LJH

Singing in the Rain / Carousel / Madam X / The LAst Time I Saw Paris - all the old classics. Mother even bought a movie franchise for goodness sake! LOL

Oh and I completely agree with John Doe here.

My take on this is that if the characters are popular, like JR Ewing in Dallas, then I don't see the why not. Popular characters live a long time after the story. They become real. I would follow if this were the case. However, as a general rule, I don't like serialising. I agree that the story must have a beginning, middle and an end. Whether that end is in five books time, each book must end. Each book therafter, in my view, must be a story on its own and not just random stream of consciousness thoughts. SOC's are a great way to write if you have a time limit, and then it has to be edited. God forbid I should ever be asked to clean up a writer's SOC. The same rules that apply for that initial story, must apply for each serialization thereafter. Many authors on GA employ a style where they believe that GOOD writing comes from the way we speak. No bloody way! We speak differently to the way we write. I can understand if a first time writer has written a debut and posts it for review, but then he/she must also be able to withstand the criticism from writers / editor's who know and understand the way of the writer. Debut writers must learn. I did. Andy you did too. We are still learning. With each serialization, or sequel, I want to see how and where the writer has advanced. If the writer is a hard boiled egg and not flexible to outstanding writing, I wiull discontinue my reviews and advice and move on to a writer who listens, and practices whatever a learned writer or editor has to say. The publishing world rejects writers who are unable to tune into words, no matter how good the writer perceives his/her stuff to be. We write for ourselves, or for the masses. Writing for ourselves, is not the same as writing for the public. The public want brilliant, thought provoking stuff, not the inactive, passive soup that many dish out and regard their work as outstanding. I write because I want to be published. I want my characters to live on in the minds of readers long after the book is read. If there is a call for spinoffs, then so be it, do it. If there is no call, if the characters do not inspire, then that particular line of thought must end. Shoot me....lol

Aha! Just the man I wanted to hear from. LOL. You know that for you I will write an entire thesis on Body Language (I'm being cheeky funny). Okay, you raqise an interesting point about telling/showing Andy. During the early days of my apprenticeship as a writer, oh, man, I thought I was going to change the world with my words, until someone hit me over the head and said, Harris, this is the worst stuff I've ever read because you TELL instead of SHOW. So, with a deflated ego, now ready to trash my first story and never ever ever write another word again, I paused, reflected, and asked a good writer friend to SHOW me. I was blown away. Suddenly my writing came to life. Suddenly active verbs and nouns ate up all the passive crap. Suddenly I realised, I can write description, narrative and dialogue, as long as I am able to SHOW and make the characters come to life. I could make a boring character, interesting. I could walk the writing talk. So, yes, telling is like passive writing. No magic. Showing is an explosion of words that create the image. "The man sits on a bench, looking rejected." WTF. What is this? The writer TELLS me the man is on a bench and is looking rejected. What does rejection look like? How did he get there? We know, as writers, that when status, home and support structures are removed, the psyche begins to sag and the body takes on a collapsed position too. If the writer had written: "The man sits on the bench, his head sags, chin resting on his chest, arms and legs folded." We now know he is either sleeping or rejected. The writer showed it. But the most fantastic thing I found out whilst researching body language, is this: A person's usual posture or carriage, seems to act as a record of past experience. A manic depressive will frequently retain the sagging, hopeless shape that typifies the illness. It has become second nature to them and even when they have recovered, their bodies recall their unhappiness. You must have a great day Andy. I know you lawyers are always looking at body language. LOL

Aha, Mr W. Thanks for this insite. I will go back and make the characters real. )

I don't know if this is the correct place to talk about body language. In my view, body language is a very important part of how a writer identifies their characters, hence, as an editor, I would have placed it in the editing section, however, maybe the topic will be kicked out of that section, so to play it safe, here it is, in the lounge. Who notices body language anyway, for goodness sake. Oh, sorry, I do. It identifies our state of mind, physical fitness, and personal body image, also our habits and preferred postures. Some (but not all) types of posture are: Approach Withdrawal Expansion Contraction They cover basic motivation and mood very neatly. For instance: The stiff, erect body of a military man whose ramrod back betrays his profession even when he is out of uniform, or a sulking, slouching adolescent, round shoulders and concave middle. Imagine a sulky, concave military man...or the stiff, ramrod attention of an adolescent. Reverse the postures and you see how the teenager now becomes a pillar of society and the military man loses his authority. Sitting, standing and lying down is the first clue to character and personality. It reflects whether you are feeling confidant, submissive, optimistic or depressed. Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't a relaxed, upright posture suggest confidence? We say CHIN UP when we mean adopt a hopeful, assertive attitude. We say SPINELESS when we imply the opposite state of mind and posture when a person cannot stand up to life. I'm thinking of writing a few articles on body language and posting them here on GA. If anyone feels that this is a necessary part of writing, let me know. If you feel it a waste of time, also let me know. Louis

I love Chinese Dragon stories. Having written this beautiful story I'm sure you did some research into how Chinese Dragons do things, and I'm sure you know that Dragon, the original dragon that is, sired nine sons, why you can see them decorating the eaves of palaces, on swords and knife hilts, carved on pinnacles, bridges,piers and archways. They are carved on bells and panniers, on stringed instruments, incense burners, and doors. These nine dragons can be seen almost everywhere, especially in China (lol). The Jade Dragon, one that is not mentioned in the ancient texts, is a modern creation that evokes a feeling of coolness, smooth and soft. On the other hand, the word Dragon brings to mind fire, strength and activity. This tale of a doomed love, the treachery between hunter and hunted, the benevolent, almost obsessive feeling of love between Mika and Collin, the strength of Mika's belief that his father killed his mother, the fire of his anger and finally his metamorphosis, are all wonderfully woven into specatacular imagery. "In ancient times," said Confucius, "men found the likeness of all excellent qualities in jade. Soft, smooth, and glossy, it appeared to them like benevolence; fine, compact and strong – like intelligence; angular, but not sharp and cutting – like righteousness." I would love to send you a private message, explaining in detail what I felt as I read the story, if I may. Thank you, a story well told and beautifully crafted.

Hi K. Thanks for the read. Now there's plenty to do on a Sunday in Orange Grove. Hugs

Hi Dave could be both; depends how far they 're prepared to go with the third person. Thanks for the insight there. Hugs

Orange Grove is a resting place or a quick stop: nothing of significance ever happens in Orange Grove.

13.30 Nothing of significance ever happens in Orange Grove. Not the important stuff at any rate. We had just arrived home from church and the ladies were cooking it up in the kitchen. Petra talking loud. Silence. Maybe a whisper. And finally both of them laughing hysterically. You can imagine my curiosity. However, I left the ladies to their own devices in the kitchen and continued to watch rugby on DSTV. South Africa led against Fiji 42 – 3. Fiennes sat beside me on the three piece sofa

I was wondering where you were going with this and it blew me away. Perfect twist. Who'd have thought?

Nice mix between narrative and dialogue. Good build up from winning lottery to buying the home he wants I was delighted in the beginning when he won the lotto and then castapulted into suspense and of things to come when he bought the house. The purchase of the house tells me loads about the character Linus. A well crafted piece. Louis

I thought you did a great job with a fine mix between the narrative and the dialogue. I felt there was an interesting layer to each part of the story that wanted me to know more. A fine job with the build up from humble beginnings to suspenseful ends. I identified with the character cos i love Nuttela...lol I know it's meant to delight me in the beginning, and it does. If it was meant to stir and hold me at the end, it did. There's more to this character than meets the eye. The puchase of the house tells me that he's adventurous. Wants excitement. His motivation is reasonable too. A well crafted piece technically.

Thank you for your kind words. Hmmm, I wonder what you'd say. I might disguise myself as a fly on the wall and eavesdrop. Hehehe.

Thank you. An honest opinion I like, for it tells me where I'm going wrong, as well as where it is I don't need to change, ie., pacing? The hardest part for me was watching him process his thoughts, it takes a lot of digging and soul searching even when writing fiction. Thanks for the read.

Some powerful words here. You make me want to rush out and scream to the world: LET ME BE! This poem is not just about the problem of being caught in a rat trap, nor is it a cry for freedom. It is much more than that, its a pidce that says we live, then we live for others, and we forget the me individual. Your tragic tone is accelerated by the two lines at the end for here you are not seeking death, but renewal. Lovely poem. You succeeded in getting my attention. Thanks for the quick, albeit thought provoking piece. (i wonder if you would visit my poetry under the title "Windows" for i think we may have a similar kind of style) it would b great.

Thank you for the kind words. Glad you liked it. I enjoy playing with words and getting the best out of them. I want the reader to be entertained with the words the characters demand.

Thank you for understanding. A sequel is always the most diffucult to write after an action chapter. This is what I was attempting to do, where the antagonist and the protagonist are one and the smae person. In other words, we are our own worst enemies. Glad you liked it and thanks for the read. Peach blossom gaze is the chinese version of gazing at a person longingly. Dictionary. I try to use it all the time.

Chapter 2 The last two years had been a blessing, a pungent aroma, a delicious meal. My stomach snarled . I yearned for coke in a glass filled with ice and to sip it without being watched and to admire the color in a garden instead of cruising Bear bars. Breakfast in bed? A shower? A gentle man to cuddle? I wanted to wake up in the morning and feel skin beside me. No sex. I knew that wouldn’t happen. I don’t know how long I drove. Maybe an hour or two. When I stopped there were ca

As big as a car? Its a measure of size. Maybe a small car. Lol ill think o something else thanks for the review. The disparate chapters seem to be unlinked but they come together soon. These guys are situated all over the world. Thanks sgsin

Ok thanks for the review. I actually did ask for an editor and sent the prologue to him for review but no joy. This is a huge undertaking research wise so thank you for the interest you expressed. Good to hve u read my work.

Ja but its all changed. I updated. Its a crappy story but i need fantasy/horror experience

First time reader here...snippets of the past framed neatly. Keen pacing. The rush of adrenalin as something evil fights something good. Good will always be victorious. You are brave to right this and believe me, it works. I got shot and hijacked ten years ago by a stranger and lived to publish the story. It was so therapeutic and good for my health so i salute u. Braveheart!