Demetz

I saw this movie, it was pretty awesome

Congratulations GayAuthors.org !!!

Its been a little over 2 years since I came out to myself. I hardly even remember what it was like thinking I was anything other than gay. My rebirth as a gay man 2 years ago resulted in a great deal of personal growth and changes, many good but the occasional one a bit more painful to go through.... life before being openly gay is now more of a distant memory, almost as though it happened to somebody else. In some senses, it did happen to someone else. The me before I came out was radically different, consumed by a stoic quest to survive. What I was surviving for or why I didn't know. Physically relieving myself of the scientific definition of life was never within my interest, but I freely say that at that time in my life, I was not living. I had no joy. I really didn't have much in the way of sorrow either. I did have my struggle though, to remain stoic in the face of misery. Over time though, enduring that misery ceased to be my main concern, and ending it mattered more. There were three aspects to finding a way about ending that misery. The first was spiritual in nature... I struggled with the age old conundrum of religion and all its blather vs science and logic and its cold explanation of the meaning of life being to reproduce and wink out of existence. Adopting Islam was one rocky road and eventually the areas where I was reinterpreting Islam to suit me because the more official form of Islam seemed like blather just made adherence to the religion pointless. That occupied my time for about 2 years, and while it was an interesting little foray into the religious, I'm well and glad to have it behind me. There were two very personal problems that Islam could not solve for me. First, it couldn't make me not-gay. Second, it couldn't take away the haunting from my past. It was two years ago this month that I finally did find a means of dealing with these problems. In dealing with being gay... I came out to myself, joined this site and the community, and met my first boyfriend. It was through him that I was able to deal with the events from my past with haunted me, and for that I will be forever grateful to him. Even if we didn't end up together forever, I owe him a huge debt of gratitude for the way he helped me. The differences in my personality from before this time two years ago and where I am now are substantial. I'm much more at ease socially. I no longer seem or feel dark and brooding. I have the capacity to be happy! I can feel more than being miserable. Coming out is in all honesty one of the best things that ever happened to me. I'm glad I did it, and can't imagine ever living my life otherwise. Cheers to two more gay years!

Last I heard Jack Thompson was banned from filing anything in florida anymore because no judge takes him seriously between his stupid crusade against video games and because his paranoia over some rival lawyer lead him to formally submit pornography to the public record. He's a sleezeball hack with a bullhorn and nothing more. As for the games... I wouldn't go by the rating system for anything. Parents should spend some time and play the games themselves. My mom freaked out when I was playing Diablo and Diablo 2 as a young teenager because of the M sticker and apparently it was satanic. Apparently in that regard I was more mature than my mother because I was under no delusion that slaying demon-creatures and killing off an entity which called itself the lord of terror meant that I would be granted magical powers to use in real life and start committing mass murder, raising skeletons from the grave, casting curses and so forth........

That little blurb at the top of the main forum page that says what the most recent update is... after that, looking in the actual announcement page instead of setting up an rss... i guess i'm just old fashioned for that >_>

Don't feel too bad Tiger, if I hadn't been in an especially vulnerable period in my life I'd be in the same boat as you.

Question: what counts as sex? Are we talking anal intercourse specifically? Does oral count? What about that thing where you lube up the area below your hole to your balls and then you slide back and forth along their, erhm, unit? >__> <__< *runs and blushes*

The more PDA the better... though i'll admit if there's a good looking guy involved with a girl i'll be a wee bit disappointed.

I like to believe I would stay... but i haven't been in the position to know for sure what I would do. I know at the very least that I would try to make it work, but as already mentioned, the personality changes can also be very hard to handle.

Kevin, that's a difficult question the sort i don't think anyone knows how they will handle until and unless it actually happens. I do not believe that I would abandon someone I deeply care for after such an accident, though.

So yesterday I got a nasty note from the university wanting me to pay $975 I didn't think I'd have to pay for another couple months... but even so, I should be able to pay that off and be almost completely out of credit card debt by the end of the month. It just means I won't have the cash on hand I thought I'd have to pay down my computer loan. By the end of next month I'll have the cards paid off completely and a hefty amount of cash in hand to buy a car the first week of June... when I'll finally have a full year's credit history and not have to put up with so much whining from the banks about how "risky" I am because they have only 10 or 11 months credit history instead of 12 . . . . In other news I've finally started writing for Webs chapter 3. I want to get as much of it completed in the next couple days (since I have them off) as possible. I'm also taking another look at some law books, one on international law, the other on constitutional law... just trying to keep my memories of such things fresh for when I go back to college in the fall.

If my partner wanted a sex change it would mean instant divorce. Yes, I love them for their personality not their sex organs, but I need sexual intimacy as part of a relationship and without the right equipment they would not be able to provide for that need anymore. As for Iran.... I really wouldn't mind a regime change policy there. Let the Mullahs have a taste of their own medicine as we covertly fund dissenting militias seeking their overthrow and execution.

Okay... I've held off this topic long enough, and I'm choosing not to vote in the poll because there should be more options available than "my race, not my race, and equal" I'm attracted mostly to the range between "twink" and "average" build... I actually tend to like brown hair more than blonde on either sex... when it comes to race I have about the same issue as Azure does for black men... I'm not interested in the slightest in thug culture and frankly there aren't many black guys around this area for me to be attracted to anyway. Very few black guys I've seen seem to fit into the slender/geeky/cute frame that I'm most attracted to, but there was one at college who caught my eye. I was already in a relationship at that time though. Hispanics, Asians and whites I seem to be attracted to at about the same rate. And Kevin? Nothing wrong with the hairy guys They can be cute and sweet too and if you fall in love with one in time you may even like the hair being there

I frankly don't see how sending kids to tolerance school is going to do much good... the issues are almost always a matter of parental guidance and considering parents get little override slips to fill out for sex education i sincerely doubt there won't be something similar available in the places where "tolerance" education is needed... and since the parent is the agent of intolerance to contend with in the first place....... I think the best thing people can do is just teach their kids tolerance and let them interact with other kids, when they come back and relate the non-tolerance thought up by other kids, re-enforce tolerance as an important value and explain why. Then they go tell the other kids and those kids. Maybe the other kids are convinced, maybe not... the exposure to the different ideas will at the very least set the basis later in life for them to think and evaluate for themselves.

Okay, so I go to get a brand new car.... new for me anyway; Its a Red 2002 Chrysler Sebring 4 door sedan with only 29,000 miles on it... leather interior, brand new tires... suffice it to say, this car is awesome. Thing is, it would cost me about 10,000 between cost of the car itself, taxes, tags and other nonsense. Well, thats what my credit union is there for, right? WRONG. At first they tell me they can only do 9,000 so we work it out with the dealer so that i can have 45 days to come up with the extra thousand. Then they demand to see my paystub.... and the only one i had was from several weeks ago when I was new and not making much... so the bank calls me back and says they can only finance 7,000 of the car. There is no way I can come up with 3,000 in 45 days, so that was the end of that. It was annoying, but i can sorta understand why they did it. What really pissed me off was when I called wachovia who denied me for the loan based not on my income per se, but based upon a number they pulled out of their ass called my debt to income ratio, which they claim is at 63%. How do they get to 63% ? By pretending I have more debt than I do. I paid off two of my credit cards and the other two are at around half the limit and they calculated as though I had my credit cards maxed out. Whats more, they counted my student computer loan as though it was on a credit card instead of an installment account, which they aren't supposed to do. Thank you wachovia and you can go screw yourselves, you've lost my business for... ever. See, I don't hold grudges often, but I do hold them against places that I believe treated me unfairly. In other financial news, I'm making somewhere over 300 a week with my tips. I could today pay off all my credit cards, and in two weeks pay off half my student computer loan. Which I intend to do. I won't forget that USF Federal Credit Union denied me for a loan when I have a clear history of paying them on time and more than what they ask for... I'll step it up a notch and deprive them of the interest they would have gotten. Instead of making the last payment on the loan in December of this year as I'd planned, which would earn them some hundred dollars additional interest, I'll be making it in August, and paying the substantial portion of the loan at the end of this month. I've been checking through my credit report, and apparently if i just make payments on time for the next 3 months (there is no missed payment on my record) then I'll get a 28 point boost because of that. Its also estimated that paying off my cards will mean another 20 point boost. I'd really rather not wait 3 months to get my damned car though

I like variety.... I like the variety that is available to someone who can be very hairy, but could shave it all off and be smoothe, then you get access to all the different levels of hairiness as it grows back. As for myself.... Sometimes I like my body hair sometimes I don't. For hygenic reasons I urge everyone to shave the perianal region (the area around your ass hole). I once attempted to have sex with someone who didn't shave there and I was blocked by a patch of hair that had been growing there for as long as he'd been growing hair. Not. Cool. By the time he'd shaved the area and i'd stretched him he was so embarrassed he chickened out. other than that... a relatively smoothe back is nice.... but there must be carpet neither there nor on the legs. Chest and stomach hair is fine... its nice play wih when spooning.

I think the best way to know yourself is through regular self-refelection. Technically, you already know all there is to know about yourself, its just a matter of being aware of it that you need to work on. Asking questions of yourself about yourself, then seeking the answers is the best way to go about this. Often it will lead to more questions. Just follow the line. A psychologist you see once a week for one hour can not help you to know yourself... they don't know anything near what you do about you. What they can do is listen to the information that you feel is significant to provide them and based on that, suggest possibilities you were not aware of. Here's the thing though - thats the easy part. Provide a list of symptoms and a bit of analysis later you've got a diagnosist, provided the doctor is sure of the symptoms. The hard part is what to do with that information. Example: So, you were molested as a child and you think that may have lead to your hypersexual behavior. You relate that information to a doctor and sure enough, molestation is known to result in hypersexuality once one reaches adulthood. Now what? The actual therapy part of taking knowledge of the cause and translating it into behavioral change is much more difficult whether you have a doctor or not.

Perfect kiss requires two people good at kissing. In my experience, three out of four guys are horrible kissers.

"I love you" is something I've been reserved with for a very long time. There is one person who I took a huge chance on, said the words to, meant them, and still do to this day when I tell him still. That kind of love will never go away, even if the intensity may rise or wane at times, or get mixed with other emotions. I expect it will be a long time before I find someone else I feel "safe" speaking those words to.

Blame the lack of public funds to support writers for I'd surely have had much more written of two stories I think are fairly unique if I wasn't so busy working

This one makes the story sound too unrealistic... a virgin moving somewhere in hope of becoming a prostitute... for a demographic he's not even sure he's a part of? That may not be what's intended to come across to the reader, but that's how I interpreted it.... It would take a fair amount of back-story before I could 'buy' that and just as a cover blurb I'd probably pass it up. I might be more likely to pick it up if I had a clue what the Mundus Society was.... other than that it seems decent and would depend on my mood as to whether I'd read it. "Awesome power" brings to mind magic, which I don't think was intended... It seems interesting enough I might pick it up and read a few pages...

I watched my grandfather die of cancer, he smoked all his life, and died probably a good 20 years earlier than he would have if he hadn't. When my dad got the call, it was the first time I ever saw him cry. Watching my grandmother and my aunt at his deathbed... and seeing the man who had always seemed so strong before in that condition... I swore I would never do that to myself, and never put anyone I love through that.

Thanks Everybody I had to work, but I came home to cheesecake

Okay, so... after some clearing up by the administration as to what constitutes porn in their eyes, i will soon be posting Nathan and David part 2, not quite on the schedule i had hoped, but probably within a week. Liberty Island will remain behind the scenes and a chapter of Webs should be on its way by some time in the middle weeks of the month. Sorry about all the confusion. Also, while you're here, I updated the story tracker to give a summary for the month of march. Hopefully at some point I'll figure an easier way to do that than with paint >_<

Okay, first on the agenda today: my job. I'm not especially happy working at the restaurant. If a table comes in and can't figure out what the hell they want until the next table is in too, its like having double-duty. Top that up with having to put together all their salads myself and fetch countless little things for them that don't come with the meal and only some items go through the computer, but most don't so I have to remember when to punch stuff through.... Ugh. I'm told breakfast is easier.... no salads to fetch, and people don't dick around so much. They come in hungry, know what they want to drink/eat, and want to get out quickly. Really though, I don't think I'd be especially happy with that either. Also, I love kids, but loathe them as customers. A party of six sounds like *wahoo! the tips'll be rolling in!* until you learn that four of them are kids and will be ordering items at about 3 dollars each. And parents? Give your kids some damned dessert! Yes, they'll be bouncing around in the car, and then probably at home too, but its only fair if you're ordering them meals at half cost to make up for that by letting them feast upon our delicious Reeses Sundae. Did I mention our hostess is a complete airhead? Beyond utterly sucking at her job, and some of our more... tempestuous servers are known to make her cry, she's also generally a moron. Last night in her perky airhead voice she was all excited about the theater. I told her she should go ahead and get the student membership and how much it would save her. I have a feeling she's one of those people who even though working, has just about everything handed to her. "I don't go there enough, hehe!" Idiot. You know how long it takes to make up the cost of a 20 dollar student membership? It goes like this: she buys the membership for herself, uses the free ticket for her friend and gets 2.75 off her own ticket. That's 10.50 in savings right there. She goes in and gets herself a free popcorn with the coupon that comes with the membership: another 3.50 in savings. Later, she gets the free refill of her popcorn thats only for members... another 3.50 in savings. That's 17.50 in savings her membership has got her in ONE NIGHT. Assuming she didn't buy any drink, she would only ever need to go ONCE in the next YEAR to make up the last 2.50 of the membership cost. But she doesn't go enough "Hehe!" Idiot. Anyway... at this point I'm renewing a job search. I plan to stay at the restaurant just long enough for the insurance to kick in, then go to a dentist, which I haven't done in years, and go to the eye doctor so I can get my vision checked and a new set of contacts. I'm down to one contact that works, the other literally causes my eye to bleed... and its just that contact thats the problem, I tried one with a much weaker prescription and my eye handled it fine... the prescription was just too weak. I'm left eye dominant so I still see almost perfectly normally, my peripheral vision on the right side is just a little blurrier. Thing is, peripheral vision is never perfectly clear anyway so I hardly notice any difference at all. So its looking like I'll be at the restaurant for only another three weeks or so. I'm sending out my resume to a load of places and applying to a bunch of jobs now. Anything full time for 9/hr or greater would result in me bringing in more money anyway. In other news, my dad finally asked me why he hadn't seen my bachelor's degree yet. Apparently the fact that I hadn't used it in the past three months to get a job had already been enough of a disappointment that it seemed almost a relief to him that I didn't have it yet and that was why I wasn't using it. I assured him I was going to finish the degree, that I was only waiting on the course to be offered again in the fall. I've also joined the newsletter team. I have it in mind to try to get every new piece in e-fiction reviewed in e-fiction, to help aspiring authors get noticed and spread the word about their stories to those who don't typically use the e-fiction feature on the site. I don't know yet how successful I will be in this endeavour, and I'll probably need some help since a lot of stories do get posted there. Change of plans with my writing: I had intended to release part 2 of Nathan and David in the first week of April, but its recently come to my attention that porn is not desired at GA. Now to be fair, the definition going here is the writing of a "story" that features nothing but sex. No plot. Just sex. Well, those of you who have read Nathan and David part 1 know full well the explicitness of the sexual content therein. I give backstory yes, and its purpose isn't so much to be a jerk off story (though I don't mind if you do that ) the idea was to show two loving partners and how they sexually interact. Loving Partners being the key terms here that I think set the story apart from the pure XXX variety of porn. Its not sleezy; its not random; its not degrading; ..... but it is sexually explicit and the explicitness of that sexual content may cause some to place this into a pornographic category. Frankly, I consider it to be more along the lines of art than porn, and those I've talked to about it have agreed, but I'm not sure where the lines are drawn here so I'm not going to post it until after things have calmed down a bit and I've had a chance to talk with one of the site administrators about it. What does this mean for my readers? Well, it means you'll be getting a deeper look into the world of Liberty Island than you thought you were. I had not planned to release any more chapters of this story until after at least the first part of Webs was posted, but as I don't have Webs chapter 3 ready and Nathan and David are on hold until I can chat with and administrator about it, I'll be releasing Liberty Island chapter One (you may already have seen the prologue), in a couple days. I've already completed the first round of editing on it, so as not to cause my editor's eyes to go X_X ... and once they've got it back to me and I've made the final adjustments, it will be posted with due speed.