LJH

‘Where do you think you’re going?” Peter cocked a weapon and pushed it against Jack’s head. Jack lamented. He gasped as the cold metallic barrel touched his left temple and adrenalin surged through his body. His heart beat faster. His mouth went dry. ‘Both of you, place your hands above your head where I can see them. Don’t make any smart moves Ray.’ Peter said, quietly. ‘What the fuck are you doing helping this moron in the first place?’ Ray remained silent. If he spoke now, he would gi

Something is bothering you bro. Find it and crush it. You need peace in order to sleep. Peace is when the whole world seems to be in harmony with you and vice versa.

A story within a story. At one point the reader willbe compelled to scream at the writer for the ending, but that's all good. It shows how compelling a drama this is. I enjoyed the three points of view to the inner story. Be careful what you wish for. It might just be the death of you.

Sometimes we are all subdued with affection from the most unlikeliest of people. We think we know someone well, only to find out that we actually don't know the person at all. In fact, more surprising when we realise that the affection goes deeper than just friendship. An engrossing second half. Compelling. Needs editing. But a pleasant, lighthearted, story.

One of those stories where the reader has no option but to feel sorry for the main character. A well written story of loss and sadness. The ending had me crying out and I hope Pete heard me. It's up to the reader to decide, to take the ending where he wants it to be taken. There is so much more to life, than death I like to believe.

Brilliant in every way. The work of a writer who knows his craft. The story evolved quite smoothly. The metaphore of the mittens absorbing the harshness of the world is genius.

The sadness in this story struck a nerve on several levels. Beautifully told. The brutality of homophobia is tangible in this tale. It's a story of true, raw love. Jess and Kevin had an entire lifetime to look forward to. In the horror of it all I cried for Jess. Such a sense of hopelessness pervaded the story. Some of us will die for each other. And it has happened. The story of the Titanic comes to mind; dying for each other, dying together etc.

For a debut, this story has CRUNCH! The first word hooked me and I read and read and read right through and had to read it again from the start. The interaction between the main characters engaged me and I was spellbound. A great, uplifting end. I wanted it to continue.

The writer writes with such conviction. His sentences are alive and move across the page as the reader comes to know the main character's mind and how he has come to this point. His destiny was written into the stars the moment he was conceived. And he welcomes his destiny with a truth and a poignancy that is all too scarce in our modern world.

The characters are fun to be with in this Halloween drama. There are times when the ghosts of our past materialize to make our lives live-able. The ending was so sad and my emotions poured out for Nick. The dialogue is written to show character and this is where lies the strength in this story. Well told, and emotionally satisfying.

Very very nice

Wow will you look at that. Hmmmm firefox ....

I only will share what works for me. In my view, there is no reason to be overdescriptive. Many will argue that point. But it's all about trend, isn't it? What is the trend? I think that the trend in MODERN fiction is to stay as far away from gilded prose for fairly lengthy descriptions as I can. Simplicity is the key for me. There are three principles I look at when editing other writers. SIMPLICITY, CLARITY and PRECISION. I am also a writer. As a writer I must remember that I am competing for a place in a crowded market, ONLINE, PAPERBOOKS, EVEN GA. There is also television, movies, magazines, and newspapers. These have all taken a toll and today's reader will not tolerate long flowery sentences or pages of back story. Having said all this, it's even MORE IMPORTANT that as a writer, I make my descriptions WORK - FOR ME. Not for the next writer. Not for the editor. Not for the publisher. FOR ME. If I am unhappy with a description, I analyse it to find out what the problem is. But, that's me. Maybe not you or anyone else. I must PACK a PUNCH with a SINGLE word or a SENTENCE at times. The secret is to HOOK the reader from the start to keep him/her engaged in MY story. Therefore EVERY page I write must be just as good as the very first page. Every sentence. Every word. Writing in the DETAILS can seem to me to be superfluous. Some editors say NEVER write a weather report, other editors say YES, use details like the weather and nature and the season and geography to add MOOD and LAYERS to the story. I do that - not all the time - only when it is required in the story. Otherwise I WEAVE the details in. I never write them in long blocks. And then I remember that the best details are often onomatopoetic words like - snarl, whip, swizzle, snigger, flail, beguile, wheedle - notice that all of these words have CLOUT. They crack. They slap! As an editor slap me with one GOOD adjective or verb a page and I am yours. Description is all about CREATING exciting sentences. So, if I want to write a page of description I had better be creative with my use of sentences. In ALL I write, I want to move the reader the way I want him/her to be moved. Whether it is ONE sentence or a PARAGRAPH or a page or even just ONE WORD, I have to become the artist. Writing is a craft. So, in my opinion your lecturer or professor is correct, it's important to be the artist. An artist paints what he sees. I need to take my palette of words, my pen or PC, and paint anything from a panoramic view to the SHAPE of a character's nose. My PROMISE to my reader is to take them on a JOURNEY. I want them to encounter people and places that they will never meet. I want to make it memorable for them. I want to create an image in the mind of my reader. The perfect picture without INTERRUPTING the flow of words. In my view, the mistress of description is ARANDHARTI ROY in "THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS". Her words create emotions. I can do the same if I choose the correct words. I can evoke fear, despair, happiness, sadness, joy and anger in my reader. And to do this, I must pace out my descriptions by using powerful verbs. Short sentences with powerful verbs create a different atmosphere to long sentences with adjectives and present participles in my opinion, understand. I vary my sentence structure. I try not to start every sentence with a noun. I DO TRY to start with a verb or adverb or fragments to keep the reader interested. I always ask myself after every encounter with a new person (new character), or setting - "How can I write down my description in such a way that it becomes even MORE vivid and striking than what I have just observed? What is UNIQUE to that character or that building?" By asking myself these questions, I have become more observant. In my experience as both editor and writer, I have found that I can use SIMILES and METAPHORES. I can use the FIVE SENSES in descriptions. But, I always, always come back to just three words: Simplicity. Clarity. Precision. So go ahead. Write one sentence of description. Write a few lines. A paragraph. A page. But always be simple, clear, and make those sentences crackle. And oh, think about what is trending. Hope this helps. It's a post I made Called POWER WRITING https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/topic/32917-power-writing/?hl=%2Bpower+%2Bwriting#entry361784

Thanks to Myr , AJ and Cia and Talonrider and Trebbs and Renee Stevens for all their hard work, without whom this site would not be a great site. Well done folks.

I love how the story opens with an incident to hook the reader. As I read I felt that there would be many people who visit social sites will identify with this. I particularly enjoyed the way you allow the reader to get into Chris's head and the way he feels, and of course your descriptions are always tops. The last line was just...fabulous.

Profound. Both characters from dysfunctional families. They hated their lives not because of their homosexuality, but because they had been given the wrong end of the stick re their families. Both wish for death, and both are struck down in the prime of their youth. This story is a reminder of the brutality many gays face in this world and are too afraid to speak out. The toilet scene was a typical catch 22 situation. If they had spoken out, they most probably would never have been murdered, but then they would have to find an answer as to what they were doing playing truant in the toilet. Profound.

I love the way you presented this story with short, clear and precise sentence structure. Your message is convetyed in the clearest of terms. There will always be rejection, and there will also be acceptance. I'm glad you wrote this and told it so well. Heartfelt and compelling.

Diary or notebook writing on point! There is a melancholy feel that lends itself to the mystery of missing a loved one and you see it and you write it and it translates. I had a lumoy throat all the way and loved the ending. Well done.

Light hearted feel to this story. I like how you end it. i could see this as part of a larger project.

Reunion. YAY. There is also a sense of sacrifice in this enjoyable tale and that is Steve's story and the sacrifice he made to be true to himself. The conflict in the first half compelled me to read further. Pete's character is cold. Eric plays the rejected lover well. I only found one problem, the writer didn't engage me from the first line but later on when doubt is cast upon Eric and Pete's relationship. But the rest of it was great.

Khayam has every right to be angry with Mason. I like Mason. I also hoped, while readfing, that Kayam would just get over it and move on. What Mason did was wrong, even though his intention was bold. I enjoyed this story. Somewhere along the line I wanted both to sort out the problem. Maybe in another story, hopefully, someday.

Entertaining and fun to read. Nice to see you had an editor for this story. I especially liked the part where Addie tells Trevor where to get off the bus. His ride is over. I wish I had a friend like her. No....wait....I wish I had a summer vacation like this.

Chills. My hair standing on end. Okay let's start somewhere. I love your story note. I'll take everything thank you. LOL. Description of characters and setting is really vivid. It gave me a sense of place. The cemetery and the town all vividly displayed for the reader. I love the way you have this ability to SHOW the reader your story. As I read these were some of the thoughts in my head. Nick is mysterious. Random. Causes Tyler to be confused. Then Tyler's dream was chilling and the reality that followed even more so. The New Hangout sent chills up my spine and from there it was chills all the way and the poem was freakishly dark but beautifully written at the same time. But for me, the end if the story, when Tyler realizes that he is more than just gay, that he is able to strike the horrible memories from his dreams and thoughts finally, by defending his friend, well, that was the cherry. I loved it because you write so well, and because it was so very entertaining. Likes: "Tyler wondered....night!" "Nearly every night...places." "autumn leaves...portrait." "If not for....kids" Well done.

I love how you write keeping in mind the five senses. This story was both chilling and light. And Sad. Caleb lingers on the earthly plain because there is unfinished business, and only when he sorts that out will he be set free. I would love to know what happened to him. I like the images. The one that comes to mind is landing up in a tree. LOL. I enjoyed this story on several levels. It held my interest throughout and was compelling.

WOW! I thoroughly enjoyed every single word. I wouldn't change this for the world. It's just...just brilliantly perfect. There is a kind of heavy, misty feel to it. Suspenseful. Mystical. Joyous. I can mention a thousand adjectives that will make you really blush just how this story made me feel. You took me on a journey. There is love, hate, jealousy, pity,anger. Is there greed? Can some of this story be construed as greed? A kind of psychological greed? WOW! The elements of a perfect story are all here. From little incidents to characterization. The little dialogue there is, enhances the story, and every word of the dialogue means everything. There are moments of sheer genius. Those moments were they sit together and just watch each other. The seeking at school. The night of his birthday that just happened to fall on the Day of Silence. The countdown. The box and its red bow. The letter. Brilliant. There is so much in this story that I like it that I'm afraid my review would be longer than the story itself. The almost perfect grammar. The angst. Not to mention the lump in my throat. Brilliant work.