Sky's The Limit by captainrick

[captainrick]

The Sky's the Limit Discussion thread.

 

Hey guys, I want to know what you think. This is my first story. I want the good, the bad, the ugly, (well, not too ugly) comments. PLEASE?!!

 

Thanks.

 

Rick

Edited January 25, 2008 by captainrick

[DarkShadow]

Well...you can find it here!

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewstory.php?sid=221

 

First, I have to say, that I didn't see a discussion thread created for this, so I created one. There was no query or request for critical comments so I'm not going to make any.

 

What I will say is this

 

I think for your first attempt at writing it's great! It's much better than my first attempt. I like the style of writing with the multiple views and the way you give so much background into a character without making it sound like some garish monologue.

 

A couple of spots caught my attention most. I don't know why other than I just love the way they were worded.

 

We're both poor rich kids with no appreciable skills. (this cracks me up!) I love it.

 

Her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes, became like hollow pieces of glass. (this to me was a very vivid mind's image. It painted the scene perfectly.)

 

Lots of plot, lots of intrigue, and some pretty spicy sex. The time shift was smooth and I didn't lose step in the slightest. Everything felt comfortable to me throughout the entire story.

 

So, on that note, I know all of our tastes differ, but I'd encourage you all to go take a peak and this jewel in the making!

 

Take care!

[captainrick]

Darkshadow,

 

Thanks so much for you comments! A couple of points, I just forgot to start this string when I posted last night. Hey, so sue me, it was getting late.

 

Next, as for some of the descriptions, I try to draw on as much personal experience as possible. (I just wish all the sex scenes were based on personal experience. Those are mostly wishful thinking! ) But as far as the cancer thing, I've had 2 people close to me die of that insidious disease including my Dad. Those things stay with you.

 

I'm so glad you like what I've done so far. The first few chapters were my hardest. IMHO it gets much better after the first six or seven, even though the sex scenes get fewer and further between. The story evolves into something much deeper on emotional and psychological levels. If I say more, I'll spoil it, so I won't. I'm going to try to post a chapter per week if my editor, (Who's been just terrific and patient with me so far) and I can keep up. I have the chapters for the whole first half of this story drafted. This may even turn into a 2 book series. At least that's where I'm strongly leaning now.

 

ONE REQUEST. PLEASE EVERYONE ADD COMMENTS!!! Thanks

 

Hugs everyone,

 

Rick

[Matthew]

The flash forward at the beginning of the chapter definitely got me hooked.

 

I also really liked the "poor rich kids" comment. I will say I was somewhat confused by the POV shift so early in the chapter. Evertything else flowed really well for me.

 

I'm looking forward to more!

[DarkShadow]

Darkshadow,

 

Thanks so much for you comments! A couple of points, I just forgot to start this string when I posted last night. Hey, so sue me, it was getting late.

 

Next, as for some of the descriptions, I try to draw on as much personal experience as possible. (I just wish all the sex scenes were based on personal experience. Those are mostly wishful thinking! ) But as far as the cancer thing, I've had 2 people close to me die of that insidious disease including my Dad. Those things stay with you.

 

I'm so glad you like what I've done so far. The first few chapters were my hardest. IMHO it gets much better after the first six or seven, even though the sex scenes get fewer and further between. The story evolves into something much deeper on emotional and psychological levels. If I say more, I'll spoil it, so I won't. I'm going to try to post a chapter per week if my editor, (Who's been just terrific and patient with me so far) and I can keep up. I have the chapters for the whole first half of this story drafted. This may even turn into a 2 book series. At least that's where I'm strongly leaning now.

 

ONE REQUEST. PLEASE EVERYONE ADD COMMENTS!!! Thanks

 

Hugs everyone,

 

Rick

 

It's not that you forgot anything, well you did, but I just didn't want your effort to go unnoticed or un-reviewed. Especially on your first work.

 

I can't stand for a post to have no replies. I can't stand for work to sit unreviewed lol. It is a quirk of mine.

 

A person's first writing is special, and a critical point I think to the future development. So... heheheh I made this thread for you.

 

Since you ask now for comments

Ever since she walked in and caught Dad f**king that damn bitch from his office and got that divorce she's been f**kin' nuts

(while I

[DarkShadow]

Yes... this is a shamless bump... well.. because I think it deserves it. I hope you all get a chance to review it.

 

Take care.

[captainrick]

A teaser from Chapter 3. Will be posted sometime Tues nite.

 

 

I still can

[DarkShadow]

A teaser from Chapter 3. Will be posted sometime Tues nite.

I still can

[captainrick]

Guys,

 

Thanks for hanging in there on my story, and I really appreciate all the comments so far. Please feel free to post here. I need ALL comments. Love it, hate it, constructive criticism, whatever. These first several chapters are all about falling in love, Jonah's first love. Sooo yeah, it's kinda top heavy on the erotica side for now. Trust me, there's quite a ride coming for these characters.

 

Enjoy, and make comments!

 

Rick

[Matthew]

The chapter can be found here: https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...0&chapter=3.

 

This chapter continues along the same vein as previous ones pretty well. It's a romantic and sweet, albeit somewhat typical, build up of romance. It was a nice chapter, but nothing really happened in it except the build up to the cliffhanger. Which isn't a bad thing, sometimes it's needed for the story before moving on.

 

While the chapter does end in a cliffhanger, I figure nothing too Earth-shattering can happen since they leave this trip without their fathers knowing. I know this because the story began with the flash forward to the other damn cliffhanger that keeps me coming back to this story. I want to know what happens!

[C James]

Guys,

 

Thanks for hanging in there on my story, and I really appreciate all the comments so far. Please feel free to post here. I need ALL comments. Love it, hate it, constructive criticism, whatever. These first several chapters are all about falling in love, Jonah's first love. Sooo yeah, it's kinda top heavy on the erotica side for now. Trust me, there's quite a ride coming for these characters.

 

Enjoy, and make comments!

 

Rick

 

Hi Rick!

 

Sorry I'm just getting to your story now. I'll make some comments as I read.

 

The first thing that caught my eye is your use of italics for the word "church". I really liked that, as it conveyed his disdain for that particular church with crystal clarity.

 

I like the situations: It's unique, and has "local color". I also love the vivid descriptions of Sky (he sounds very hot!)

 

Starting it as you did, and then jumping back in time for the backstory, is intriguing! It definitely makes me want to know what happens.

 

The idiosyncrasies, such as the Karate, Sky's full name, the dog, and the Golf all give the characters depth in my opinion. I like it.

 

I liked the Volleyball game in Ch 3, but a little more detail would have made it better. Just my opinion.

 

Finally, what an evil cliffhanger!

[colinian]

Rick,

 

You asked for comments in your post in the "Awesome article" forum. I included a summary of my comments in a story review.

 

I finally got around to reading Sky's the Limit. I'm glad I did! Great story, believable plot, believable characters, believable locations. I'm writing this after reading the first 3 chapters. I know there'll be more. Real Soon Now. Right? RIGHT?

 

You've done a good job with the flashback. I like flashbacks, with cliffhanger endings that both introduce the main body of the story and stick in my mind. Good flashbacks make me want to get to the part of the story that continues from the cliffhanger, so I can find out what's going to happen. It's also interesting how the pre-flashback is written from Sky's perspective, and everything else through chapter 3 is from Jonah's perspective. I like that.

 

You obviously know the areas in Alabama and Mississippi where the story's set, and that makes it sound real instead of made-up.

 

You've included lots of sex! The relationship between Sky and Jonah is is handled realistically. I know some people don't like stories where kids get it on when they first meet, saying it's not believable, but you make it sound believable. I believe it, and I don't care if no one else does! For me, that's what counts when I'm reading a story, is it written so I believe it.

 

You've done a great job defining your characters, doing so when we need to know more about each of them. You haven't fallen into the trap of describing every detail of each character's appearance. That lets me have my own images of Jonah and Sky and Jonah's mother and father. Especially his father! I have a friend whose father could be cast as my image of Jonah's father in the movie of Sky's the Limit. Chapter 1 hinted some things about Sky's father, and I assume we'll learn a lot more about him in future chapters.

 

I will be looking forward to future chapters. Sky's the Limit is a great read!

 

Colin

[colinian]

Rick,

 

Can you request that this forum be combined with the more recent Sky's the Limit forum? That way all of the reviews will be in one place.

 

Colin

[DarkShadow]

I really liked chapter 3. It's sweet, and there were some tense moments. I'm glad the characters are getting to know each other, but still have that 'realistic' zest for sex. They're 17! We're lucky they even left the condo!

 

I am curious to see what the cliffhanger will bring now Is someone fix'n to get their ass beat?

 

Good stuff Captainrick! Now.. MORE! lol

 

Take care!

[captainrick]

Rick,

 

Can you request that this forum be combined with the more recent Sky's the Limit forum? That way all of the reviews will be in one place.

 

Colin

 

 

Thanks to our moderator, C James, your wish is granted. Thanks to the goat!

 

Thank you also to Colin and Darkshadow for your comments. Yeah, these two guys are, well, insatiable, but at 15 and 16, who wasn't? Remember, Jonah is retelling what happened well BEFORE the little flashforward thing from Sky in the beginning of Chapt 1. These two have several adventures or encounters before we get there, and after? well that's the rest of the story isn't it. More will be coming next week, I promise. My goal is Tuesday nite.

 

Rick

[Ieshwar]

Well, that's a nice entertaining story. I loved the start with Skyler's reaction. He was just amazing.

 

I wanted to ask about the title. The title mentions 'sky'. Is it the blue one or the Blue one? Okay, I agree that it is a stupid question but I could not stop myself.

 

Ieshwar

[C James]

Thanks to our moderator, C James, your wish is granted. Thanks to the goat!

 

Thank you, I'm happy to help, but the real thanks go to Matthew for suggesting the way around a technical problem.

 

Thank you also to Colin and Darkshadow for your comments. Yeah, these two guys are, well, insatiable, but at 15 and 16, who wasn't? Remember, Jonah is retelling what happened well BEFORE the little flashforward thing from Sky in the beginning of Chapt 1. These two have several adventures or encounters before we get there, and after? well that's the rest of the story isn't it. More will be coming next week, I promise. My goal is Tuesday nite.

Rick

 

I'm certianly looking foward to it!

 

The realisim of the location, and the vividness of its description is especially good IMHO. Looking forward to Tuesday!

[Jack Scribe]

Rick,

 

Damn, I had difficulty finding your forum. May I suggest that with the posting of Chapter 4, you paste the forum link as well as the chapter?

 

I'm impressed with your first story! Very likeable lead characters and you've set up some interesting story line collision courses. The Chapter 3 cliffhanger was well positioned. I have a feeling that Jonah will have a chance to use his Karate skills in the next chapter. :2hands:

 

You carry the story forward very effortlessly with the dialogue. Look forward to the next chapter.

 

Best,

Jack

[captainrick]

Okay, alot's been happening last couple of weeks. Way back when I decided to post this story, I discussed posting with a number of different hosting websites. Back before Thanksgiving I got an email back from TR at AwesomeDude.com that they were interested in hosting the story (I sent him a rough draft) SOOooo to make a long story short, they're gonna host me and this story and agreed to host some future work, including Book 2, the sequel to this story. . Don't anyone panic, or get pissed. I'm still gonna post chapters here in Efiction, but ... and here comes the bad news, I'm waiting till this weekend to put up chapter 4 so they can kinda catch up. Only two chapters are posted there right now, and their admins do all the posting. Once they catch up, I will resume posting a chapter a week. (I'm really wearing out my Editor, sorry Charles) I've also been posting at nifty, but the same thing goes. In fact, I want the story chapters posted at AD and here Before it gets to Nifty.

 

Anyhow, I hope this doesn't piss anyone off too bad, but I'm so excited about the AD thing!

 

Hugs,

Rick

 

Story link:

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...0&chapter=3

 

Post comments in the discussion forum. here:

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=6798

 

Here's the Awesomedude link if you'd like to see it.

 

http://www.awesomedude.com/captain_rick/SKY/index.htm

 

Thanks!

 

Hugs everyone,

 

Rick

[Jack Scribe]

AwesomeDude.com (is) gonna host me and this story and agreed to host some future work, including Book 2, the sequel to this story. In fact, I want the story chapters posted at AD and here Before it gets to Nifty.

 

Anyhow, I hope this doesn't piss anyone off too bad, but I'm so excited about the AD thing!

 

Rick

Hey Rick,

 

Congratulations! AD is a terrific site and "dude" is impassionate about doing his best to present an exciting platform for writers. AD radio is awesome! I also proudly post stories on Awesome Dude and welcome you to the family. Word of advice: don't ignore your forum at Gay Authors. You'll find that there's not much feedback or discussion at AD.

 

Jack

[captainrick]

Hey Rick,

 

Congratulations! AD is a terrific site and "dude" is impassionate about doing his best to present an exciting platform for writers. AD radio is awesome! I also proudly post stories on Awesome Dude and welcome you to the family. Word of advice: don't ignore your forum at Gay Authors. You'll find that there's not much feedback or discussion at AD.

 

Jack

 

 

That's the only downer about this whole thing. I'm not leaving or abandoning this site! Every chapter of Book 1 will be posted as promised! I love, no I crave, the feedback I get here, even though i wish there were more. I don't care whether it's negative or positive feedback, I just want to know somebody's reading my work. I'm going to be posting a request for feedback on my author page at AD. I'm hoping that will help. Anyone reading this -- get the message! An author's feedback is the only way he improves! Let me know what u love and what u hate. I love all my work, but that doesn't mean you do, let me know! I'll try to fix it or even exceed your requests.

 

For those of you who have read and commented, Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I only hope the rest of the story entertains you enough to keep reading because it gets so much better from here. REALLY, it does. I promise.

Rick

[captainrick]

Rick,

 

Damn, I had difficulty finding your forum. May I suggest that with the posting of Chapter 4, you paste the forum link as well as the chapter?

 

I'm impressed with your first story! Very likeable lead characters and you've set up some interesting story line collision courses. The Chapter 3 cliffhanger was well positioned. I have a feeling that Jonah will have a chance to use his Karate skills in the next chapter. :2hands:

 

You carry the story forward very effortlessly with the dialogue. Look forward to the next chapter.

 

Best,

Jack

 

 

THANKS! I take that as high praise from an accomplished writer. Chapter 4 will be up, this weekend as I explained in my other post. I'm not going to give out any spoilers on the karate thing but be prepared for another cliffhanger. Yeah, I know I'm evil.

 

Rick

[C James]

THANKS! I take that as high praise from an accomplished writer. Chapter 4 will be up, this weekend as I explained in my other post. I'm not going to give out any spoilers on the karate thing but be prepared for another cliffhanger. Yeah, I know I'm evil.

 

Rick

 

Authors who use cliffhanger are definitly evil.

 

Looking forward to chapter 4!

[C James]

That's the only downer about this whole thing. I'm not leaving or abandoning this site! Every chapter of Book 1 will be posted as promised! I love, no I crave, the feedback I get here, even though i wish there were more. I don't care whether it's negative or positive feedback, I just want to know somebody's reading my work. I'm going to be posting a request for feedback on my author page at AD. I'm hoping that will help. Anyone reading this -- get the message! An author's feedback is the only way he improves! Let me know what u love and what u hate. I love all my work, but that doesn't mean you do, let me know! I'll try to fix it or even exceed your requests.

 

For those of you who have read and commented, Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I only hope the rest of the story entertains you enough to keep reading because it gets so much better from here. REALLY, it does. I promise.

Rick

 

I'll certainly keep reading!

 

My request is for chapter 4 to be posted soon.

[captainrick]

I'll certainly keep reading!

 

My request is for chapter 4 to be posted soon.

 

 

It will be, I promise. If you didn't see my other thread, I've gotten a generous offer to host this story at Awesomedude. They posted the first 2 chapters initially week before last, even though they usually only post single chapters. Chapter 3 was posted there Saturday. I've been trying to let them catch up. They post about every 7 days. I will post Chapt 4 here on Wed. nite and then that site should be caught up by Saturday. Then, by the next weekend both sites should be on parity. At least that's the plan. Anyhow, I know I left y'all in a cliffhanger, but all this happened rather suddenly and I'm trying to work with it. Take that as an apology, but I don't offer it as an excuse. These first chapters have been written and edited for sometime, I just want to be fair to everyone.

 

Thanks to everyone for reading, I really appreciate all of you

 

Rick