poetry Poetry Prompt 2 - HAIKU

[BDANR]

A couple of Haikus to start the morning... Am I doing them right?

 

Crabs littered the sand

Brushed onto the sun kissed shore

Away from ocean

 

The streets congested

Irritable faces show

The heat is too much

[Former Member]

5 hours ago, BDANR said:

A couple of Haikus to start the morning... Am I doing them right?

 

Crabs littered the sand

Brushed onto the sun kissed shore

Away from ocean

 

The streets congested

Irritable faces show

The heat is too much

You did well to remove all signs of the poet observing and just painted the scene. They both really succeed at being seasonal as well, so that's great. 

 

You ask about form, and I don't see anything wrong with these  I might want to make the last line of the first one a bit more comfortable sounding as "Away from the sea," but that might be a small matter of preference. 

 

Thanks for taking the Poetry Prompt challenge, and I hope you write and post more Haiku