Dodger

Thank you, Tim, Gary and everyone else. That was really cool. Although I'm still a long way off my best and maybe I'll never get back to my best, I'm certainly not down and I'm not alone. My family has smothered me lately and I've enjoyed all the attention although I try not to admit it (I'm not fooling anyone, they know me by now). I went through a period where I was feeling sorry for myself and felt cheated because of my age, and they were telling me that I was gonna need heart surgery and I wasn't allowed to fly, and it seemed as if my life was over. I was wrong and now I consider myself very lucky. Reading about Skinny helped me to understand this and that's the message that I was trying to get across in my blog. Thanks for your comments and support, they mean a lot.

It was a bad day. I’ve had a few recently. Often enough to know that they don’t get better halfway through; only progressively worse. After lunch, I should have packed up and gone home to bed. I had done that before and it had worked; no one could argue against the logic. The less I do, the less that can go wrong. Why tempt fate by pressing on regardless, when the situation was beyond saving. A phone call increased my workload; I should have switched it off earlier. The error led to a twenty-mile journey in the opposite direction and another so-called ten-minute job, that turned into four hours. I’ve been doing this work since I left school and I’ve never been able to do a job in ten minutes. I loaded up in the rain; it had been constant all day and getting worse. I needed coffee and dry clothes, but the coffee spilt and the clothes got wetter. The cup holders on these vehicles are the wrong size for Tim Hortons, American trucks, designed for American cups. Why can’t they make them bigger? Big enough to fit a coffee cup would be good; is this another way of saving money, what were they thinking? I was already uptight and irritable when I pulled onto the world’s biggest parking lot, sealing my fate. You would think that eight lanes in each direction would be sufficient to take the weight of this city. It’s not as if everybody drives or leaves work at the same time. There’s a good transit system; subway, buses, streetcars, and trains, and it’s nearly eight o’clock, but nothing is moving! Sixteen lanes of stationary traffic for as far as the eye can see is a harrowing site and my foul mood takes another turn for the worse. These people don’t understand my situation, if they did then they would get out of my way and allow me to pass so that I can get home and rest. I should be doing that; the doctor told me. Instead, I’m stressed, hungry, tired, and wet, and now I’m helping to set new records of congestion on the four-oh-one. If I die; it’s all your fault! Yeah, you mister suited and booted in the Mercedes next to me. A real estate agent if ever I had seen one. No wonder properties are doubling in price around here; someone has to pay for that car! Who needs a car that big anyway, to carry a stinking briefcase? When the traffic edges forward, I try to keep the nose of my trusty Dodge truck in front of his overpowered glamour car, and I’m doing okay as we speed up to almost a crawl. I get some satisfaction by leaving him behind, but it’s hardly the brickyard and it was only because my lane was moving quicker. I could have walked and still beaten him, but it didn’t stop me from gloating at his misfortune. See you later sucker! Then to press home my advantage and keep him behind me, I swung into a sudden gap created by a daydreamer, seizing my opportunity with skilful precision. Lewis Hamilton couldn’t have done it any better. Later, as the traffic eases, and we approach highway speeds, he shoots past me on the outside, leaving me for dead, but it doesn’t matter anymore, I won when it counted. It was late when I got home and the house was empty and cold. I should’ve stayed on the four-oh-one, at least I wasn’t alone. After a shower and some food, there’s nothing left of the day, but perhaps that’s a good thing. I don’t want anything else to go wrong if that was even possible. I’m at my desk trying to relax; I should have been doing this all day, but my doctor won’t pay my mortgage, so I have no choice. I have to work to live; but to live, I have to rest. It’s a difficult choice, but one that is made easier by my bank statements. I haven’t felt any discomfort for a few days. I’ll live; if only to annoy others. I may even get around to finishing my story. A few weeks ago that had seemed improbable. Writing was one of the few activities which the doctor had encouraged and it was easy to see why. I use it as an escape route to a more interesting time, where I am able to re-write my own history. It’s therapeutic, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to distance myself from the main character. There are several projects that I’ve started and shelved and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to write anything else. It was too late that night and I were barely able to stay awake, but I logged in, if only to satisfy my addiction and check on the progress of my latest chapter. Gay Authors has become another well-worn escape route and one that I am using with increasing regularity. I’ve even made a few friends. Cyber friends, I suppose, because none of them actually know me. We never talk, but type messages and express our feelings with funny little emoticons. They know me simply as Dodger and their only visual reference is a cartoon drawing of ‘The Fonze’ from ‘Happy Days’. The television character is a poor representation of the real me. It’s the perfect disguise and perhaps that’s why I chose it. It was close to midnight when I sat back yawning. My bed was calling me, but I was distracted by a familiar avatar on the page. It had been a while since I had seen anything posted by Skinnydragon and he hadn’t reviewed in a couple of months. Perhaps this was his long-awaited explanation to everyone and my mood was lifted. I knew that he would come back, he enjoyed the site, he had unfinished work and was a prolific poster and reviewer. There had to be a good reason for his recent absence and when I saw the title of his blog, it made sense. Skinny’s sorry. Yeah, whatever buddy; let’s see what you’ve been up to? Travelling maybe, busy at work, moving house…illness wasn’t on my list and certainly not that illness. It was soon clear that this was no ordinary blog, and the gravity of his statement hit me at the end of the first paragraph. I read on until the end, before reading it again much slower, and then once more in tears. I had read every word of every chapter that Skinnydragon had posted on GA, but his final paragraphs were perhaps the most powerful that I had read from any author. It was obvious to me that those words were laced with pain particularly at the end where there were mistakes so untypical of his work. Dying wasn’t even a probable, but when I noticed the date, it became a certainty. Nearly four months had passed since that blog had been posted. I never knew about it, and had never bothered to find out why my friend had been absent for so long, although I did have a few problems of my own. He was my first friend on the site and in the early days, we had spoken quite a bit via comments and messages. He had followed my story from the beginning, posting regular reviews and when I needed his advice, he was quick to respond and thorough in his replies. He was a good guy and friends of everyone on the site. It was easy to see when reading the many tributes left on his blog. No longer tired; I stayed awake until the early hours reading and re-reading every one, but beneath my sadness was a constant reminder of what could have been. ‘There but for the grace of God go I’, was something that my mother used to say, and after reading about my friend, I’ve been using those words a lot myself. It was February 26 when I was admitted to the hospital with severe chest pains. It was a Sunday and I had been feeling ill for most of the weekend. That evening the pain became unbearable, I was short of breath and collapsed. I was fortunate that I wasn’t alone. Most nights I would have been. My friend got me to the hospital, the doctors saved my life and I’m still here! I haven’t seen the light and I’m not going to start preaching to people or telling you how to live your lives, but I will admit that I was very scared and the initial assessments that I received gave me good reason to be. The days that followed were dark and with little or no desire to write, I focused on more important and seemingly urgent requirements. I gave instructions to the family for funeral arrangements, prepared a will, and even wrote letters to friends. I never realised how exhausting dying could be, but when I read Skinnydragon’s blog I was able to feel some of his pain. I hope that he had good people around him, and I also hope that his end came quickly, leaving him as little time as possible to dwell on his fate. I thought I was too young for heart problems; I have a reasonable diet and I’m not exactly overweight, but no one knows what lies in wait for them. While most of us can hazard a guess as to where we will be in five years’ time, we are unlikely to even consider the possibility that we may not be around at all. I was lucky, within a week my breathing improved and the chest pains had disappeared. I spent the first two weeks of March, in cardiology being hooked up to machines that I was unable to even pronounce. I have no idea what all of this would have cost me without a health card, but I was at least able to see where some of my hard-earned taxes had gone and for once I didn’t begrudge them a penny. The Canadian health service doesn’t suck! I asked a lot of questions and learnt a lot about the human heart and how complex and resilient it is. I bet that most people are unaware that it can often repair itself to overcome minor defects and there is a good possibility that this is what is happening in my case. On Friday, six weeks after my collapse, I was delighted to receive a clean bill of health. My heart is not perfect, but it is in a reasonable condition and contrary to the initial assessments there is no longer any need for surgery. I will need to change my life a little, but I am happy that I still have one to change. Others, as we know, have not been so fortunate. In loving memory of our good friend—Skinnydragon. May you rest in peace, my friend.

Hey, Drew. Happy Birthday, and it's on a Saturday!!! Be cool buddy!

Thanks, Gary. I studied poetry at school but after clashes with the teachers, I became very disillusioned and critical, and have steered well clear ever since. Like everyone, I have been saddened by the news of Skinnydragon's illness and probable loss. I only found out this week, months after his original message, and I've been feeling guilty ever since for not sending him a message of support at a time when he may have been able to read it. He never let me down when I ask him for advice or needed a little confidence boost, so I probably owed him that at least. Your poem was the first that I have read in 14 years, and the only reason I did so was because it was written for him. I've now read it 3 times and enjoyed it more each time.

I thought you would probably appreciate that tangent. Sounds good; I don't know how many coal-fired plants they have left to close. They view nuclear energy as the way forward (very foolish, Fukushima 6 years later and still contaminating the Pacific) and are allowing the Chinese to build and operate nuclear reactors in Scotland to generate electricity for the UK. Some people see this as short-sighted, others as a possible threat to national security or a potential disaster. Unfortunately, the UK is so small there isn't really anywhere you can go to get away from these things.

I'm probably going a little off-topic here but as further confirmation, health officials confirmed in January that 'London breached its annual air pollution limits just five days into 2017', Calling it, 'a shameful reminder of the severity of London’s air pollution'. However, while there are countless schemes and initiatives aimed at reducing vehicle emissions across the city, there is never any talk about reducing the number of commercial flights at any of London's four civilian airports. In fact, they have recently decided to add another runway at Heathrow to further increase the capacity, of what is already one of the world's busiest airports. They'll need to build a few more hospitals as well or start importing oxygen.

On April 14, 2010, the Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajökull erupted sending a plume of volcanic ash seven kilometers into the sky and causing a potential risk to air-traffic. As a result of this UK and most of Europe were forced to close down their airspace to commercial flights between 15-21 April. Over 100,000 commercial flights were canceled during this period, stranding 10m people. I was living in the UK at the time and the government referred to it as an economic and environmental disaster. The airlines lost $1.7 billion and the airports lost 250 million euros. The stock market took a battering and the tourist industry was badly affected. We were warned about potential health risks caused by breathing in this fine ash which was being deposited across the country and you could see traces of it on parked cars. Some people in London began wearing surgical masks while outside, but although cautious at first, after a few days the air quality in London actually began to improve and it was definitely noticeable. However, while economically the outlook was gloomy, the skies above were clear and quiet. The much-publicised health hazard never materialised and officials later admitted that despite the several tons of volcanic ash that had fallen across the country, the grounding of all commercial flights for seven days had led to a significant increase in air quality across the capital. They didn't need to tell us that; everybody knew, it was that noticeable. I lived directly under the main flight path into Heathrow and commercial flights land at 90-second intervals from 5 am until 1 am every single day. Unfortunately, on 22 of April the powers that be decided that the ash was no longer a risk, and commercial flights resumed, the economy recovered and after a brief respite, the air quality fell again. In London, more people die of breathing related illnesses every year, than were killed during the infamous bombing blitz of world war 2.

I was a big Marvel fan as a kid; preferred their characters to DC's. Spiderman, Thor, X-men were my favourites and still are.

Congratulations on your well-deserved promotion. Just starting to read 'Choices'.

I'm not sure how this news has escaped my attention until now, but I have been wondering for a while, what had happened to my friend. I thought it odd that he had suddenly stopped posting and reviewing, but although his absence was noticeable, I was always expecting him to return. The one thing that never seemed to cross my mind was the very logical but heartbreaking truth which I have just been reading on this blog. I have read every post, starting with his own carefully worded explanation in December and the initial messages of support to the warm tributes to a talented writer who clearly had so much more to offer. Skinny began posting his '18 weeks' story at the same time as my own and he became my first friend on this site. We would review each other's chapters and even share ideas. He was always helpful, friendly, and available for advice, which proved valuable at the time and is now sorely missed. His story easily eclipsed mine, and I was never able to keep pace with him, although I never really expected to. I will miss Skinnydragon for his wonderful work, his regular reviews, and honest advice which were always delivered with a touch of humour, a lot of feeling, and a great deal of class.

Not at all, they were probably relying heavily on their son's easy-going nature. I think that most kids his age wouldn't have been too happy with the prospect of giving up half of their room and privacy to a cousin, who was at the time a complete stranger.

Thank you for your comment SolarMaxx. You're right, things aren't always what they seem and Robbie has a habit of getting it wrong and then jumping in, instead of testing the water first. He is only a kid still, but he's playing adult games and there could be serious implications should they go wrong.

Good point Tim. Amy is a bit of a handful but Sue should have held her back to allow the boys to sleep in. She knew that they were up late and seemingly okay with it at the time. Not very considerate of her. Actually, Sue doesn't do a great deal of parenting as far as Amy is concerned and is quick to pass the responsibility onto her other kids, Robbie included. I probably haven't managed to get this across too well in the story. It's Nicola who tends to be the one charged with keeping Amy in line but of course, on that occasion, she was in need of some rest herself.

Thank you for your comment daveymars, and the points that you've made. As far as Bieber is concerned, I refer you to my earlier reply to droughtquake covering this, but it's not really a Canadian thing, more to do with the time when the story is based. I like your take on Nicola, who despite her sometimes dislikeable traits, seems to be winning a few people over. I have no idea what a double-twisting Lysistrata is but it sounds painful. I will look it up, but whether or not Don deserves this remains to be seen. I hope not.

I don't think that there's much doubt about Robbie's love for Nathan, but he is also very insecure and has a huge inferiority complex over his boyfriend. It may be unfounded but he has managed to convince himself that it's only a matter of time before Nathan leaves him behind. However, as cute as Rory is, I think that Robbie's reference to him as a backup plan could be taken with a pinch of salt and it was only said after he found out that Rory was straight and therefore wouldn't have worked anyway. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

Good point about Amy. Robbie's insecurities are quick to kick into overdrive but he based his analysis on what he could hear through the bedroom door. Once outside it was clear that Nathan was equally to blame for Amy's over-excited behaviour. He has developed a serious inferiority complex over his boyfriend which is obviously not good and will need to address this issue. As for Bieber, well, I have used him because he is such a derisory character who most people have heard of. Also, the story is set in 2010 when Bieber was a fresh-faced teenager at the very beginning of his career, which a mostly teenage fan-base. At the time there was also a lot of speculation about his sexuality. The fact that he is a Canadian and I agree a bit of a joke as well as a national embarrassment is neither here nor there, but his inclusion in the story never goes unnoticed. Thanks for your comments which as usual droughtquake are much appreciated.

Thank you for your comments. A lot of people seem to think that Sue has been aware of Robbie's sexuality from the beginning, whether this is the case remains to be seen. If this is the case then she may even know about Robbie's attraction to Nathan, but I don't think that she would be too happy if she found out about their little night-time romp in the family home. It is obviously good that Robbie has come out to Rory and told him about Nathan as well. Robbie may believe that he has made a big mistake but everything we already know about Rory tells us that he should be OK with this once the dust settles. There's a vacancy in Robbie's life for a best friend and Rory would be well equipped for this position.

“Stop…no…please…get off me.” ‘It’s Nathan and I’m dreaming’. “Ha, you’re tickling…stoppit.” ‘Am I dreaming’? “Amy please, stoppit!” ‘It’s real’. I lifted my head from the pillow and tried to focus, but could only draw a blank as I struggled to regain consciousness long before my brain was ready. I wasn’t dreaming. It was Nathan’s voice that woke me from my slumber and when I heard Amy screeching I understood why. He was in trouble pleading with my little cousin to lea

Yeah, I wish your team well my friend, except when they play the Jays of course! I know exactly what you mean, though because baseball is so much more than just baseball although that probably won't make much sense to anyone outside of North America.

I should never read or reply to reviews before 10 am, as just like Robbie, I am not really much of a morning person. In fact, there is an awful lot of me in Robbie, which is probably why I take criticism of him a little too personally. That doesn’t mean he’s going to get much smarter or start treating people any differently anytime soon because that’s the way he is and he believes that he’s the good guy. However, as you rightly point out, he is a ‘confused and emotionally fragile’ teenager and has a lot of serious issues that are yet to be resolved. Like most people, Robbie is flawed—perhaps more so—although he doesn’t really know it and even Nathan, is quick to point out that he’s ‘far from perfect’. However, he also considers this to be part of his boyfriend’s appeal and he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want him to change in any way. Robbie’s difficult past has perhaps enabled him to get away with a little more than he should have as a fifteen-year-old and he has been quick to use this to his advantage and play the sympathy card whenever he can. This is quite normal under these circumstances and not only doesn’t he see anything wrong in it, but regards it almost as compensation for the hurt he has suffered in recent years . It’s worth remembering that this story is seen entirely through the eyes of a very problematic teenager, who makes mistakes and is often careless, but he’s no villain. Underneath all that mayhem and false bravado is a troubled young boy, who has had to grow up far too quickly and with very little guidance along the way. As Nathan is discovering. though he has a lot to offer and a big heart and maybe he will be the one who can bring out the best in Robbie and help him to conquer his demons.

Teenager Andy Collins has a lot on his plate as he struggles with illness and bigotry, but pulls through thanks to the loyalty of his best friend, the love of his boyfriend, a limitless supply of money, and a father who is also a judge. Andy's kind heart and forgiving nature makes him a very likable boy and his health issues ensure a certain amount of sympathy. This is a good story with an unusual setting. Well worth reading.

I've finally got around to turning the tables and commenting on a chapter of yours Tim, and I'm excited because it's a new story. It's an unusual one as well. Frankie is obviously a good guy, but I feel sorry for him and don't agree with the detective when he said that it was good for him to be homeschooled. I don't think it has done him any favours at all as he's become almost institutionalised in that toll booth, with little or no freedom or interaction with others. Mr B and his henchmen obviously underestimated just how sad a life Frankie has been leading, and I hope they get what they deserve and Frankie is able to return to his sanctuary. He needs to renegotiate his contract, though, and his loyalty and valuable contribution to the safety of this community should be reflected in the way that he is treated by the very rich residents. Basically, he should be rewarded with much more than a new chair. Some time off away from the toll booth would be a good start. Maybe the detective can lure him out, for a little off-duty and off the record fun. Poor Frankie needs some fun in his life. Probably not as good as your reviews Tim, but I'm trying hard to learn and I really enjoyed reading this.

Nice first chapter, I like the way it switches back and forth to the early days of their relationship. Now I want to find out why he left.

Thanks for your links droughtquake, I've just read up on these people, and they are indeed very serious about the work that they do (don't mean to compare them to 'America's Got Talent'). I think that it's a good thing that a lot of people are not aware of, including me. The 'National Film Registry' would be more of an interest to me personally.

This is interesting droughtquake. I wonder who gets to choose these or if there is a panel of judges that decide. Do they take themselves really seriously or is it a little showbizzy. I'm thinking 'America's Got Talent' but seriously, I would like to have that job, although I suspect they do other things for the rest of the year.