What does gay marriage mean to you?

[Forty-Two]

So saw something today and I thought of posting it to this topic because of it.

 

Today I was in the big city and was in a sporting good store. There was people in line in front of me and I happened to have my interest piqued by a couple of guys that were probably in their late 30's, both tall, both fit, and talking and looking each others in the eyes.

 

All of a sudden everyone heard a small child screaming 'Dads' and a little guy about 2-3 years old with blond curls everywhere come running up to the store and basically leap up into one of the guys arms. The guy, assuming his Dad asked what was wrong and with a full pout on his face the kid said Lisa said a bad word. At the same time, a maybe 12 year old girl appeared and the other guy asked her to come over and grabbed her hand.

 

The people in front of the four of them had moved up and I realized the guy who was holding the girl's hand put his other hand on the small of the back of the guy trying to hug the little guy to death. They moved up and the salesgirl said, "I was wondering who these kids belonged to" in a friendly way as if joking. Both guys said they're ours together, and looked at each other and started smiling. Then the one guy holding the girl's hand said 'But some days we wish they weren't" with a smile and got a "Daaaaaaaaaad" from their daughter.

 

It was very obvious that the two were a couple and the boy and girl were both of theirs. It was also at this time I noticed the identical bands on each guys ring finger.

 

I also looked at the reaction of the other people in line and noticed that everyone was smiling and there wasn't any looks of disgust,

 

This is what I see the allowing of gay marriage. It WILL change attitudes, it WILL change perspectives, i WILL give all of us the opportunity to be a couple in public.

 

Yes there will be those who don't want it, but eventually they will be looked upon by the rest of society as racists are today after 60 years of progression of attitudes.

 

I have hope for the future

 

Wildone, that was so touching. And you emphasized your point really well at the end.

[Sagar]

Oh that question pisses me off, but I know something it is innocently asked...in that they don't mean it as offense. In the same way some people ask that of gay couples in general. As if automatically a gay relationship is simply a replacement of "male/female" relationships.

 

 

You are right. People have heterosexual stereotypes when they talk about gay families. But they would also insist you to comply to the heterosexual sotial norms, as they would ask such questions, 'Why don't you get married?' meaning why I didn't decide to get wedded to a girl. Perhaps, they are still afraid of the homosexuals. I often find them to have a greater concern for my marriage and old-age related problems than I have for myself. I admit that I

[DragonMando]

Marriage in general is a touchy subject for me, because I don't really understand it, but gay marriage being legalized still means a lot to me because of being treated like a lower citizen just for falling in love with someone other than what religion finds acceptable, otherwise.

[Guest navs]

SA is one of the first African countries to legalise LGBTI marriages...but it's just as good as any civil union. i figure, if i can handle living with a guy for three years it's great, and i automatically get a civil union anyway! marriage is just a ceremony that people may feel they need to make their relationship feel more permanent (and, i guess, they have every right)...it's just not worth as much to me

 

 

 

am i being too cynical?

 

 

[Cia]

Marriage means a lot to me in some ways, but I am in no ways possesive of a name of a ceremony. I've actually been thinking a lot about the subject in general and mine in particular lately. In a year of many ups and downs I celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary to a man next week. We were married all those years ago by a minister in a local country grange hall twhere we grew up. The minister was simply because he was a close friend of my husband's family who took the time to fly down from Alaska to perform the ceremony because as a teenager my husband asked him to, years before I ever met him. My family was there, his family was there and we said before everyone we cared about, "I choose you" by taking those vows. Of course, anyone who knows me wouldn't be surprised I made the minister take out the words, "and obey".

 

I think that is what marriage is about. Being with someone you love and sharing that with the world. Children might come of it, they might not, but that is not what it's about. It's about loving and committing to another person. Religious people use the words, 'my marriage' to own it. It's not something you can own, at least it shouldn't be. Everyone deserves to be able to declare their love the same way, those emotions in life are what make us the most human. Denying a person that is like relegating them to a lesser status. If I had found my other half in a woman or if my children should turn out to be bi or gay I would never want that forced upon them or me.

 

I do think it inevitable that people will wake up and marriage between two people of the same sex will be universally legal. Some day they will see that showing the love a couple shares should be allowed to all people equally, no matter who they are under their clothes.

Edited September 8, 2010 by Cia

[thatboyChase]

lol

 

What does gay marriage mean to you?

 

Two men getting married.

 

BLAM.

[ricky]

To a lot of people marriage gives specific legal rights not afforded to civil unions or common law spouses. Lower taxes, for instance, rights of survivors and a host of medical things that make taking care of your loved one most difficult in times of grave illness. Especially if there have been family issues where you are not accepted as a partner buy your love's family.

 

Marriage also allows for joint credit allowing for both parties to be considered in the purchase of property and the such. It can be done without, but there are more hoops to jump through and there are no rights of survivor which cancel out the inheritance taxes. They vary from state to state but can be formidable.

 

So there is much more to it than a name and a ceremony. Although for many, that is he most important part, committing your love with the witness and support of your family and friends and the community.

 

And for still others, it's about equality. They want it just because it is currently denied them. In the U.S., I think Obama will use it as a vote magnet for his lame duck term. What he is losing from the religious right he hopes to supplement from the gay community I think. We'll see how it goes.

[TetRefine]

I don't need a church or government to tell me I'm committed to someone.

[ricky]

I don't need a church or government to tell me I'm committed to someone.

 

I agree with that. Marriage doesn't tell "you" that. It tells the world that.

 

I think you are already supposed to have come to that conclusion. lol

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I don't need a church or government to tell me I'm committed to someone.

 

 

I have said this many times myself - so on so many level I agree with you. My partner and I are planning to get married in DC on or about our 16th anniversary next Feb. There are many reasons to do it, some personal some more general. I have always wanted to get married to Mike because I love him more than anyone. No I don't need anyone to tell me that but I want my family and he wants his family to realize our relationship is the same as our siblings. Then there is the kid issue. Not that it makes any difference really but I think it is good for the kid to see we are that committed that we were willing to tell everyone we cared about that this is what we choose to do. Those are my personal reasons for this. [Okay I also want to cash in all those IOUs for all the gifts we gave when no one expected us to get married - we sat through their weddings and gave them gifts - pay back time ]

 

But in a general sense I want to get married as well. First DC residents, city council and other leaders went out of their way to make this available to us. I live the area and work in the city and I can say that it was a big deal. I personally know the judge who handled the case denying the right to put this on the ballot for a vote- a wonderful straight woman who has a quirky sense of humor. She told me she agonized to be sure she got it right so it wouldn't be over turned - it was THAT important to her. I thanked her and told I was planning to make good use of it soon. SO in that it is important that people take advantage of it. It would suck if they threw us this party and no one showed up. it also gives a few dollars to the city of DC as a thank you for giving us this right.

 

Then there is the idea that I want to be one of as many people as possible to show the rest of the world/country that Gay & Lesbian couples want this right. The more who avail themselves of it the more it shows how much it is wanted. Tying into that, I want to be part of the group that shows the rest of the country/world that gay marriage happened and the world didn't end. Just like it hasn't in Mass and other places where gay marriage is allowed.

 

So while I have long been one of those people who has said we just need the civil rights not the name, I think there is a very symbolic message I can send by marrying my partner and I think I owe it to the future to do it.

 

Andy

[Guest petegau]

What does gay marriage mean to you?

 

When... If gay marriage comes to pass, what would it mean to you?

 

Is this a game changer? Or is gay marriage in the absence of protections against discrimination problematic?

 

 

 

Being a good bit older than a lot of you, I have seen a lot in my time. I have been with the same man for 31 years and

I doubt than most legal marriages last that long.

Would we rush out and get married? I doubt it. But that doesn't mean that I am not all for the guys or gals that want it.

It just seems unnecessary for us at this time in our lives. Just my opinion

[TetRefine]

I have said this many times myself - so on so many level I agree with you. My partner and I are planning to get married in DC on or about our 16th anniversary next Feb. There are many reasons to do it, some personal some more general. I have always wanted to get married to Mike because I love him more than anyone. No I don't need anyone to tell me that but I want my family and he wants his family to realize our relationship is the same as our siblings. Then there is the kid issue. Not that it makes any difference really but I think it is good for the kid to see we are that committed that we were willing to tell everyone we cared about that this is what we choose to do. Those are my personal reasons for this. [Okay I also want to cash in all those IOUs for all the gifts we gave when no one expected us to get married - we sat through their weddings and gave them gifts - pay back time ]

 

But in a general sense I want to get married as well. First DC residents, city council and other leaders went out of their way to make this available to us. I live the area and work in the city and I can say that it was a big deal. I personally know the judge who handled the case denying the right to put this on the ballot for a vote- a wonderful straight woman who has a quirky sense of humor. She told me she agonized to be sure she got it right so it wouldn't be over turned - it was THAT important to her. I thanked her and told I was planning to make good use of it soon. SO in that it is important that people take advantage of it. It would suck if they threw us this party and no one showed up. it also gives a few dollars to the city of DC as a thank you for giving us this right.

 

Then there is the idea that I want to be one of as many people as possible to show the rest of the world/country that Gay & Lesbian couples want this right. The more who avail themselves of it the more it shows how much it is wanted. Tying into that, I want to be part of the group that shows the rest of the country/world that gay marriage happened and the world didn't end. Just like it hasn't in Mass and other places where gay marriage is allowed.

 

So while I have long been one of those people who has said we just need the civil rights not the name, I think there is a very symbolic message I can send by marrying my partner and I think I owe it to the future to do it.

 

Andy

 

Congrats Andy! I'm happy for you and your partner! I guess if I had the right, I would take advantage of it, as you are doing. But as long as I got all the same legal rights as straights, I could care less what they called it: civil unions, domestic partnerships, common law marraige, etc.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

. But as long as I got all the same legal rights as straights, I could care less what they called it: civil unions, domestic partnerships, common law marraige, etc.

 

I couldn't agree with you more. It is one of the biggest 'arguments' we have on this issue. I think what we want is the rights, because we can call it whatever we want - just as I often call him my husband even if 'legally' he is not. But he thinks we need to fight for marriage because we are 'settling' otherwise. I am fine with doing it his way - but I am still of the mindset; give me my rights and I don't care what you call it - that is for me to decide.

 

FYI - DC will marry anyone - I grew up around where you go to school, so it is a short ride on the Amtrak to DC when you two are ready. Heck, I will even help you find a good judge to do the ceremony

 

Andy

[VictoryPanda]

I've lost the meaning of marriage all together. I'm pretty sure only one of my friends parents are even still together and growing up, I never really saw the concept of real love ever actually happen. I've seen people date, people marry, people live together and people break up... but I've never seen or heard of anyone actually falling deeply in love with someone. And while I experienced the real deep mushy gushy love part of life, I just can't bring myself to what a marriage actually does. Sure, I know about all the legal stuff but emotionally... I don't see a change happening. Just complications for if you ever break up. I'm happy with the person I love and I'm happy being with them, that's all that matters in our relationship. Sure, marrying would be setting down the stone... but for what? If the feeling of attachment and love is what I receive whenever I'm with the person I like, then that's all I want and need. I don't really need a document telling me that I love someone.

[methodwriter85]

I don't see marriage happening for me, either, but I do think that it should be there for the people who want to do it. Though frankly, a lot of people get married who shouldn't have gotten married.

[Guest navs]

yeah, maybe it's the fact that my parents got divorced ...and that almost everyone i know is either in a bad marriage or an impeding divorce that i'm not interested in the concept. (or....maybe it's because i'm still single! ) however, i think that the lgbti community should have that option - as both a religious/spiritual and political (human rights) one. i mean, it helps to represent us as being equal to heterosexuals in a heteronormative society. surely, if for nothing else, it is that kind of statement that we want to make? (that he should have, and we will make sure that we DO have the same rights as every other social group).

 

 

[Canuk]

to me gay marriage is not about whether my partner and I marry or not, it's about some other person telling me I can't.

[ricky]

I haven't heard anyone protest this yet as a constitutional right. The "pursuit of happiness."

 

As long as that pursuit does not violate another's rights then it should be permitted on that basis alone. I think perhaps they are over thinking it. That would instantly make this one the US Supreme Court would have to hear. Sometimes the easy answers are the most powerful ones.

[Benji]

............Gay marriage means equality to me, but does it happen? I mean if say those California marriages are recognized by the state does the federal government recognize them? Has anyone sued the social security system for not recognizing the marriage when it comes to collecting benefits for the spouse? Or even collecting when the death of one occurs? If a state legally recognizes a marriage but the federal government does not, how much closer to equality did they achieve? Baby steps, nothing more then that.... I think the question for everything, ENDA, DOMA, DADT and gay marriage lies with SCOTUS, Congress and the President are helpless in the backstabbing fashion that politicians are so used too.