viv

These words are absolutely a figment of your imagination... I've started to write a blog here about fourteen times in the last month, and every time I click 'Add Entry' this overwhelming feeling comes over me that I won't be able to do it justice because my brain is focused on about forty-seven different things and so, I quit before I even start. In case you were wondering what actually happened to me... High School Marching Band and Colorguard ATE MY SOUL. No lie. In addition to that I've been sick, recovering from being sick, having visitors (Jeff and Thorben), my house has gone into foreclosure, gone to Disneyland twice, and working. I'm not really sure I can tell all of what has gone on, nor am I sure that more than a few people actually want to read it, but I'll try to sum up and include some pictures. I was sick, a small little sinus thing that didn't feel too bad, but kicked my ass in the feeling tired for weeks department. Now I'm well... no big deal. (That was easy...) Jeff and Thorben came to visit over Halloween weekend!! They arrived late one Thursday night and we sat around and talked for an hour before we all gave up and needed to sleep. On Friday, Jeff flew to Sacramento to see his VERY pregnant sister he almost never sees, and Rich and I took Thorben to The Block to shop, see the Vans Skate Park, and have his very first Jamba Juice!! We picked kids up from school, baked oatmeal raisin butterscotch cookies and a pineapple upside-down cake, went to TGIFriday's for dinner where there were several men dressed as angels with wings and halos for Halloween. We went back to my house and Jeff arrived from the airport and we carved pumpkins and had cake and then all passed out. Saturday was Halloween and we went to Santa Monica Pier where Thorben stuck his toes in the Pacific ocean, and then much more than his toes. It was the farthest he's ever been from home and pretty exciting for him to get to see things like the Hollywood sign and other things he's only ever seen in movies or on TV. We dressed Matty up as Anakin Skywalker and dressed Annemarie up in her costume and make-up for her performance and dropped her off at school. We took Matty trick-or-treating and Thorben got to do that for the first time in his coordinating Darth Vader t-shirt. Then we QUICKLY drove over to the stadium to catch Annemarie's performance and Jeff got to be a big marching band geek again for a few hours. Annemarie's school has been consistently winning and it was awesome to have them see it. (I'm going to put a link here to the show, and I'm going to make serious threats about anyone even THINKING about doing something stupid regarding my kid and her school. Also excuse the screaming, but this was a football game...) We got to bed after midnight and then dragged out butts out of bed again early to go to Disneyland. Jeff and Thorben briefly met my sister and then we were in and waiting for a certain Steve that may have overslept... We had long cinnamony goodness and watched fireworks. The next morning I worked and Jeff, Thorben, and I had a quick goodbye breakfast at the local IHOP. Anyway, the drama with my house is both a good and bad thing, but I think that in the end, everything will work out for the best and we'll finally be on our own. Either that, or I'll be asking to come sleep on your couches... I've been reading bandom. There's, like, a SERIOUS lack of good stuff to read out there lately... said the one who's not contributing at all. Rich has a sort-of beard going on. It's not long, more like a scruffy, hasn't shaved in a week thing, and it's alright. We'll see how that goes and if I can deal with it. I spent last Friday at Disneyland where my daughter and her band and colorguard were in the Disneyland Parade and that was pretty cool. My sister and Rich managed to get along all on their own for a few minutes, and for the whole morning in my presence. GASP! Then we met up with Steve again and had MORE long cinnamoy goodness. I might be wrong, but it feels a little like he keeps eyeing me like he wants to cuddle and is afraid to. Jeff is a BIG cuddler, and so am I, and Thorben is working on it, so I think it was an interesting thing for Steve to see... feel free to correct me if I'm wrong and cuddle me if I'm right! We didn't get ANY Smarties in the Halloween candy this year so I had to buy some from the markdown section. Contrary to popular belief, they do not actually make you smarter. Also, I didn't even sort the candy this year (GASP) cause I was SO busy doing a zillion other things, and since Annemarie was performing, she didn't get to trick-or-treat this year so Matty just shared with her... unheard of, I know. But it was really cute cause he kept leaving her little stacks of candy on her bed and then she'd come home and find them and smile. I haven't talked to Davey, outside of a random text message, in weeks cause he's moved to a new store again and living out of a hotel again. Last time we talked, he seemed much happier and told me a hilarious story I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I shared with you. Just as a refresher, he is a manager of a big store for a big chain. He told me that he has some guy working for him at the new store he's out who is totally obvious with his flaminess and also, is a lazy excuse for an employee. Several times he's had him in his offie talking to him and discussing how he needs to be trying harder, working faster, priorities, etc... and this last time, the guy told Dave he was going to report him for harassment, based on the guy's sexuality. Dave picks up the phone and calls Chris and tells the guy to tell this person on the phone what he just told Dave. So the guy, trying to stick to his bravado, repeats it and then all he hears is Chris LAUGHING. He demands to know who he's talking to and Dave says, "That would be my boyfriend..." PS. WE LOVE CHRIS! One last funny story for the road... Our trip to Disneyland with Jeff and Thorben and Steve left us with an odd number of people and so, to make sure no one would have to ride alone, I asked Annemarie to see if she had any friends with an annual pass who might want to come along. She asked this boy, J, who entertained us with MUCH Disney trivia and card tricks while we were there. Anyway, before we went, J tells me his mom wants to meet me, which, cool, cause too many parents don't give a shit where or who their kids are with these days. Turns out I had already met her at another parent meeting so we did the whole 'I know you. And I know you' thing. So she's asking if I want her to bring J over in the morning before Disneyland and I say that I' be happy to come get him, no need for her to get out of bed early on a Sunday. She asks where we live and I tell her the cross streets and she asks what street specifically like she knows the area. I tell her and she tells me that she grew up on the same street... turns out she lived four houses down from me when I was a kid, and she's much older than me, since I'm like... the youngest mom of a high schooler, but I'm trying to remember who else lived there. I remember a boy named Josh that I played with a lot, and I mention his name and she tells me he's her nephew and I say, "Oh wow! I totally kissed him by the pool when we were 6!" And of course, Annemarie and J are like ::groan:: Parents! From my own side of this very small and very big world, Viv

Maybe tomorrow you can work on figuring out your homonyms... and good luck with your date!

Congratulations... :hugs: Aggresive-aggresive is far better than non-responsive-uncaring. I'm very glad that you're as strong as you are. Good for you!

I have a list up through the years... As a kid, definitely Charlotte's Web. The teenage years, The Outsiders. Recently, Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom.

I put up a portion of the next part in my blog recently. I'm working on finishing it up, but you can get a head start if you want a sneak peak over there.

The reason for the poll is that there seems to be a sexual orientation thing happening with my daughter's new group of teammates. There is H, who is a lesbian. There is D, a guy, who is bi, but seems to exhibit typically female tendencies like shaving his legs, having long hair with bangs and then wearing it up in a ponytail like girls tend to. Then she said another girl told them she was bi, and now a freshman, M, has said she's bi, too, and when I walked in there last Friday she was all cuddled up with another girl holding hands. Annemarie thinks that M is just saying that so that people will like her, and I found myself wondering when being gay or bi was the cool new trend. I know plenty of people who have struggled for years, or who are still struggling with being gay and I can't imagine someone thinking that claiming to be gay or bi would be an easy way to make friends. Additionally, I began to wonder how much H, D, and M can actually be sure they know what they are/like at such a young age. I'll admit that I was quite young when I started getting sexually involved with boys. Too young, for sure, but I knew then what I liked, and I know today that I still like it. Personally, I would rate myself a 2 on the Kinsey Scale. I've never actually done anything sexual with a girl beyond figuring out how certain parts work while next to each other, but I can admit that I definitely find some women attractive. How far I would get sexually with one, I'm not sure. I may be a 'gay above the waist' type of person. On the other side of this argument, I have been having sex for about 18 years now, and there are plenty of new things I've found out I like that I didn't know back then. So anyway, I'm interested in what you guys think and have experienced. I know these are personal questions, so feel free to remain anonymous, or if you like, let's discuss it further. As promised, here is a portion of Underneath This Big Ol' Sky - Part 6 that I have been working on... hope you enjoy it and THANK YOU all for being SO EXTREMELY patient with me while I deal with the hardest part of writing, for me. Underneath This Big Ol

Dave didn't think so...

but I'm not sure if it would actually get better so I guess I'm going to remind myself that it's just stuff... So, I was literally all over Earth yesterday trying to get ready for this birthday party we're having on Sunday, which, on a side note, I'd like to take this time to bitch about people who don't RSVP, f**king DO IT people, it's hard to know how much stuff to buy... ANYWAY, I bought a pinata, I went to the party store to buy candy and stuff for some games we'll play, I went to this place I hate but happens to be in the same parking lot as the party store and bought a couple random items, I came home and emptied the car out, went to the car wash, the bank, picked up Matty, whose birthday it was, brought him home THE dirtiest I have ever seen him, made him immediately take THE fastest shower he has ever taken and get dressed, picked Rich up from work, had my first thing to eat at 3pm, picked up Annemarie's dance leotard, went to my store to buy food for the party and order a cake, which I would make, but since I have to work till 10 tonight, no chance that is happening, and then came home to put all this food away, so then we could pick Annemarie up from practice, bring her home to shower and then take the birthday boy to Chuck E. Cheese, and of course we HAD to visit Toys R Us next door, and then Rich wanted frozen yogurt, and who am I to say no to some pomegranate yogurt with strawberries and rasperries on it? Somehow before I even made it to the pinata store, I manage to bump my car into someones else's... nobody was hurt, my car is a little more or less ugly, depending how you look at it, but what's worse is, I STILL really have no idea how it happened. Also, at some point during the ridiculousness that was my day yesterday, I lost one of my diamond earrings that I've worn for like... 10 years. Rich gave them to me as a Mother's Day/Birthday/Anniversary present. I was in the car on the way home from my store, so if you followed the crazy timeline above, close to the end of my trek all over Earth, when I felt something fall down inside my shirt. Turns out it was the back to my earring, which makes me think the earring can't be far, but I called the store, had them check the parking lot where we parked, we went back there to check ourselves also, seeing as these things cost a LOT, and then everyone inside is on the look out, Rich checked the car, I checked the grocery bags... no earring. Additionally, my pal Gregg from work had his last day there yesterday so that's a :sad: too. I'm going to go cook a crazy amount of food, do a ridiculous amount of laundry, wake a grumbly Rich to wash a kitchen full of dishes, take a shower, go feed a teenager mid-practice, get some party games set up, assign Rich and Matty the job of figuring out how to fill the pinata, while making sure there is some actual candy left to put inside it, and then go to work till 10. Here's to my day being better than yesterday... Viv PS. I would like it very much if, from now on, all books I buy could manage to be ones I haven't already read half of... kthxbai.

Nothing... and also, there's only one 'h' in sandwich. High five Mike! I'll offer this one in return: What walks on 4 legs at the beginning of it's life, 2 legs in the middle, and 3 legs at the end? PS. I didn't have to google it, because not only did I pass the second grade, I did it a year younger than everyone else, probably cause I know sandwich only has one 'h'.

So, after much panicking and mayhem and nonsense, Rich and I have come to the same conclusion we had previously been at... Annemarie is NOT ready to have a boyfriend. Now that it's all settled, I feel MUCH better. Thank you to Jeff, Steve, Gregg, and Tony for calming me down while I was temporarilly out of my mind. I love you guys! Speaking of Gregg... he put his two week notice in at work yesterday and I'm pouting. He's already been instructed that he BETTER come visit me and supply me with hugs. So, I heard two really messed up stories today at work. The first was told to me by an older guy I work with who is a checker. Ron was telling me that he had a HELLUVA day yesterday and so I ask him what happened? We have this customer that comes in... she rides one of those motorized scooter things because her legs don't work at all and her arms barely work. Typically she hands us a bag she put her few items in so we can ring them up for her and then she hands us her credit card since she can't even swipe it on her own really. So Ron says that somehow, her shopping bag must have pushed the steering controller forward and her scooter was repeatedly running into the checkstand and by the time he got over there, it was all messed up. Anyway, he helps her and then goes to lunch at Burger King which is eveidently random for him since he almost never goes there. While he's there, he runs into an old friend who is a cop and they're shooting the shit while they wait in line. Ron orders some food and as he's paying realizes that he has some blood on his hand from helping the scooter lady, so he goes into the bathroom to wash his hands and walks in on some 14 year old kid giving a blowjob to some man. He turns around and walks back out and tells his cop friend to go in there and then spent the rest of his lunch break filling out all kinds of statements and reports. The second story was told to me by another older guy I work with in rebuttal to my freak out story about Annemarie. So this guy is a really nice, friendly, sweet man and I really like talking to him. He tells me that his daughter who is 18 came to him a couple months ago and asked him if it would be alright if a guy came over to meet them. He wants to get permission to come hang out with her, etc. He glances at his wife, and realizes that his wife and daughter have already discussed this and why is he the only one who doesn't know what is going on in his house with his kid!? He agrees to meet this guy the following Saturday. When he gets home, there is a BMW parked in front of his house and he's already thinking 'what kid drives a BMW?' He goes inside to meet this guy... who turns out to be 35. This guy seems to think he can talk man to man style and isn't really being very respectful and that pisses Carlos off. He finally tells the guy that he'll think about it, and when he's ready to talk to this guy, he'll let his daughter know. So Carlos has a friend who is a private investigator, and he calls him cause nothing about this feels right to him and this is his daughter. A week later, the friend calls back and it turns out that the guy is married with 3 kids. He tells this to his daughter who doesn't believe him... I mean, I get it. Who wants to feel like they were that blind or stupid to be duped like that. He tells her to get in the car, and they drive over to the house and go up and knock on the door. The guy's wife answers and they ask if the guy is home, and she says no, that he is out of town for a couple days. They ask who she is and she says she is the guy's wife. Turns out the BMW he drives around is the one her dad, who is a police chief or something, bought her. So Carlos is asking his daughter what happened between her and this guy, how long were they seeing each other, etc? Turns out it's been over a year, so she was still 17 then. She says she never slept with him, but he asked her and was telling her he would marry her. UGH! Meanwhile, while they are there, his daughter's cell phone rings, and it's the guy and so... Carlos gave the phone to the guy's wife to answer. Needless to say, he wasn't too pleased and is a total f**ker. Oh, and a paramedic guy was in today and he and his partner bought some gum along with all their food for their shift, and then his partner was laughing at him because his gum was Zing flavored. So the paramedic turns to me and says tell him this stuff is GOOD! So I laugh and admit that I can't because I'm one of those boring 'I only ever have the same one kind of gum' people and he says to me, "Variety is the spice of life, Sweetheart. Trust me, you'll LOVE this!" And I'm thinking... where have I heard THAT before? Anyway, I'm working all weekend and on the holiday, too. My kid is turning 14 and thinks she's ready to be someone's girlfriend and maybe kiss him some, but can't manage to look me straight in the face and ask if it's okay like someone who is mature enough to be in a relationship like that. Instead it went more like, "So, umm, Mom... What would you think, I mean, umm, well, you know, if, umm, ::look away:: well, if maybe, ::fidget with the sheets on the bed:: like if, well, maybe Derrick and I ::insert profuse amounts of blushing:: could be ::stares at the wall:: boyfriend and girlfriend?" OH MAN! She asked if she could invite this boy over so we could meet him since we had previously heard a less than desirable story about him and he wanted to meet us. Pretty gutsy on his part, and I give credit where it's due. I can overlook that he showed up on his bike in his skinny jeans, plugs, and a mohawk, because he talked to me and was honest. Besides, I married a guy with long hair... I'm not about prejudices based on looks. Anyway, she's not quite ready, and that has nothing to do with what kind of haircut the guy has or what cut of jeans he wears. On the plus side, while I was totally not sleeping last night cause I was in a state of PANIC! I thought of all these crazy story ideas! maybe I'll get some of them on paper soon. Alright, I'm done for now... Happy Labor Day Weekend! Viv

Or... next time he comes in, ask him what time he gets off so you can buy him something better to drink!

There has been craziness afoot this past week in my life and there is so much to tell... grab your popcorn and settle in. This is like when your mom told you that you better go before you leave the house cause it's gonna be a long ride. In no specific order: Annemarie came home from her first day of band camp with a gift. Tradition, she says, for the seniors to give the freshman a gift. A notepad and pen to mark where she is supposed to be in each set on the field, a chapstick, a band aid, a tampon, and a condom... "You can't tell dad, he'll FREAK out!" I'm trying not to freak out myself. I tell him anyway. I'm not down with that keeping secrets nonsense. Randomly, there happened to be a mandatory parent meeting that night so after the meeting I hung around a few minutes until it cleared out some and then I went up to the band director and said, "As the paranoid mother of a thirteen year old girl, and I'm probably the coolest mom out there when it comes to this stuff," and he smirks at me, "I just wanted to let you know that she came home today with a gift," and he's nodding. "This gift was a notepad and pen, a chapstick, a band aid, a tampon... ::dramatic pause:: and a condom." From the look on his face, he clearly didn't know that happened and pulls out his phone and starts typing. I continue, "While I appreciate the spirit of the message they're trying to convey, my daughter doesn't even know how to use one of those." He looks up and says, "I hope not!" I'm not finished yet, "I think it's only half the message. You can't just give a thirteen year old a condom without the how and why and when part of the lesson, and if it's all the same to you, I'd like to give that to her myself." He's still typing, but says, "I'm not ignoring you, I'm putting this at the top of my to-do list for tomorrow." That's enough for me, so I thank him and leave. I get home from work the next day, and I'm not even out of the car yet when Annemarie is running outside to ask, "Mom! Did you call Mr. B and freak out about the condom?" So, I go with the need-to-know verion of the truth, "No, I never called him. Why?" So she tells me that he came in to talk to them that morning and says that some moms had called and freaked out at him about that and then basically repeated verbatim what I had said to him. By this time, Rich is listening, and I'm making ask-her-what-she's-talking-about pointed looks at him, but he won't, so I say, "Annemarie, Dad wants to know what you're talking about." She turns a pretty shade of pink and suggests that I tell him, but I refuse. Now, with her back to him, and after she's told him he's not allowed to look at her while she's talking, she tells him about it. I point out that if all this nonsense is necessary to even talk about it, then she's certainly not ready to be having one in her posession. A few days later, I'm volunteering at the pool party for 150 teenagers and I ask if Rich wants to come along and he says he better not, what with our daughter being in a swim suit and the ratio of boys to girls being at least 2:1. It was alright, and no drama, and she introduced me to a bunch of her friends and called me Mommy in front of them, so I think we're safe for another two weeks, maybe. While I was there, a girl showed up, and one of the booster moms filled me in on how she's a junior this year and missing marching season this year what with the way she's about to give birth and all... but next year she'll be back. So this is both the reason to give out condoms, and the reason that I want to give her the how and when and why talk because clearly, this 16 year old doesn't have it down. We got a letter asking if we wanted to send our Jr. High student, Matthew, to Japan. Clearly they have misinformation since he's only about to be eight, but I think it has to do with him passing the GATE test in the 98th percentile and his almost perfect STAR test scores. They just want him for his gigantic brain, but they can't have him! I spent my whole paycheck this week registering Annemarie for school and paying for part of colorguard. $100 for the yearbook/ASB card, $35 for pictures, $5 for the mandatory school planner, $160 for the first part of the participation fee, $60 for equipment, $45 for half of one uniform, $23 for the family preview night dinner. I still have to pay the other $45 for the second half of the one uniform and $120 for the other uniform, and supposedly she can raise the rest of the money selling stuff. Fair warning, everyone may be getting cookie dough for Christmas this year. I can selfishly say it's worth it though, cause when she comes home and says, "Mom, we learned a new routine today. Come outside so I can show you," and I go, she's smiling. And when she doesn't get something, I help her, cause I did this, too... 18 years ago. But then she passes over the rifle or the flag and I'm tossing it and spinning it and she's impressed and, "How did you do that?!" and Rich is telling me not to hit myself in the head... no faith! Two videos for you to check out that made today a very good day before even 9 a.m. New Perspective and Brendon Urie - f**k her Gently So, there is this HATE van that is parked in the parking lot where I work and I can't get over it! I've seen it a couple times before, but it's so ridiculous that I can't wrap my brain around it, so yesterday I took some pictures for you. It's like... at least he hates everyone equally, but I can't believe this idiot actually paid money for a personalized license plate that is a threat... Side of the HATE van and Back of the HATE van This guy parks and goes in the pizza joint next door and drinks for a couple hours and then drives home in his HATE van. Apparently drunk driving is perfectly acceptable to him and his God. WHATTHEf**kEVER! So a while back when I switched stores, got new bosses, etc, my company decided to try out a pilot program for safety in our district. Typically it was some responsible, knowledgable associate who worked in conjuction with management to make sure that the store is following all the OSHA requirements and that everyone is trained and so on. So this was my job for years, and at this same time, the regional safety manager took an early retirement because both her parents have Alzheimer's Disease and are to the point they can't be home alone anymore. I applied for the opening, she even gave me a recommendation, and I'm definitely more than qualified, but I knew I wouldn't get it because they were downsizing at the time and had all these hgher up bodies they had to put somewhere, but I figured that the worst that happens is I get my name out there and they tell me no. At my new store, the new management has since seen my resume and know exactly what I am capable of and are attempting to use it to their benefit, which I understand, but I'm not into getting f**ked over again by them. Currently, the pilot program states that the Assistant Store Manager is the one who is to be responsible for all this now and he's asked me repeatedly if I'm interested in helping him and I decline every time and have said on a few occasions that if he wants to give me his paycheck and position, I'd be happy to be the Assistant Store Manager, and he can stand in the checkstand and make $16/hour. He doesn't like that much. Well, the other day, he pretty much TOLD me I was going to help him because the District Manager and the woman who did get the job I applied for, but didn't get, were coming to the store for a big safety meeting since this store is a focus store. So, I did... can't really say no, and I spent a couple hours that morning walking the store making sure everyone had their slip-resistant shoes on, knew the safety topic of the month, that it's been 255 days since our last accident, and that they had a TIP (Towel in Pocket). I checked to make sure everything was as it should be, which, of course it wasn't since he hasn't been doing what he's supposed to for months now. We're sitting in this meeting and she's talking about how we can build a safety culture in our store by using communication, training, environment, etc... and she asks how we can do that with communication. I usually try not to talk much for a couple reasons. 1) then no one else speaks up, and 2) it seems like they don't know, and they do. So she's asking about how we can communicate safety to our associates, and inevitably, someone says 'lead by example' which is the thing drilled into your head when you become management. So she says, "Okay, how do we do that? How many of you have TIP?" Now, since I had been around that morning carrying a box of towels with me, every one of us pulled one out of our pocket, and their faces were priceless, and my boss leans over and says to me, "That was pretty sweet!" Yeah, you're welcome. Someone, please publish me so I can make a living writing porn... I'm good at it, I swear!I won't let you down, legit! Well, I think that's enough for now... I'd like to thank All Time Low for singing to me all blog. Check out their song Weightless. Pretty good lyrics. Their album Nothing Personal is teen pop rocky, but they have some good messages and lyrics and if you like to dance like I do, it's good for that. There's one other band I've been following. They aren't signed yet, but will be... they're good, check them out. Play For Keeps This just happened and amuses me greatly: Viv: ahhh crazy moth! Rich: ruuuuuun! Viv: he can fly faster... i gave in and hoped he wouldn't attack me and make me flaily Rich: flaily? Viv: yeah, you know, arms flailing and ahhhhhhh Rich: right! Viv: we calls those adverbs Viv: Rich: i call it a made up word Viv: like unswayed.... we all know how this turns out Rich: :| Rich: i am not swayed by your arguement Viv: then you remain unswayed... Viv: say it with me now, victory... Rich: we are done with this Viv: agreed *cough*loser*cough* Rich: hey whats this ignore button do. Viv: ahh the denial stage... sweet Rich: i cant see you Viv: because we're not in the same room, dear Hugs, Viv

Like Rock the Vote, We Are the World, Live Aid... somehow when Hollywood and the music industry get involved, people listen.

When we blogged together... we did it right there on the dining room table!

Well! The quiet game is supposed to serve a purpose and they weren't playing right! PS. Do you always blog in your boxers, cause when I was there, that's NOT how it went down... wonder if I should feel jipped.

FRIDAY, JULY 31, 2009 8:18 PM, MDT Break out!! It's true - for the first time in six weeks, Steve was able to be outside, in the (somewhat) fresh air and sunshine!

What happens when my kids are grown and off living their adult lives and no one really needs me anymore? This is something that has been worrying the little corners of my mind for a long while. I am usually too busy to think about it, or wallow, if you will. The lake of self-pity seems pretty deep lately. I'm an overachiever like that. If I'm going to do something, I do it right. I don't mess around with little twinges, I dive in, and so far I've managed not to drown. Rich took the kids camping this weekend for our niece's birthday. As usual, it was a last minute invitation, the kind my brother and sister-in-law are notorious for, and so I couldn't go. Happens every year, it seems. Poor thing probably thinks I either have an aversion to birthday parties or her. Anyway, so with Rich and the kids away, I had the night to myself, after I finished working all day, and I got an invite to go see some band with another sister-in-law, but I wasn't really interested in the band so I told her I'd pass, but thanks. Instead I made plans with another friend and I got off work, came home and showered, changed clothes, etc. and just as I was about to leave, plans got cancelled which happens. So, the question became... what am I going to do with my night now that I'm all dressed up with no place to go. I sat here and thought and thought, and I realized that I have no one to call and go hang out with. Not one friend, other than the one I had plans with. I considered Tony, but he was already gone so I assumed he was out with his friends, being a Saturday night. I have one local friend, and when plans fall through, I have no one. That's a lot of responsibility for one person, don't you think? More to the point, I have almost no friends I can hang out with. What I did end up doing was going to The Block to see a movie, but when I got there, the movie I wanted to see had just started and the next showing wasn't for another two hours. Either I'm too impatient or too chicken to go to the movies by myself and instead I ended up at The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory buying a Caramel Apple Pie Apple, and some candy for Rich and the kids. The girl working there said she liked my sweater, I said thanks. I went to Borders and bought three books. Got a burger at Angelo's and came home to drown in my lake. Tony came home and called me Ms. Emo right before he issued me a pity invite to some party he was going to with his friend. What party? A co-worker of his friend. Basically, I wouldn't know anyone else but Tony and his friend, which might be okay, it's not like I have trouble talking to people or being around strangers. In fact, I'm pretty good at it, but somehow, standing around with a bunch of people I don't know, getting halfway to drunk, and then having to wait around until they were all the way to drunk and then wondering how we'll get home safely didn't seem appealing either, so I declined... good thing too, since he didn't get home from said party till 11 a.m. the next morning. One person said to me, "That happens when you have kids." I think it can happen, but is that the norm? I'm not unhappy by any means... until I'm left to my own devices. I spend so much time being Vivian the mom, Vivian the wife, Vivian the employee and co-worker, Vivian the football/girl scout/colorguard mom that when it's time to just be Vivian, I have no idea who that is. What happens when it's time to be just Vivian and she's so lost or buried that I can't find her anymore? What happens when it's my turn? How do I find her and hang on to her so that when that time comes, I'm not getting tossed off a pier by a guy named Fat Sal in my new designer cement shoes? Treading water with my floaties on... Almost Vivian

Saturday, July 25, 2009 Steve underwent his amputation surgery today. His sister was at his side right up until the took him into the actual operating room. As planned, they amputated the left leg below the knee. Sunday, July 26, 2009 Thanks to everyone who has shared their thoughts and prayers. Your kind words and thoughts bring comfort both to Steve and his family. Steve is experiencing pain and discomfort, though he is working hard to manage both. The physiotherapy team have already started working with him to start him on his road to recovery.

Keep trying and maybe you'll catch up to me Happy Birthday

Here's mine: vivwashere

Apparently the surgery has been postponed until tomorrow because the OR was being used for all the gunshot and stabbing victims...

I talked to Steve tonight for a few minutes, and with his permission, I'm posting this message from him. If any of you want me to send him something specific, you can send me a PM and I'll get it to him. He hasn't been on here much because with all the pain medications, it's hard for him to focus for too long.