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MikeL

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Everything posted by MikeL

  1. MikeL
    The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted they change it. So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" – unacceptable again! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" - not a chance. "Nuts and Butts" - no way. "Freaks and Cheeks" - still no good. "Loons and Moons" - forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Odds and Ends" Everyone loved it.
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  4. MikeL
    Happy Birthday, Jack!
  5. MikeL
    Only a Farm Kid... When you're from the country, your perception is a little different .... A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your Dad home?" "No sir, he isn't; he went to town." "Well, is your Mother here?" "No sir, she went to town with Dad." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad." The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." "Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant." The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
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    The Greatest Ad Lib Ever Many years ago, Rockwell International decided to get into the heavy duty automatic transmission business. They were getting ready to tape their first introductory video. As a warm up, the stage crew began what has become a legend within the training industry. This man should have won an academy award for his stellar performance. He is improvising all the way. Keep in mind, this is strictly off the cuff, nothing is written down. Nothing he says is true. He had NO script! This was a rehearsal for camera, lighting and stage crew. It's all total meaningless drivel made up as he goes along. I am told this video is still utilized as a training aide for incoming Congressmen, car salesmen, lawyers, and current White House Administrators.
  9. MikeL
    A very, merry Christmas to all my friends at GA! May you have a great New Year!
  10. MikeL
    Have a lot of presents to wrap at the last minute? Here's a helpful instructional video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCOqyLGjzL4&feature=player_detailpage
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  13. MikeL
    zelotypia (jealousy; excessive zeal in carrying out a project)
  14. MikeL
    It's great news that Turing has been pardoned. He is a true national hero for Britain and deserves recognition for his services. How many hundreds (thousands?) of Britons have been found guilty of homosexuality? Pardons for all of them would be an even greater tribute to Turing and a tribute to the British sense of justice.
  15. MikeL
    I have taken the "test" three times and find the questions and results vary slightly. All three placed me in the deep south which is off a little. I live in Tennessee...always have.
  16. MikeL
    Zombie, the map makes it look like people in Michigan/Wisconsin/Minnesota speak with a British accent. It's important that we all remember that this little exercise is based on word usage as well as pronunciation. I can attest to the upper Midwest accent being very un-British. You were awake early US time. Being British does not exempt you from being riff-raff.
  17. MikeL
    Sorry, I've heard from several that the website is crabby due to excess use. Apparently, this has become very popular. Please try again at a later time. Just be glad you aren't trying to buy health insurance.
  18. MikeL
    Magical Piano at Chicago's Union Station
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    Planting the garden An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him was in prison. The old man wrote a letter and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa A few days later he received a reply. Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie
  21. MikeL

    Duck Dynasty

    MikeL commented on comicfan's blog entry in Wayne's Updates

    The Daily Mail has some late news.
  22. MikeL
    Excellent response, Paya. I am ready to give it another go.
  23. MikeL
    The Mormons spent a few years in west central Illinois en route to the Great Salt Lake.
  24. MikeL
    How Y’all, Youse and You Guys Talk What does the way you speak say about where you’re from? Answer all 25 questions below to see your personal dialect map. Click here I was surprised to be pegged as having a deep south dialect (Atlanta, Columbus, Montgomery) since I have always lived in a border state. It was also interesting to see that my dialect is found in southeast Pennsylvania and parts of adjacent states. Makes sense considering that much of the trans-Appalachian south was settled in the 18th century by people from Pennsylvania. Please check your results and comment here.
  25. MikeL
    How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
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