ashessnow

Who calls anymore? Honestly. Earlier today my best friend told me that he needed to talk to me but couldnt at the time. A little later he texted me that he was thinking of breaking up with his girlfriend but he wasnt sure and why and I texted back what I thought. Altogether, 4 texts.

I have a lot of stories, but this IS supposed to be PG. So...I, instead, will share a story about catching a friend. Last year my school's show choir went to Chicago to compete in a competition. But thats not really important. What is important is that of the 24 guys, 4 would share a hotel room. Not really important either. But basically, while in the hotel room, I had to throw something away. The trashcan was in the bathroom and he was in shower. I guess I didnt really think about it, why he was taking a bit longer than expected. I mean it's not something I do (in the shower I mean). So I go in to throw something away and he is lying in the tub, water hitting him as he's going solo. I could only see his face as the showercurtain was blocking everything else. His eyes were closed so he didnt see me. He never knew I was saw him and nearly as soon as I noticed, I left.

Im not at all religious. Would call myself an Agnostic Atheist (with Existentialist tendencies). So Ill admit it, when I first hear that someone I like/am dating is religious, Im kinda bummed for a sec. But then I get over it. What I cant do though, is exactly what others said about religious people, just dont be pushy about it.

I cant nail down my exact age, but it was sometime between 6-8. I knew the word because my mom told me about her sister who's a lesbian and what that meant and I realized that, yeah, I was gay too. I definately remember being in the shower and thinking that I was too young to believe I was gay.

Maybe they figured they'd spare the obvious.

-------Swear to god, someone told that to me the other day. I just kinda looked at him, a questioning look on my face, confused and surprised and offended. I guess I just don't consider myself "mentally ill." It sounds so, wrong. But I suppose it's true, bipolar disorder is mentally ill, though it's a mood disorder. It's most notable when people meet me for the first time. I've seen it many times. Hard to maintain relationships too. People are kept at a safe distance. -------So Friday night was...interesting. Some friends and I went to another friends house to smoke hookah and cigars, and use his hot tub. 'Course I bought the tobacco cause I actually have an ID. So it was the five of us: me, my best friend Rafael, my semi/kinda boyfriend Michael and Eli (the annoying idiot), all of us at an old friend Konrad's house. It was mostly Rafa, Michael and I who smoked hookah cause we could actually handle smoking. But Eli and Konrad were into the cigars. But we all talked about several things like movies and hot girls/guys. Michael and I have always been open about being gay and our yet-to-be-defined relationship so they were used to our more...physical affection for each other. Which, at the moment, were simple kisses, looks and grazing touches. -------Then we were ready to get into Konrad's hot tub. So we changed into swimming clothes and got in. The water was really hot and the night air sooo cold. We brought the hookah to the side of the tub and conversation quickly turned to sex. Eli and Konrad admitted to being virgins. Now I've never been shy about my body or sex life so I have no problems with giving the more...private(?) details. It was kinda funny though. Three straight, horny half-naked teens asking two gay horny half-naked teens about their sex life. --------For example, when Michael was off going to the bathroom in the bushes, Rafael made some comment said something about f**king him hard. This is how it went: rafa: "...f**K him hard. hahahaha!" me: "there's so many things I could say to that right now that would f**K you up..." rafa: "what? say it, say it!" me: "you really want to know?" rafa: "yeah! say it!" me: "then I would say its not really him getting f**ked." :silence: rafa: "hah....uhh, hmm...so, umm...do you like, give it or uhh, take it?" me: "you really want to know?" rafa: "uhh..." me: "well if you really want to know...Im pretty versatile. I like anything. But michael is a top so I tend to bottom. Can you figure out those sexual positions?" rafa: "...yeah, I'm not that dumb." me: "well congrats! you've been schooled in the ways of gay sex!" rafa: "woohoo." :sarcasm: -------So yeah. Through such frank honesty I learned that everyone had jacked off at least once and Rafa 3 times. Approximate penis sizes, rumors of sexuality, porn sites, fantasies and the like. I felt Michael up a bit under the water which was fun. Most of the time I sat in his lap or against him. So obviously everyone was pretty horny and couldn't really get out of the hot tub for a while. But after the sex talk there was holding hands while jumping in the pool (please keep in mind that we were in the hot tub for a while, that it was 50 degrees outside, at 11pm and then we jumped in the pool) twice. We then all got sudden cravings for In-N-Out, but not before going out and picking up another friend Mary Lou, who had to lay across the three of us in the backseat to fit. Her head was first in my crotch, but I think she was glad it was me and not any of the straight guys. Soo that was Friday. Then there was a Saturday. -------So saturday was a party at Michaels. Jake (in the closet to everyone) got drunk and jumped in the pool naked. Rafael was letting his vibrating phone rest against his crotch. I was making out with Michael in the living room. There was a few other people there but they arent important. Muhammad and Logan were drinking in the kitchen. After that we all smoked pot and watched Fear and Loathing. Purely coincidental that it was on TV but my idea to watch it. Very trippy. Michaels parents let me sleep in his room. They know all about our relationship and dont really mind us having sex, they just want us to be safe. Everyone else passes out around the house. The rest of Sunday is lounging around. We all had a bit of a hangover so we just hung out. Drove everyone home at around 6pm and got back to my house by 630. -------Worked a bit on a few stories of mine and did some Lit homework. Then went out to Pinkberry, a most awesome frozen yogurt place, with Taylor and Sevi. Nearly spilled some in Taylor's car but luckily didn't. Unknowingly took a detour to miley Cyrus's house. Sevi's in love with her and knows where she lives. He screamed out the car, "I wanna f**K you up the ass!" and we drove away. Overall, a fairly normal weekend.

I read the book Atonement a year or so ago. The author, Ian McEwan, is incredible. Saw an article comparing him to Shakespeare iregarding the use of language and I completely agree. I saw the movie too. It was good...but read the book. And the same for I Am Legend. Read the book. Was a bit disappointed by the movie but oh well.

Well eye-candy is great, but quickly gets old without any substance behind it. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a great actor but the rest, I dunno.

Oh, you have no idea. But fair warning, this novel is not for everyone New york Times Review of Only Revolutions: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html...752C1A9609C8B63 This is the website of the book. While you won't find what it's about, you'll get the same sense that the book gives you: http://www.onlyrevolutions.com/

For AP Lit: Beloved by Toni Morrison. She is probably the best living American author today. And that's not a exaggeration. Had to write an essay about the book, which came out to be 11 pages. An amazing and disturbing book. Won the 1987 Pulitzer Prize and considered the best of the last 25 years. Read it. For pleasure: Only Revolutions by Mark Z. Danielewski. The strangest book I have ever attempted to read. I will attempt to explain just some of its "eccentricities": 1. Only Revolutions is printed in such a way that both covers appear to be the front of the book. The first page of Hailey's story contains the last several lines of Sam's story, apparently upside down. When you reach that page while reading Sam's story, those lines will appear to be the only right-side-up text on the page. 2. The first letter of each 8 page "section" is larger and bold when compared to the other letters. When the reader puts the single letters together from Hailey's side they spell out "Sam and Hailey and Sam and Hailey..." etc. When read from Sam's side, they spell out "Hailey and Sam and Hailey and Sam..." etc. 3. Each half-page contains exactly 90 words. 4. The publisher recommends the reading of eight pages from one story, then the other, and so on. 5. In addition, every page contains a sidebar with a date and a list of world events that happened between that date and the one which appears on the next page. Dates in Sam's story run from Nov 22, 1863 to Nov 22, 1963, while dates in Hailey's story run from Nov 22, 1963 to Jan 19, 2063. This chronological sidebar, which offers a mosaic of 19th - 21st Century historical quotations, becomes blank after Only Revolutions' own publication date. The diverging point between Sam's line and Hailey's line is set at the date of the John F. Kennedy assassination, November 22, 1963.

Yes, but the gun helps don't cha think?

1/2 Italian and 1/2 Catalan.

I haven't come across any special act reserved only for my "one". But, I guess I just like to have fun. Sex included.

Some comments just made me...sad. But would I? Yeah. If I thought I loved them. I mean, in all likelyhood, I probably already have. So at least you know right?

I don't think I have any "real" straight guy friends. I mean, my best friend and best group of friends are all straight, but that's not quite right. They're more...metrosexual. It's interesting, together we've all been mistaken for being gay. I guess you'd have to see us to understand.

Well, I grew up in a very diverse household. So I learned Spanish, English, German, French, and ASL in, basically, that order. Unfortunately, I didn't use French or German that much so I'm no longer fluent in them. But if I hear either for a while most of it comes back.

28 years old. So sad.

A very polarizing movie. Either you'll like it, or hate it. Some obvious comparisons between "Blair Witch" for being shot on a video camera, but that's about it. You don't get a lot of answers either. Don't know what it wants or where it's from or anything like that. Character driven, though you know a lot about the characters. If you want to see it, see it in theaters for the surround sound and sit in the back. Sitting so you can see the whole screen and so it doesn't take up your entire field of vision will keep you from getting dizzy. It was pretty scary at times, using special effects well and always seemed like it was really happening as we see it. Overall I liked it.

I guess I just wouldn't mention that part in public.

ENFP

No wonder! I was like, wait the permiere was yesterday? Looked for it and everything and now I feel pretty stupid.

Yep. Read he died on msn. Only 25.

Wow. Impressive.

All my finals are next week. Tuesday is AP Stats and choir, Wednesday is AP English Lit and AP Spanish and Thursday is AP Government. Then I get out at ten. Yay! Then a four day weekend!

And there are those of us who disagree. With that overrated part at least.