Geemeedee

Luis makes me sad. Hell, all the guys make me sad. Except Harry. An aside: The numbered chapters don't bug me this time. I think it's because the only mystery here is The Great One -- the mystery of love.

Jesus. Reading these makes me glad that being in a relationship and getting married aren't top goals. I'm amazed at the fortitude of people who go into and out of relationships.

"Shifters lie, all the time, to everyone in their lives. Small lies, big lies, all sorts of lies. And they have to, it's easy, it's essential, and it keeps them safe. "So for Emmett to be truthful, really wholly truthful with something so important as his heart, that's hard, harder than it is for us. He has a lot more to lose. Apart from Huan-Yu (and that was fluke), Jian is the only person Emmett's not related to he has ever been able to be honest with. He only has one person filling all his needs - Jian is friendship, adoration, lust, love, companionship, the guy he can laugh with, cook with, and talk with without lying constantly under the surface. To lose that would be the end of the world in Emmett's eyes - no wonder the boy is careful." This helped me understand so much. If you do a future edit, I think it would help the story if you could work some of this in. I know you have somewhat, I'm saying it could use more.

You're right, I have a lot of questions, but mainly I don't get why Alex, Jase and Callen would treat Tracy the way they did. Especially Callen. The lack of information from them, plus the cold shoulder, just doesn't ring true. And him being gone for a year seems odd, too. NO ONE reached out to him? I don't believe it. Also: "toddler" to me means two or three years old. Alex has had a kid all this time? (And since when are kids allowed in ICU?) Just judging by the way Tracy has been treated, it's like these people don't care for him at all. Makes me wonder how he even found out about the accident. Also, the exchange between the nurse and Tracy about getting special dispensation to be in Callen's room was confusing, and I'm not sure it was necessary. At this point I feel like there was some character development that needed to take place before this scene.

I'm baffled as to why Emmett is resisting. You've said he's cautious, but I don't understand why. Plus, if people keep saying they see a bond, why won't he consider it? He does a lot of thinking, but hell, what is he thinking about?

If Alex is Callen's best friend, then he knows Tracy is gay. They laughed about Tracy checking Alex out at the ice rink. There shouldn't be a question of does he know or not. The real question is, is Alex gay or not. Seems like a quick conversation with Callen would clear this right up. As for Sasha, that rings true. Dudes are easily distracted by a pretty face and body. But if she's bad news, Callen should be told so he can at least make an educated decision. Pesky logic again: If it's getting dark on the way to the party, how late did this shindig go? Esp. with the host having to get up before dawn.

Interesting set up with the characters, but logic kept getting in my way. Examples: Callen and Tracy haven't seen Alex since they moved to town? Callen doesn't know if Alex has changed or not since high school? I thought they were best friends. Alex gets them on the team, but they don't practice before a game? Does Tracy have a job? He's out of colllege, so ... Also, this is a clunky expository sentence: "Uhh!….Yeah!, sorry about that who knew my best friend of 10 years Matthew Mack and his A-hole of a father would be such homophobic, hateful pricks." No one talks like that. There are smoother ways to relay that information. Practice makes perfect, so keep writing.

I call bullshit. FIVE years without a word from Shin? He could've been dead! He should at least have let Miki know he was ok. Like, write a letter, dude. Also, Min, Haesoo and Miki's two friends knew the couple was in love. The friends just disappeared, and Min and Haesoo said nothing. That was pretty horrible. Then when Shin finally showed, he physically kept Miki from leaving (which is never cool), then expected him to just accept his story and forgive him. After FIVE years. And then had the nerve to hurt Miki during sex because he sucked someone else off! I hate it when people have that double standard -- I can fuck whoever I want, but you can't. Miki took him back too quickly. It didn't ring true to me.

Damn. I was hoping you'd squeeze dinner with Amy into this chapter. Oh well. If I had one complaint, it's that Noah isn't more fleshed out. I want to know more about him and their relationship. It seems to me like he's trying to keep things light, maybe as a method of protecting himself from heartbreak? BTW, remember when I said the story was playing out in B&W in my mind? As soon as Don turned from the pool to see Scoot in the cage it turned damn near technicolor.

Yet another reminder of why I'm glad I'm not a parent. Because Scoot's a naked jerk. It's the laughing that gets me the most -- all the smiling and laughing. I wasn't clear in my comments last chapter. The sadness and disgust? Were for Julie. And after this chapter, where they've done so much to keep each other interested, well ... they deserve each other. Have you lived in L.A., Rich? Are some people in the industry really like this? Rarely have characters had such a visceral effect on me. Then again, the election and shit going on in my life has my emotions close to the surface. I wonder if this story would affect me as much during a calmer time. Four short chapters to go! Let's see how you wrap it up.

Wow, this is just sad. The last chapter made me really angry. (I'm a 46-year-old Southern black woman who now lives in the SF Bay Area -- millennial white men usually make me angry.) But this chapter disgusts and saddens me. Bravo. (Sincerely, not sarcastically.)

...

And here I was, thinking Julie wanted him at the house to try to seduce him! I thought the story about Peru was off, but I didn't see this coming. Well done! I agree with droughtquake about the chapter names. I've had low-level anxiety about the story wrapping up in a satisfactory manner in the "time" allotted. Now that we have Scoot that anxiety has eased, but as you said, it's simple to eliminate completely. This is reminiscent of mystery tales from the '40s and '50s. Even though it's sunny SoCal, I feel like it's happening in black and white. LOL

That was a great conversation because it came across so real. It was about what wasn't said as much as what was. I agree with the earlier commenter who surmised Owen was in love with Sharon. I also think Owen is more furious with himself than with Don. You do such a great job at saying a lot with so little.

I agree with Rocky about the long time getting to the real search. I don't know if it was your intention, but the awareness that there's only 28 chapters has had me edgy. I've been worried since about chapter four. Every chapter I'm like, "how will this get finished in time? Will the end be rushed?" The bar scene fascinated me. I don't think Greg was a very nice person, LOL. Really digging this story.

Since this was expected, I hope you do something interesting, now that Kye is back in Barrett's clutches. Something unexpected. Enjoying the story so far.

Again, fabulous job on the descriptions. I could totally imagine Obama making that crack about car shopping. :0) It didn't occur to me that Barry might be hiding his face a bit -- I was thinking I'd be just like him in this situation, sobbing on the nearest person's shoulder. The story has great momentum in going, not too much time spent in any one place.

I enjoyed this chapter! Like Mike, I expected Barry and Dave to at least share a significant glance about the Secret Service vetting. Clearance to buy a bar is one thing; clearance to hang out with the president is another. But as the others remarked, I also liked the level of detail otherwise. Thanks for returning to the story.

I'm really enjoying this story, how snappy the dialogue is. Thank you for updating regularly!

It was satisfying to see Cory read his parents for filth. They deserved all of it, and I was impressed he rallied so quickly to cuss their asses out. Like spikey, I was surprised that Cory didn't have a clue how his parents really were. I had an inkling that my mom wasn't cool with homosexuality and dating outside your race way before she showed her true colors. It's hard to believe that someone as outspoken as Connor Sr. never let something slip. But if you have your own secrets, it's easy to miss everyone else's. Cory's mom was particularly real; I'm Southern, and you pretty much nailed that conservative, Republican, sheltered, middle-aged white woman thing.

I agree with Bucket.

I agree with everything spikey said, and said well. ... ??? Am I the only one who wonders if Kris and Noel had sex? And if so, how does Noel feel about that? Also, there's no such thing as "too long," aditus.

I admit I half-expected Zach to slip a roofie into Cor's drink and maneuver him out of there! I also owe you an apology, Lit, for earlier assuming you were going to create drama by having Luc show up. Can you tell I've been reading stories on this site for years now? ;0) Thank you for doing the unexpected, mature thing. Lord knows we all have enough issues without having to manufacture any. I agree with the earlier commenter who said this all felt natural. That's the word I would use to describe this chapter -- hell, this STORY -- as well. You perfectly captured the fine line the guys had to walk in the mixed club. You never know how small-town crowds will react that first time out.

I particularly liked Jason setting down some ground rules: don't take your hatred of your father out on me, and if I do something that bothers you, speak up. Very mature thing to do.

I think you've created another intriguing world with addicting characters. But Cia, I'd like you to consider taking a hiatus from the 1,000-word club. I know it's great exposure to be mentioned on the participating authors' blogs and such, but you're super-talented, and I think the word limitation maybe causing pauses where you would have chosen differently. I know I'm in the minority here, as others seem to be having no trouble following along, but I think the limitation is affecting the success of this story. Just food for thought.