homecoming dance at school. This reveals an entirely new and (to Matt) unexpected side of Tommy, who obviously also has great affection for Matt, and also gives Matt an experience of the outdoors that he has never had and never appreciated. More comic relief is provided as Matt periodically flashes back to scenes from "Deliverance" (although any reader that had not seen the movie might miss the connections).

 

What seems to be happening with Matt is that Chris is shaping up to be the older brother he never had, while Tommy (though the same age) is like the younger brother he never had.

 

Matt goes back over to Chris's house for another afternoon basketball lesson. Chris asks whether they could just talk instead, and leads him out into the woods for some privacy. They come upon an old shack, one that Tommy had pointed out during the earlier camping trip. A sudden downpour forces them to take shelter inside. Matt watches Chris go through a somewhat unnerving transformation:

 

Chris was very quiet, his head thrown back as he peered out

the broken window on the far wall. He seemed to be gathering

his thoughts and I decided not to disturb the process. I

tried to imagine the couple who had lived here once. This

place was from a forgotten era, when people had horses and

didn't need roads. The creek was within walking distance,

but it was a pretty good trek. I guess it wasn't like they

had anything better to do. The daily routines of life in the

hills probably wouldn't have left a lot of time to

contemplate boredom. The people who had lived here must have

coped with a great deal of solitude in their lives as there

was no evidence of other shacks nearby. They would have

lived largely by their own code, with society virtually

unable to monitor or influence them. I seriously doubted

there were many `alternate' lifestyle couples back then, and

it seemed a terrible waste of opportunity.

 

When I glanced back over at Chris, it took a second for what

was happening to register with me. Water was now leaking

from the corroded nail holes in the tin roof, but the

moisture on Chris's face wasn't produced by a leaky roof.

His expression hadn't changed and he was still locked in a

stare with some unknown point through the broken window.

Tears were very quietly and very steadily flowing down his

face. I had never seen anyone cry so effortlessly. I

wondered if he even realized he was doing it. My eyes were

completely transfixed on his face. I couldn't have been more

paralyzed had it been blood flowing from his eyes instead. I

knew he was conscious because he occasionally blinked. It

was the most painful thing I had ever witnessed. I had seen

an old movie once where a deaf girl was screaming madly. The

director had shot the scene without sound for extra effect,

just a young terrified girl silently emitting tormented

screams that no one could hear, not even her.

 

Chris had courage. No one could stand in his shoes and keep

walking every day without it. Parts of the mystery were now

solved in my head. His father was a harsh, unforgiving man,

probably made much bitterer as age robbed him of his natural

resources. Chris was very human and he was a fifteen year

old teenager. He was going to make mistakes, sometimes very

big ones. With a better fate, he would at least have the

love and support of a mother to fall back on. Chris didn't

have a better fate. He had a broken down drunk for his

mother, though I sensed she had once been there for him when

he needed her. I doubted that made her current sad state any

easier for him to endure. Chris was a very attractive boy

with many appealing features. At least he should be able to

enjoy the support and fond affection of a mate, but even

here fate had apparently cruelly teased him. Whatever Katie

had once meant to him, it was obvious that she had largely

moved on to other interests, no matter what had happened

last night. Again it seemed to fall back to me. I felt like

I was probably the most dependable thing in his life right

now, yet I had no idea how to help him. Sometimes we help

ourselves and others most when we stop thinking and let

instinct take over.

We're not sure what will happen next. It doesn't take long to find out:

 

Chris stood and walked to the middle of the old floor, still

looking outside and never changing expressions. Still, the

flow of tears had clearly not subsided. There was no speech

I could make, really no words alone that could bring him

back from this place he had drifted off to. He had to know

that I believed in him and I had to let him know. I stood

and stepped quietly behind him, putting first one and then

both hands on his shoulders from behind. His shoulders were

quite wet and he felt cold under my hands. I gently squeezed

and released the muscles between his shoulder and the base

of his neck, not trying to rouse him, but making sure he

understood that I was there and very aware of his pain. What

I knew I couldn't tell him with words, I hoped to be able to

communicate with touch. He was so stiff and so cold. I

stayed very gentle, trying to move my hands on his shoulders

to the rhythm of the words I couldn't say. I had closed my

eyes, trying my best to channel anything I could through the

senses of my touch. I didn't see or hear his left hand move.

When he placed it on top of my right hand, I feared he was

quietly telling me that this communication wasn't welcome.

When he squeezed the top of my hand firmly, I saw his head

buckle slightly for the first time. I knew I had reached

him. He was making barely audible sounds now, more the sound

of irregular short breaths. He turned to his right, never

letting go of my hand, now facing me straight on, his left

hand cupping my right before both hands dropped clasped

together to our sides. His eyes were staring me chest high,

as if he were ashamed to look me in the eyes in this

condition. I took my left hand and slowly ran it up

underneath his chin, ever gently pushing his chin upwards

until his eyes met mine. I wanted him to have the

reassurance that his tears and emotions were being returned

in full. The faces were different but our emotions were

mirrored together, indistinguishable. I held his chin in

place for a moment, making sure it would support itself

there before releasing it. He didn't hold anything back. The

emotions in his eyes were more powerful than ever. I

returned my emotions in kind. No words had been spoken, they

were inadequate and unnecessary. We stood there together for

what seemed like an eternity sharing our pain, holding one

hand. My free hand had moved from his chin to a comfortable

spot on the back of his neck, a familiar spot I had found

before. His free hand raised and hooked itself on my

outstretched arm, resting there in its own warm comfortable

spot. Our hearts had grown frustrated with our minds,

finally deciding to bypass the less necessary organ and link

directly together via our eyes. Our eyes stayed locked,

never drifting. As if following an order that had been

issued directly from somewhere deep within me, I expanded my

hand around the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me.

Our lips didn't meet right away. Instead, our heads and

shoulders interlocked in embrace. Our eyes had proved unable

to carry the full message our hearts wanted to deliver, and

now our bodies were meshed directly together with seemingly

every pore and sensor being used for the full transmission.

Still no words were uttered, but more was said than could

ever have been spoken, and more was understood than could

ever have been explained. I rested my eyes now and squeezed

him hard, my hands rubbing up and down his back, not trying

to arouse him, just trying to sense him, to join him in some

way. I could feel Chris shaking and his breathing was still

irregular. His head lifted from the tuck on my shoulder and

I lifted my head in turn to rejoin his eyes. As we did this,

our heads brushed gently, our faces rubbing against each

other, sending his cap tumbling from his head in slow motion

to the floor. Our tears mixed and our lips brushed each

other also, pausing at the realization before involuntarily

retracing their movements and joining ever so softly. This

was not a deep kiss of passion, but rather a soft, quiet and

pure expression of love, acceptance and understanding. Our

minds, fully disengaged and excluded, sat quietly in place

on top of our heads, yielding the moment to this final

expression of the hearts. In unison with no true lead

movement, our lips moved away from each other and our eyes

rejoined to provide final unspoken confirmation of what had

taken place. The tears were still flowing, but the emotional

source had changed. Love had wrestled the pain and doubt,

and had won. Love always won, when given the chance to

fight.

 

There would be plenty of time later for our minds to

comprehend the realities made so clear by our hearts. Our

eyes grew weary and we shifted back to the full embrace,

locked together in a silent motionless dance, our heads

tucked firmly together on each others shoulders and necks.

The rain was still falling overhead, hitting the old tin

roof in some vaguely familiar rhythm. I wondered that in the

long history of this old shack, if a better dance had ever

been accompanied by a finer song.

And there Chapter 5 ends. Needless to say, I kept reading.

 

The e-mail address for this story's author, which dates back to 2002-2003, no longer works. I have not looked on the Nifty author page to see if he has posted anything newer with a more current address.

 

I liked this story a lot. Despite the sometimes romance-novel quality to the descriptions of feelings and emotions, they nonetheless rang true. The angst-o-meter stayed within bounds, although I have to say that actual story events later on became fairly perilous. For those it wasn't a matter of angst; it was a matter of actual bad shit happening.

 

Whoever recommended this story, I'm pleased that you did so.

 

A

[Graeme]

I should note that there is more than one version of this story on the Internet. The author continued the story after what he thought should be the ending, and then realised that was a mistake. So there are some versions with more chapters than others. I can't say which is which, though, as it's been a couple of years since I read the story and the author's blog. I think the one that ends at chapter 22 is the author's preferred one, but that's off a very rusty memory

[Agincourt]

I should note that there is more than one version of this story on the Internet. The author continued the story after what he thought should be the ending, and then realised that was a mistake. So there are some versions with more chapters than others. I can't say which is which, though, as it's been a couple of years since I read the story and the author's blog. I think the one that ends at chapter 22 is the author's preferred one, but that's off a very rusty memory

 

This Nifty version actually comes out to 23 chapters. As I recall, in chapter 22 he says he thought it would end at chapter 22 but discovered that one more was needed.

 

http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/matthew-figures-it-out/

 

Since we were supposed to be reading it this past week, I hope that was the right version to read. I was unsuccessful in tracking down a working e-mail address, and the author's former web site seems to be gone.

 

A

[Graeme]

There's no difference in the early chapters, so you can't get those wrong It's just a case of where the story ends. If you read a version where it doesn't seem to end properly, then that's the one where the author continued it, and then abandoned the continuation.

[Agincourt]

There's no difference in the early chapters, so you can't get those wrong It's just a case of where the story ends. If you read a version where it doesn't seem to end properly, then that's the one where the author continued it, and then abandoned the continuation.

The Nifty version does come to a coherent end, so hopefully it's a "proper" version. Of course, although it ended, we were left with a lot of questions about what would become of the key characters from then on, but at least the main crisis in the latter part of the story was resolved.

[Altimexis]

This Nifty version actually comes out to 23 chapters. As I recall, in chapter 22 he says he thought it would end at chapter 22 but discovered that one more was needed.

 

http://www.nifty.org...figures-it-out/

 

Since we were supposed to be reading it this past week, I hope that was the right version to read. I was unsuccessful in tracking down a working e-mail address, and the author's former web site seems to be gone.

 

A

 

There's also a 23-chapter version at Dabeagle that's probably the same as the one on Nifty. It can be found here: http://www.dabeagle....iguresitout.htm

 

The author originally ended the story with chapter 15, which was actually an ideal place to end the story, but it ignored some very harsh realities that made a 'happily ever after' scenario very unlikely. The author therefore continued the story, switching to third person for the remaining eight chapters, finishing up with a true 'happily ever after' ending in chapter 23. I wasn't aware the author had continued the story beyond that.

 

Speaking from personal experience, when an author has been working on a story for some time, it's sometimes difficult letting go of the characters you've created and come to love. Nothing bugs me more than an abandoned story, however. We as readers become attached to the characters as well and to have them left hanging, sometimes literally, is a great disservice. I know some readers who will not start a story until it's finished, but I lack that kind of discipline. As an author, I take the commitment to my readers seriously and won't start posting a story until it's finished. If I then decide to continue a storyline, I'll write a sequel or spin off another story rather than adding on to the existing one. Adding to a completed story is almost always a mistake. Although some authors do quite well posting a story as they write it, I myself find there are almost always instances where I go back and change things slightly to provide better overall integration of the plot. Anyone who claims they don't need to do this has either already fully developed the plot in their heads or, much more likely, they're deluding themselves. As a reader, I also hate it when months pass between chapters, as I then have to go back and practically reread the story to pick it up where it left off.

 

Mathew Figures it Out is one of my favorite stories, and the ending in chapter 23 is perfect.

[Agincourt]

There's also a 23-chapter version at Dabeagle that's probably the same as the one on Nifty. It can be found here: http://www.dabeagle....iguresitout.htm

 

The author originally ended the story with chapter 15, which was actually an ideal place to end the story, but it ignored some very harsh realities that made a 'happily ever after' scenario very unlikely. The author therefore continued the story, switching to third person for the remaining eight chapters, finishing up with a true 'happily ever after' ending in chapter 23. I wasn't aware the author had continued the story beyond that.

 

. . . .

 

Mathew Figures it Out is one of my favorite stories, and the ending in chapter 23 is perfect.

Since we're not supposed to talk about anything beyond Chapter 5 here, I won't -- but maybe after a week or so it would be OK to comment on the rest of the story. I found it engrossing, and I'm glad Ehman Penn wrote the continuation.

 

A