LJH

They threw Sue across the floor of the basement, but she did not weep. Her emotions, numbed by the experience of being violated by several men, had left her fatigued and almost lifeless as she stumbled and rolled across the floor like a ragdoll. Colton heard his heart. The crack of each beat, like the leather lash of a whip flaying across his chest. His eyes, once as warm as a soft baby blanket, clouded over and revealed the hardness of a lake iced over in winter. Hate. Revenge. There would b

Then you ought to read The Pilot's Wife by Anita Shreve. However, most of the novels I read are 3rd Person Omniscient like Clark, Baldacci, Cornwell, Hollinghurst, Peretti, Nora Roberts, James Patterson, Larsson, Prouxl, Charlaine Harris, and the list goes on and on. They write in all POV but they write scenes as if you were watching a movie. Hence, my story Imagine There's No Heaven amd my one published work, Revival, is written in omniscient. I actually like omniscient.

Congratulations Mr.Grim

Bravo. Standing ovation. This is a stunning idea and an equally stunning first chapter. These letters left me reeling. Emotion. Lump in the throat. Maybe because I identify with Gregory. You allowed me to identify and as such, I found this engaging, and compelling. The English used in Gregory's letter at once had me thinking he may have been in the wrong time zone. He writes the letter using an English I would expect from a Second World War soldier and Mathew picked that up too. Mathew's letter, also heartfelt, brought a tear to my eye and I found an incredible thing: I did not want these letter, both of them, to end. There is so much to like in these letters. Gregory doesn't just write a one dimensional letter. The letter, by its nature, is filled with the angst of a soldier, it shows that even a soldier with rank as himself, a soldier who is strong mentally and physically (albeit the leg wound), even this soldier requires love. It seems that he is begging for it without using the word LOVE. But that's okay, he's in character and that makes it more plausable. Well done. I look forward to the next chapter.

I like to think I can write in most viewpoints. You know, it's a magical thing that the writer can tell his story as an observer or as a participant and there are many narrative positions to write from, not just the three all mentioned above. The POV will influence the way characters and events are presented. I mean, this may seem silly, but consider how different Cinderella would be if told by Cinderella herself, or even the handsome prince, or by a third narrator who sympathises with the ugly sisters, rather than by a detached observer who sees both sides objectively. Any other version of Cinderella would involve differencesin style as well as interpretation of the story, or the information in the story. To me, 1st person provides authenticity and involvement. It's a story personally told. The story belongs to the character telling the story and there is no room for detachment. 1st person is limited to what one person could reasonably experience. The problem here is that, because of his involvement in the story, he may misinterpret causes or motives. The 1st person narrator present things as a product of their own personality, and the reader will notice possible prejudice in the telling. The Direct Observer POV is another narrative probability. This kind of narrator is not tied to the time and place of the action, and can, by selecting the appropriate material, make the story move quickly. As an observer, the narrator cannot reveal all that is happening inside the minds of characters, unlike the omniscient observer, who has the advantage of being entirely trustworthy in the presentation of the story, as he sees everything he wants to see, even into the minds of his characters. The problem here is that the omniscient observer can sometimes seem to know too much, and the intimacy that draws a reader into the story as an excited participant may be lost. There is a beautifully written short story by Isaac Asimov called The Last Question and is to me, the ultimate example of omniscient narration.

I would imagine there are many other outposts similar to this one. Probably in the same zone or farther afield. And surely the guards know that the ventilation system is a hiding place. It seems to me that the outpost may have been the scene of a mutiny some time back but thats only speculation.

Kevin and Jules. Accomodating characters. Zane. Um... Neat character too, i like his attitude well written. He has a lot of pent up anger. Now who does the leg belong to? Hmmm such a well written story. Liking it more each time i read.

The message in this story is that, in order to move forward, let bygones be bygones. No use to carry luggage into a rekindled love.

Well, Fishie I am happy you read mine woop woop!

Lets be honest. You will get good reviews and bad reviews. Like movies. One critic will slay the movie, and another will swear its the best thing since peanut butter and jam. I allow people who read my work, to be honest with themselves. Some have given me destructive reviews, others have given me constructive reviews. No one has ever told me to stop writing. Even if they did, I wouldn't. A destructive review hurts like hell, and this is why I try to follow these basic conditions of reviewing: 1: Characterisation – Do the characters seem real, or are they recognizable stereotypes and is this a problem in the particular story? Are the characters’ motives logical and necessary to the story? Are we meant to identify with any characters, and if so, do we? 2: Dialogue – Does the dialogue seem realistic? Can the reader imagine real people talking as the characters do? Does the dialogue add to the story, or distract us from it? 3: Setting – Does the story have a context and place that is convincing and alive? Is the reader able to visualise each scene? 4: Point of View – Is the PoV consistent or does it leap in the middle of the scene? Is the PoV appropriate – do we get a clear enough picture of the character’s inner drama – or too much? Could the story be told more interestingly from another PoV? 5: Development – Does the story develop organically, without the reader noticing, or does the narrative make sudden leaps or get stagnant? Does the reader get confused at any point? 6: Pacing – How deeply is the reader drawn into the story? How long does the story take to set up? Is the reader drawn into the story from the get go? Which is more appropriate for each story: non-stop action or character development? 7: Mechanics – At the outset, some writers experience trouble with the mechanics of expressing their fiction in words. Story, paragraph and sentence structure are all slaves to the flow of the piece. If something is amiss, the reader will experience the lack of flow immediately. A critique of a later draft can be invaluable in pointing out some of the specifics that impede narrative flow. When I find a destructive review, I sit back, think about it, scratch my head. Curse the reviewer. Take a shower. And ignore her. They hate being ignored. Why do I ignore? I'll tell you. He or she does not hve the faintest idea about critiquing. They never will. And all they are out to do is make the writer self destruct. I will never get caught up in that trap.

welocme ladyauthorsld. You certainly will enjoy your stay here. There's a little something for everyone at GA.

Good Grief Mr. Andy! Step aside Mr. King...

Welcome and hope you enjoy posting.

I love the compassion between Jesse and Trav. Also the fact that you use dialogue to show other characters. You place the characters in a world you have created from scratch and i admire that. So i could not find much fault with the 1st Ch. I was able to be there with them, thanks for showing instead of telling. Vivid images of the station. The thievery also hooked me, humour and suspense: he's gonna get caught i kept on saying to myself. In his situation i would also steal. In places i could feel the emotion building up inside. In places i smiledlike the Mona Lisa. Touching and exciting story. Love it so far.

Brothers watching out for each other. Parents missing. A great start to the story. My eyes washed over and that tells me I am going to like this. See more comment in discussion.

Benji - i find that helps too.

Thanks Fishie. I've planned the scenes that way. Something like the way James Patterson writes, so I need to pack a punch in every scene. I'm glad you enjoying it though, and your insight means a lot to me. Hugs and respect.

Thanks Fishie. I was inspired by Oscar Pistorius to write this story. Pity that he strayed off track in real life. I wanted the reader to be there, on the track, and that means engaging the reader by showing instead of telling. I hope I have succeeded.

Thank you Fishie. I really appreciate your input. This was developed as a character building excercise for another site, and there was a word limit so I had to squeeze every word and find the exact words to tell the story. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hugs

Thanks Jo Ann. This story came second in a competition on another sight. It was a character developing story, and I'm thinking of developing the story now. Of-course I will have to make one of the boys gay. LOL

Oh, believe it, Colton is going to learn the hard way. Richard is a calm, kind of decent gent, and the more I write and interview him, the more I like him too. It all does seem pretty hopless at the moment for Jack, but there is a plan. And Sue, well, she has police experience so she's going to be a tough one to break. Hugs and respect

Thank you. This is a difficult story to write and research is paramount. There are some holes that need plugging, but I'll get to that. Thx for reading, bro. Hugs

Thanks for reading Jo Anne. Don't know why I didn't reply to your comment before. I don't like killing my protagonists off so i guess they are going to be around for quite a while. That being said, it's quite something to write Colton's story against this violent backdrop without bring violence into the story. But better times are coming...we'll just have to wait and see.

Thanx for reading. Peter is dysfunctional, as are the rest of his team. It's not to say that all IRA members were this bad. I do believe in developing the bad guy larger than life, and in that sense, yes, I'm making him look like a man intent to do as much harm as possible. How far it will go, I can't say yet.

Thanks Jo Anne. Peter is not a guy with whom I would play hopscotch. The IRA turned on all whom they perceived to be traitors among their ranks. I guess it's true for military organisation, not just the IRA. We shall see how things develop in the next two chapters, maybe there will be something positive coming out of all this. I hope so. Thanks for reading and being so supportive. Hugs