Depression

[comicfan]

Hi All,

 

Just in general I hope everyone is hanging in there.

 

Mark - I know you miss Stu but his time at work is coming to an end. Soon he will be free a bit more before the final push. Then you have all sorts of time to look forward to. In the meantime keep on eye on your mailbox. Card is heading your way.

 

Harcallard - Things are never easy. You can only do what you can to find a balance between living your life and losing/having total control. If you lose control you can't enjoy anything cause you are completely helpless. If you have total control you can't enjoy anything cause you are too busy running everything. Find that balance in life where you like where you are, have time for yourself, and your life.

 

Just so everyone knows still on a high from the visit I had. Feels like forever since I had time just to be me and enjoy. Of course tomorrow it is back to work and waiting on what is happening with Dad. In the meantime I got cards written out to my friends far and wide as well as a few who have events happening. So played a bit of catch up with my life and had some down time. The end result is I feel better than I have in months. Hope everyone is okay.

 

Wayne

Edited July 31, 2012 by comicfan

[Billy Martin]

Wayne, you're a sweetheart!

[CassieQ]

I don't even know what to do anymore. I work in a job. And I want out. I can't take the stress. My job used to be fun, and the stress used to be much less, but it's not like that anymore. It's been taking a toll on me and I've been searching for other job opportunities for the past year. And my coworker, who does the same job I do, who I trained, and has been in the company for less than a year, just gave her notice. (She promised to tell me if she was planning on doing this, but that's what I get for expecting a selfish immature brat to keep her word). This makes my decision of whether or not to take a new job that much harder. Her leaving means that if I also give notice, I will be getting more resistance from my boss, more guilt from my boss and that he will possibly take litigation against me if he thinks that my taking a new job violates the terms of my contract. (It is unlikely that he will be successful, but having to deal with that on top of buying a house and starting a new job is going to be hell). The worse part of all, is that it puts my boss is a really really bad predicament. And he is going to use that against me as emotional manipulation and it's going to work, because that is where I am vulnerable. There is no love lost between us, but I genuinely have no malice behind my decision and I honestly don't want to hurt him or the business. But if I leave on the heels of my coworker, it is going to be a huge blow to both. And while I had everything planned to make my leaving as painless as possible, she has ruined everything. And I just don't know what to do. And I'm so sick of dealing with this bs.

 

Sorry, but I seriously needed to vent. I'm stuck in a crappy predicament and I see no easy way out. And I'm so damn tired of dealing with things the hard way.

[podga]

Cassie, is it possible to tell your boss about your feelings and see if there are any ways you could decrease the stress and make the job fun again? I don't know what the specific issues you're facing are, but it sounds like your co-worker's move has, at the very least, put you into a stronger negotiating position. And even if there's no love lost between the two of you, it's still to every manager's benefit to explore ways of making a good team-member happy again, rather than let him or her walk away and then have to find a new person, invest in their training, wait for them to come up to speed, etc. etc. I've been in this position a number of times, and it's very rare that we couldn't find ways to alleviate the stress they faced once we pinpointed what contributed to it. Even if you only managed to figure out a short-term solution, it could still give each of you some breathing room to continue exploring other options.

[Mark92]

Hi Cassie

I have to agree with Podga, as in this makes your position stronger to reduce stress. Or talk to your boss and say you are at least thinking about it?. It's a good bargaining tool. And happy to hear you vent. Loads of hugs here for you Cassie good luck

 

 

Hugs all

[Bumblebee]

I've been trying to quit my job since Monday, but every time I go to see my boss he's either busy with lessons or I freeze up and start talking about something else.

I need to leave, that I know for sure, the only problem is that my boss and my co-worker are going on a 7 month eastern/ new Zealand run on the 27th, and they won't be back until February. So I have to give my notice soon otherwise they will be in deep shit because there will be no one to work and look after the other horses back home.

I know my boss enough to know that he will be pretty pissed that I want to leave, and he will probably try and make me feel guilty because of how close my leaving will be to when they go away. That is whats stopping me, I have to leave but I don't want to put them in a bad position. I also want to try not to burn any bridges with my relationships with our clients and my boss.

 

I hate the position that I am in at the moment, and I've been trying to force myself to just talk to my boss, and even after talking to Karl and my Mum about what I should say and how I should approach him, I'm just scared of what he might say back.

[joann414]

Cassie, I think Podga and Mark are giving very sound advice, and I think just sitting down and talking with your boss will alleviate some of your stress. I certainly hope things get better.

 

Wayne, you sound so much more relaxed and happy. Glad you had fun, and enjoyed your friend's visit.

 

Hi Mark, hope you are well, and happy. Hugs

 

Bee, if you approach him in the right way, which I know you will, he will understand, and it sounds as if you have your thoughts in the right place on the matter. Good luck!

[podga]

Bee, this is an employer-employee relationship, not a friendship or a marriage. Either side has a right to disolve it at any point and not feel guilty about it, and nobody is irreplaceable. As long as you are giving your boss enough notice, I'm sure he'll manage to find someone, just like he found you. That being said, why don't you try writing a letter of resignation, letting him know that you need to quit, your last day will be x, and, if you want, give him a reason (though you don't have to, it might be nice) and thank him for the experience. At best, if you're holding it you might find the words easier to say and worse comes to worst, if he doesn't have the time or you dry up again, you can at least hand the letter to him and tell him you need him to read it.

[Mark92]

Hey all

 

Bee, Once more I agree with Podga, write it officially. And hand it in or post it ASAP. Good luck

[harcallard]

I have finally figured out what is going on with me and I need a few days to work through it... So this means that I wont be on as much as I have been lately.. well at least for awhile anyway..... I will be on from time to time.. I hope everyone has a good weekend and week ahead.

 

Hugs and Love

[joann414]

Hugs Harcallard. Hope you get your world righted, and can find happiness. If you need me, i am here.

[JOeKEool]

Hello Friends

 

I haven't completly disappeared. I just scanned through all the posts I missed here. Two or three pages. I truly feel for all of you that are having it rough.

I wish I could respond to all of you individually. Know that I am always thinking of my friends here and sending good vibes.

 

I want to say a big welcome to a few new faces. I hope I can get to know you better real soon.

 

I had a nice chat and just got email from Karl (Roan). He sounds good. A little down and you can sense the frustration. He is a fighter. I hold out all hope for a full and speedy recovery. Darren is there with a kiss and a hand to hold and his gentle support. Karl worries more about Daz having to deal with this than he does about himself I think. I know Roan has MANY offering support. Keep praying and /or wishing him the best.

 

I have been writing again !!! I posted a poem here today. I hope you will all read it. If you are having a bad day it might help. It goes with two others if you want to read the complete 'Kevin' saga.

 

I sent something to Karl. If he likes it I will try to post it .I started writing a story. It all came to me one morning and I HAD to start writing it down. I have three chapters so far. Roan has the first two. I HOPE he still wants to read # 3. This is my first real attempt at a story. So far IMHO it is going well. I hope I can keep it going.

 

I also wrote the lyrics for a song. I don't write music so I 'hacked' a song and put my words to it. I had a poem that I had written and re-written a dozen times and could not get it right. The other day I had this song stuck in my head (TRAIN_HEY SOUL SISTER ). I love the song. Anyway my words seemed to just fall into place.

 

I sent the song to Roan too. I might use it in my story. One of the boys can write it and sing it to his boyfriend. I sent a new poem to Roan too. I will post it at FSO. I'll let you know when it is up. My brother liked it and that means a lot.

 

Enough about me. Take care and see you all soon I hope.Thanks for being here.

 

Love

 

Joe

Edited August 6, 2012 by JOeKEool

[Yettie One]

Hey gang

 

Wow, sense some hostility or angst in some of the posts since I've been away. Kinda makes me wonder if I should just keep my mouth zipped and prevent upsetting someone without intention or even realising it.

 

However I kinda wanted to say thanks to everyone that messaged or replied to my last post in the thread, your thoughts and kind words were really appreciated and helped me think things through.

 

As a bit of an update, my sister had her op and it went well. They got some.... (I keep putting Nymph Loads so I gotta be careful with this one ) Lymph Nodes which apparently they now test, and she had a bone scan last week to check if the cancer has spread. If all is well, then she just needs to attend her radiation treatment, however if the test show up something nasty she goes on the dreaded ol chemo.

Fingers crossed for her big time.

 

As for my niece, things there sound a whole lot more complicated. I am not really sure that I fully understand everything, all I know is that she is seeing a specialist in some experimental treatment program next week.

Must be terrible to be a parent and have to deal with things like that when they surface and it must be really hard to cope or deal with. I don't really know how my sister does it, but I spoke with her this morning and she sounded strong, and hanging in there for her daughter.

 

It was nice to get home, and my brother has been good to mom while I've been away, but it was also good to see the smile on her face and get a long hug from her today. I went away with mixed feelings of guilt and pleasure, and had a real fear she may not remember me when I came home, but thankfully this has not been the case, and things have settled back down to normal.

 

I've been really tired since getting home. Think I kind of lived on a cloud the last 10 days. But it is over now and I can sit back and relax and enjoy some of the sport on the telly. At least I get to see the close ups and stuff, which I kind of missed.

 

Just a few thoughts for those of you out there....

Marky, missed you like hell bud, and thanks for your messages of encouragement. Hope things with you and Stubby are going great. x

 

It is so wonderful to hear that Roan is on the road to recovery, even if it is a long and frustrating one for him. Best wishes to both him and Daz and hope you guys are strong and doing well. :hugs:

 

Wayne you amaze me. You have such a big heart for everyone around you, and sometimes forget to take a little for yourself. You are a pretty special guy. Really hope things go well for you this week, and keep smiling mate. Big Yettie Hug for you as always.

 

Harcallard, despite your frustrations and ups and downs you always manage to have a good word for me in my pvt mailbox on a day I just need a pick me up, and I thank you for that, it is a special gift. Try learn that it is unimportant if the world loves you, it is more important to learn to love yourself first. If you can do that, then others will begin to see the sparkle in your own life and catch on. Hope you are ok mate.

 

Jo Ann. Hey girl, what can I say, you are a legend and have rapidly become someone I respect an awful lot. I hope you are well, and things are going good for you. Smile lots and know you are loved and treasured by an awful lot of us.

 

Cassie... I don't know what to say mate. Work is a pain in the bum sometimes, and not always in a good way, although I think it is probably only gay men that appreciate a pain in the bum! What I would say is sometimes we have to take the bull by the horns and face an issue head on. Maybe you need to sit down with your boss and explain your feelings.... Give them a chance to make you happy at work again.

I know that an awful lot of people are unhappy at work right now. Pressure coming down the line from above to save money and do things better and more competitive. It is a tough market place, and maybe that is what has made work unpleasant right now. I don't know I am merely surmising. Whatever happens, don't allow yourself to be bullied, you must do what is good for you first and good for everyone else second. Keep your chin up bud and shout if you need an ear to listen.

 

Podga, you always manage to have wise words for everyone. I honestly think you should become an agony aunt. You'd do an amazing job at it. hehe xxx

 

Joe, so good to hear that you have been writing. Hope that this streak of inspiration continues and we get to see the fruits of your efforts soon. I've never been able to write a song, and am jealous you have. hehe. Nah I think that is something special. Writing music in an art form I really do admire a lot. Hope you keep smiling and enjoying buddy.

 

To everyone else, I am sure I have forgotten someone, and if I have I can only appoligise, I hope you are well. Respect to all of you that support and encourage each other, it is the mark of humanity and something to admire.

 

As for me, I am going to become less vocal on this thread as I really don't want to upset or irritate anyone, but will continue to try encourage and support people through pvt messages. Keep smiling everyone, a frown only makes you look scary to talk too!

 

[Breeze]

Well I'm glad your home safe and sound and all is as good as it can be. I for one, like your posts....your uplifting

[harcallard]

I am glad you made it back from your trip safely Yettie and your right I need to stop worrying so much about others and tend to myself... and this is exactly what I have been doing.. so if I am not on here... so don't worry I am taking care of me.. I am finally going to take the time and learn to love me again, like I once did...

 

I plan to be around so if any of you need a ear to listen, please don't hesitate to talk to me..

 

There are some things I want to say to each of you , but at this point in my life, and I don't mean to sound as if I am uncaring, because I am far from that.... It's just that I am so tired mentally and physically, that I can barely think to write this to you guys... I have an appointment to see a specialist for a sleep study two weeks from today..

 

I was so pissed when they called and I asked the lady who called me I asked her what was I suppose to do wait another two weeks of not being able to sleep before I get to see the Dr to have the study done. Her reply was that they may have someone who may cancel and then they could get me in.. but I am like saying to myself.. how is this going to help me right now.

 

I also did some self examining today and finally found out part of the reason for my sadness and depression. I guess it boils down to what has always been with me ever since I can remember... is that I try to hard to get people to talk to me to to like me...So this is a big thing I am having to work on.... I have told many people about this and a few have even bawked at it or even made.

 

Then part of me gets jealous as hell, and I am not ashamed to admit it, when I see some on here who get along better with each other on here than with me.. So this is another thing my Dr. suggested I try is to step back for a bit... but just once I would love to have someone who would be happy to see me come on and would actually be the one to start a conversation.

 

I am not saying this to anger any one.... but this is just how I am feeling and have felt for awhile. I also need to learn how to stop being afraid to tell others how I feel.. I mean if some ting is bothering me , I bottle it up in stead of letting it out.

 

It looks like I have some things to work on.. while I am away.. like I have already said I need to take this time to get to know me again... Some may say I am whinny, some may say I am even pathetic for feeling the way I feel... I have always said and believed that no one should ever feel sorry for feeling what you feel...'

 

I hope you all have a great day and an even better week ahead.

 

Hugs and Love

Edited August 7, 2012 by harcallard

[podga]

Podga, you always manage to have wise words for everyone. I honestly think you should become an agony aunt. You'd do an amazing job at it. hehe xxx

 

 

 

Thanks, Yettie, I'm tinting my hair lilac even as we speak!

 

I'm not very good at being generally supportive when I can't offer solutions, but I've been working in the big, bad corporate world for more years than I care to mention, and have managed teams of different nationalities through thick and thin without everybody hating me at the end for most of that time. So in work or employment issues I can at least offer a sounding board and maybe even a couple of alternatives to consider, should anybody want that at any point.

 

Edited August 7, 2012 by podga

[Roan]

Hi wonderful people.

 

Well the long fight continues. I can sort of walk, its hard but a major thing. I would dance but that is even more embarassing than normal.

 

Its been a weird week in some ways, i've wanted to come on here and say hello but everytime I did I didnt know what to say. Life is full of swings and roundabouts at the moment. On the one hand every day a few things get a little easier. On the other, there is the growing realisation that some things will never be the same again. The frustration and anger gets the better of me and then I see the concern and pain in Daz's eyes. I hate that look, oh God it breaks me some times. We are still negotiating what this is, and its hard. I am used to being the strong one, no ones burden, and I hate being weak and vulnerable. Most of all I hate the thought of what could happen to him if things go badly. But I fight too because I have someone to fight for. That is new for me too - and on balance thats pretty great. I always thought that I was worth nothing, to anyone. I dont feel that way anymore. Its scary but also amazing.

 

The thing that always catches me in this thread though is how many of you are the people that I have connected with since I have been here. Cassie was I think the first person ever to send me a message on GA way back when I first joined and has been a source of love ever since. Bee and Mark were the first two I ever skyped with and have been there through so much. Wayne has been a solid bulwark from the beginning, Joe like a loving uncle, Tim in my corner and my heart from very early on, Lily a fellow Melbournian sharing all her love from a distance, and more recently Yettie the exiled son of Africa , KC, Breeze. Ive been lucky to share your struggles and your triumphs over the months.

 

 

That is the part that makes it hard sometimes for me to know what to say, because you matter so much to me. When you are down or things are tough, I mostly just want to reach out and tell you it will all be ok. Some of you I get the chance to do that with in chat or skype, but this is also a great place for it and I know I really want to but somehow the words come reluctantly en masse.

 

If I try hard to sum up what I feel though it is to tell you all that while in this thread, I see you all at times share your fears, doubts, pain, that is not who you are to me. For me you are first and foremost the people who have shown me in so many ways how to be strong, how to have courage, how to care. You give me a gift every day, the knowledge that I am not alone, and hope and strength to carry on. Thats not nothing.

 

I have a lot of love to give and its always there for you all, when things are bad or good. And I hope Yettie you dont censor or hold back. Thats not what this thread is for, this is the place to let it out. I love hearing your thoughts, they are part of that gift. When you face anything be it uncertainty and pain or great happiness, I want to be there by your side if you will let me just as you have been for me.

 

Roan

[comicfan]

Hello to one and all again. Forgive me and my long lists of comments but with this thread it is usually the easiest way to get it all out and i try not to miss anyone, but I'm human so I screw it up occasionally.

 

Roan - Karl, you have been in my prayers constantly. I'm so glad to see you comment. The reality of what is normal is going to take on some new meanings for you. You have Daz there and so many of us here are just glad to see your message. Take it slow and accept whatever is coming. Some of us have learned the hard way we are human and can't always be the strong one. It doesn't make you weak, only human. Remember if you need anything ask.

 

Yettie - Sounds like your time away gave you a chance to recharge. Your whole family is facing many hardships. I am glad some of it is going well. Doesn't mean the well wishes and prayers for you are going to stop any time soon either. Glad your mom remembered you and that things are semi settled at the moment. If you need an ear, well we are all here.

 

Harcallard - Ouch. All I can tell you is what I've said before, there isn't one of us who won't listen. You need to do for you. To borrow a phrase, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell can anyone else?" Take the time to set up a foundation for yourself and then allow only those who will help you get close to you. The rest know where the door is. While I'm fairly laid back I learned a long time ago the difference between being a friend and being a door mat. I try my damnedest not to do that to anyone else either.

 

Cassie - The suggestions you have been given for work are spot on. I hope they work for you.

 

Podga - Your wisdom and advice to everyone is spot on. However, I'd skip the dye job. Good advice and common sense are always things people look for. All any of us can do is try to help others, and if possible help them not to make the same mistakes we did. For all you do on this thread, thank you.

 

Breeze - Happy to see a comment from you. I hope all is well for you.

 

Joe - As usual you sound like a busy man. Thank you for keeping us in the loop. I will read your poetry soon. In the meantime the occasion smoke signal or something so we know you are surviving would be good too.

 

Joann - Still happy to see your caring remarks for everyone. That sort of thing can bring a smile when it is needed most.

 

Bee - The advice you were given was right on the mark. I hope by now you have managed to have that talk with your boss. Quitting your first job isn't easy, especially if it is something you have enjoyed. However, the time also comes when you want to move on. Wishing you the best.

 

Mark - You have been on the upswing it seems lately. Glad to see you happier and just reminding you if you need me, well I'm here for you.

 

To any I might have missed, I'm sorry. My best wishes and prayers are there for those of you in need. Hope is one thing you always need to hang onto. It isn't easy but without it, things truly are dark. to any who want or need them.

 

Wayne

[joann414]

HI guys

 

Hope you all are well, and the loved ones around you are also. Wayne, sounds like you are in a happy place, and I am so glad.

 

Bee and Cassie, I sure hope the job situations have improved, leaning the way you want, and things are beginning to calm down a bit on the work front, and in life itself.

 

Roan, I don't know you, but I have read the posts, and it sounds as if you are a strong fighter, and have beat a pretty bad sickness. Glad you are better, and I am sure you know you have a lot of friends and solid support here.

 

Mark, If Stuby is not there, I think he supposed to be soon huh? If so, I know You are happy as hell. Hugs and smiles

 

Harcallard, I know you said you would not be here for awhile, but I hope in taking this time for yourself, you find that happiness inside yourself that you will be able to share with others, and appreciate the smiles and happiness that others share with you. Hugs

 

Podga, u r one of a kind. Your open ear and sound advice, is very much appreciated even by me, and it is not even directed my way. A stable and positive personality is always appreciated by me, and I am sure everyone else.

 

Yettie, my friend, the cancer issues seem to be 50/50 with your family right now. I hope both cases turn out well, and their health is restored. I enjoy all of your posts here, and hope you will check in. The respect is mutual, and hope you are happy guy. Hugs............

 

Hope all have a great week, and good things come your way!

[Mark92]

Hi guys Well haven't you lot been busy? Great to see and far to many to answer. But huge hugs to all

 

I wish all the love in the world to all of you and miss you all so much

 

I have a whole new batch of piglets due in nine days time. And as Unc noticed I'm on a high mood wise. Things are finally getting better.

 

My health is being a bit BLAHHHH! Seems the diets for my anaemia and diabeties work against each other, so I'm either not hungry, too hungry or feeling feint from too much or too little sugar. On the up hand of that, this tiny little nurse came out to help me with my various diet sheets and she was so shy and so shocked by my height I braved it and made friends with her. And that's a first

Stuby is still working, but its his final week YEY.

 

Huge hugs to all

[JOeKEool]

Hi again

 

Thank you all for the words of support and care. I think I forgot to say what I came for.

 

We have decided to call OFF the move-in. There was tremendous stress building through the whole process and a lot of unresolved emotional damage from our past was surfacing. Things are better at her house now. Her roomy is going back to work and she will be back in the original position of house-sitting. No more stress of him -stoned-and/or drunk- hanging around all the time.

 

I now have an almost-empty room. The rest of the house has acquired some additional clutter from all the sorting out. I will keep after it. All sorts of opportunities now with that room. Like an empty page. What poetry can I write on it.

 

I need now to find an alternate means of improving my financial condition, as that was part of the impetus for the move. I will analyze it to death and then make the WRONG decision,as usual. HA HA !

 

TODAYS' NEWS :

 

I have just become a new grampa. OLIVIA !! was born hours ago. It has been /is /will be a lot of drama. We are not SURE it is my son's child.(I think she has my nose!! ??) The whole ordeal has been with an ex-girlfriend who has been very hard to deal with. Expecting to have lawyers involved and lots more drama. We will need your thoughts and prayers.

 

ROAN: So good to see you posting. You are doing all that you can do. Just concentrate on today and this moment and this task. We ALL are here anytime you need us. I would swim/walk/crawl if I could somehow be THERE for you. I'm only a keyboard away. And you ARE important to a LOT of people. I thank YOU for all the times you are there for me. We are ALL here for Darren too. If he needs to vent, needs hugs, anything he needs. OK

He is strong too. He will get through this. Keep the bond strong. It will only get stronger with this ordeal. SUGARCUBES for you Roan !!! My stallion will gallop again!!

 

I wish I could say more. I'm out of time. ALL of you are a big part of my life. My thoughts and prayers go out to each and every one. I will be back soon I hope

 

My love,

 

Joe

[podga]

Congratulations on your granddaughter, Joe! And if she has your nose, I hope it's a nice one

[Mark92]

Hi all

 

Many congratulations Joe And why not rent out the room? A lodger might keep your spirits up

 

Hugs all Out of likes but will catch up

[LJH]

I just wanna say how i feel about you guys:

Mark you rock

Harc you rock

Yettie you rock

Bee you rock

Joanne you rock

Comic you rock too

Breeze you rock

Roan you rock too

Podga you rock and roll

Me i roll

So lets all get together and have a rock and roll party

 

Hope you guys have a stunning Thursday

 

Edited August 9, 2012 by LouisHarris

[Mark92]

LOL Good words Louis Thank you