Black Swan by Graeme

[C James]

Black Swans, by Graeme, is a very poignant tale, with a bittersweet ending.

 

It (to me) seems to have several underlying metaphors: That life comes full circle,

and that betrayals often carry a most terrible price.

 

There was much left unsaid but alluded to: What was John McMasters? Why was he alone?

I think the key there was when he was explaining the differences between white and black swans, and how, when younger, A young male black swan will often leave a companion for another.

 

My guess is that John McMasters was, long ago, in a relationship that ended through infidelity. But was he the unfaithful one, or the victim? Either way, he seems condemned to be alone by that years-past breakup, feeling regret, and loss. My hunch is that the regret is due to himself being the party responsible for the loss of his relationship.

 

I think the following line holds many clues, but I can

[knotme]

Black Swans spans one year, one human generation, and one cycle of black swans, all the while on a water's edge in Melbourne, although we hear briefly of Queensland. I enjoyed Scroogling the story's namesake and central symbol, the black swan, and would not welcome an intro to black swans. But CJ is right, many readers would.

 

The story's first character, John McMaster, mentions a 17th century [European] aphorism, "As impossible as a black swan." In my own experience, all in the Northern Hemisphere, the black swan now represents the fallacy of generalization by observation only: "All I see are white swans, so all swans are white", and by extension, of parochialism and surprise through ignorance. In Australia, of course, black swans are the rule and white, the exception. Melburnian John McMaster retains an immigrant European's notion: the black swan is a goal deemed impossible by others. His young friend Steve probably takes black swans for granted.

 

What are we to make of John, who in one breath speaks of searching for happiness that others deem impossible, and in his next, of lowering his expectations? Perhaps, as CJ says, John is battered and somewhat defeated by past losses. John resembles me as this story opens: childless, close to retirement, formerly ruled by work but now with more free time. I get the feeling that feeding the ducks, formerly Saturday afternoon's diversion, occupies more and more of John's later life. As John seems to limit his future to a choice between a cruise ship and sitting on a shore, I exclaim "No, no! It doesn't have to be like that!" He doesn't hear me, and in a few short, sweet minutes of reading time, John is dead and buried.

 

The story is set in five scenes: spring, summer, fall, winter, and spring. Short stories move fast and travel light, so when, in summer, John stops the action to philosophize, like CJ, I take notice. John tells Steve that black male swans, unlike their while counterparts, fool around for a while before settling down. (While I can find no corroboration of this fact, the black swans' well-known sociability certainly offers the chance. ) John and Steve discuss people's tendency to overlook the social differences between black and white swans because the two species "look similar". (True but strange, given the expression "as different as black and white" and the fuss we make over peoples' colors ).

 

Then, in fall, Eric's infidelity reminds me of a black swan. Is this a reference to stereotyping of GLBTs by straights? Like CJ, I am unsure. John reflects that he "has seen it happen before." LIke CJ, I suspect he's seen it close up, and I'm inclined to think that the other person did it.

 

Eric has ended up somewhat in John's former position, but did he follow in John's footsteps? A generation makes a difference. Where John, despite his lofty "philosophy of life", is resigned to lowered expectations. Eric remains hopeful. As I read that Eric's life was "hitting the lowest ebb" because he couldn't "bounce his new grandchild on his knee", I exclaimed "No, no, get a life of your own!". Maybe he'll listen.

 

As you can see, this story affected me. I have little to say by way of criticism of style, structure, pace, cadence, and diction except to ask "More of the same please?" The story is well edited by Rain, another thorough young editor. I looked hard to find this short list of nitpicks:

• instill a disapproving tone--not quite right to this Yank's ear. "instill" means "to establish [in a person's mind], slowly", or literally, to pour in.
  
• Is a lake that is "only shallow" shallow everywhere--that is, deep nowhere?
  
• In "Steve nodded his head, a forlorn expression on his face." the highlighted expression has too many syllables and a little over the top, forlorn meaning "pitifully sad and abandoned."
  

Elsewhere, what we Yanks might call an error may be minor a regional difference in English usage:

• Do Aussies say "pick up him" where Yanks say "pick him up"?
  
• "The council had collected them up and shipped them to a wildlife park in the country." Americans would not include "up".
  

[Graeme]

Wow! Thanks for the great analysis guys!

The swans seem to symbolize the cycles of life, and lend a stable constant to the story.

One common theme was the continual meddling and debating of the council. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

This was my first attempt to deliberately write a story with more than one layer. You have the swans and council, John McMasters and Eric/Paul/Steve, and I tried to blend the three stories together with a common thread.

Now, on to the Nitpicking!!! (takes out red pen and sharpens it..)

 

 

[knotme]

Edit: The layers and the theme of the seasons all came through loud and clear for me. I like that you continue into the next spring. Most stories bases on this theme stop at winter; that's wouldn't have suited this story as well.

Actually, no. This is a reference to long term relationships with children. It happens sometimes (too often), that while the parents may originally interact with each other AND the children, it slowly morphs into interacting THROUGH the children ("What did the kids do today?"). Once the children move out, the parents find that they've lost practise at communicating with each other and drift apart. This is the time where the relationship is in danger of breaking up. Infidelity is just a symptom.

John is childless, right? So this description applies only to Eric and Paul, yes? Edited November 4, 2006 by knotme

[Graeme]

In the story, yes, but John has observed it in other relationships, which is why he commented on it.

[C James]

Wow! Thanks for the great analysis guys!

 

I'm always happy to nitpick to death help out. :ranger:

 

This was my first attempt to deliberately write a story with more than one layer. You have the swans and council, John McMasters and Eric/Paul/Steve, and I tried to blend the three stories together with a common thread.

 

How did you do it regarding outlining and writing it? Did you plan on the multiple layers from the outset, or did it develop once you started?

[Graeme]

I planned it from the beginning -- the overall theme of cycles based on the seasons, and the different cycles involved for each of the threads. It wasn't written down, but I had the picture in my mind when I started.

 

Originally there were only going to be four parts, but my beta-reader didn't like the way it finished with the "Winter" cycle, so I added a "Spring" section at the end to round it off on a more positive note. I'm glad he mentioned it, because in hindsight it made the story stronger.

[C James]

I planned it from the beginning -- the overall theme of cycles based on the seasons, and the different cycles involved for each of the threads. It wasn't written down, but I had the picture in my mind when I started.

 

Originally there were only going to be four parts, but my beta-reader didn't like the way it finished with the "Winter" cycle, so I added a "Spring" section at the end to round it off on a more positive note. I'm glad he mentioned it, because in hindsight it made the story stronger.

 

Very cleverly done! It really gave it a "feel" of depth and deeper meanings.

 

One thing that you didn't do that caught my eye: refer to the months by name. That would have caused a lot of double-takes north of the equator when you started describing the cold winter winds of... July.

[jalaki]

I just finished reading this a little while ago, as well as the majoirty of short stories you had posted elsewhere, and couldn't resist adding my support (was gonna include this in a big response to the "Letters" pair, with included little bits about each of the stories, but I can repeat it here ).

 

 

CJ's statement that is is "a very poignant tale" is spot on. I don't know that I can add much to what he and knotme have already said; they seem to have covered all the bases I'd have touched on, as well as a few I wouldn't have. So kudos to them But triple-kudos to you for writing it. Definitely at the top of my "favorite short stories" list hehe.

 

I do have to mention something else, the style somewhat reminds me of the story "When He Was Five" by Cole Park (can be found on Nifty). This is a good thing, as I thoroughly enjoyed that short seires as well. An interesting read for others, perhaps

 

Once more though I'll say that I loved "Black Swans" and the rest of your works, and will be looking for more at some point

[Graeme]

Once more though I'll say that I loved "Black Swans" and the rest of your works, and will be looking for more at some point

Thanks. Unfortunately I've been concentrating on my latest novel so my short stories have been a bit sparse recently. I've got a few ideas, but I haven't had a chance to put any words down. We'll see what we can do....