Talo Segura

This was an interesting well written chapter and very girly. That's not sexist, because girls are different to boys. Amy and Julie shared some thoughts, or more revelations on Amy's part. During the Netflix afternoon Julie gave us her inner thinking and the view from Julie's POV was about hair and clothes and what she and the other girls looked like. See what I mean, girly, boys don't do that between themselves, they look outwards and find support in agreeing what's the best comic book super hero. Great dialogue and observation, for the first time I really was looking at the world through Julie's eyes.

Great chapter which raised some very important issues. I tend to think labelling the sexual encounter rape is a bit strong, Loz certainly has his own issues, Michael does as well, and of course, poor Daniel. Between the three of them what they each exhibit in their own way is an inability to communicate. They are each locked down by their own fears. Daniel can't believe anyone would like him, Loz doesn't know how to express his gay feelings and sees Daniel as an opportunity, Michael is so far stuck up himself he acts like mister perfect, but is all screwed up. What can I say, a magnificent portrayal of social isolation caused by the stigma of being gay, and compounded by being confined to the jungle that is high school.

Yes, high school is a jungle and you have to tread carefully to avoid the wild animals. Daniel is not very good at surviving. Why? Because he is too self-depricating, which is not a great character trait. He tells us, "...my first week when a group of year eleven boys cornered me in the loo and stuffed my head down the toilet. I tried to see it as a rite of passage, a welcome to the school." He really is kidding himself. I do feel sorry about the bullying, but he has to find his way out, not just attempt to somehow justify it. It is as if Daniel believes everything his his fault. Daniel is endearing, he survives by accepting abuse, so it's easy to see where the dark humour comes from, but his state of being is not good. He desperately needs somebody to help change things, I can't see him doing it alone. This was a great opening chapter, super characterisation, great dialogue, nice pace, what isn't there to like about this story and the writing style. It is very accomplished, what you might call, "a cut above" the average story.

There's nothing on here that's not... but there are some bubbling blockbuster stories with @Dabeagle tearing it up with hundreds, and I do mean hundreds, of comments on his story I got to admit I don't find the title is going to pull me in, but you definitely should read it if you're into family drama and teenage romance. This is a top pick following on from String, by @jkwsquirrel which if you haven't yet read you should check it out. You should not forget either Model Behaviour Those last two are great teenage romances. Now, if you are into Sci-fi, I highly recommend Do not be put off by the tag Zombie but think instead Sigourney Weaver and Alien (only with that all important gay twist). There are lots of great stories on here, these are my hotties for May!

I rather feel that in most cases an unplanned story fails, but this is the exception that proves the rule, and JKW Squirrel's String emerged naturally through the history of the characters and their interrelationships. Perhaps because there was already a background established for the environment in which the story takes place, helped. Or, perhaps JKW is quite simply one of those authors with the talent to pull the rabbit out of the hat? Whatever the reasons we have ended up with great book written in two weeks between 4 May and 18 May 2020 (a moment in history when half the world were locked up at home) which engaged the readers who possibly also added something along the way. JKW has certainly proved "off the cuff" writing can work and can take you places which you didn't imagine. Good use of the story timeline, with jumps forward, allowed us, the readers, to be treated to a well paced novel. We got all the interesting and exciting bits thrown together and watched as the drama unfolded, action upon action. The story lives off the pages, and you can't help but get close to the characters, they just grow on you. Jake and Danny have a complicated relationship which I would not begin to try and interpret, because every reader sees that relationship in terms of their own life experiences. Sure there will be similarities in there, possibly very similar, but Jake is Jake and Danny is Danny, they both have their good points and neither is perfect. This is a story of best friends discovering themselves and their relationship. It is a romantic drama full of angst, love, and betrayal. Ultimately, it is a story of the lives of these adolescents, their friendships and their love interests, a coming of age novel. It could not have been written better, and if you don't read it you will be missing out on a brilliant book masterfully authored. You could pay money for a book that has been published in print, but it might not be in the same class as this story.

I don't agree that is the only definition. Gourmandise (British English) a love of and taste for good food. The word originates from French where it has the connotation of eating something particularly tasty or perhaps a little self-indulgent, but something of quality. Gourmandise comes from gourmet: Gourmet may describe a class of restaurant, cuisine, meal or ingredient of high quality, of special presentation, or high sophistication. In the United States, a 1980s the gourmet food movement evolved from a long-term division between elitist (or "gourmet") tastes and a populist aversion to fancy foods. (Wiki).

The story is turning into a terrible fight for survival. The writing is super: "The wind shrieked like a tortured soul..." fantastic description, in keeping with the whole gruesome drama. I love the way you segue from one scene to another, it's like watching a film.

Great story, nice finish. Kyle summed it all up for me, "The heart wants what it wants, even when people try to tell you that’s wrong. We’ll be the generation that finally sees the end of the fear and prejudice and live our lives as we were meant to be.”

You are pretty good at building the tension to a climax then changing scenes and throwing us into an even bigger conflict. A life and death struggle between Calvin and one of Adwele's missing bodyguards, now infected and transformed into an alien predator. Things are getting tense on planet Redemption, a blizzard is about to hit and two alien predators are out there hunting their prey - the humans!

Yeah, nice first chapter, a masquerade ball!

It gets better and better, discovering an alien city, and threatened by a life destroying parasitic infection (sounds strangely similar to a virus, except masks won't protect you). Another good chapter.

I received a notification, Will Hawkins reacted to chapter comment in Chapter 1 4 hours ago https://gayauthors.org/stories/chapter/50871-chapter-1/?do=findComment&comment=425202&tab=chaptercomments The hyperlink takes me to an unpublished story chapter and not to the story with Will Hawkins comment?

I don't know what to say, except it's really good - it's really good!

Another great chapter. I like very much the two threads of this story, past and present

"Slowly the shape began to take form, as if slowly being drawn by the invisible hand of a child: it was, indeed, the wreckage of a truck." "The wreckage of the truck was half submerged in snow. The wheels stuck out like tombstones." This is some great descriptive writing and that's partly why I loved this chapter. Actually, the whole story has grown on me as you develop the storyline at a nice pace. It really is so good, better than I thought it would be. This is classic sci-fi, somewhere up there with Lost and Alien, which is something like the creature I'm expecting Everest and Danni to encounter. All I can say is, well done, great story!

Welcome to GA You already got author status so you can post your books whenever you want, the chapters get moderated for a certain time, but that is a quick process.

"We loved you before we even knew you, even when there was just a hope for you, we loved you."

You should come up with enigmatic clues for all the words of the day and put them into a crossword, it would be worthy of the Times. I'm always wracking (or should that be racking?) my brain, to think if I know what the word means. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, sometimes I guess, sometimes I'm surprised, I am always educated

It's getting off the topic of the chapter, but " whatever draws people in," is not to be taken lightly. Book covers, maybe a name, certainly a title and that little story synopsis, after that it's down to the first chapter, sometimes simply the first paragraph. You chose a good title, Model Behaviour, and although only two lines, the synopsis was an attention grabber. Maybe find yourself a nice avatar, it would be better than D.

Jack is not a Catholic, if he was, he would know the word celibate. There was a sort of recap at the start as Jack attempted to put everything in order - mission impossible. I'm with @NimirRaj it's a little messy, I get you are throwing around the idea of whether the boys are ready for a relationship; but still, we've got Tracy telling Jack he should be Jeff's boyfriend and maybe Jack's mum will view things differently, and miraculously she does, she has a 180° personality change. I still like the story, but I'm not sure this chapter worked, perhaps you tried to put too much into a short space without it really making sense.

It appears the view count is not working, new chapters posted show zero views, see Model Behaviour and A Roman Fatality.

I like very much the short chapters and I especially like your well observed teacher, pupil, and mother, son relations and dialogue. It is so well done and very realistic. The story is intriguing (like your nom de plume, lol!), but it is your writing that brings it alive, embodies the characters, and creates the scene. Dear Peter, is it not a reference to Peter Pan?

I like the way you've included the past into the story, gradually building a complete picture of Danni. The story is nicely paced and I like the regular chapter updates, I'm enjoying this.

You asked if it was worthwhile. Certainly it was, and a well written and accomplished narration with good dialogue. The story: I sympathised with Chase, Hank I thought acted like a cheated husband. Actually, it read like a hetero relationship breakup, only Chase is a guy. Add in the marriage proposal, I don't know how long they've been together, but wouldn't you discuss it. I just don't get the going down on one knee, "Will you marry me?" thing. I can see how Hank would be pissed that he proposed, Chase said no, then he finds his boyfriend in the toilets at a club kissing some other guy. But, saying it's all over, you cheated, and all that crap, is a knee jerk reaction. Hurt and jealousy. I don't like Hank too much, he's right and Chase is unforgivably wrong, jeez... get over yourself! If you've got a relationship worth the name you don't throw it away in the blink of an eye over nothing at all.

I can't imagine how things will go from here. He's sort of got Calvin, that's what Calvin would like, but Danni is lost to his drug habit, resigned to a life hardly worth living. My only thought is that something must happen. I liked the way this chapter on Redemption and the previous chapter from Danni's past on Earth were tied together by heroin.