Demetz

Tim

Yep. I actually got a text message back from him after the one I sent saying point blank that I would not be an affair. He said: I will talk to youLATER...BYE! I don't know if the caps were there incidentally or because he's angry. Frankly I don't think he's got the right to be angry. He was the one who gave me his number, he was the one who told me he was broken up with this guy, he's the one who told that guy that he was going to work things out with him then decided to get... erhm... physically involved with me. He's the guy who had the nerve to say "I'm going to try to work things out, I didn't mean to send any signals" .... What kind of signal does he think he was sending by saying things like "I'm not in love with him anymore, I'm not even attracted to him anymore, I broke up with him already and the only reason I still live there is because there's nowhere else to go" and following them up with moving very quickly physically? I was supposed to take that as "Hello, I have a boyfriend I'm dedicated to" ? I'll be calling Alyssa (a friend of Aaron's who had been backing up his story about being broken up with Jeremy) and finding out what the deal is and whether I should even talk to Aaron again.

A brief chat to the effect that you need some time before you can be friends with him again is what I suggest. How long you need before you can be friends with him depends on how deeply attached you were to him in the first place. It might be a few months before you can be friends with him. If he can't understand that now, maybe he will in a few months. If he can't understand it then either, then it will be somewhat sad for you, but still leave you open to finding someone else to become close to.

That was... intense. You have my empathy, and I hope your future is not as turbulent as your past.

If you've gone out for a while, then it might be that he's at the point where he considers it to be an exclusive dating relationship with the possibility for more. If you've ruled out the possibility for more, then, to my mind anyway, I think it would be best to just tell him you're not looking for more with him, but you'd like to still be friends. Give it a couple days and if you're serious about the staying friends part, do something friendly with him - maybe with a couple other friends so its clear that its not a date, just a friendly outing. As for me, if you check my blog you can see the subject of break-ups has popped up in my own life. Not me breaking up, but rather, me becoming (ever so temporarily) involved with someone who seemed to think he was broken up, but now seems to have changed his mind. Considering his boyfriend was under the impression they were still together, and now so is the guy who was "dating" (does hanging out in a park count as a date?) me... I'd say its fair to say they're still together, but should be broken up. If someone did to me what Aaron did to Jeremy I'd be so pissed off I'd leave in a heartbeat. If someone did to me what Aaron did to me... well, I'd react precisely how I did .... I am not interested in being someone's affair. I am not going to be in a relationship with someone who hasn't actually gotten around to breaking up with the person they're transitionaryish with.

Okay, So I've been had. I don't know what to think/believe when it comes to the veracity of Aaron's claims. I do know that I don't trust him. Amusingly enough I actually put more weight in the word of his possessive-obsessive ex at this point. It seems that Aaron had told him he would try to work things out with him. Hence the shock when he peaked through the window and saw Aaron jacking me off. Hence the emotional outburst a few minutes later. Hence the call I received from Jeremy a little bit ago asking me what's going on between me and Aaron and what Aaron's told me about what's going on between the two of them. A half hour later I got a call from Aaron "I'm sorry. I'm going to try to work things out with Jeremy. I didn't mean to send you any signals" To which I respond rather indignantly, unsubtly and probably none too pleasantly "Are you serious, you were giving me head the first night you were with me and you don't think that was a signal?" Seriously, this is the guy gave me his number, wanted to meet, wanted to get over his possessive ex etc. He told me he was over his ex, wanted to get away from him but had nowhere else to go, etc. Was making out with me in the back seat of his car on the first "date" and in the course of that started giving me oral - The same guy who, just last night, with his apparent non-ex showering in the next room, was all over me, reached into my pants and started jacking me off and got caught when his ex peaked through the window. Tonight though, he's going to work it out. They're both idiots. Jeremy should leave Aaron because at this point I'd say what Aaron was doing with me could be considered cheating. As for Aaron - whatever Jeremy's normal character is, since all I've heard about him is purely second-hand information... well frankly I don't have anything positive to say about Aaron at all right now. He wants to be friends with me. It will surprise me if he's got the balls to actually call tomorrow like he says he will. I sent a text message: Aaron, I apologize for my reaction, do what you need to do. When your heart is free perhaps then we can explore the possibility of a relationship. I will not be an affair. That last line is really for both of them (they share a phone and frankly I hope Jeremy reads it). I will not do anything physical at all with Aaron until I witness him telling Jeremy that its over. I don't know what (if anything) I'll be open to having with Aaron even if that does happen because frankly, Aaron has lied to Jeremy and cheated on him while he was one room away, and Aaron has definitely lied to me. That rather makes for an ill omen on any potential for a relationship.

Last night... what a trip. I get a call from Aaron who I hadn't heard from in two weeks apologizing about not calling because he'd not had any access to a phone and the bitch of a roomate who does have a phone refused to let him use it. He says that he and a bunch of friends, including his ex, are going to be meeting at a park to hang out for a while and he invites me to come along. So I do - this is about 10pm. By around midnight the other friends have all left and its just me, Jeremy and Aaron. Jeremy seems to have behaved himself through that part of the night so I invited them both over to my place to hang out. Jeremy behaves himself just fine as far as i'm concerned, though I can tell that Aaron is as annoyed as can be that he's there. We go swimming, enjoy the relatively warm water, have what I think is a decent time. After a while Aaron gets cold and wants to get out of the pool, so we do. I offer to let him use my shower so he can experience hot water for the first time in a month (his roomates took the bill money and spent it on other stuff). So Aaron goes off into the shower. Its at this point that Jeremy decides he needs to go to the bathroom and instead of going to the other one that I pointed out to him he goes into the one where Aaron's already taking a shower. WHY HALLO THAR INVASION OF PRIVACY I wish Aaron had locked the door.... Anyway, Jeremy comes back a bit later, mentions that he'd wanted to join Aaron in the shower, at which point I told him that would have been a bad idea in a pretty low tone. Apparently he didn't f**king get it. When Aaron got out of the shower for him to go take one, Aaron and I go to my room and make out for a few minutes till jeremy is done. When he's dressed he knocks on the door, i get up and open it, its obvious aaron and i had been doing something on my bed what with no tv or anything on, For a minute and a half we all manage to play it cool. I ask if they want to stick around and watch a movie or something, Aaron says he's hungry and kinda tired and wants to go home. I'm fine with that, wish them well, ... and its at this point Jeremy goes into jealous-possessive-ex mode and says "Well why don't we just have a three-some its obvious you guys were just going at it" Me: Aaron: Me thinks: GTFO of my house! Me says: Uh, I don't think so Aaron says: We need to go Me says: Yep Jeremy heads out the front door, Aaron apologizes for him as he's putting his shoes back on. We moved to kiss and the door opens again jeremy enters and says "I don't mean to impose its just Aaron lied to me" then turns around and heads back to the car. Impose? Thats an interesting way to say "I'm sorry for presuming you would be willing to f**K me at all, sorry for presuming you would be willing to f**K us both, and sorry for being a general jackass. Most of all I'm sorry for being a complete cock-tard and insisting on hurting myself by refusing to let go of someone who really has no interest in me anymore." All you morons who haven't figured out that your live-in boyfriend is now your ex: Cut the creepy shit and Get a life

I shave that patch of hair... franklly its just more hygenic. You want a horror story? I was with a guy who hadn't ever shaved down there. Cock-blocked by a patch of fur. not cool

I don't know, Gary... it frustrated the hell out of me that my boyfriend used an especially potent smelling soap and it was often difficult to smell the man beneath all that.

I happen to like the smell of freshly chilled sweat. Like.... say you're on a walk with your boyfriend through a park on a hot day on the way to the movies. Naturally you start sweating. When you get to the theater go in and sit down in the super cool air conditioning, the freshly produced sweat suddenly chills. There's a certain scent that comes about when this happens (or maybe it was just with my ex?) that is incredibly intoxicating.

Frankly, I like being able to fully appreciate the beauty of the male figure. I also like being able to help those who are undergoing the process of coming out, to ease their consciences and help bring some peace to their frequently otherwise tormented minds.

Scent is incredibly powerful. Crass as it may sound I love the smell of some good balls and embarrassing as it is here's some truthful tidbit: my own smell has often turned me on. Which I guess isn't too surprising considering I'm a very, erhm, sexually driven individual attracted to males and as I happen to be male I have the pheremones right there in my pants. It also doesn't help that I seem to produce a great deal of scent. Needless to say it is a great turn on for me. I can remember the very distinct smell of my boyfriend... Excuse me. *heads off*

A thunderous excursion at criminal velocity, Prompted by tormentuous raging pychopathy, Preceded all preference for bodily safety, For no latch remained locked within his fragile psyche... Crash.

Sounds like a challenge.... the perfect character with dead parents, zillions in cash, a high school to bump into some random straight jock guy so hard it turns him gay and causes his cock to grow an extra couple inches - which will be important when he's shoving sand up our mc's ass with it on the beach and has a mental breakdown because he's so traumatized by the move and cries on our hero's shoulder from how horrible it is he's lost control over everything.... a smilie to reflect that he's happy now that he realizes he has some control with his nerdy boyfriend, at which point the narrative switches to him and we learn he's actually a complete moron and a general asshole (afterall, he was getting sand in his partner and didn't even care! Ouch!) followed by some more crying as nerdy boyfriend ends up in the hospital with a broken sphincter and jock-boy has to tell his parents he's gay but they're totally cool with it and we close watching the sunrise over the ocean in tampa bay. I think that covers everything right? Edit: I forgot the dialogue. I can see it now "Gee golly mister it seems you've broken me bumhole" "Nah duuuuude tsalright fasho" "Negative sir, with all haste you must ferry me to the nearest place of hospitalization"

Unfortunately, as a community and as individuals, as non-straight people... we have to prove our right to exist because we don't have the luxury of taking that for granted. While we've made huge strides toward acceptance in this country over the last thirty years, there are significant groups of people, largely comprised of the religious "right" who would just as soon have us all committed to insane asylums. A US Congresswoman described "homosexuals" as a greater threat to this country than terrorists. We do have something to prove, because if we don't, our basic human rights will be swept away. There's more at stake as well, as gay people as a community prove themselves in this country and become not merely tolerated but accepted and even celebrated as valued citizens, it pushes the issues in countries where tolerance (not murdering gay people) isn't even on the table yet.

Perhaps you should be asking him? >__> <__< Okay, so maybe that's overly blunt and not being especially sensitive, but ultimately you're going to need to find out from him what's what. Strike up a conversation with him about something, make a joke about something assinine and talk with him for a bit, get to know him a little better. After a week or two if you're still interested in him, take him aside in private and just ask him straight forward if he's gay and if so would like to date you.

I doubt I'll be getting wounded by Aaron any time soon... rather I'm deliberately not getting that attached for as long as I have reason to believe he's less interested in me for me and more for what I represent as an alternative to what he has.

Thanks, Kevin... I know what I want out of life but kinda don't expect to actually get that, or at least not any time soon. In the meantime I don't mind being a bounce-back-boy for a guy who needs it. He receives his comfort, I receive the pleasure of his company... it may not be ideal but ideal died last november. I don't expect this to really get to be anymore than it is. We might become closer friends, but i don't think we're especially compatible as life-partners. At least thats how I feel about the situation. I'm pretty sure Aaron, while thoroughly annoyed with Jeremy, is not fully "over" him. For Aaron, meeting a new guy (me) and spending time with that new guy (me) is something he needs now as a way of getting away from and out of his present defunt relationship. In time the need for a relationship as an alternative to his past one will wane and he'll be able to evaluate whether a relationship with me long term is what he wants.... and if as I suspect we're not especially compatible as partners I do think he and I will continue to be friends. If not then its not a huge loss, I'll have still had the pleasure of his company for a while.

This is what Aaron asked of me last night..... essentially, lubing him up, lubing up my stomach, and then laying on me and sliding back and forth........ one problem though: I'm pretty hairy and that's not so comfortable. Anyway... this guy moved very fast and I think I've figured out why. His ex is also his roomate and apparently his ex's car is also his primary means of transportation. His ex is apparently extraordinarily controlling and a bit of a drama queen. The ex actually wanted to come with him for our "date" last night... which is not something that would be good for either of them. Aaron says he wants nothing to do with ex-Jeremy, Jeremy apparently still wants everything to do with Aaron... Aaron needs to get away and Jeremy needs to get over it. This seems to be where I start playing into this. I'm (apparently) to be Aaron's bounce back boy and I'm providing Aaron with a semblance of the comfort he desires. He's damn sure not ready to pursue a serious relationship with me, but does need to break free of the one he was in and I'm his ride out. If some intimate time in my caring arms helps Aaron to feel better, I'm okay with that.... but I do think he's moving way too fast with the sexual end of things. Of course... one of the side effects of getting needed tender comfort tends to be an elevation in sexual desire.... I'd just like to take the time to just hold each other for a while... I got a bit of a taste of that during a short-movie but I'm looking for more time than that.... which I think I could get if we could actually sleep together, but my parents are adamantly opposed to that going on in their house. Actually, I'm pretty sure what I'm most looking for, that intimate connection where you can be happy just to hold each other for hours at a time, can only be arrived at after a strong bond has already been formed. I suppose such a bond could still be formed between he and I, but I have a feeling he's more looking for a bit of respite from the dram his ex brings him and since we're both more top-oriented we may not be especially sexually compatible anyway. As for me... even if this may not be a long term thing, its nice to spend some intimate time with another guy again, even if its not that deeper intimacy I'm really looking for.

Love would be nice but I'd settle for a gruding respect for our being humans instead of animals. You know how many times I endured my muslim former friends decrying me for acting like an animal simply because I'm attracted to the same sex? I have to be feeling very masochistic before I'll even consider discussing homosexuality with them anymore. Their conceptions of homosexuality are so horribly skewed and literally parading about the most unsavory elements of our community does not help. These are people who once considered me a friend but who now see me as nothing more than an animal - one to be slaughtered in the name of Allah the "Beneficent and Merciful" for that matter for how sinful our community is. After all, from their point of view, allowing homosexuals to be free to be homosexual brings about precisely the kind of decadence that gets shown off in the parades and it is that kind of decadence which from their point of view brings about the downfall of society. While I have my doubts about Allah swooping down to handle things personally, they do have a point - if the decadence shown off in gay "pride" parades is what homosexuals have to offer society then perhaps society is better off without us. What we need to do then is prove that we arent that amalgamation of senseless lust and moral decay in order to justify not being oppressed. The parades have an effect that is the opposite of that.

First let me touch on what "pride" means for our community. Within the gay community, pride is not about being better than people outside our group as you might see with white pride or black pride.... rather, pride for the gay community is more about showing we are not filled with its opposite, the shame we are typically made to feel for our attractions. Displaying that lack of shame, our capacity to feel pride in who we are as individuals regardless of our attractions by holding hands in public and refusing to pretend we don't exist is one thing... a pride parade which consisted more like a convention for all the local gays to go and hang out - that would be positive. A "pride" parade in which we parade about all the things which our critics find least pallatable, many of which are legitimate concerns, does vastly more damage to our "cause" of being treated as equal human beings who aren't wild deviants. Put several thousand guys in extremely revealing clothing all but ****ing eachother as they walk stroll through town, throw in leather straps, a few slings, and a few angry transvestites for good measure and you have only confirmed everything they fear/believe about us. That might be just fine if your identity is the leather wearing, whip wielding, spiked-collared, promiscuous guy and you want to be accepted as that....... but while there are people in the gay community who do go into such fetishes, gay people are about more than that and are damaged as a community when its wildest aspects are literally paraded about, because the human element is lost.

When you asked if some authors took it too far, the first thing that came to mind was shakespeare.

A few days ago I was at work and this cute guy sitting at the counter gave me his number, last night (my first night off) I gave him a call and he came over... we went to a little park and hung out for a bit, then headed back to my place and had a couple drinks. As I was walking to his car we kissed... I was taken a bit by surprise at his kissing style. How to describe it.... well, it was a lot more... aggressive than what I was used to, and quite a bit, um.... sloppier. But, as we continued the more "sloppy" aspect of the kiss turned into neck kissing, which just drove up the intensity level immensely. We ended up in the back seat of his car, where the making out continued... eventually he asked if he could unbutton my pants "May I...?" .... like I could say no in a situation like that!? He surprised me again when he started giving me oral... I hadn't quite expected that and I was a little uncomfortable since neither of us had been tested and we barely knew each other, but I still reciprocated when he asked.... The boy was delightful... I'm looking forward to having a chance to cuddle up with him and watch a movie or something. I'm sure we'll end up doing more than cuddling... but still, it was awesome being able to hold him in my arms, even if it was only for a short while.

Congratulations you two! May many years of happy marriage be in your future

Awesome!