Stark. That's the word this gives me. At first anyway. But by the end it's a tiny seedling of hope. Like the scene in The Never-ending Story where the childlike empress shows Bastian the single grain that is all that is left of Fantasia
Sorry.
I do like this. Its so different from what I've read of yours but I suppose but taking the time into context that makes sense.
Also. I totally understand the drowning feeling of desperately wanting to not be who you are. It's a deeply horrifying sorrow