32 Faces (Comments for final edits)

[kevinchn]

Hi everyone,

 

I am in the process of consolidating final edits for my story. If you have read it and would like to feedback on areas that needs to be polished, feel free to do so here or in the story reviews. I will take about a month to complete the edits after exams.

 

Cheers!

 

[sharedmedia=stories:stories:4042]

 

[Graeme]

My main comment would be in the area of typos. "They're" that should've been "their", "does" that should've been "do".

 

Stylistically, I did find it a little difficult at times to work out which italics were dialogue and which were thoughts, but I wouldn't want you to make a lot of change in that respect because, as you indicated in one of your review comments, it shows Keith's detachment at times.

 

Consistency-wise, there's some small points where Keith isn't internally consistent. I spotted one in an early chapter, though I can't find it now. It was Keith recognising expressions on other people and he listed three...but one of the three wasn't one of the three expressions he knows how to recognise. He recognised pissed and upset, and he should've said the third one was one he didn't know. Similarly for when his brother mentioned the rule about 'it doesn't count if it's in another state' with respect to being with Mindy while he had a girlfriend back in California. Keith should've wondered if that's a new rule he needed to add to his list, or if he should ask Samuel later for clarification.

 

Overall, though, you've done a great job of characterisation with Keith and I wouldn't want you to change too much. He has his own writing style and you need to make sure that doesn't change too much. Maybe a comment early on about being told when he was younger to not worry too much about certain things and that no one ever countered that instruction. It's not unusual for someone with autism to carry forward an instruction from a younger age to a time where it's no longer appropriate because they've never been told that the situation has changed. Some maybe his father told him to not worry about certain English conventions when writing his journal (early on it would've been more important to get the thoughts down than making things grammatically correct, and they would've told him that. If they never mentioned it again, he'd stick to that 'rule'), and he's continued that even though he knows it's not standard.

[kevinchn]

Thank you! I will keep that in mind in the final scrubbing