[LittleBuddhaTW] SOOTB 22

[LittleBuddhaTW]

Chapter 22 is posted!

 

http://littlebuddhatw.gayauthors.org/SOOTB/SOOTB22.html

 

Many, many thanks to Kitty for doing another wonderful job editing!

 

Enjoy! And don't be shy about posting your thoughts/comments!

 

*Hugz*

 

Buddha

[Drewbie]

Great Chapter Buddha.

 

 

Would of never guessed that Connor and Ryan would break up, guess though since toby's cancers etc, they were heading down that path.

 

Connor and Ben??

[Max03]

Great Chapter Buddha.

Would of never guessed that Connor and Ryan would break up, guess though since toby's cancers etc, they were heading down that path.

 

Connor and Ben??

 

Or a get toghether of Ryan and Connor...

 

I just love Ryan ...

[Conner]

Ryan's total withdrawal from life is almost complete. He seems headed for a nervous breakdown.

 

Connor had better stay focussed. Ben isn't going to show any restraint if Connor shows any weakness whatsoever. In fact, I'm surprised Ben hasn't asked to renegotiate his agreement with Connor given the break-up.

 

Then again, there hasn't been much sex of late.

 

Kick Maggie in the vag????? That was terrible. This is the woman who gave Connor a home...in her son's bed no less! That seemed really out of character for Connor.

 

Time to vote everyone:

 

1. Buddha the Beast

2. Buddha the Bad Boy

3. Buddha the Bungler

4. Buddha the Boil

5. Buddha the Buttock

 

 

I feel better now.

 

Hugs,

Conner

[hocuspocus46]

i didnt *expect* ryan and connor to break up, but if you ask me it was definitely a good thing .... fine, ryan's having issues dealing with stuff, but he was being a total cranky bitch to everyone, especially connor, who deserves better than that... this just lets connor get used to being independent, perhaps find someone new... or, if nothing else, it'll make ryan realize what he's lost.

 

(idea for next chapter: ryan gets hit by a dorito truck, and everyone laughs as he slowly dies....nah, thats a bit much, i actually liked ryan before he got all weird....)

 

either way, cant wait to read the next one! keep up the good work!

[Tim the Traveller]

Excellent stuff, David!

 

Lots of emotional downs and ups--It was great!

 

 

 

Ben and Connor seem to be connecting, And if Ryan doesn't come around real soon, I do believe he's gonna live to regret it. Look at the reaction he gave when he thought something more was happening between Connor and Toby. That's not the reaction of someone who doesn't care.

 

 

I can't wait for the next chapter! And Welcome Home David!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[NickolasJames8]

Well it's about time that Connor woke up and realized that he doesn't need Ryan....he needs Ben, Cody and Toby in a sex fest free for all in Toby's room

 

 

Ryan, on the other hand, needs help

[hardrockerchik12]

connor and ryan=

connor and ben=

 

i wanna see something like ryan catching connor and ben together. and that some how gives him a reality check. and then ryan and connor work things out. and ryan finally talks about what he's been going through.

 

anyone agree?

 

~Steph

[Boxerdude]

Great Chapter!!! Totally caught me off guard, but it was true to life. Ryan is really screwed up and he is showing way to many signs of seriously with drawing from those who care the most. This makes me real nervous. It is not just depression, I think it is more than that. I just hope he does not try anything to stupid like suicide. He his exhibiting a lot of the characteristics that one looks for.

 

I think that Connor needs a date!! Not BF just yet. Ben or someone else should treat him to something like that. If, Ryan does not come around, Connor needs to date. I still think there is the real Ryan deep down inside, just hiding because he does not know what to do. This story is named SOOTB, so they are the main characters. But let's see what LB can come up with.

 

I wonder if Connor sings when he plays the piano at the store? He draws a crowd, but I could not tell if was singing or playing only. Anywho.

 

I did have to read it two times before I got felt like I had not missed anything.

 

Oh, buy the way, here are the words to the title of the chapter. I thought you all might enjoy it.

 

Boxerdude

 

Love Lies Bleeding

Music by Elton John

Lyrics by Bernie Taupin

Available on the album Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

 

The roses in the window box

Have tilted to one side

Everything about this house

Was born to grow and die

 

Oh it doesn't seem a year ago

To this very day

You said I'm sorry honey

If I don't change the pace

I can't face another day

 

And love lies bleeding in my hand

Oh it kills me to think of you with another man

I was playing rock and roll and you were just a fan

But my guitar couldn't hold you

So I split the band

Love lies bleeding in my hands

 

I wonder if those changes

Have left a scar on you

Like all the burning hoops of fire

That you and I passed through

 

You're a bluebird on a telegraph line

I hope you're happy now

Well if the wind of change comes down your way girl

You'll make it back somehow

 

 

[C James]

Chapter 22 is posted!

 

LB, this was one heck of a good surprise! For some reason I thought Ch. 22 was going to be posted a week from Saturday, at the earliest. Thank you LB!

 

You really started this one out with a sledgehammer! ""Connor, I think we should break up,"

Even though I've predicting trouble with that relationship for a while now, I was stunned and did a double-take.

 

I also see MAJOR trouble ahead... Ryan is Toby's donor? Uhoh! I hope I'm wrong, but with Ryan being so crazy I suspect big trouble here.

 

BTW, I liked the medical detail, too.

 

I'm wondering where things will go with Ben... And BTW, I loved the "shirtless twins" scene.

 

Kick Maggie in the vag????? That was terrible. This is the woman who gave Connor a home...in her son's bed no less! That seemed really out of character for Connor.

 

I totally agree, and I felt Connor was out-of-line in that whole scene, but especially there! I suspect, though, that there is a reason for this: Conner is having some major emotional issues of his own, (and certainly has a psychological basis to distrust female parental figures) so my hunch is that there is a reason for all this.

The big question as I see it: will he get back together with Ryan?

[Jack Frost]

Ryan needs a swift in the head for doing that to Connor. Connor should find someone else as things eventually will blow up front of Ryan's face that suddenly he really loves Connor but is being tortured to the maximum that he cannot get him back if Connor has someone else. Connor has the right to find someone else if he's got ditched for no reason...he needs comfort and love and since Ryan won't there for that...then someone will do it for Ryan. Toby isn't completely the same though...since Connor and him act like brothers.

 

 

 

And I am fully digusted hearing the method by yoga practicers how to clean their colon. WTF.

Edited July 6, 2006 by Jack Frost

[VTicarus]

Well, the chapter was not a surprise - I should have known better than to hope for a resolution in a single chapter!

 

First of all I don't see anything wrong with Maggie's response. She - and Toby - and even Connor know that Ryan needs to be left alone to process, and that it is very difficult for him. What takes another person a long time to figure out takes HIM even longer. Don't be sucked in by Connor's own negative interpretations.

 

I think everyone has lived down to the family dynamic - Maggie loses her husband, isolates in large part from her children, accepts a new person into the family who acts, in many ways, as her substitute, and buries her head in work. Toby drove the person who loved him, the most(?), away from him when he was sick, welcomes him back after the chances of hurting him are less. Ryan - well, it is obvious. Connor tries to be all things to all people, ignoring his own needs and pain to ease that of the others.

 

Will Ben tempt him? Oh yeah! Will he philander? I think so - but wouldn't it be wonderful if he didn't? If He, Toby, Ryan and Maggie finally learned the value of real love?

 

The last lines of the song -

"Well if the wind of change comes down your way girl You'll make it back somehow"

 

You gatta wonder

 

If I were writing, though it is saccharine sweet, I might write Connor ...

OK, I erased it. It's not my story. But deep down inside I am hoping Connor...

 

... could turn to Ryan, tell him "You gave me 6 weeks to figure out what I wanted. I will give you twice as much. Three times as much. I will be here, because you ARE what makes me happy, what makes me whole."

 

Just a hope.

Edited July 6, 2006 by VTicarus

[shadows]

This chapter seemed... off. From Connor's sudden hatred of Maggie, to the expansive timeframe, to Ryan's behavior (doesn't anyone care? You give people time, you don't give them months...), to Connor's consideration of a relationship with someone other than Ryan: it just felt wrong. I felt like all of the characters were acting out of character.

 

I posit Ryan as a suicide risk in case anyone's taking bets.

 

//shadows

[NickolasJames8]

To me it seemed like everything was right on....i mean, let's face it. Ryans been acting like a weirdo for a while now, and the way he got abusive with Connor and battered him was something I said was going to happen a long time ago. The truth is that Connor is lucky to have gotten out of the relationship as unharmed as he was. I was actually expecting Ryan to give him a black eye and make him cover it up or something. I mean, it could still happen, but Connor has a better chance of not being battered by his abusive boyfreind now that they're apart. Personally, I see Toby and Connor as a couple as more of a possibility than I see Ben and Connor, but anything can happen.

Also, I can understand why Connor got so goofy when it came to Maggie. Why does she always go to work?? Why isn't she home for Toby?? I dont think she's a very good mom. She needs to make Ryan go to counceling for his problems with being an abuser of his boyfriend and probably drugs and alchohol too

 

 

 

 

Go Connor and Toby!!!!

[shadows]

Personally, I see Toby and Connor as a couple as more of a possibility than I see Ben and Connor, but anything can happen.

Also, I can understand why Connor got so goofy when it came to Maggie. Why does she always go to work?? Why isn't she home for Toby?? I dont think she's a very good mom. She needs to make Ryan go to counceling for his problems with being an abuser of his boyfriend and probably drugs and alchohol too

Go Connor and Toby!!!!

 

That'd just be weird. The Connor and Toby relationship that is. They're more like siblings or really close friends at this point.

 

Maggie is a single mom supporting three children. She has to pay for chemo for Toby, pills for Connor, and therapy none of which is particularly cheap. I'm sure she'd like to be home more often, but the reality of it is that someone like her would have to work as often as she does.

 

And forcing someone to go to counseling isn't particularly effective. It just creates resentment or they lie. People have to want to change their behavior in order for counseling to work. I still think Ryan is pusing Connor away because he doesn't want him to be hurt. And as for drugs and alcohol, I don't think we've seen any evidence of that. The only one who's shown any use of illegal substances is... Toby.

 

//shadows

[NickolasJames8]

That'd just be weird. The Connor and Toby relationship that is. They're more like siblings or really close friends at this point.

 

Maggie is a single mom supporting three children. She has to pay for chemo for Toby, pills for Connor, and therapy none of which is particularly cheap. I'm sure she'd like to be home more often, but the reality of it is that someone like her would have to work as often as she does.

 

And forcing someone to go to counseling isn't particularly effective. It just creates resentment or they lie. People have to want to change their behavior in order for counseling to work. I still think Ryan is pusing Connor away because he doesn't want him to be hurt. And as for drugs and alcohol, I don't think we've seen any evidence of that. The only one who's shown any use of illegal substances is... Toby.

 

//shadows

I think the fact that he was willing to savagely beat his bf when they were breaking up is probably all of the proof we need, plus he might be hooked on whatever it was Maggie gave him at the hospital

 

 

 

Connor and Toby sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

[HankScorpio]

I think I have a totally different opinion about this chapter and the Connor/Ryan relationship. Ryan has suffered through a number of traumas - Connor 'cheating' on him with Toby, Connor really cheating on him with Cody, Connor being attacked and badly hurt (for which Ryan probably has a lot of unresolved guilt btw), Toby's illness and then Mikey's death.

 

Ryan has had to be the strong one for a very long time, especially since Maggie isn't always around, and all Connor can do is think about himself. He KNOWS Ryan is hurting but he's off having a good time with all of Ryan's friends. Even if he thinks that the romantic relationship is over, he should do everything he can to be there as a brother. If Connor ends up dating or even fooling around with Ben, Cody or Toby I will lose all (okay maybe most) sympathy I've had for him as the tragic figure of the story. I actually like Ryan more and more as the story goes on because he's no longer the perfect model of stability, which only makes him more real.

 

And btw - despite years of lurking on the internet - this is my first post EVER anywhere. It took this story to finally get me to voice my opinion. Thanks for the story LB.

[C James]

If I were writing, though it is saccharine sweet, I might write Connor ...

OK, I erased it. It's not my story. But deep down inside I am hoping Connor...

 

... could turn to Ryan, tell him "You gave me 6 weeks to figure out what I wanted. I will give you twice as much. Three times as much. I will be here, because you ARE what makes me happy, what makes me whole."

 

I like that!

I'd be inclined to put a hard deadline on it though. Connor can't be expected to wait forever. I'm also thinking that Ryan is showing a pattern of withdrawing and being unsupportive, so unless he changes in a major way, IMHO Connor would do better elsewhere.

 

This chapter seemed... off. From Connor's sudden hatred of Maggie, to the expansive timeframe, to Ryan's behavior (doesn't anyone care? You give people time, you don't give them months...), to Connor's consideration of a relationship with someone other than Ryan: it just felt wrong. I felt like all of the characters were acting out of character.

 

I posit Ryan as a suicide risk in case anyone's taking bets.

 

I think you are right, especially Connor's reaction to Maggie. My guess is it's a combination of the extreme stress, plus echos of his attack (set up by his mother).

 

As for Ryan as a suicide risk? I think you hit the nail on the head. Ryan has a LOT of guilt to face once he opens his eyes. (Mikey, Toby, and now Connor). IMHO, Ryan will be at greater risk than Mikey was.

 

To me it seemed like everything was right on....i mean, let's face it. Ryans been acting like a weirdo for a while now, and the way he got abusive with Connor and battered him was something I said was going to happen a long time ago.

Ummm, Where did Ryan batter Connor? I recall that he swatted his hand away, but that hardly constitutes battery IMHO. I see emotional cruelty, definitely, but not physical? Or did I miss something here?

[VTicarus]

Hmmmm - and when do we start the discussion group that looks into the "baggage" we bring into our interpretations of the story, or what influences which characters we connect with the most? There is a lot going on in these posts from outside the story. It makes it even more interesting.

 

There is more than one tragic figure in this story. Even in a family where money is no issue, and they appear from outside to be the model of closeness, no one has ever really been there for the others. They touch, cuddle and hang out, but the minute someone needs, they withdraw. They all seem to be lacking an ability to give that last, and most important part of their love.

 

From tragedy comes redemption - sometimes. I hope this is one of them.

 

Congratulations to LB for his ability to create so many characters who make us care! It is, after all, a work of fiction. (Though LBs bio seems to have some intersecting lines!!!) Such a diversity of complex characters is what keeps us coming back.

 

LB - Welcome home! Glad to have you repatriated.

[NickolasJames8]

Ummm, Where did Ryan batter Connor? I recall that he swatted his hand away, but that hardly constitutes battery IMHO. I see emotional cruelty, definitely, but not physical? Or did I miss something here?

It was the beating he administered that Connor didn't tell us about.....he's enabling Ryan the same way he enabled his mom, by leaving out the details. Oh, it's true...it's true

 

 

Obviously, I'm not the only one who feels that way either...there's another post where someone states that Ryan was abusive too

 

think the fact that he was willing to savagely beat his bf when they were breaking up is probably all of the proof we need, plus he might be hooked on whatever it was Maggie gave him at the hospital

 

 

See what I mean.....it's unanimous

 

 

 

 

 

You're all I ever needed...oooh, Toby you're the one_Connor

[C James]

It was the beating he administered that Connor didn't tell us about.....he's enabling Ryan the same way he enabled his mom, by leaving out the details. Oh, it's true...it's true

Obviously, I'm not the only one who feels that way either...there's another post where someone states that Ryan was abusive too

See what I mean.....it's unanimous

 

:wacko:

Ummmmmm, OK, so am I to take this as a definitive statement that you are, indeed, unanimous on this?

 

(Good one, Nick!!!!)

 

You (and some of the others here) have put your finger right on one of the themes of the story, for me at least, and that's the trauma aspect. I was talking with LBTW about this tonight, and told him it's definitely been a "button pusher" for me. Well, not just the story itself, but also the various comments about it have brought up some things for me. I'll be posting something more about that once I get my thoughts together (and can make sure that it contributes something to the discussion and doesn't devolve into a rant on my part.)

 

One thing that gnawed at me when I read it, and has done so more since was Connor's "Kick Maggie in the Vag." Remark. That woman has done so much for him, and he's thinking of physically attacking her? The ONLY excuse I can see is that Connor has major unresolved emotional trauma from his own attack, and is transferring rage from his Mother (who caused his attack) to Maggie, due to her now being his "mother" (but a real one).

Rape victims very often have a HUGE amount of unresolved anger, and in Connor's case it would be exacerbated by the fact that his attacker is still at large. The problem is that in too many cases, the anger is misdirected at friends and loved ones, and not where it belongs: at the attacker (or, in Connor's case, the attacker and Connor's mother). Connor would probably find it very cathartic to take an active role in hunting down his attacker. "settling the score" is a vital part of recovery in some cases.

 

However, IMHO Connor is really pushing the boundaries regarding Maggie EVEN IF it's his attack that is the catalyst. I think that part of the chapter (his conversation with Maggie) made it impossible for me to feel much sympathy for Connor over being dumped.

 

LB is certainly pushing our buttons with this chapter!

 

Speaking of LBTW, I think I should refer to him as LBIT for the moment. Little Buddha In Transit. (today is his flight, IIRC?)

 

Safe journey, and welcome home, LB!

 

VT, you write the most insightful comments. Perhaps we should have a SOOTB therapy group? Seriously, I agree with you. This story (like its author and readers) has layers on layers of complexity. There are definitely some intersecting lines with my own life, too, and as I work on the story chapters and read everyone's comments, I'm consciously letting it all act on me, to see where it takes me. Anything anyone wants to bring into the mix and talk about is welcome.

 

I liked VT's comments, too. Spot on, VT!

 

This story is indeed complex, and the characters certainly are. One thing that IMHO makes it very realistic is that LB does not ever seem to do things in black and white: the characters have shades of behavior, some good and some bad, just like real people.

 

Well, now that everyone has voiced their opinions, I'll go ahead and give my 2 cents C:.

 

One of the things that amazes me about the story is that, even though each individual experience contributes a different aspect to the story, the traumas appear to be cyclical. Sometimes, I almost think that everything happening to Connor somehow returns to once again devastate him, but rather than avoiding to cope with the situation, he is forced to help those around him overcome his once-forgotten traumas.

 

I think it all started after the rape, when he had the dream about his mother's worm-covered penis(ew). It hadn't been that long after his own life had been endangered, but now he was forced to deal with the situation without the cover of anti-anxiety medication. He couldn't mask any reaction eliciting from the people affected by his own traumas, like he had done with the help of his medication. I think he was successful in dealing with Toby's leukemia, but obviously not when dealing with Mikey's depression-- another mirror image of his trauma.

 

I also think that Maggie's situation is fairly comparable with Connor's mother. They both had barely any contact or communication with their children, and even though Connor's mother's responsibility was masked by her addictions and absence of morals, I believe that Connor is starting to perceive a somewhat similar match with Maggie. Maggie's responsibility, however, is masked with more responsibility; this doesn't change the situation though, since she has been nearly unable to deal with Ryan's emotional problems.

 

Finally, I believe that Ryan's 'trauma hood' has been the ADD. The disorder has somewhat enabled him to act the way he has been.

 

And that will be it for now, 'cause i believe this is starting to sound a little crazy

 

That, IMHO, is exceedingly insightful. The only part I might quibble with is over Maggie, as I feel that much of the lack of interaction with Toby and Ryan is due to us seeing her only from Connor's perspective. Just my opinion.

[Rabble_Rouser]

I'm back from vacation and getting caught up on all my favourite stories... I was somewhat surprised by Ryan dumping Conner but not really either. As Conner stated in this chapter, Ryan had isolated himself from everyone else he cared about and dumping Conner completed the task.

 

My guess is that some event (whoever suggested Conner going on a date I think hit the nail on the head) will force Ryan to deal with his feelings for Conner. I'm assuming that he really still does love Conner based upon his reaction to Toby & Conner's newfound closeness.

 

As for Conner's thought's during his conversation with Maggie, I didn't find it all that strange when you consider that Conner is only 16 and still lacks some maturity , he's pretty emotionally raw from recent events, and combined with his experiences with his mother make this seem pretty mild compared to what I would expect. We saw the thought but it's not like he acted upon it.

 

I'm looking forward to the next chapter because LBIT put alot of depth into the story and characters that make it hard to predict where the story is going which makes it a must read!

 

Steve

 

 

P.S. We should all be thankful that the only Grandmother in the story has passed away or Nicky might be latching onto her as a romantic figure for Conner!

Edited July 7, 2006 by Rabble_Rouser

[NickolasJames8]

I'm back from vacation and getting caught up on all my favourite stories... I was somewhat surprised by Ryan dumping Conner but not really either. As Conner stated in this chapter, Ryan had isolated himself from everyone else he cared about and dumping Conner completed the task.

 

My guess is that some event (whoever suggested Conner going on a date I think hit the nail on the head) will force Ryan to deal with his feelings for Conner. I'm assuming that he really still does love Conner based upon his reaction to Toby & Conner's newfound closeness.

 

As for Conner's thought's during his conversation with Maggie, I didn't find it all that strange when you consider that Conner is only 16, he's pretty emotionally raw from recent events, and still lacks some maturity combined with his experiences with his mother make this seem pretty mild. We saw the thought but it's not like he acted upon it.

 

I'm looking forward to the next chapter because LBIT put alot of depth into the story and characters that make it hard to predict where the story is going.

 

Steve

P.S. We should all be thankful that the only Grandmother in the story has passed away or Nicky might be latching onto her as a romantic figure!

lol...actually, I already tried to get LB to make a deal with Dom to bring Grandma Alice in for Ryan, but I dont think he wants to do it

[C James]

I'm back from vacation and getting caught up on all my favourite stories... I was somewhat surprised by Ryan dumping Conner but not really either. As Conner stated in this chapter, Ryan had isolated himself from everyone else he cared about and dumping Conner completed the task.

 

The big question is: will Ryan be able to stop his behavior? I had hoped that being hit by his sick brother might have helped, but apparently not.

 

The other question is: now that Ryan has displayed a tendency to withdraw and reject, will Connor want him back at all?

 

I'm looking forward to the next chapter because LBIT put alot of depth into the story and characters that make it hard to predict where the story is going which makes it a must read!

 

LBIT! Hey, it looks like I've started a short-term meme here!

 

Hmmm.. Well, Little Buddha In Transit won't (hopefully) be accurate for long, so we need a new one...

How about LBTRIHPHOTESOTUS? (Little Buddha Temporarily Residing In His Parents' Home On The Eastern Seaboard Of The United States)

 

Welcome Home, LBTRIHPHOTESOTUS!

[Boxerdude]

I am glad that so many of you have spoken so well about the story. I myself am having a difficult day with it all. I have had a trama similar to Connor's and I can tell you that rage and anger are a large part of what comes out of you. I have not been my self the last couple of day because of having to deal with or redeal with some tramatic experiences. This chapter has really touched me in good and bad ways. I don't like the way Connor treated Maggie, but I know that I have done the same to my mother when I was 16. I am not proud of it and have always regreted it. The fits of anger and the word, thank goodness Connor had the sense to keep his mouth shut. I am having a hard time dealing with Ryan. I feel like I understand how he feels. It is a deep sinking, feeling that is way down in your gut and you don't know what to do with it. It is empty yet you feel like you have been hit with a sledge hammer. You want help, but you are to scared to ask for it. You may not even know where to reach. People around you don't know what to do so how are you suppose to know what to do.

 

Connor on the other hand has to do something to keep the pain away. It is only natural, to reach out to friends when you are ready. All of you have had so many valid points, and I am not sure which one is right anymore. All I know, is that inside of me, I feel deeply for Ryan. I know how he feels. I wonder what he and Decondris talk about when shooting hoops? What sports are keeping Ryan busy?

 

I think sometimes the pain of not knowing is the worst kind of pain there is. Maybe Connor and Ryan are there. They are opposites yet I know that they share deep feelings for each other. Well I don't think I have much more to share. Thanks for letting me talk and I look forward to each of your posts.

 

Boxerdude.