LJH

First thoughts: The title made me reach for tissues and I'm glad I did. The title brings to mind grief and loss and the story is character driven, as opposed to driven by plot. Characterisation: I found the characterisation was mostly in the narrative. It's a story about a boy who loses his mother's love because he is gay. There is sadness, despair, anger and hoplessness, all vividly expressed in the narrative. I found the father to be a ray of sunshine in the lad's life. Dialogue: The story is almost all narrative with dialogue where necessary. The dialogue is not forced and brings out the lad's character and the dad's character. It also moves the story into the next phase. POV: 1st person Simple Past Tense. This kind of POV brought me into conbtact with the lad's innermost feelings. I did pick up a few lines where the tenses are mixed up: take a look at "Technically...Williamsburg." Development: The story is a flashback. A memoir. With three pivotal points: the first is where he comes out to his mother and her profound reaction over a number of years. The second is moving in with his father. And the thrid is when he reads the letter written by his mother. The story has clarity, and develops organically. I was not confused at any point. Pacing: neat long and short sentences heighten the tension. Mechanics: "I thought back on the events" should be "I thought back TO the events" I found at least one punctuation error. In general the story is well written. A few gremlins can be sorted out quite quickly. I see the story was last updated in 2010. I do like the way in which the reader is left wondering what the lad is going to do once he reads his mother's letter. All in all, a good, sad read.

I agree with everything that Ieshwar has to say about this story. I made the following comments as the story unfolded, and truthfully. Tristan and Cameron's characterization is mindblowing. I have this thing see, it happens when I fall in love with a character, I start referring to them in my comments, instead of directing my comments to the author. Tristan and Cameron do this to me. Part 1 Wow! I looooooooved this. Its fresh N hilarious and like seriously maybe I'm into suits. The story had me laughing and giggling like a horny giggling girty. Well Tristan, you know what they say, call me. Except now that Cameron has your attention you will probably pass me up. Cameron, you are so unassuming. Who would have thought that you would have called Tristan just as he was leaving. Good timing my man. Hey, I bet you waited and watched for him to leave the building right? Wrong, you say. Come on Cameron (can I call you cam)? I wasnt born yesterday to see a planned coincidence. You devil. You have the hots for Tristan. You. Cant wait for the next chapter. Just love this. Part 3 Laughter is not the word. Hysterical. I read this twice at gym today. A girlfriend approached and wanted to know "Wha...?" I told her and she wanted to laugh too. She had a bad hair day. So I read it to her and we both laughed again. Oh. My. Word. This is just So. Oh. Good. I love every line. You just don't let up, do you. I loved Rebecca. I loved Alexis. Mark is special. You have brought such a deep richness to your characters. Cameron, I think I wanna stalk you. Tristan can stalk me. I can stalk both of you. The writing is solid, and you are so comfortable in this genre that it makes me jealous. However...but... Here's the thing... You know what really got to me? Not only was I in hysterics, but I was also moved. Tristan's Craiglist thingy was heartfelt. His true colour came out. He's just a lonely guy with normal feelings and he wants to be loved I cried Part 4 Oh wow Tristan, you are wild! I love the coffee scene and the words on the coffee cup. You're a romantic genius you are. You should continue with Tommy's advice. You never know what's waiting for you in the next chapter. Oh, wait. You do? This is your story, ag I forgot. Cameron came to visit me after he left the bar. Yup. That's right. He dropped Justin off and came to me. I'm not a slut, Tristan, but if you can't get it together with Cam (I love that name Cam), then, I will have to show him the ropes. Just kidding. Well, he did visit me. We just chatted. This and that. Is he gay? Oh, you'll have to wait and see. But you carry on the way you are going and I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised. LOL Cameron, how could you arrive with Justin? You're crazy. And those deep stares between you and Tristan tug at my heartstrings. I think I will be pleasantly surprised. I love the dialogue. Tristan reminds me of a friend from a couple of years back. I guess that's what makes him so human. Gentle. Caring and kind. Way to go bro. Loving every minute of this. The writer promised his readers that he would deliver two more parts. This hasn't happened. I'm sure he has his reasons, but I wanted to read right to the end. I hope this will still happen. xTony, I want my Tristan and Cameron chapters please!

Finn. Finn. Finn. I love your shirt. (That's a metaphore for existence) LOL. Thoughts as I read this and take notes: Eternity. Forever. Olam and Aion. One thing you don't point out is that forever WILL end. First sentence. Two words. Homonyms. Isn't Eternity the same as Forever. Well. Etrenity is an idea. Time, however, is a measurement of duration. Therefore, eternity is the same as forever and cannot happen. The only place in time that exists is NOW. So, i read this work as if it IS. Now. Likes: The fountain metaphor. The fountain of life. I liked those random thoughts of progenation. I like the image of a duplicate self. A triplicate self? I question if you asked for freedom, why didn't it manifest? 2nd Part. I get loneliness. Not used to love, or being loved. Alienated. Lack of emotion, hence the surprise when the tears come. I also get the narrator wishes to be someone else in the now. My world's a prison - translate. I am a being of shackled circumstance. I want freedom. I want love. This is a difficult thing, to interpret random thoughts in the mind. Many people might get different messages from this work. These are the messages I got whilst reading. There is no right or wrong here. A brave effort to bear your innermost thoughts. You are a deep thinker. Finn. Finn. Finn. I like your shirt.

Colton glared at the man with hatred in his eyes. He contemplated the notebook in his hands, amazed at first how such a trivial item could cause such a lot of harm. He glanced at Richard, then at Bernard, took three steps forward and nervously placed the book on the ground. The gun was still with Richard. Bernard was still held in a vice grip. Colton had no idea how he was going to get the gun from Richard without placing his son’s life in danger. Richard stared at Bernard, a lump in his thro

I ran out of likes but I shall revisit. Could i possibly ask if they are prepared to share some of those dollars? Your writing flows so well, and you had me engaged the whole way through. An enertaining, delightful piece. I sincerely hope they stop quarreling now and just enjoy the fruits of their treasure.

My tears as I read toward the end are silent but worth it. This is an amazing gut wrenching love story. One thing i noticed is that the dialogue moves the story forward and creates character. I especially enjoyed the bookshop scene where I thought Teddy was just an overconfidant lame somebody who gets his way with everything. I am a reader so im allowed to think this way. His confidence and Andy's warm heart struck me as two totally opposite people getting together. Well, that confidence in Teddy really took a dive when he just left leaving only a letter. It showed his weakness. WTF i thought and thats when the tears began for me. I wish i had friends like Bob and Mary LOL. It seemed that everyone liked Ted but i got to wonder about the extra ticket i really thought she was trying to play matchmaker. But on the ship, when he meets Ted's mom. I wrote down "book" and "beads" And from there on in i couldnt stop weeping. The story is compelling. It is engrossing. It's told beautifully. Thank you for this.

Happy Birthday and everything of the best for the future.

This is perfect. If you could see this story through my eyes you'd know that it not only does justice to the theme of the anthology, but it is also a stand out tale that is beautifully conceptualized. Your writing comes from your soul and this is what makes the inner voice of Artie so authentic. What I love about your writing is that you are able to transcend genres. Why, I could quite easily turn this into a musical. LOL. That's a compliment. If I were to analyse every word, every thought process that you have written in this tale, it would run twice as long as the story, so I won't do that. What I will say, however is that you take a normal situation and turn it onto its head, and use whatever resource you have to follow through with the story. Especially using GA and this theme as a thread in it. Lots of surprises in this story. There were moments of sheer brilliance: 1. The first was John wanting to feed his curiosity. That was expected, I could see that coming. 2. The moment where John says he still loves Tiffany, which I did not expect, but realised that it could happen and has happened in real life. 3. The point where Tiffany is outed by her pregnancy. That was brilliant. I had to go back and read that again. It was the turning point in this story for me. 3. Artie and Luis, a nioce surprise and a brilliant ending. There is a fine mix of sadness, drama, joy and love in this story. It's the kind of story I would read over and over again. Well done, Mann. You are an extremel;y talented writer. This is just a magnifeiscent story.

Wow, that was a nite to remember if ever there was one. You know, each story should begin with a hook and well, you hooked me the moment I read we're dealing with a hunter stalking a deer. I enjoyed your descriptions of the stag and of Marcus. His tale is sad, and sadder still, is the way in which he left Edain. This is a really beautifully told story. There were a few sentences that i thought stood out for their beuty and strength. Like: ..."Tempered...wilderness" and " ...as his fingers glided....string". Thank you...I thoroughly enjoyed this tale.

You hooked me immediately with : The symptoms started two years ago. I should have been more careful. My father had had it, so I should’ve known not to drink, not to do anything to further damage my brain. But I’d been careless. And gradually the story sucked me in. The hopelessness of Eli and Adam's situation brought tears to my eyes. I love emotional stories and I love crying when I read a good story. Yours was marvelous. Sure, it's filled with tragedy and conflict. But those are the ingredients you have stirred to turn this into a good story. And then the letter. I was blown away because Adam had never stopped loving Eli. He never would. Through Eli's illness they had grown together. And it was well, it was like Adam had been put here on this earthly plane to teach Eli something, strength maybe, maybe that love transcends all hardships, or maybe something else, and when the lesson was well learnt, Adam went home. Thank you for this lesson. I loved reading it.

Not such a daft question after all...

I ran out of likes. Bummmer. I love it when a story makes me smile. And man oh man, smiles in bucketloads. You, my friend, are in it to win it! As they say on American Idols. See, here's the thing. I love magic. You make magic out of your words and let me show you a couple of things to prove that: 1. Dan's jealousy of Chris...the way you write it. The way you allow us to get into Dan's head while he's dealing with this Chris issue. 2. I loved this sentence: The kind that triggered...(Darwinian Terms). Wowee. Intense and so strong. 3. The hair thing. I thought the humour in the hair thing was perfect. I not only giggled, but laughed. Then I sat back and thought, this is simply amazing writing. You allow description through other characters. Perfect. I love it. This is what SHOWING is all about, vs TELLING. Way to go bro. 4. Another description I loved was David's house. I mean I could see it like it was next door. But not only the above. Before I even got to the point where David invites Dan in I was thinking that okay, he MUST invite him. Then you go and break my expectation that Dan will accept the invite. WHAT?! I thought. What the hell, he didn't accept the invite. So be it. That's the art of storytelling. You do it so well. Little wonder that you are one of my favourite authors. Your writing rocks.

Oh yeah, Joann, I agree. I like the easy writing style in the first person. Also the humour. I think our Angel is going to like the surface world eventually. I wanna see more...

Joann. Over the last few months I found that I really look forward to posting a chapter or a status because I know you will reply. I take that for granted and I want to take this opportunity of thanking you for being a loyal reader, and also, a fab friend here on GA.

The end of the story is like a breath of fresh air where the reader finally is relieved as all the loose ends come together. An open letter to Ben Hi Ben. At last your search for happiness is over. I know that you will give Patrick everything and more. I Remember at the beginning when everything was on tender hooks, and Patrick left you standing on the grass in just your underclothes. I remember he threw out his cowboy hat. I thought, oh hell, this is really a hopeless love. You proved me wrong. I wonder if you thought the same way. I can imagine how you must have cried. I would have. You seem to be at your best when the love of your life is around you. I think you rock. An open letter to Patrick Hi Patrick. When i first met you i remember thinking, oops, sensitive man, please pass. Maybe i had forgotten how i had fought for someone in my life. How certain things niggled me and caused me to step back. I rber them now amd your actions like mine, brought him closer. So yeah, sentimental about those things. I am really over the moon about your decisions. And the last line, well, that made it all the better for Ben. He knows now that he has always been the one and at last you can move forward. Way to go bro I hope you have a fabulous life together.

Bernard reached the Land Rover parked on the slope of the hill and inserted the key into the door lock when his heart stopped beating. He saw the man’s face in the reflection of the window and he knew he was in trouble. His chin quivered. His eyes watered over. His mouth went dry. He swung around to face the stranger and found himself staring down the barrel of a revolver. Instead of freezing, he tried to make a dash for it but the man grabbed him and threw him onto the ground. ‘Now, you l

Richard and Bernard are in for the ride of their life with a couple of close calls to top it all. Whther they survive is yet to be seen. I can tell you that Richard will be staying and is in for the long haul. Thanks for the read and comments. Really appreciated.

Yes, Sue is full of surprises. And she is a mother. Her role is to protect her child/ children. Only she knows where she wants to be and at the moment she's not telling me. Sly thing she is LOL. About the description of the captors, I will look at the passage again, but I can tell you that I am writing the story in the third person omnicient viewpoint, so it doesn't matter if Jack can see his captors or not. The narrator has that ability becasue in omniscient POV the narrator is the all seeing eye. Thanks for the observation and I will def go back and see what I can do to change it. Hugs

The notebook has an important role in this story and I have to becareful not to overuse it. I do know that readers want the information in the notebook too, but it will all come out and Jack and Colton's life, even at the moment, will never be the same again.

Hi and thanks once again. The thing with writing this genre is to keep the pacing fast and furious. There is always a little fantasy involved when writing thrillers, apart from the human drama, Colton and Jack have a few tricks up their sleeves. Thanks once again.

Thanks for the read and the comment, Mann. I had to make the first chapter as realistic as possible without going into too much violence. This was was a lot more graphic than expounded on here, but I know that whenever children are involved, the reality becomes a lot more horrific. Hope you will continue to read.

Thank you Joann. I wrote this as a short while playing around with second person. I often read stories written in the second person and really wanted to try my hand at it whilst bringing in a little of my own experience. Glad you enjoyed it. And thanks so much for reading.

Hi Joann. Once again Louis says thanks for the comment and for following the story. I don't really know at this point what Colton's all about, but even I must admit, I feel a slight shiver up my spine and I dare not say anything to my son as yet. Louis and I have been in deep discussion about my role in this story and I must say I'm looking forward to being a part of it. The thing is, I have a few surprises of my own and these may or may not be to Colton's liking. I've just met him, and he seems to be jumpy and nervous and that had drawn me to him. We'll see what happens soon. I know Bernard likes him. (He told me), but there's something about Colton that everyone likes. Maybe its his charm, his nervousness or his loyalty, I don't know but I want to find out. Thanks once again, and am so glad that you're enjoying the journey. Hugs

JWolf understands the edge. And, in this short thriller, he doesn’t waste words. Every word transports the reader to a place where there is no turning back and the reader is suddenly, inextricably, sucked in. Nowhere Man is a dark escape into one man’s reality. But that is not the sum of the story. Every action has a reaction. Note, not an equal and opposite, but every cause has an effect, and this is clear from the time you start reading, to the time you finish. Every scene, every chapter of Nowhere Man is suffused with action and drama born out of a conflict that leads to disaster. One thing is absolutely certain, Mr Wolf is not afraid of the edge, and he places his reader, without too much interior thought, straight into it with him. Travis lives in a trailer park with his brother and his wife, stuck in a nowhere place. Life is humdrum in the park, until he meets the tattooed Tyler Lafferty. Lafferty is one serious hunk of a man who likes to sing a song called “nowhere man” and Travis is drawn to him, both mentally and sexually. Lafferty plays him like putty in his fingers even to the point of stalking him. But Lafferty isn’t enough for Travis. The young man’s seclusion leads him to meet a man called Wade. And this is where the trouble starts. It becomes apparent that nothing is what it seems, and when Lafferty confesses to Travis that he had murdered his wife, it is too late to turn back. Travis is unable to withdraw, and it is this inability that leads him closer and closer to the edge of his own sanity. Only a miracle can save Travis. That, or murder. Lafferty is conspicuous in his stalking of Travis. “I pulled up to the trailer, closed the door to the truck behind me and was ready to creep into the house and pass out. Morning would be here before I knew it. ”Need a light?” I heard from behind me as I approached the stoop. I turned around and put familiar face to familiar name. Tyler was standing right there, flicking a Bic lighter on and off and glaring at me with an expression I didn’t quite understand.” I recommend Nowhere Man as a rollercoaster of a read. It has a well-constructed plot that will not bore. The reader is hooked from the first word through scenes of action and reaction and the heat is on from the very first line. But the hook in Nowhere Man has several levels. It is real and it is imagined. It is internal and external. It is both positive and negative. There is an underlying threat of impending doom with every turn of the page, and Travis knows and understands the situation he is in and that it must be dealt with. The conflicts increase between Travis and Lafferty and Wade, and Travis finds out all too late that the conflict has developed into a game. “Every sound made me nervous. Every branch click under my foot made me jump inside. Every owl hoot and holler made me look up into the trees. Every rustle made me wince.” Wolf increases the stakes at every turn and puts forces into place for the grand finale. The ending had me pulling my hair out, for I wanted this story to continue.

From her bedroom window, Sue Greaney watched as eight cars pulled up in front of the bakery. She watched as every man took a stand behind their cars with weapons drawn, ready to shoot on command. Two men headed for the door of the bakery, and a few moments later a loud knock on the apartment’s front door distracted her. ‘Colton Greaney! This is the police. Open this door immediately.’ Sue placed the weapon under her pillow and opened the door a few moments later. Inspector Grant Ferguson lo