Parental Acceptance of Gayness

[NaperVic]

A couple of times in chat, I've heard a teen complain about how well (or not so well) their parents are taking the news of their gayness. Then someone in their blog discussed a recent encounter with his mom. I thought it was an interesting topic, so I'm starting this thread here in the lounge.

 

 

I've been out to my family for about 11 years and while there were some initial bumps in the road, I thought they have come to accept me for who I am and that they were happy about it. A recent encounter with my father made me realize that the folks were not truly as accepting and understanding as I had once thought.

 

I realize now that I *assumed* they were okay with the gay thing, but looking back, we've never really discussed it in detail. I never really took the time to explain or answer their questions (not that they brought any up). I took their silence and smiles as acceptance. Apparently, I was wrong.

 

So for those of you struggling to tell your own parents, this is to let you know that even some of us who have been 'out & proud' for years continue to struggle with parental acceptance.

 

Now I'm certainly not saying that every parent deserves a relationship with their gay son/daughter, but if you want to maintain a good relationship with your folks, you'll need to educate them. You can do it directly, send them to websites, send them literature, or even send them to PFLAG meetings.

 

Here's my recent encounter that threw me for a loop:

 

 

My dad was in the hospital a couple weeks ago because they were going to remove a tumor in his head. I went down to visit and was in his hospital room with my mom. We were discussing various things and then my mom starts asking me about the boyfriend (BF). Well, unknown to them, I had split up with the BF a couple months ago. I hadn't had the opportunity to tell them yet (heck, I was embarassed and maybe in a bit of denial).

 

The BF was basically part of the family, he was always included and welcomed at all the family functions. When my parents took all of us on a cruise, there was no question that the BF was invited and paid for. I had always thought that they were okay with the 'gay thing'.

 

So anyhow, as my mom continues to ask me about the BF, I decided that I didn't want to lie. Also I thought selfishly, 'hmmm, everyone's worried about my dad, I can slip this bad news in with less impact if I tell them now.' So I told them both that we had split up.

 

My dad, who's a little fatigued and loopy from the drugs and the pain says 'Vic, now's the time for your to consider having a relationship with a women. You can make it work.'

 

 

Well, I was a little shocked and downright mad, but in a gentle voice I said 'No.' and left it at that.

 

After I left, I was a little torn. I was sad and worried about my dad (and whether he would come out of the surgery okay), but I was also pissed that after all this time, they still don't understand.

 

His surgery went okay but he's also scheduled for a triple bypass at the end of the month. I'd really like to address the issue that he brought up, but now is not the time.

 

So that's my acceptance story (or should I say 'lack of acceptance' story). Anyone else have one?

[Boxerdude]

Hi Vic,

 

I guess I was or thought I was lucky when I came out to my parents. It has been a long time ago, I was 18 when I came out to them and now I am 42. My mother was upset but said she loved me anyway and go up and left the room. I was there in the dining room left to look at my father. I just started crying and told him I was sorry if I disappointed him. I was not looking at him when I said this, I was looking down at the table. The, in some what of a stern voice he said, " Son look at me, I looked up, he continued, you only disappoint me when you disappoint yourself!" I cried even more. He asked why I was crying, and I told him that was the last thing I thought he would say. He came over to me and gave me the biggest hug. He then asked me again, are you disappointed, I answered no that I had never felt free in my life and I knew I was gay with out a doubt. He just hugged me and told me he would always love me.

 

My mother on the other hand, oh I thought she was okay until about 6 months later when I started dating this guy and he would call the house to ask for me. After about the 3rd time, my mother told me that she did not want "any of those boys" calling this house ever again. I was torn apart. Cell phones did not exactly exist then let alone being able to afford one. But my boss at the time, had no problem letting them call me at the store, for short conversatons. My mother never really got over it until after I had met my current partner. I had moved to Dallas when I was 23 and found Mike about 6 months later. We then moved in together 2 days after my 24th birthday. I had always gone home or been home for the 4th of July, so I took Mike with me and we stayed at my best friends house. I went to my parents to visit and found my little brother home. He is 6 years younger than me so that would have made him about 17 at the time. I told him first about Mike. He gave me a hug and said he loved me and wanted to know when he was going to get to meet him. So I took him over to my friends right then and there. They hit it off immediately, my brother looked at him and said " I hear you are my new brother-in-law!" Mike just laughted and gave him a hug. Well after that, mom made it clear she was not ready to meet Mike, so I went back to my friends to be with Mike and we had a great weekend. We spent most of it with my brother and then went out to the "Bar" which one of my other best friends owened and he made a big deal out of it and we got free drinks and danced all night. Of couse, everyone was very envious of Mike as he was a real catch. My friend, Ron, who owned the bar look at Mike and said you know he is a lifer, right? Mike said he would have settled for nothing less. Everyone loved him.

 

Well, we went back to Dallas and around Labor Day started thinking about the holiday's and wondered what we should do. So some time in September, I called my mom and dad and invited them down for Thanksgiving. I told them we would rent a hotel room for them to stay at so they would not be uncomfortable and could leave to go there if they felt that way at any time. Oddly, they accepted it. Well the nerves started getting all touchy now. I had gone and done it.

 

They came in the day before Thanksgiving and we gave them directions to our apartment. About 3:00 the knock on the door, they had already checked in at the hotel, and Mike and I greeted them and I did the introductions. Mike was ready and took drink orders. Mom and Dad both wanted margarita's and Mike and I had our Scotch. Seemed like a little liquor could calm the nerves a bit. After about an hour of visiting in the living room, Mike and I showed them around the apartment and they were very impressed. It was nothing what they thought it would be like, my dad said actually nothing is what we thought it would be like. Mike then looked at him and said what do you mean? Well, since there had been a few drinks, my dad was honest. He said well we were really nervous to meet you. Then he started to giggle. I was in shock and afraid of what he was about to say. My mom got all red in the face. Dad said, "Well Vicki and I were afraid that you might actually answer the door in a dress." Oh my god, my mother could not stop laughing. Mike and the rest of us hooted and hollard for at least 30 minutes. Then my mother said something else completely out of the blue, she looked at me and said "Well at least he has a nice ass!" Oh my god! Now I was embarrased. Needless to say from that point on, everything went along very well and we had the start of a great many Holidays together. When they started to leave to go back to Ark, my mom turned to me and said "I would never have guessed that my son would marry someone more handsome than my sister would." She giggled again and they were off.

 

Since then, everthing has been fine and they all love each other and we are a tight family. That was 17 years ago and it is only getting better.

 

I have always thought it was a little tough, but in the end, we all had a good laugh.

 

David

[Gandalf]

About 10 years ago i was doing a presentation regarding Safe Place at my School. I asked one of the other participants about his coming out and he said "which day". He felt it was a daily process both for our lives and with our family. He had all our worst fears family story, fundamental religious parents who rejected him and were abusive. Yet he had created his own 'family' and a relatively long term relationship.

 

I admitted I was gay to myself in college and had a relationship for several years. My parents said they accepted it and were supportive but clearly had problems mainly out of fear for what this would do to me(this was in the late 60's about the time of Stonewall). Faggots as we were called then were just beginning to burn bright. I ended that relationship and tried to be straight for the next 18 years or so. I raised several foster children and had a daughter and wife etc. My life was a lie and it became clear it was not ok to continue like that. I came out again. Again my parents were supportive but wished I didn't need to talk about it so much.. I ended up in a long distance relationship with my old partner from college and we are still in it 15 years later. My folks always treated him well and I was always a part of his family. My daughter was fairly fine about it although when I considered working with gltb youth at her High School she was not thrilled. My mom supported the local GLTB youth support group. My dad (and mom too were still concerned for my safety. It wasn't until my parents funerals that I was told by many people how strongly they both advocated for me and other gay causes much more than I was aware.

 

I have a foster grandson in Iraq and worry about him to some extent every waking moment. He does not see that need for concern but it is there in me. I suspect that is what my parents had going on to a lesser extent. Some of us have clear rejection and need to find support within the community and move to create their own family. Others have it easier and can come to some level of acceptance both of and by our birth families. My partner has almost total acceptance by his family. But it is always a process often daily not a kaboom event that somehow is done. Thank god for the internet and the information and support available on it. But no matter what, in our rooms at night, by ourselves, this still is a issue for many of us that peeps into our lives and those of those who love us or are our families. Pax all.. STeve

[Marty]

I never really came out to my dad before he died almost 20 years ago. So I can't be sure how he would have taken it. But my feeling is that he would have been okay with it. He never really tried to interfere in mine or any of my siblings' lives

 

My mum on the other hand actually asked me slightly over two years ago, just a few weeks before she died, if I am gay.

 

The full story of that I have written about in the 'Coming Out' thread in the Teen Spot forum here

 

But basically when I admitted to her that I was gay she simply told me that if anyone ever has a problem with it to tell them I am "A. G. A. Y." And that if they looked confused tell them it stands for "As good as you."

 

Made me sorry that I'd never come out to her (and the rest of the family) years earlier ...

 

~ Marty ~

[Graeme]

I only really started to accept myself a couple of years ago, so I never got the chance to tell my dad. I haven't told my mum yet, and may never, because it's largely irrelevant.

 

The only "parents" who have been told are my in-laws. I told my wife a couple of years ago and she took it so badly she needed the support of her family to get through it. While there was some initial tension, none of them have ever said anything directly to me, and it's clear that all of her family accept me. I still don't know if they accept that I'm gay, but as my wife and I have made a commitment to stay together, it doesn't really matter.

 

My fondest memory is my sister-in-law's husband who made a point of coming up to me last December to shake my hand and wish me a Merry Christmas. My wife and I had been nervous about him, because he has a gay nephew that neither he nor his brother have spoken to in years, but he showed me very quickly that things hadn't changed as far as he was concerned.

[redlightfeeling]

Thanks vic for starting this post.

 

as for my story, I guess its being written right now. She just found out yesterday. She's over at her friends house right now talking about it. Apparently she wants me to go to 10 counseling sessions that her work offers for free. I don't know how I feel about that. All I know is that I'm going to be keeping myself really busy over the next couple weeks. I'll write more as it happens?

[Graeme]

Thanks vic for starting this post.

 

as for my story, I guess its being written right now. She just found out yesterday. She's over at her friends house right now talking about it. Apparently she wants me to go to 10 counseling sessions that her work offers for free. I don't know how I feel about that. All I know is that I'm going to be keeping myself really busy over the next couple weeks. I'll write more as it happens?

Best wishes and good luck. If the counsellor is worth anything, they will be helping your mom accept what you have told her, and helping you with any feelings you may be going through as a consequence of coming out.

 

*fingers crossed*

 

Graeme

[AFriendlyFace]

Thanks vic for starting this post.

 

as for my story, I guess its being written right now. She just found out yesterday. She's over at her friends house right now talking about it. Apparently she wants me to go to 10 counseling sessions that her work offers for free. I don't know how I feel about that. All I know is that I'm going to be keeping myself really busy over the next couple weeks. I'll write more as it happens?

I agree with Graeme. The counseling might be benificial if it just gives you a chance to talk about your thoughts and feelings, fears and concerns etc. (I personally think everyone could benefit from an occasional therapy session), but the counselor shouldn't be trying to "fix it" or help you because you're "confused". You're mom could benefit from a few sessions too since she needs to get used to the idea and adjust as well.

 

we're all here for you and wishing you the best, Jared. Good Luck!

 

Kevin

[C James]

Thanks vic for starting this post.

 

as for my story, I guess its being written right now. She just found out yesterday. She's over at her friends house right now talking about it. Apparently she wants me to go to 10 counseling sessions that her work offers for free. I don't know how I feel about that. All I know is that I'm going to be keeping myself really busy over the next couple weeks. I'll write more as it happens?

 

Redlight, you must be under enormous stress right now, but IMHO the good news is that she hasn't reacted with hostility, from what you say.

 

IMHO, the counseling is a good idea, because any competent counselor will focus on ways to get your mother to accept things, and not on changing the unchangeable. However, if on the off chance you get a counselor who does not realize what the Psychiatric community has realized for over three decades (that homosexuality is not an illness, and therefor cannot be "cured") don't let them push you around; chew them out and demand (don't ask, demand) a competent counselor.

 

Take care and good luck, and please keep us posted.

 

Best Wishes;

CJ

[NaperVic]

Apparently she wants me to go to 10 counseling sessions that her work offers for free. I don't know how I feel about that. All I know is that I'm going to be keeping myself really busy over the next couple weeks. I'll write more as it happens?

 

jaRED,

 

Better that the counseling sessions are from her work than from a church. It's probably from an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and should be independent. I agree with everyone else that if this counselor is any bit of a professional, they'll be helping you as well as your mom out to deal with your homosexuality.

 

You'll probably get a good sense if the guy has some 'ex-gay' or 'we can pray the gay out of you' ideals in the first couple sessions.

 

If he is good and is there for you, use those 10 sessions to the fullest. You probably have some other skeleton's in the closet that he can help fix too .

 

Take Care,

 

Vic

Edited August 31, 2006 by naper_vic

[Krista]

Hey,

 

I don't really know if I have the, "right" to post here. I'm going to anyway though.. lol. Now, I'm straight, but my friends who are gay, Derek and Jason used to live with me so I could at least tell you how my mother was around them and how their "legal" guardians were as well. Starting with Derek since he moved in first.

 

Let's see Derek officially moved in when he was outed by my father when I was sixteen. He was seventeen. Anyway, my father found out that Derek was Bi when me and him were, "Dating" so he called his father and so Derek was outed. My father didn't like homosexuals, but he's old and set in his ways. Well he's dead now, but he WAS set and old fashioned and just plain old. (Weird Family - I'll blog on that later.. lol). Anyway, SO Derek moved in with us and Mom soon divorced my father. Derek's father obviously didn't approve of his son even being Bi (at the time).

 

Now Jason he moved in a year and a half later. He first lived with his aunt and uncle and when he came out to me his twin brother Josh found out and outed him to his aunt and uncle. They didn't accept him and were pretty hostile and unforgiving about it. Asking him questions like, "You didn't touch "Nephew" have you?" So that was bad.

 

Oh wait my gay friend Greg - Isn't from around here, but his parents accepted him... but he moved here to go to college at U of Kentucky (Medical School student) from Mass.

 

NOW on to the main point since this is a Parental Acceptance of Gayness forum. My mother who has worked with many gay people let them both live with us. So she obviously felt accepting or at least open. But later I found out and so did they which is why neither of them are still living with my mother... that Mom only would let them stay if No one from her social group found out about Jason and Derek - two gay guys living under her roof.

 

So I haven't really saw a lot of Parental Acceptance of Gayness around me personally. I would like to, but I know that this is a Southern state so use your imagination there. I know of many gay people in and around my town that are extremely scared to come out to anyone in their family. Even to go as far as to putting, "Straight" on myspace. I don't know what to tell any of them either. I would like to tell them to be themselves, but around my home town Family is extremely important to one's survival. So it's a never ending clash with desire to express and the fear keeping them from doing it.

 

Krista

[jalaki]

Well, first off...Vic, all I can say is to give it time. Your parents haven't outright rejected you and, from most of what you said, ARE pretty accepting. You being gay must have been a pretty big shock to them, and it sounds like they (or at least your father) might not have realized just how big a shock. Call it a momentary lapse - these things happen. Try not to hold it against your father, I'm sure you'll be able to work things out.

 

David, your parents rock. Plain and simple. That goes for yours as well, Steve and Marty.

 

jaRED, ouch, man, I feel for ya *hug* Hopefully it'll all work out for the best, as everyone else has said. I do'nt really have much else to add to it as it seems they've said everything I would, so I'll just add my support. Keep us updated k?

 

As for myself...whoo, heh. My mom found out accidentally that I was gay (*shakes his fist at computers* heh) and didn't bring it up until several months later, when she "cornered" me after taking me out to dinner one night and popped the question.I'd actually been struggling with coming out to her (had already done so to a goodly number of friends) and decided that this was an opportune time - plus I didn't want to lie either, heh. She said she still loved me and all that but it seemed like she had some trouble under-the-surface and suggested I possibly see a counselor or psychiatrist or something (which I would have agreed to as long as I got to choose who it was but she's not the overly-religious type so I know it would have worked out) but that never happened. At the time I was living in another town (first year of college) and so it wasn't too huge an issue.

 

Well, after that year I ended up moving back in with her and going to school in the town she lived...and things kinda went downhill from there. Nothing was ever explicitly stated but tensions between us were uneasy for several reasons, one of which I think was my sexuality - or perhaps that just aggravated the other things. Well, eventually I ended up leaving - kinda of a half "being thrown out" and half "I'm outta here" thing. Moved all the way from North Dakota (born and raised up to that point) to Mississippi where I had a friend/family to stay with...and where I still am now, heh. Well, things kinda evened out slightly after this - I think the shock of me leaving prompted my mom to start rethinking things, and later when she was diagnosed with cancer (she's been cancer-free going on three years now, so hopefully it'll stay that wa) I think she realized that it wasn't good to keep things between us how they were. She started checking out PFLAG and other such things - completely unbeknownst to me at the time - and started coming to terms with things and now is pretty much completely accepting - at least as far as I know, heh. She always asks how my semi-kinda-boyfriend is doing (LDR so we're not completely official heh) though she has not yet met him. I know there are still a few things to be worked out eventually at some point but I'm pretty confident that it'll all turn out okay.

 

There ya go, that's my story and I'm sticking to it

[Gaibreal]

Hi, I'm new here, but this subject really caught my attention. I'm the oldest of 3 kids and 2 of us is bisexual. I have yet to come out to my parents, but my sister did. Unfortunately I was living 2 states away when it happened, because the response that she got from the family was anything but good. My other sister and her husband refuse to let their kids stay alone with Rena because they are afraid that she'll "make their kids that way". My mom and dad refuse to accept the relationship that she's in. If anyone asks about who the woman is living with my sister she is always referred to as Rena's roommate. They have forbidden Rena to tell any of our grand parents about it because they are afraid of what they would say.

 

At the time that my sister came out I had been married for over 2 years. My ex-wife and I are both bi-sexual. We never hid who we were out where we lived. Then last year my wife divorced me (seems that she found someone else), and I had to move back here to try and get my life back together. Since then I've been tempted several times to come out to my family as well, however I have always held myself back. My son and daughter live with me the majority of the time, and I worry that if I do with the way my mom and dad reacted to my sister that they would try to do something about my children being here with me. I can't lose my children on top of everything else. So for now I support my sister and make my feelings known to my family. So much so that I even let them move in with me until they got themselves a new place to live. It's caused a little rift between my parents, my other sister, and I, however I know that once I finally do come out to them that they rift will become even bigger.

[Demetz]

My dad, who's a little fatigued and loopy from the drugs and the pain says 'Vic, now's the time for your to consider having a relationship with a women. You can make it work.'

 

My parents are being accepting of my relationship with Silven, but I gather from things that my father says that were Silven and I to ever break up, he would push me to start dating women instead. Things he's said when we're discussing politics being something to the effect of "I still don't approve of the lifestyle" ... but, this line goes hand in hand with something to the effect of "its bull**** for two people who have been living together all their lives to be barred from seeing eachother in hospitals because they're not legally married as family." He may never fully accept what Silven and I have, but I know he's trying, and I am certainly willing to work with that.

 

Who knows... if Silven and I ever did break up I might try out the double x side of humanity, but for now, for the forseeable future, and for any hypothetical future I can imagine having, I wish to spend my life with Silven - Pat Robertson, Buchanans Pat and Verne, Fallwell, Harriss and all the other creepy-crawlies of the fundamentalist cults be damned.

[Graeme]

Since then I've been tempted several times to come out to my family as well, however I have always held myself back. My son and daughter live with me the majority of the time, and I worry that if I do with the way my mom and dad reacted to my sister that they would try to do something about my children being here with me. I can't lose my children on top of everything else.

I understand what you're saying. After way too long, I'm ready to come out of the closet, but I have to be very careful to do so because I have a responsibility to my wife and two boys. I told my wife I'm gay two years ago and it almost caused a divorce, but we've held things together and we're still happily married now. If it was just me, I'd tell people, but my kids need to know first -- it's cruel for them to be told by others and not by me. They are still too young to really understand and my wife and I are waiting until they are old enough to take it in and able to cope.

[knotme]

My parents have both passed. Otherwise, I probably would not post. My family rarely discussed awkward things. To bring up an awkward subject could itself be a provocation. I never mustered the courage to combine the betrayal (that's how I thought they would see it) of my homosexuality with the provocation of raising the subject directly. One day I sat down with my mother and admitted that I was uncertain and, at the moment, unwilling to swing either way (not that I put it flippantly; I cannot remember my exact words). For the rest, I let the facts speak for themselves. Repeated attempts to fix me up got nowhere. My father's bribe of a Visa card for "entertainment" went unused, on principle. (That pissed him off more than I could have imagined.) Mother and father talked, so they figured it out. They never mentioned it directly; that was our way. Our implicit bargain: I keep it out of their faces, and they leave it alone. Friends would pass round pictures of grandchildren, and my parents would gamely change the subject. Once, as executor of his younger sister's estate, my father directed that a beautiful pin be given to me so that I could "put it to good use". I looked into his eyes as he said that, and I could see repressed disappointment that I had not so far sucked it up, gotten married, and given them grandchildren. Otherwise, no discussion. I remained mostly asexual. Our implicit bargain held. Now they're gone. Honestly, to this day, I doubt that confronting the issue would have helped. It wasn't our way.

Edited September 3, 2006 by knotme

[DomLuka]

I recently had a problem with my mom sending me some of her church stuff suggesting that I should choose to be straight because that

[JSmith]

I recently had a problem with my mom sending me some of her church stuff suggesting that I should choose to be straight because that’s what’s “right.” I basically left the situation alone, but told her not to send anymore. We don’t have to agree on everything to love each other. Except, now she’s moved on to sending me her old romance novels (straight, historical romance novels.) She explains they’re “entertaining, erotic, and informative.” I choose to laugh about that one.

 

My dad’s still cool. His favorite thing to say to people who are unaccepting, is: “ I love gay guys, they leave more women for me.”

 

I'm going through the same thing as you basically, Dom. As soon as my mom found out about me, she started getting a lot more religous. And now I have to go to confession next Saturday to confess my sins... ALL of them she says. Well, that could take me a while. If I started a list now, I doubt I would be done by then, but hey.

 

Joe

[NaperVic]

And now I have to go to confession next Saturday to confess my sins... ALL of them she says. Well, that could take me a while.

 

Forgive me father for I have sinned. We have something in common now, we both had sex with men.

 

 

Sorry sorry, a joke!

 

Vic

[Marty]

I'm going through the same thing as you basically, Dom. As soon as my mom found out about me, she started getting a lot more religous. And now I have to go to confession next Saturday to confess my sins... ALL of them she says. Well, that could take me a while. If I started a list now, I doubt I would be done by then, but hey.

 

Joe

 

I attend a "Gay Spirituality" meeting on the last Sunday of every month at a Franciscan Friary about 50 miles from where I live. You might find that odd if I were to tell you I'm actually an atheist. However, when I told the Friars (as the Franciscan brothers like to be called) that I have a problem getting my head around the idea of a god, they simply laughed and said: "And do you think we don't doubt some of the time?"

 

Despite the fact that I don't believe, the meetings mean a great deal to me. Every month is different, and every month something 'magical' seems to happen. I can't explain in words exactly what this magic is; but maybe that's the nature of magic - it cannot be explained...

 

At one of the meetings a few months ago, a Redemptorist priest who was attending told a tale about a member of his flock who was upset because he had confessed to another priest that he had had sex with a man. The priest he had confessed to had asked him "What does it feel like to be a murderer?" Several times the man explained to the priest that he wasn't confessing to murder, he was confessing to sex with another man. Each time the priest came back with the same question.

 

Eventually the man asked the priest point blank what he was getting at, and the priest replied: "Well you killed that man's soul by having sex with him." He refused to give him absolution.

 

The Redemptorist priest said he asked the person what he had expected from the priest to whom he had confessed. He pointed out to him that he had: (i) admitted that he considered it a sin by confessing to it; and (ii) should have known better than to have expected an elderly priest, known to have very conservative views, not to react in such a way.

 

This Redemptorist, and the Ordained Franciscan friar at the meeting, went on to explain that, since Vatican II in the 1960's, any member of the Roman Catholic church is not bound to accept that, just because something may be considered a sin by others, that it means that it has to be considered a sin by the individual if that indiviual's conscience tells him or her otherwise. And in the case of gay people, gay sex per se should not be considered sinful.

 

It was also pointed out that the the encyclycals (sp?) of Pope JP2 and the current encumbant regarding gay sex and the gay lifestyle have not actually been issued 'Ex Cathedra'. In other words they have not entered the Canon Doctrine, but are simply the personal opinions of the two popes.

 

This is only a synopsis of what was discussed, but basically what I'm getting at, JSmith, is that you only need to confess to what YOU consider to be sins, not what other people (whether that's your mother, or the church hierarcy) may consider sinful.

 

BY all means go to confession if that's what you want to do. But before you confess to anything, decide for yourself whether it is sinful or not. If you don't consider it sinful, don't confess to it.

 

~ Marty ~

[AFriendlyFace]

My parents have both passed. Otherwise, I probably would not post. My family rarely discussed awkward things...

... I doubt that confronting the issue would have helped. It wasn't our way.

 

I'm going through the same thing as you basically, Dom. As soon as my mom found out about me, she started getting a lot more religous. And now I have to go to confession next Saturday to confess my sins... ALL of them she says. Well, that could take me a while. If I started a list now, I doubt I would be done by then, but hey.

 

Joe

awww Joe, I'm sure you haven't done that many bad things! You're way too great

 

This is only a synopsis of what was discussed, but basically what I'm getting at, JSmith, is that you only need to confess to what YOU consider to be sins, not what other people (whether that's your mother, or the church hierarcy) may consider sinful.

 

BY all means go to confession if that's what you want to do. But before you confess to anything, decide for yourself whether it is sinful or not. If you don't consider it sinful, don't confess to it.

 

~ Marty ~

Excellent Post, Marty! That's basically my take on the whole thing too. When I was a kid my religion teacher said that there were 3 components necessary to make something a sin:

 

1) you have to know it's sin (which IMO is what would let you off the hook here, since there's so much debate about it)

2) you have to think about it (premediated or actively indulged in, not just instant reaction)

3) and finally you have to actually do it.

 

Anyway I think it's really important to reconcile your faith and your sexuality. I've got LOTS of opinions on this matter, but I probably shouldn't discuss them all here. So let me know if you ever want to talk about it

 

Anyway take care all and have a great day!

Kevin

[jalaki]

Just gotta add my own two cents in here again, 'cuz I can't keep my big mouth shut (hey, that's not necessarily a bad thing, either )

 

Except, now she