LJH

Profound. Both characters from dysfunctional families. They hated their lives not because of their homosexuality, but because they had been given the wrong end of the stick re their families. Both wish for death, and both are struck down in the prime of their youth. This story is a reminder of the brutality many gays face in this world and are too afraid to speak out. The toilet scene was a typical catch 22 situation. If they had spoken out, they most probably would never have been murdered, but then they would have to find an answer as to what they were doing playing truant in the toilet. Profound.

I love the way you presented this story with short, clear and precise sentence structure. Your message is convetyed in the clearest of terms. There will always be rejection, and there will also be acceptance. I'm glad you wrote this and told it so well. Heartfelt and compelling.

Diary or notebook writing on point! There is a melancholy feel that lends itself to the mystery of missing a loved one and you see it and you write it and it translates. I had a lumoy throat all the way and loved the ending. Well done.

Light hearted feel to this story. I like how you end it. i could see this as part of a larger project.

Reunion. YAY. There is also a sense of sacrifice in this enjoyable tale and that is Steve's story and the sacrifice he made to be true to himself. The conflict in the first half compelled me to read further. Pete's character is cold. Eric plays the rejected lover well. I only found one problem, the writer didn't engage me from the first line but later on when doubt is cast upon Eric and Pete's relationship. But the rest of it was great.

Khayam has every right to be angry with Mason. I like Mason. I also hoped, while readfing, that Kayam would just get over it and move on. What Mason did was wrong, even though his intention was bold. I enjoyed this story. Somewhere along the line I wanted both to sort out the problem. Maybe in another story, hopefully, someday.

Entertaining and fun to read. Nice to see you had an editor for this story. I especially liked the part where Addie tells Trevor where to get off the bus. His ride is over. I wish I had a friend like her. No....wait....I wish I had a summer vacation like this.

Chills. My hair standing on end. Okay let's start somewhere. I love your story note. I'll take everything thank you. LOL. Description of characters and setting is really vivid. It gave me a sense of place. The cemetery and the town all vividly displayed for the reader. I love the way you have this ability to SHOW the reader your story. As I read these were some of the thoughts in my head. Nick is mysterious. Random. Causes Tyler to be confused. Then Tyler's dream was chilling and the reality that followed even more so. The New Hangout sent chills up my spine and from there it was chills all the way and the poem was freakishly dark but beautifully written at the same time. But for me, the end if the story, when Tyler realizes that he is more than just gay, that he is able to strike the horrible memories from his dreams and thoughts finally, by defending his friend, well, that was the cherry. I loved it because you write so well, and because it was so very entertaining. Likes: "Tyler wondered....night!" "Nearly every night...places." "autumn leaves...portrait." "If not for....kids" Well done.

I love how you write keeping in mind the five senses. This story was both chilling and light. And Sad. Caleb lingers on the earthly plain because there is unfinished business, and only when he sorts that out will he be set free. I would love to know what happened to him. I like the images. The one that comes to mind is landing up in a tree. LOL. I enjoyed this story on several levels. It held my interest throughout and was compelling.

WOW! I thoroughly enjoyed every single word. I wouldn't change this for the world. It's just...just brilliantly perfect. There is a kind of heavy, misty feel to it. Suspenseful. Mystical. Joyous. I can mention a thousand adjectives that will make you really blush just how this story made me feel. You took me on a journey. There is love, hate, jealousy, pity,anger. Is there greed? Can some of this story be construed as greed? A kind of psychological greed? WOW! The elements of a perfect story are all here. From little incidents to characterization. The little dialogue there is, enhances the story, and every word of the dialogue means everything. There are moments of sheer genius. Those moments were they sit together and just watch each other. The seeking at school. The night of his birthday that just happened to fall on the Day of Silence. The countdown. The box and its red bow. The letter. Brilliant. There is so much in this story that I like it that I'm afraid my review would be longer than the story itself. The almost perfect grammar. The angst. Not to mention the lump in my throat. Brilliant work.

Bonding. Group living. Intergalactic civil unions. I love the condundrum that Keefer and Jayce must face and I enjoyed the intelligent yet humurous way it climaxed out.

Its amazing what a writer can think up when he writes what he knows in this case about computers. I loved the hastiness and swift work in Michael's character. I loved Adam's Maturity. The first sentence totally hooked me. The last paragraph had me wooping woop woop. Inbetween, I was fascinated. The dream that is Adam almost gets away, but quick thinker Michael (as I said) Is so intent on drawing him in that he won't allow him to just fade out of his life. Not when he went to all the trouble of trashing his computer. I know there is a backup, but still. This is an incident based story and the conflict is almost tangible, quick and worth reading over and over again.

Something must happen in a story. The writer has used his craft well in this story. He has arranged incidents in such a way that they appear to start at a beginning and proceed inevitably to an end. However, it only appears that way. I believe that lurker chose a random point and seemed to be heading nowhere with this story. That is, until the very last line. A moment of genius. Lurker does not seek to give the reader a solution, because in real life there more struggling and searching than finding and solving. This short story reveals only the "tip of the iceberg". It is a brilliant concept not to state the obvious. But it has only one fault and that may not be a fault at all: Does the writer lead the reader to an accurate understanding of what is hidden beneath? Perhaps that should have been the title: Hidden Beneath. With a little fine tuning, this story could be not just good, but GREAT!

Writers usually write about what they have experienced to a degree. Life is like a packet of all sorts and to be sure, child abuse is somewhere in there. You are brave to have delved into this aspect of that packet. But, like war and various atrocities it is important to remember that this is an anti-abuse story, one that will shake the reader into the realisation that these things exist and we should always be reminded of the evil connected to it. A brave effort.

Special! Here's how it is: The story is rich in dialogue and written well. The dialogue moves the story on and I got to learn a lot about the characters involved. It is a beautifully written story. Cudo's to the writer and the editor. There are no repetitive words and the grammar is spot on. It flows just right. It is heart warming story of two guys who love each other and I got a lumpy throat from about halfway through the story. Lumpy throat and teary eyes means I am engaged and compelled to read more. Likes: "what dipshit weather...Curt" and "It was hailing...white" The images are vividly written and there is description in exposition. Goose bumps: "He interrupted me. STOP!...forever." A short story usually concerns itself with one plot. But this story has two. I enjoyed both tremendously. I'm a sucker for romance. The only thing wrong is that I wanted it to carry on like....forever. Thank you Colin

The style in this story is not much different from A Family's Sorrow which I read earlier. However, there seems to be a truth in this story that grabs me. We were all teenagers once upon a time, I remember having thoughts of how I longed to be 18 when I could do as I please without having Mom or Dad come down on me. I enjoyed being a rebel though. For a writer to get into the head of a child, or a teenager, it is very difficult. I think NikolasJames understands kids far better than many parents even. To me, the boys are dynamic characters. NJ reveals their natures by describing their behavior, rather than talking about them. The characters are not just passive, they act within the setting and circumstances surrounding their personal lives. They help each other to shape their destiny by their own behavior, and will themselves be shaped by experience. Change will follow. Their is lots of conflict in this story and I enjoyed reading it.

In this story I found something quite startling. It's the use of the Direct Observer POV. What?!!! Well, to put it simply, the DO cannot reveal all that is happening insode the minds of his/her characters. She concentrates on events alone. Nothing is recorded apart from what the character sees and hears. In this way, the writer must ensure that the reader is given just the right information, and at just the right time, to understand the story, or to come to a conclusion. I liked the ideas presented in this story and felt that it would do better as a longer piece. However, I also understand the nature of a short story's brevity. The writer expounds on various issues, the book, the blood, the secret room which I found admirable, however, I couldn't shake off the feeling that the writer wanted this story to end. But did the reader want it to end?

It's amazing what forces may or may not come into play after an accident like the one Ryan has in this follow-up. The mind is a unique force. I found the writing light and easy, sure, a couple of tense gremlins, but a good, light, sometimes funny read. The tragedy strikes unexpectedly and I liked the way you made that the pivotal scene in the story. The next pivotal scene is when Ryan meets Jake's ex. A neat surprise. I found a hint of jealousy and truth be told, I would be jealous too. In a short story of this nature, it's always best to use surprise to compel the reader and you did that quite well. I liked: "Doing so...head" "I love...himself." Thank you.

I read this story several times and each time my hair stood on end. But let's take a look at it for a moment. This is essentially a story of incident. The writer doesn't say what it is, nor how it happened, but it is clear to see that the moment of personal insight and the statement of theme is so often found in the story's conclusion. The brevity of the story lies in those closing paragraphs. Terse. When I realised what had happened it was like a WOW factor because the incident is not described, leaving it to the reader to gather his thoughts and come to a sensible conclusion. Just look at the title. You will see. I enjoyed this story for the above reasons. Becareful of the word JUST. It's repetitive. Thank you.

I do like the way in which you write your teenage characters. They are real, and funny. Witty and bitchy as teenagers usually are. You describe their preconceptions in an almost effortless way. You also managed Tay's scene goals well through dialogue. At the start of the story it is clear that Tay is a bit of control freak. He likes to have his ducks in a row all the time. I found the humour quite appealing. In a story like this, which could end happily or sadly, it is important for a little humour. Throughout the piece I found your characters Tay and Blake compelling reading. You milk the conflict. I loved the last line. If this were an adult story I would have commented on the repetitive use of certain words. So, just,pretty etc. But I get that this is Tay's story and he is a teenager. Well written.

Irksome: these words Really Some So Started to Began to Highly Fairly Appeared to Back Look, looking That Then Got (king of Mindless Verbs) A bit A little Just Kind of Pretty Quite Rather Somewhat Unnecessary articles The phrase The Fact that Body parts acting on their own The gerund ING And and and Overuse of the above freaks me out Writers should get a handbook and learn the craft

Random thoughts? I read this three times to find a sense of balance. Then I thought, well, the piece is based on a day of silence. Do we think random thoughts in silence? I think we do. There exists a strong sense of pathos in the piece. Raped by 3 guys. Gosh! Just a practice run! Gosh and gosh again. I loved this line: "My life's been interesting ... worse." The piece is, however, not organic. There is no flow which makes it difficult to follow as there is no sense of development.

Well, with such a bodyguard I surely know how I will survive. A twist in the tale? Excuse the pun. I love reading your work, Mister. You have such a command of the imagination. I could hear the dialogue. I could visualise the man being dressed. You waste no words in getting to the point of the story. I'm sure the bodyguard will always be on point. LOL

An enchanting story. I really got into Nathan's head and was accelerated into the way he sees things. To me, his character is real, not stereotyped. Of-course I don't identify with him, because I am not deaf, but that did not in any way deter me from reading. I think I identify more with Andy. You wrote him with a gentle hand, as if he was your own child. In fact, both characters are written from that same gentle perspective. I could imagine the dialogue being spoken, and I was fascinated with the signing scene. It brough a quick tear to my eye, and I love crying as so many GA authors will tell you, so you hit it right on the spot with the emotional quality. The signing scene is pivotal to the story. Without it, the story would not have had such a huge impact on my emotions. The setting is convincing and alive. I was able to visualise all the scenes, but the most vivid scene was the snowfight and the two boys struggling to stand. That scene sold me a smile. The story develops organically, from Nathan being a lonely teenager seeking a place of his own, to meeting Andy, and to falling in love for the very first time. And it is love at first sight for both of them. Maybe experimentation. But I think and hope it is love. There are no sudden leaps and bounds between each scene, which I loved. It flows smoothly. I was drawn intoi the story not by the first paragraph. I was hoping for more of a HOOK in the first prargraph. But I thought well, is it an imperative? To be hooked in the first para. I usually like that to happen. Instead, you drew me in from this line: "Sometimes I hated not being able to hear..." From that moment on I was engaged and compelled to read more. Always remember, to garner a solid readership, a writer should always start closest to the action. I don't see a problem with beginning with this paragraph that hooked me. I noticed you received only 4 reviews for this story. Maybe the hook was the problem. Also, I understand that we're looking at the story through the eyes of a deaf teenager. However, I would try to rewriter some of the unintentional hilarity regarding sentences that use the word eyes. "His eyes returned to mine..." Hmmmm... "His eyes darted over my shoulder..." "He pulled his eyes...okay." Maybe it would have been better to use words like gaze etc. Overall, a fabulous little story. Thank you.

Well. I was pleasantly surprised by this travelog on several levels. 1. The first line hooked me. And after all, the hook must be quick to draw the reader in. 2. Being a personal account, it would be written in 1st Person Simple Past tense but I wonder why you changed to 2nd person in this paragraph; "Unfortunately...as well." no matter how brief the change is, it is noticeable. 3. Humour. There are so many lines which I thought were fabulous. "I thought...lynched" and But alas...biker chick" and "...but I'd been born...must" I keeled over laughing in many more lines. 4. The way in which Austin meets Matthieu is so funny. 5. The story is really about rebellion. 6. I really got the feel that I was in Paris on tour with Austin through his vivid images. A lovely memoir, Quite sad at the end, but well worth the read. Thank You.