AFriendlyFace

LOL, I think a longer week with more off days would be a great idea! Just the other day I was pondering how I think the work day/week is too long. Simply put I just don't want to spend nearly a third of my life at work! That's just way too much. I think the traditional 8 hour work day needs to be to cut down to no more than 6 hours, and I think we need more vacation time annually too. I was reading some statistics recently about how America (and I think Japan) had the most working hours per year out of all the industrialized nations. I think that's so unfortunate. Not to sound overly lazy but an abundance of leisure time in which to pursue hobbies and social interests, or just to exercise and relax in, has always been one of my biggest priorities in life. I'd prefer cutting working time, but increasing off time by making weeks and days longer is certainly a good option too!

Overall, it sounds a lot like my taste in music, and this is generally born out by your selections in "What Are You Listening To" Actually though I don't care for Celine at all. I'm very very eclectic with my taste in music - and most things for that matter - as well. I think my favourite genre would have to be modern, slightly alternative rock, but I like music from almost all genres and eras. In general the things I don't like are songs heavy on musical or lyrical rhythm. If they repeat the same sound or line of lyrics for too long I'm out. I like the music to be much more dynamic and I kind of like it to keep my on my toes. In general I also tend to prefer up-tempo, 'fast' songs. Stuff like Led Zeplin, and Pink Floyd is actually some of the worst music I could imagine listening too because it was something to 'get lost' in (this is probably my same complaint against Celine, despite the fact that the styles are so different). I can't stand 'getting lost' in a song. If I don't want to be engaged by the song I'd much prefer to opt for the sound of silence. Indeed, the only reason I listen to music is to be engaged, if I'm able to 'tune it out' I'd be much happier not having it at all. I like silence and quiet, I don't want background music. Green day, Blink 182, and Eve 6 were my favourites all through my teens simply because they were loud, quick, and clever. A friend of mine has the Dream Girls soundtrack, personally I think it's one of the worst albums I've had to listen to in recent memory It's also too heavy on rhythmy songs IMO. Those sorts of things just get under my skin. Thus R&B and Soul are about my least favourite genres and the ones I have the toughest time finding something I like in. Rap, and especially Hip Hop, are much better though, particularly the more mainstream stuff. I do like quiet, melancholy ballads though, quite a lot actually, but for that I typically like them to tell a very emotional story lyrically and/or to still be very dynamic musically. For example "Yesterday", "Killing Me Softly", and my new favourite, "Luckiest" (by Ben Folds), are all more subdued, softer songs and they totally rock my socks. (and there's a ton of others, I really do love quite a few ballads). Anyway, yeah, I have a lot of stereotypical "gay" preferences in music. I love musicals and show tunes. In fact I was shocked to discover how much I couldn't stand the Dream Girls Soundtrack I also, like much of the music from our stereotypical 'divia's'. My personal favourite is and will always be my gurl Christina, who IMO is much more talented than the rest, but hey that's just me. The new Brittany CD was really good IMO, and you're right I do find her music to be 'gay friendly'. My favourite song on her new CD (not for this reason) is "Toy Soldier" in which one of the male, background vocalists sings about wanting to find some boys to 'get it on' with I have quite a few non-stereotypical tastes too though. Like really Three Days Grace and Seether and their contemporaries are really my favourite bands right now. I also happen to like quite a lot of contemporary Christian Music. On the other side of the spectrum I tend to enjoy really dirty songs too. **shrug** I did like that

I think all these things are very individualized and will vary a great deal depending on the circumstances, time, place, setting, etc. Unfortunately I'm inclined to agree for the most part, but perhaps I'll be more optimistic and say that only 2 out of 5 are hopeless, 2 out of 5 are great, and the other guy can get better with practice/instruction. In my experience the two worst 'kissing sins' are simply bad taste/breath and being too passive. Unfortunately I've kissed more than a couple of really cute guys with with uncute breath. Perhaps it's my poor sense of smell, but I rarely notice or even have a hint until I'm kissing them, and then suddenly it's like, "Whoa!". Personally, I don't particularly care for the guy to have a 'taste' at all. I just want it to be fresh, and mostly neutral. My advice: good oral hygiene and drink plenty of water. When it comes to my breath I don't watch what I eat and drink at all, but I've always been complimented on my breath and I rarely ever find my mouth feeling 'icky' or nasty. I attribute this to drink insane amounts of water I never take a bite or sip of anything without chasing it with water. This is because I don't like for the taste to linger in my mouth. I like a fresh palate. The other big thing I've found is that too many people are too passive. It's like they're enjoying the kiss, but all they want to do is open their mouth and let you figure out the rest. I like someone that kisses back enthusiastically and keeps me on my toes...actually I probably shouldn't have brought up toes at all. A few good experiences: One of my best kisses was also my first proper kiss. The guy completely took me off guard. We were just standing there talking, and the next thing I knew he was kissing me. The element of surprise definitely worked in his favour. Of course prior to that (and since then ) a few other people had tried to kiss me unexpectedly and it wasn't appreciated at all. So it definitely came down to the fact that not only was I surprised and caught off guard, but I also liked and was attracted to the guy. Some of the best making out I ever did was with an ex. It went on so long my tongue was sore! I think the key thing was that we were both really into it, and each other, and there was a really good balance of energy and passion. Conversely some of the worst kissing I ever did was with a different ex, and this definitely came down with him being way too passive (well, I guess to be fair, all it meant was that we weren't compatible in this way, and either I was too aggressive or had the wrong expectations/desires for the situation). Well, that's never exactly been my fantasy, but you certainly described it in an incredibly appealing way! Just my thoughts, Kevin

I think I'd better check this song out! Oh I love that one! Awesome Vid! "Dirty Pop" - N'Sync

That was romantic! I like Robbie Williams and had heard that song before, but never really paid attention to it.

Personally, I've never seriously thought there might be just 'one person'. Don't misinterpret that to mean I'm against monogamy or in favour of serial monogamy versus working on your current (fixable) relationship. All I mean is that I think there are quite a few people out there that a given person could be compatible and very happy with. I think romantic relationships can be extremely intense, beautiful, and deep, and definitely have the potential for that 'forever' thing. But I don't think they're all mystical and stuff, and that in this giant world of ours there's really a significantly limited number of matches. Just my thoughts on it though Ohh, I sorta have this too! LOL, for some reason I always get excited when I find out someone else can't swim! I don't know why, but I guess it just makes me feel better or something about my own inability, lol. Hmm, I don't suppose we ought to all get together and go on a cruise though Anyway, as I said, I'm not really afraid of water despite the non-swimming thing...which I suppose just makes me stupid

I certainly agree with all of this. And disagree with this. That aspect of therapy may not be something that would be particularly beneficial to you, because if I've gotten a proper read on you based on our interaction, your posts, and your blog, I'd say you're already the sort of person that will be reflecting and analyzing such things. You're already going to be asking yourself those questions and you probably have a natural tendency to do these things. Personally, I feel that in that regard we are very similar. However, we mustn't forget that such directed, thoughtful introspection does not come naturally to everyone. Some people are woefully ill-equipped to even know where to start when it comes to sorting out their feelings. They don't have the 'skills' nor the 'natural inclination' to do these things. In that regard someone patient who can sit there and help keep them on track, and prod them along can be extremely useful. Furthermore, I don't know if this has ever been your experience, but speaking for myself the majority of 'major revelations' and 'insights' that I've had about myself and my life have come as a result of evaluating the situation myself. Nevertheless, I've had more than a few experiences in which it was through conversation with a friend or other trusted person that I suddenly came to an important 'epiphany' about something. Without talking it over with someone else and having them point out 'the obvious' that just wasn't clicking for me, or perhaps something more random, and obscure that they just happened to be thinking that 'made sense', I'd have missed out on a great deal of insight about myself. I personally don't care for your focus here on 'symptoms', 'problems', and 'disorders'. There's a movement in psychology called 'positive psychology' that I think has a great deal of merit and which I very much hope expands. It's focus is more...preventative, and instead of saying "ohh, see, here's your problem", it's more about "ohh, look at this resource! Utilize this." I don't think everyone who goes to a therapist has, or should be expecting to discover, a disorder or condition. I also don't think people should only go to therapists when their coping mechanisms have completely broken down and they're already in some dire emotional situation. I think far more often people - healthy, well-adjusted people - could benefit just by going periodically and talking things out and exploring their thoughts and feelings with the benefit of another person's neutral, non-judgmental perspective. Anyway, that's what I think. Take care Kevin

Well, I've decided that I shall only be drinking two more times in the next two months. Next week for a friend's birthday and then perhaps again if/when I go to the GA convention (not because I expect it to be an alcohol filled event, simply because I'll consider it a 'vacation' and I wouldn't deprive myself in any way on a vacation. So if I feel like a glass of wine at dinner, or if we go to clubs/bars, I may have a couple). Apart from that though I don't intend to drink any other alcohol until June. I picked June because it's another friend's birthday as well as Pride. Pride comes first, so until the Pride festivities. Anyway, It's mostly just a whim and a desire to lower my alcohol tolerance. Not to mention save a little extra money (I tend to enjoy fancy, expensive drinks ). I'll let you all know how I do. I don't expect any setbacks though since several times in my life since my teens I've elected to swear off alcohol completely for periods of time ranging from two years to a couple of weeks. Plus I just finished having cheese and crackers, which would have been one of the most tempting times to add a glass of wine. Instead I opted for herbal iced tea

Well first off, I don't think there's any value judgments to be made based on the race of someone's attraction. I'm very very open minded when it comes to...well nearly everything ...but specifically dating, sex, attraction, etc. I've dated and/or messed around with whites, asians, hispanics, and blacks, and my focus wasn't on their race. Just whether or not I liked them and was attracted to them. That said, I very much have a type. The fact that someone isn't my 'type' won't automatically preclude them, but there is a type. First off, as I said in the body hair thread I'm all about SMOOTH. I also tend to prefer slender, slim, toned, or lean muscle. Average to muscular is okay, but I prefer smaller. I also prefer smaller in terms of height. Ideally the person should be about my height 5'10. One or two inches either way is fine, but if there's a larger height disparity I much prefer shorter guys to taller guys. I like guys with longer, fuller, shaggier hair and I significantly prefer straight hair to wavy or curly. That said, it's quite obvious that my 'type' is very often Asians. I think Asian boys are by and large very very beautiful! My other big 'type' is fair-haired white boys. Again I'm fine with darker haired white boys, but often that's where the body hair thing comes more into play. Not always though, and happily most twinkish gay boys are good about staying smooth Blacks and Hispanics generally interest me less, and I certainly don't have a 'fetish' for them, the way I do with Asians and light-haired whites, but at the same time I've seen some incredibly hot ones! I certainly wouldn't be surprised if I found myself attracted to and dating a black or Hispanic person. I've had less experience with other races, but I'm sure this would essentially hold true. My attraction to females is slightly different however. I'm still very attracted to blondes and red-heads if they're white, but I also have a major attraction to slender, black girls. At one of my old jobs there was this gorgeous black girl! When we first met I found it hard not to stare. She was a lesbian though and in a relationship, and of course I was gay, so while we developed a pretty good friendship nothing ever came of it. Still, I recently heard that she'd broken up with her girlfriend and started dating a guy and I couldn't help but feel...I dunno jealous I guess, and like I'd missed an opportunity I didn't think existed. My only other big attraction quirk is that I'm proportionately very seldom attracted to straight guys. I just like the average gay guy's looks AND personality a lot more, and I find them much easier to understand and relate to, so straight guys just don't interest me very much. The only ones that do would be like the laid-back 'surfer' or 'hippie' dudes or maybe a 'metrosexual'. What a wonderful story! I've heard that use of the phrase; however, I personally prefer to playfully refer to myself as a 'Dairy Queen' because of my proclivity for cheese I certainly agree with that sentiment. Also, with regards to the rest, on the bright side everyone is sort of at that same disadvantage of not knowing if the person they're interested in has a 'type' and whether or not they automatically make or fail to make it, so at least we're all on even ground in that regard I suppose that's true. Personally, however, I have to say that the majority of the stereotypes I've seen/heard about Asians have been things I would regard as 'positive'. If you ask me Whites AND Asians do get a 'better rap' than Hispanics or Blacks when it comes to the media. I've frequently wondered whether this might account for the fact that those two groups tend to be the ones I'm more attracted to by and large. On the other hand, I've also wondered whether it's simply a case of me looking for 'confirmation'. Like if I already found Asians really HOT, maybe I just notice the positive things and ignore the negative things that the media and society tend to portray? Just my thoughts, Kevin

:angry:So for the past several days I haven't been able to stop listening to By Ben Folds It's most definitely one of the most romantic songs I've ever heard, in fact I'd be hard pressed to come up with a song I consider more romantic. LOL and I'm not even seeing anyone or 'in love' I'm sure it would be on a continuous loop if I were I also think, "Good Morning Beautiful" By Steve Holy is also freakishly romantic. I think you have to sorta like, or at least be able to tolerate, country music to appreciate it though. In any case I know I'd completely melt if I ever had a boyfriend that sang, or even just quoted, that to me when we woke up one morning. So those are my two romantic songs. What ones do you guys like? -Kevin

I think you've got a good point, Nick! I know my opinion and position on things have changed considerably over time as well. I have that problem too! I like everything to be perfect and if I don't have the time or energy to get it right I often don't bother at all. I took that test again, and as with last time (I just looked up my results from a few months ago in the What Personality Are You? thread) I scored as an: ENFP * moderately expressed extravert * distinctively expressed intuitive personality * distinctively expressed feeling personality * slightly expressed perceiving personality I'd say the results are definitely true for the last three things, but stuff is sort of weird with the extrovert/introvert thing. For example I wouldn't describe myself as a "moderately expressed extrovert" at all, I would describe myself as a distinctively expressed extrovert AND a moderately/distinctively expressed introvert. I've always found it interesting that these two things appear as polar opposites on a scale. It might be logical and intuitive to think of them that way, but for me they aren't at all, instead they would be two separate scales. I'm a highly social, outgoing person. I do enjoy being the center of attention, I speak loudly, love having a wide circle of friends, quickly throw myself into the social mix whenever I go somewhere new, and enjoy parties. However, I also 'need time alone to recharge' and a more significant amount of it than the average person I would say. I also prefer small groups of two or three to large groups (I enjoy both but smaller get-togethers are preferable), I frequently seek out quiet and solitude and occasionally purposely cancel plans and/or avoid people to spend time alone doing solitary things. I would also be hard pressed to decide whether or not I prefer to speak or listen in general. So anyway, personally I've always thought I score quite high on both extrovert and introvert. Most people assume me to be an extrovert because I am when I'm with them; they don't see my quiet, solitary side but it's just as important, natural, and enjoyable to me.

"All that Jazz" - Chicago Soundtrack

Oh man, my hypothetical life sucks! Okay, I've got a plan! I'll go to the doc and get the STD's treated, then I'll take the cute guy to the salon and get him waxed all over, and I'll bring the short, heavyset dude to the gym, and before long I'll be healthy, hairy guy will be smooth, and large guy will be slender, and then we can all join a commune in the wilderness of Washington state and live happily ever after eating organic strawberries. ...yeah I think it's foolproof!

...Well, if I'd already managed for 3 years without guys I'm sure I could go a bit longer

For the record this is also what I meant.

This is something I feel very strongly about when it comes to physical attraction. I can't stand body hair. Apart from being wildly out of shape or something, body hair is the single thing which is most inclined to turn me off of someone. To be very blunt, if I had to choose I'd much rather be with a smooth woman than a hairy man. Hair on the head is great (and I like longer, fuller styles), a trimmed patch around the genitals is also fine, as is short, trimmed hair under the arms. I can tolerate a moderate amount on the legs, especially if it's lighter. As for the arms I really only don't mind if the hair is very light and not particularly prevalent. For the rest of the body (chest, stomach, back, etc.) almost any is a deal breaker. My biggest attraction in terms of having a physical 'type' is to Asians, blonds, and red-heads, and while I consider these types very attractive in most all ways, the fact that they're more inclined to be hairless or only have fine, light hair is undoubtedly a huge determinant. It's for this reason that I think I've always had this reaction to body hair. I've really always found it unattractive and I've always been attracted to Asians/blonds/red-heads, I didn't even piece together that it was probably related until relatively recently. So anyway in that way my sexual attraction has always been well-integrated I'm getting that, although I've been so busy I keep missing my appointments I'm very pleased with the results for my arms, but the rest is slower progress. Also, while this wasn't part of the question, I'll also add that I similarly don't care for facial hair. Anyway, I realize that's all very shallow, and obviously none of these things would matter to me at all, except in terms of sexual attraction, and I also realize that quite a few people feel the exact opposite. These are just my opinions and preferences. Take care all and have a great day Kevin

Well, as someone who's completely unfamiliar with DnCW and didn't realize Cody was anything but a new, made-up character, I'd say it worked pretty well I dunno, given the circumstances I don't think she was really out of line. Anyway, good chapter! -Kevin

Awwwww But wow, yuck!

I have often heard this concern expressed by others! Frequently it is the reason people offer for not exploring themselves and occasionally it's been a warning from other against my doing so. Personally, I've never been of this opinion at all; if there is a snake in my bed I want to know about it and find it, I don't want to curl up on one side and hope it leaves me alone. Sometimes one's demons cannot be exercised, but nevertheless I think it's better to know they are there and act accordingly than to live in supposed ignorance. Speaking for myself I've often explored the dark corners of my mind and soul, but the darkness doesn't scare me; there has always been enough light to offset it. Besides, I've never thought myself perfect, or even lacking significant flaws. I know what my flaws are and I love myself in spite of them.

These are all excellent songs! "Shut Up And Drive" - Rihanna I've been listening to it off and on since yesterday when Tim mentioned it. I knew I liked it, but had forgotten about it. Upon reflection I've realized that I like practically everything by Rihanna that I've heard!

There is wine but there are no grapes. There is war but there are no weapons.

I won't dance - Frank Sinatra

My personal opinion is that there is no knowledge more relevant and important than self-knowledge. To me it's one of the fundamental experiences of the human condition and I would find it more pitiable if someone had no self-knowledge than if they were illiterate for example (or otherwise lacking in knowledge of something that most of today's Western society knows). For me the quest for self-knowledge has always been paramount. 1) So I selected "yes" it's important 2) for the best way, the poll actually didn't offer any of my preferred methods. I think the truly best, not to mention easiest, way is through good old-fashioned introspection, and carefully exploring your feelings and motivation. I think a very good tool for this is to write your thoughts out in a journal/blog and/or to discuss them carefully with a trusted friend. These three ways are by far the ones I employ the most and I'm very pleased with the results. It's also useful to engage in other creative pursuits like writing, painting, poetry, music, etc. and also probably very useful to engage in other hobbies that aren't traditionally associated with such things (I think sports could be very helpful for example). I know that for my part if I'm going to engage in pure introspection without discussing it with someone or writing about it, my favourite way is to take a long walk by myself, a close second is to take a hot bath, and a third is, oddly enough, to do dishes. I'm very introspective when I wash dishes for some reason and I find it very relaxing. For the sake of this poll I actually selected all three options. The second option, Jung's test etc. is the one I've engaged in the most and I do find personality tests and other such things to be very fascinating and often very insightful. Though, for the most part, they've only ever told me things I pretty knew already. Nevertheless, I enjoy them immensely and they do stimulate my thinking about the subjects so I still find them useful. I also selected counseling because while I've never been to a therapist myself and while I don't feel like I do have anything major or chronic for which I might need counseling, I still think that with the right therapist it would be very useful and enjoyable. I'm also a firm believer that counseling is very good for people. Finally, I wasn't going to select the non-scientific approaches like astrology because I'm fairly skeptical about such things. In the end I did elect to select it however because I think the fact that one may or may not participate is illuminating about oneself in the first place. For example I almost always read my horoscope if I'm reading a magazine or paper that has it in it (I don't actively seek it out though), I've also done tarot cards with friends, and last month I tried to go to a psychic/palm reader on a whim (I was passing a place that did it), but unfortunately it was closed. Anyway, point is I think those things are fun, and I'm just about open-minded enough to believe that there's a very small chance there's something to them. For the most part though I don't believe them at all, and would never actually base any decisions or actions on such things. What I think my willingness to participate casually says about myself, however, is that I'm a very open-minded, spiritual person, who enjoys novelty. So in that way I think they do tell me something about myself. 3) I said I know a lot about all those techniques. It's a relative thing of course, but I'm pretty well-informed about such things as a result of my degree in psychology as well as my general interest and active pursuit of knowledge about in the field. 4) I am interested in knowing more. I'm interested in knowing more about almost anything that interests me even a little, and this interests me very much, so I doubt I'll ever know all I want to know about it. 5) for the last question I said that I was open to all techniques for learning more, because I think all could be very useful! Great poll/thread, Old Bob! Thanks Take care all and have an awesome day, Kevin

LOL, well for most people I think they develop 'times' when it's said to someone. I said it today to one of my closest friends when I was hanging up the phone. We used to say it every now and then more spontaneously when she lived in the same city, but now that she's moved away we say it at the end of most phone conversations and talk once or twice a week. Similarly I say it at the end of every phone conversation with my mom, and we talk about 2 or 3 times a week (well this week only once because it was so hectic, but on a good week 2 or 3). Again this only developed after the time I moved away, before that, when I lived at home as child/adolescent it was generally said nightly before bed and occasionally during the day spontaneously or for special circumstances. I think most Americans develop something akin to this habit. They may say it nightly with family/spouses/partners, and at the end of phone conversations if these people, or other close friends, are away. Similarly some people seem to throw it around more at birthdays and holidays, although personally I've never been more or less inclined to say it/hear it for those reasons. Of course the 'habit/routine' way is the most functional and least...emotional or joyful I guess. I mean it's still nice to hear/say, but I personally prefer if it's a more, 'in the moment' kind of thing. Those 'in the moment' type 'I love you's' are far less common (otherwise they become routine ), personally speaking I guess I only have 2 or 3 of those a month with someone, be they friend or family member, TOPS, and even those are usually of the more playful, casual variety. The best kind are the spontaneous, but also very serious sort, and I think those are exceedingly rare. On the other hand 'I love you's' of any variety are probably far more common when involved in a romantic relationship of some kind (especially one that's gotten serious, but that's still not routine). Personally speaking I've only been involved in one of those ever, and while I convinced myself I felt it eventually I think he said it too soon and the first several times I said it back were more 'because I had to' than genuine feeling. On the other hand I do still 'love' him in the affectionate, this is someone I care about and want to see happy way, but not at all in the romantic way.

Oh wow, that is a difference in cultures I suppose. So parents don't even say it to their young children?