Talo Segura

Yeah, I agree, feel the same. Guilty of that, song lyrics. I now feel it's okay to set the atmosphere by, for example, saying what was playing, but quoting lyrics is out. Yeah, agree, really crap, does exactly what you say, makes you read the chapter waiting for the bit that triggers the warning. Yeah, difficult to do well, but like pornography I love it when it is done well 😜 I'm indifferent about personal lives creating delays, or apologies for huge lapses of time between chapters, apart from feeling sympathetic towards the author's life problems, I would probably just drop the story. Learning about the background to writing a story and more about the author, I find interesting, especially if I like their work. I'd certainly rather read about the author's views outside their stories. Yeah, it was 🤣

The story jumped six months and Kayla dumped Danny, mmm... interesting! Now, if I read your mind correctly Jake isn't perfect, which makes this drama very real. In fact, no one is perfect, not his parents or Danny, he seems more into Kayla's tits and losing his virginity, than any long term relationship, but then we do kind of see his situation from Jake's point of view, which is just a little bias.

Nothing to do with the story which is great, even if you used an anachronism so they could escape. In the narrative you write: "Ryan had gotten the boat nearly twenty yards out from the shore." American readers will notice nothing wrong with the use of - gotten, in fact they no doubt believe they invented the word. Personally I have no strong feelings one way or another, but - gotten - is not (British) English. There is (for geeky English language aficionados) a brilliant investigation into the rise and fall of - gotten - in the English language: https://stroppyeditor.wordpress.com/2017/03/27/the-us-has-gotten-this-word-back-and-the-uk-probably-will-too/ should anyone be interested.

"I heard a thousand blended notes, While in a grove I sate reclined; In that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts Bring sad thoughts to the mind. "To her fair works did Nature link The human soul that through me ran; And much it grieved my heart to think, What man has made of man." Wordsworth. Nice opening chapter, made me wonder about stepping into a hot tub! For some unknown reason it made me think of The Water Babies, a fairy tale by Charles Kingsley, 1864, which he dedicated to his youngest son and all other good little boys. He quoted Wordsworth in the introduction. Obscure, I know, but I liked it and I liked your writing. Do please continue, off the cuff writing can often work quite well and take you places you never imagined at the outset. I'll certainly make the journey with you.

If you might be interested there's an interesting history and investigation of sex and violence in fairy tales, the origins and different versions. It's a downloadable PDF https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/jpc.12432 Some selected extracts from the paper by Professor David Isaacs Editor-in-Chief Children’s Hospital at Westmead, New South Wales Australia: Many of the fairy tales we know came from Charles Perrault’s Les Contes de ma Mère l’Oye (Tales of my Mother Goose), published in Paris in 1697 when Perrault was almost 70. Perrault’s version of Little Red Riding Hood concluded with our heroine being eaten by the wolf. The Grimms were not averse to describing violence graphically. They heard two different endings to The Frog Prince. In one, the princess kisses the frog that turns into a prince. In the other, his transformation comes when she throws the frog against the wall in disgust. They chose to use the latter. Not for nothing are they called the Brothers Grimm. Giants represent grown-ups and Jones emphasises the sexual significance of dwarfs and jesters. One may scoff that everything has sexual significance for psychoanalysts, but the sexual nature of Rumpelstiltskin is implicit in the story and one suggested meaning of his obscure name is ‘wrinkled foreskin’. The tale The Girl Without Hands was originally about an incestuous father, whom the Grimms changed into the Devil. In Donkey-Skin by Perrault, the King has an unrestrained passion for his own daughter. Fairy tales described child sexual abuse long before paediatricians acknowledged its existence.

Jealousy is a real emotion, however, the idea (ideal) of a monogamous one to one relationship is not a given, written in stone, somehow the natural state everyone should be in. It is no more natural than little boys growing up to be princes and marrying their princess. It is quite possible to have a relationship with someone which is strong enough that it can be shared with a third person for a brief or a longer moment. Why is sex sacrosanct? Why can a couple share friendship with other people, but not sex? Who made that barrier? Who says you have to follow that invented norm even if it is widespread, it is not universal in all societies across the world. A one on one monogamous relationship that has no room for sex with someone else who comes along and for whom there is an emotional attachment, poses the question about how strong that relationship is. Do you need walls to protect your relationship? And we are not actually talking about physical relations with a third person, but an online, distant relationship. This question prompts the response that my boyfriend, partner, is mine and I'm not sharing him and would rather split up if he cannot be loyal and reject anyone else that he has feelings for. That is jealousy talking, jealousy and possessiveness, demanding someone's total attention and love. You might say that is very selfish?

Maybe wait until the end. It's true that Burnham still has feelings for Dorothy, but it doesn't seem their relationship is any different than before. It's not Burnham the problem, but Dorothy. She was oblivious to him before they got married, the marriage was weird because of her obsession with work and only odd moments of sex and romance with him. Now she wants a divorce, but is still having little moments with him. Nothing's changed, Dorothy is Dorothy and whatever Burnham's feelings, he seems doomed to be disappointed by her reactions. As for Bjorn, he's a mystery for now, although we know something about his background, we still don't know exactly what he's trying to achieve, either with the fairy tale or himself. Which is why I say wait until the end before changing anything, confusion maybe goes hand in hand with mystery?

So it seems Liam had a part to play, probably unintentional, in letting Bjorn get into the fairy tale. But how did they not notice he was there for so long. He must be determined to destroy the happy ending, and yet he wants just that for himself. Honestly, the most rational person seems to be Ryan, everyone else is a little off, except Dave, who tried, but kind of failed, ending in deleting the Fairy Godmother. Whatever next?

Your blog entry prompted me to read and comment. It's the first time I have read any of this author's stories, although he is, of course, very well known. I guess, I just never got around to it (maybe I thought he has a big enough following already). Anyhow, I am glad I read this. Rather than repeat my comments, head on over to the story and read my review. It was good (the story, I mean, the review? You'll have to decide for yourself... lol!).

An orgy of lust, desire, and control with a twist in the tale that only gets revealed halfway through. The story is narrated by our reluctant hero, or perhaps it would be more appropriate to label him spell bound. However you see it, he is led on a passionate dance of sexual fantasy which is described in all its thrusting detail. I am uncertain as to whether the author intended that the narrative reflect the age of the narrator. Whether he did or not, that certainly comes across with the air of immaturity with which the story is told. "I'm soooo hard..." Danny (our narrator) tells us, in much the same narrative style that uses capitalised words for emphasis of his emotions. We are told, "my 16 years of life" Danny's age, but I'd put him at least a couple of years younger, he seems too immature for a sixteen year old. The story does not stray far from the lustful romance: "Those pale, porcelain smooth, bubbles of heated flesh, sensually begging to be pried open so I can sink deeply into the narrow cleft and penetrate the rose colored pucker between them." But don't take that as a criticism, because the author very skilfully describes those powerful teenage emotions. Simply because it may appear quasi-pornographic, that is in the eyes of the reader, perhaps because it arouses the same feelings it describes? The author's own philosophy creeps into the story: "Love was meant to be shared exclusively between two people. It's a union of two halves, a bond that should never be broken. Never wasted." That is not a believable statement from Danny, but possibly the author intends to convey a message. If I were to make any criticism it would revolve around a sometimes mix of tenses that occasssionally intrude and interrupt the flow: "I (have) hardly ever put in the effort to pay him any attention at all since I've known him." As well as what may be an Americanism to write: "she weakly said," something not unique here, but which I am used to writing as - she said, weakly. This was a wonderfully emotional tale and I confess to it being the first story I have read by this admired and accomplished author. I'm sorry, but vampires aren't my thing (the only excuse I can offer). It certainly has inspired me to read more of his writing as I am sure it will you, if you take a moment to read this.

More and more fascinating, and now we know the boss, Patricia Le Quant, has a personal interest in Cinderella: "Patricia picked up her well-thumbed copy of Cinderella. Ever since she’d been a little girl, she had identified with the story. "

Not just fitted out: he has tight fitting bright green lycra tights that show off his private bits, as tights do, forcing him to protect his modesty by wearing his frilly shirt outside his tights. And poor Dave has been darted like a wild animal, and is floating through a dreamy candy floss world of sedation... and next!!! Well, I can't help wondering who Ryan will meet at the Ball, apart that is from the ugly sisters and Cindy herself?

“I’m afraid Humpty Dumpty won’t be in today,” she might have to say. “You see, he’s not an actual person. He’s an egg. You and the story have a sense of humour and this made me laugh. The whole chapter was absurdly, absurd, with fairy tale characters running wild as they escaped the confines of the pages. It's rather enjoyable to read an intelligent tale which verges on, if not completely, surreal.

An observation: round about three weeks ago Simon split up with Max, the older guy he was having sex with, on a kind of regular basis. Since then he met Freddie, Vee, and Jeff. Jeff who he fancies and yet he does nothing about his feelings. Isn't there a contradiction here? Simon quite naturally (because at sixteen he's supercharged with hormones) sought out sex with Max, but for three weeks has been without any sex (apart from on his own) and Jeff is right there. I can understand Simon's doubts and all the other thoughts running through his head, but sex drive is a very powerful emotion that tends to override all thinking and Jeff volunteered to come over to an empty house!

@ShadowDweller First up, welcome to GA. It's hard finding your way around, I would like to suggest (if you haven't done it yet) to join the Writers Club. It's got lots of discussions about interesting topics for authors and one topic deals with the question you ask about chapter length: Any author can join, you just apply, and I'm sure you will find it useful. Once accepted you will have access to another part of GA dedicated to writers.

I liked this a lot. A very refreshingly different and engaging story, it didn't suck me in with any dramatic opening, but drew me in sneakily with the story. I could never have imagined parents like Ryan's, nor their reaction, it was both amusing and a little shocking, surprising, and Doug, well he knew from age eleven about his bestfriend. Weird thing but you mentioned Donnie Darko and someone else also did in another context about a story I wrote, I'm going to have to investigate, because I don't know Donnie Darko! Great story, can't wait for more. I hope you pick up the following this deserves. Oh, and the writing was good too

I've already bookmarked There is No Forever

The author narrates a life episode of nineteen year old college student involved with an older married man. He has a some colourful and, in their own way, nice friends, he also meets others. From the opening chapter you are plunged inside the head of this young man as he struggles with his life and relationships. As with every good story there are things to overcome, things to discover and work out. It's a passage through life not without problems and strong emotions. Competently written this short book deserves more exposure than it has received. The subject matter and what happens are different to the usual and very real. It's not perfect, but the author has done very well with good characterisation, interesting plot, and some nice descriptive narrative.

I enjoyed reading this, it was interesting, full of drama, and realistic, it even had a happy ending which was nice after everything he had been through.

Apart from two other stories which are being published weekly, this is the only story I'm reading and I will tell you why, it's simple and maybe interesting. I did a story search for completed stories, I was looking for a book between 20k and 60k words, not some really long book, not a series of books. I wanted a drama and I didn't want to read about elves and fantasy or thirteen year olds. I looked down the list and some way down, but the first story meeting my criteria was this one. I read the first chapter and it was great, now I'm reading the rest. I don't understand why more people did not read and comment, it is such a good opening chapter and you have great writing skills.

The narrator is looking for help in resolving his situation, both asking Loren, his close friend, and Lex himself, but neither are able to provide an answer. Loren sees only that he is questioning her bisexuality and Lex wants desperately to protect his marriage.

I never thought about the narrator not being named, I was so inside his head. We do know he's a student and that scene in the dorm was very well described. Your writing has an air of being casual and yet it isn't, there is meaning in everything. It is becoming more and more engaging. I understand his problem with Lex's situation, being married. He isn't vindictive, perhaps because he also finds something in their relationship which he needs?

This was a very good opening chapter and drew me right into the story and characters.

There are lots of search criteria when looking for stories to read, so it does seem a bit mean to ask for something more. However, if other readers think the same and it's not too difficult to do, would it be possible to add a story length criteria that limits the story size. I often prefer to read short books, novellas, 20k to 50k words, and it would be nice to bring up a list of books within that category, >20k <50k. It might also be worth considering categorising books by size or genre, for recommended stories. Although I appreciate that may be more difficult, perhaps not due to the technical sorting but the display. It may or may not be worth consideration, the possibilities on this site do seem endless given how you have set it up. You might have top recommended Drama or Sci-fi story rather than simply top recommended story. It's quite nice if you are a Sci-fi reader to see the top Sci-fi books. The same applies to story length, top recommended novellas, you don't always want to read those mammoth works of 200k words or huge series. Catogorising recommended stories could give more authors visibility.

There is an awful lot in here to discuss, including a whole list of gay films and what people thought of them, in no order: Pride, My Beautiful Laundrette, Beautiful Thing, Another Country, yes, I like British films, but not exclusively. The 1960's, Simon reckoned gay couples still lived together, it wasn't all depressing, but I think it was a pretty negative period. Homosexuality was illegal in England until 1967. Imagine living with another man and in the back of your mind knowing the police could burst through the door and arrest you, you could end up in prison! Even worse than thinking a nuclear bomb would wipe you out. That was the period, Vietnam War for the Americans, not great! The touching arms in the cinema was very well done. I know from experience how a touch like that comes as a complete surprise, a revelation almost, and at sixteen you get an instant hard on. What's difficult is how do you handle that? I think Drew is doing a tremendous job in conveying these feelings, emotions, and inner turmoil. It could not be more real. And one reason it works so well, is because it's so simple and ordinary, touching arms and hands in a cinema. Brilliantly described.