LJH

Eish! I dont know whats next waiting for the characters to say something lol thanks for the review and you r protected no scorpion sting for u lol

Sorry for the long delay in replying. Thanks for this stunning review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now that I'm back, I'll check out your work.

Thank you thank you. Yeah, I was thinking of continuing it. Maybe. Always good to know a story works, that it is understood. :]

Yup, me too,I stay away from ten pound hammersd lol. Also showers that resemble the one in psycho. and the ocean/sharks in Jaws. I think there's a trend here...lol thanks for reading.

oooo another cake. I love how the writer can be and do anything he/she wants in whatever they write. thanks for the read.

On a normal day...doorknob. ‘How much is this?’ He picked out an intricately carved compass... awaited him. I really like the descriptive flow of these lines. I find the rest almost hypnotic. Your characters have stature, presence and flair. They hold me from the first word to the last. I find the writing filled with passion for these two characters. Both become immediately people whom I want to care about. I am sympathetic towards both of them because the actions they take are important and memorable. Beautifully crafted.

Eish i like historical and non fiction but... Altho i write fiction. All genres are good for me.

Yup they do come together in the next chapters and then the story shld write itself ... Im hoping lol thx for the read D

I like watching the mechanics of writing. I dislike getting into plot and talking about what a character should be doing next. Dialogue moves the story forward = yes Dialogue creates the characters = yes Dialogue sharp = yes In my view you do dialogue without dialogue tags. Could i be at liberty here to ask the reason? Im not saying its wrong. Im saying most authors do use dialogue tags. I liked the piece. It has strong elements. Im not knocking you on the dialogue, cos there are no fast and hard rules in writing. A good fast read.

who says sundays need to be boring? LOL . For me, the structure of the build uo between the two characters is important. The message is simple. Temptation strikes where temptation will. You've described a moment in time. Framed it, and you do it with a superb passion. I loved your beginning. I sailed through your middle, and I read the end twice. Nice one.

technically speaking, this chapter is flawless. Two sides playing to win. Strong, passionate characters with clear motivations and adversaries. Rivalry. Fascinating stuff. Your writing is a forest of excellence. The questions, the surprises, create images where i got lost in the tale itself. This is a tale about what happens to characters. To me, it involves people that are determined to live out their particular destinies and how others change their destiny. Will the defence choose a moral argument? Has that been overruled by the judge? It's also a story about the search for truth and you're connecting the dots better than Steve Martini, or even Harry North Patterson whose books have sold in their millions all over the world. By far, your technique has matured to that of master just by the way you allow your words to create the power. A dramatic court case is often a case of how many changes you're going to inflict upon your characters, and you have done that for me. And I'm expecting a lot more, such is the enetertainment value of this work. I lovethe way you stay away from gilded lawspeak, you throw it in just so that I coukld understand what it was all about. You brought the languagew to the reader, and in my estimation, that's first class. Also, you create exciting sentences. Sentences that have moved me the way you weant me to be moved. Your characters are memorable. I found that you choose your words carefully to evoke fear, despair, happiness, sadness and anger. You do this by pacing your short sentences with powerful verbs. You vary sentence structure You don't start every sentence with a noun but you do it beautifully by using verbsm adevrbs and sentence fragments to keep me interested. Your characters in this court case are beautifully rounded off and their environment reflects their personalities. Thank You for writing so professionally. Yours is a high standard to attain, or beat. It is just so fine to see the spoken word written with such command. oh, i think there's a were instead of a where somewhere. Can't remember now. LOL. See, even maestro's like yourself are prone to the little green gremlin. Mwahahahahaha. Seriously though. Thank you.

Writing flash is an excercise not to be taken lightly. In my view it requires the same elements as a fully blown short story. I love flash for the very simple reason that it challenges my word skills. It is true power writing for I must choose the exact words to complete the tale. Your flash fiction brings in all these elements I have mentioned. And more. The surreal. The unbelievable chaos that swims in a man's mind in open heat in the desert without water. I could feel the heat of the sun, the dry mouths, the blistered lips. I could sense redemption, but I did not expect death. Now that's a tale I like to read. The unpredictable. Yes, I think there are gremlins. Of-course there will be many edits. Editing is the chemical make-up of flash and flash requires a dedication to this craft that defies my senses. Thanks for making music. LOL The above is flash, it's saying thank you in like 8 lines and the only criteria is to begin with the word Writing, and end with the word, music. Hehehe

In my opinion this was a neat piece. You have an easy kind of laid back style to your writing. Normally I'd slate that. This time, I'm letting my guard down because I think any story to do with writers and books and writing, turns me into an angel. First impressions are always important to me and the way you transitioned from the first easily written part, to the prose in italics, caught my eye. I enjoy reading prose too. Good job. Just go easy on misplaced comma's lol.

Beautifully executed. I could mot habe done better. Well...what do we hve here? A personal experience? An overwhelming personal experience. I identify with this experience and altho i did not weep (maybe cos my own exp has desensitized me), i felt drawn to tell you that the place where souls go has a place for every soul. Gay souls are not punished. Gay souls do not require healing. If you want to read excellent stuff on the soul try: Journey of the Soul and Destiny of the Soul bu a guy called Newton. I am still gobsmacked by his revelations. Powerful writing. Powerful subject.

I'm in a Clive Cussler novel where the writing is entertaining and flawless. You certainly cut to the chase. As with all Prologues, I think you achieved what you set out to do, and that is give me a powerful kiss to a superb mystery. I'll get to read the rest of the work, but I'm wondering if this is not the ending to your story? Making the entire novel a flashback? I know it's integral to the story but that's not directly obvious at the moment. Why did I mention that, because in my view you succeeded in every aspect of writing a prologue. It left me with a promise, that someone will get to the bottom of this mystery. Brilliant work!

thanks. A lot more coming through. In a sense Im learning all the time. Nothing is clear cut in writing. Even this story has gremlins, but no one has pointed them out yet. Sigh...well, the idea was to kill Barry off. a ten pound hammer and a jealous lover did the trick lol

Grenadilla please. (You can have some too). I like happy endings too. Make me cry and play classic (note I didn't say morbid depressing stuff lol) music. I love writers who do it right. Like Nicholas Sparks, his work is romantic, sappy, sad and redeeming (as per his publishers). My skin crawls when an author gets anything right, especially if I know the author. I'm babbling. Thanks for liking it. Barry is one mad son of a bitch. I would have liked to have gotten to know both characters, but that's all they have to offer right now. Pity. lol

Hmmm yes it was sad and dark. This is something i hve wanted to do to several ex boyfriends. The paper way is safer lol keeps me out of jail lol

Barry's life is about to change when his husband, Sal,tells him he's seeing someone else.

There are blossoms on our peach tree and the breeze is warm. Pink blossoms announce the arrival of spring and Sal is in the house instead of in the garden enjoying the first warm rays of a welcome summer. I could call him, but he won’t come. Our relationship isn’t what it used to be. It’s on the collapse, he knows it, and I know it. Blame him. He’s the one who compromised everything we had built together. I see him sitting up on the bed. Staring out at me. He doesn’t see me like before.

Very tight. Gripping. You have structure here and I mean going from an action scene, immediately into the sequel, also an action scene. I'm betting, that if there is more, the next scene will be a sequel, which relies on more truths emerging. At the end I asked myself, what kind of hospital is the narrator in? is it important at this stage? I ask, is this a science fiction story where dreams are articulated thru a device of some sort? You allowed me to use my imagination and really thin where you might be headed. It stands ready as flash fiction, and the twist at the end is told in an almosty apologetic way. I like the ideas and images here. You skip the aesthetics and dive directly into the story. Maybe its a guy going through hypnosis? I think that the denouement is the hook to this story as it stands. A quick, makes you think, tome. I Like. Thanks for making music with your words.

Hi bro. Hope u doing okay, and congratulations on the purple. I I loved this account of the confusion and overriding sense of doom that pervades in this chapter. Your characterization of Chase and Cooper, and the family, create a strong visual image. You have chosen words that reinforce the type of character you want to create. Like the harsh words where divorce is brought up for the first time. I now know that she's a fighter and always has been. There are five kinds of scenes that I like to see in a writer's work and you have employed all of them. Scene - cause and stimulus. Sequel - rest/decision/emotion. Flashback scenes ( In the rest of the story) and All Dialogue scenes - to increase the pacing. Only one is missing from the lot, but that's because it's not the kind of book you are writing from the viewpoint of a lesser character. Of-course, in my opinion, not everything is buttered on both sides. LOL. The only criticism I have is overusage of the word 'just'. I personally try not to overuse the word, I cut out most of mine. But then, we're not all the same. I would prefer it if one character uses the word and drops it in wherever. You create for your character a speech mannerism. I think characters should have different speech mannerisms. I mean I’ve sat in a restaurant eaves dropping on conversations around me, noting that each conversation has a personality and characters all of its own. But back to what I consider the great stuff. I like how you intersperse your writing with words that make the grey think: like “conniption” – so we rush to the dictionary after reading the piece. Why after? Because I know that to interrupt the flow of the piece, one would have to stop reading and this was that exciting to not stop. You make her motivations for the house so utterly believable. It makes sense. Stuff the other things. They’re material. Her noble protective mother instinct rises like a phoenix out of the ashes as though you were that mother, you were defensive . The kids have a right to worry and only to know those aspects of the breakdown a spouse wishes them to know. The rest will come later. So true of all divorces where children are involved. They are the innocents trapped in an adult situation and you brought me into the scene where I could watch as they interracted and intersected. Man. You have a way of suspending reality for me. I hope you never stop writing. Your insights are simply awesome.

I was wondering if anyone could help with the Spanish translations in Chapter 3. I'd appreciate it a lot. :wacko:

Death Of a Fallen Leaf - 2012 A huge explosion rocked the house. Serrina O’Connell dashed down the rickety staircase into the basement and found Plato lying face down on the floor. ‘Senora de la Luz! What on earth have zhew done this time? Zhew always making these big bangs like a stupido! And zhew know my heart she won’t take it but still zhew go on and on and on. What am I going to do with zhew?’ By this time she had her hands in the air, a small woman, with a robust m

This chapter is psychologically violent. By that I mean oh please do throw out the dolls, after twenty years start a new "life", get rid of the current pain and go into reverse love. By the same token that Chase had never picked up the phone to contact Cooper, Cooper never had the balls to tell Devon of his insecurities over the years. No sex for 29 days? Leap year? LOL I did not read The List, so at the moment I think Cooper and ChasE will have to boil under my skin for a while. If I love them, I'll let you know. If I don't love them, well, I'll wait twenty years to tell you. I'm following...albeit slow, but following...