Ashi

Thanks Emi! I try to do my best. And poetry is a way to convey emotion!

Should I Really Care? I hear raindrops, or is it faucet leaking? Water rolls down my face. Am I under a roof or outside the wall? Breeze brings indifference; devoid of love.

Hi.

Such a sad story. The emotion is so complex with a little mystique to it. I like how you put everything together at the same times the resolution isn't what it seems to be. Put the reader into the perspective of someone with dementia, because I keep doubting myself if my reality is real or not. Nicely done.

If I can't sleep and ended up using up the whole box of Kleenex, you know who's to blame.

This is WRONG! I am so going to tell the admins. THIS IS PR0N!!!! /me goes behind the curtain...

Wow, 10,000 likes. Congrats.

Okay, change tune a bit.... Kind of 80's except it's new.

Where is Drew??? Where is Drew??? Did he get sucked by the two black holes?

James and MrM. Love both songs. And I like both artists.

Elementary school years (early 80's): I am going to get straight A's, which is a given of course.... Anything less is just not right. Oh my..., those delinquent boys were in the bomb shelter comparing sizes. AGAIN!!! WTF. That's like so gay! (*stares at them at a distance*) I am going to tell the teachers if they don't stop (but didn't). Oh, girls are playing jumping rope again... let's join them. Why my parents don't want to buy me Barbie dolls? Maybe it's better that I ask for He-Man.... Middle school years (late 80's): Why boys smell like... armpits? Must be puberty. I think my body is changing.... I hate my voice. I can't sing anymore. Body hair is like so yucky. I don't get straight A's anymore.... What's wrong with me? I want to go to pee, but those guys in the stalls smoking cigarettes are so scary. I must go to pee together with my BFF. My BFF shares the same concern like me. So why do boys stink so much? High school years (early to mid 90's): People don't like me, but I don't know why. Must be my skin or my accent. I don't need friends anyways. Why people stare at me? Let's focus on the academics and less about popularity. You don't make money because you're popular. School sucks anyways. Those Goths people are scary, because they yelled at me. I am going to die if my teacher found out the reason I was late was because I was in bowling alley with a friend. Shareware games like Doom is so violent! I hate FPS. Why can't everyone must be dumbed down to be popular. Not like I want to be popular. If people want to hate me for being a nerd, then so be it. Why that guy called me Daisy? I don't need a sophomore guy to defend me, but it's nice of him. Yeah, bullies are so childish. But why does that sophomore guy has to move away? I had a strange dream about guys in swimming pool. Must not tell anybody about it. Masturbation is... bad, but I can't help it. I think I don't want to select swimming for my PE elective. Volleyball is more fun anyways. That guy who dyed his hair pink, I think I like his guts, but why he never talks? Oh, Internet.... Internet costs money, so let's go to BBS. Free stuff on BBS!!! Yay, let's download sharewares, but not FPS.... That guy sitting in front of me in literature, he is not gay, is he? Maybe he is..., but why should I care? Jerry Springer Show is so trashy. I bet that guy is cheating on his wife with a guy again. College years (mid 90's to early 2000's): Life is... going to school and back home again. Might as well starting a virtual life on the Internet. People online are so much more accepting. People are questioning my sexuality again. You know what? Don't ask, don't tell. I don't hate gay but I am not going to be identify as one either. Maybe that's the easiest way out. I can't help myself but feeling this guy is watching me. I think he is very cute, but how do I talk to him? Maybe I should just stand next to him in the hallway. He looks so cute when he blush. (*stares at the guy*) Oh no.... I think he smiled. Gosh, I love taking English class. Why is he avoiding me and wants to talk to me at the same time? He is so confusing! The summer job is boring. I don't think I would ever see him again. I didn't go chase after him on the second-to-the-last-day of class, because I was afraid I would out myself in front of everyone in the class. Now I think of it... stupid, stupid me. Why care? Why is my supervisor looking at me funny? I bet it's him who put that stupid magazine on my cash register.... Such a thinly veiled gay-agenda article. Why is he coming to my register? Oh no.... I was just talking to this gay couple. Is that so wrong? Why is he grabbing my arm and smile like that? He is not my type anyways.... Maybe I just don't know my type, because I skipped work with him today. He wants me to watch him play hockey and I just can't resist him.... Why must he stripped down to just his jock strap. I am not going to give him a BJ, you know. I am not like that. Maybe I do like him, but I can't just do him in locker room or in his car. And he is a smoker! I hate smokers, though he agreed to switch to light.... Oh no, that seemingly nice lady online is trying to out me! What the f*ck she thinks she is! You know what? I am going to out myself before she tells everyone. Maybe I shouldn't out myself. Cause my online BFF doesn't talk to me anymore.... Is it my fault I am gay? Why everyone is so afraid of gay people? My BFF and I had so much fun together, and why would my sexuality change that? It's all that lady's fault. Now I can't even have my friends anymore. Why can't I even finish this stupid pop quiz without making the Scantron all wet with my tear? You know what? I quit! Maybe I shouldn't quit school. Now everything is all piling up and I can't seem to be on track again with my school work. I should never out myself in the first place, not even when the lady taunted me. I should just be like everyone else, keep my sexuality to myself. Maybe I should just chase after that guy in my English.... Maybe I should just give my supervisor a BJ.... Maybe... so many maybes.... Maybe I am not meant to be happy. (ten years later) I enjoy looking at Costco Boy.... I don't care what you think.... I am not going to screw up again. He is better than many maybes, and opportunities lost, because he will always be there. My life is not going well so far, but at least I have a sweet memory. I voted no to Prop 8, I am glad gay people can marry now though it was not an easy fight, I walked AIDS Walks twice, and spectated Pride Parade once. I think I am okay. The future belongs to you youngsters. Just be who you are.

*hands MrM a silver phone dialer* You're not generationless. You guys are Generation Ashi. I remember Where in the World is Carmen San Diego and Oregon Trail. I remember Microsoft Bob and Railroad Tycoon. Apple Newton, Palm tablet? How about those beepers?

I do photography for sport.... I carry tripod and stuff and do hiking. I was never good at sport in school.... Being gay, my wrists were too limp to dribble, and my legs were too dainty to run.... Oh my good, what if the boys were watching me in locker room!!! #faint.

Yeah, I can imagine it's a very difficult choice. Slightly off tangent. I remember I used to play this text-based game in DOS called Alter Ego or something. That was my first experience of making "adult decisions." I remember I was frustrated that there wasn't a decision where I could be gay. LOL But yeah, just be very careful. I am sure this won't be the last you'll see such betrayal in the work place. It makes you wonder if many people ever graduated from high school. Be forgiving, so you could be content.

I think that article tailored toward my generation. I wouldn't call myself an Old Millennial though (I just call myself "Old" period). I graduated in high school during the late 90's and all that stuff in Buzzfeed spoke to me to the T. I would say it was written by someone maybe one or two years younger than me. But then, I think Buzzfeed tailors toward older "Internet-connected" people like me, but ironically I hate it! My brother loves it, but I just... don't read it and drive, please. I have first-hand experience with like 99% of those they described. I am so proud I am like a vintage wine that tastes like cliche... NOT! Late 90's was really a golden age. Some of you "millennials" would probably only able to legendarize it in the articles such as that Buzzfeed, which may or may not make you guys salivate in your wet dream. But what made it special wasn't something you could write or read about..., you gotta experience it. I wouldn't want to relive it, seriously, though that's what makes it memorable. It's like watching Thelma and Louise on DVD, like... twenty years after its initial release, maybe? You remember you repeated that segment when the young Brad Pitt was half-nekked with a blowdryer in his hand. You loved it and digged it, and you wanted to get a Mrs. Pitt T-shirt, then you laughed yourself silly because gay marriage wasn't legal. Then all of a sudden, you crashed... after remembering how that movie ended. "That was a great movie" was echoing in your head, but that's about it. You probably would dig the DVD out just for the blowdryer scene, but you'd never want to go through that experience in its completeness.... I still remember the life before Internet.... Maybe that's an experience that nobody could take away from me. People just talked differently back then, and the entire world wasn't so synched, and not every state in the "United States" was equal. California was clearly more edgy and everyone envied to be a Californian. Now California is just another state after the Internet age, and you'd hear Californians say "other people won't understand us" on the street because, "we're just... different" in a poignant sort of way.

You know, W_L..., a successful drama is based on the author's ability to torture his/her protagonist.... LOL I've been to a writer workshop and the speaker just said you have to be a sadist to be a writer, and that's what he meant! Not that I encourage people to be torturers, but you know what I mean.... And sometimes in life, things get unresolved, and they could have less than satisfactory results. Go ahead and write your story and like other said, you don't have to publish it. Either that or find something smashable and start unload.... Just kidding. P.S. please don't beat me up

Oh my goodness! Drew you are such a nerd!!! I love it. LOL. And it seems Anty is one too.... Just look at that bathroom....

Sometimes it's hard. I've yet to have a job that kinda respect me.... All jobs are sort of a compromise between money and self-worth. It's a matter which one you value more. Unfortunately for most of us who are working in that situation, we had financial obligation, so we had to endure it. You just have to get used to it. I would say you got the right track that you want some respect for yourself. Though there will be some reflection you also have to go through in the reconciliation process. You seem to be a beautiful young man. And let each job you take be a life experience and learning process, rather than dwell on it and be bitter, okay?

A seed will germinate and rejuvenate.

OMG, I am late... I don't mean my period. I mean... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy birthday!

I can NEVER be as nerdy as you! But I like it anyways!

Merry Christmas.

Some of my favorites: Feliz Navidad, Have Yourself a Merry Christmas, Last Christmas.

DREW!!! I love the story. The story is realistic and very well. I can relate it well and so would many people can empathize. It's sad some of us must go through similar traumatizing event. But I really love the realistic nature of the story. Though I was hoping for some naughty bits, but I am glad you wrote the way it is.