Talo Segura

A nice segue way into life on Earth leading us towards understanding how Danni got to be where we find him on planet Redemption. His coming out, if you can call it that, was this somewhat bizarre chance encounter that led to his heroin habit. He was a lost boy in an Armani suit at a gay club peopled by punks and leather men, maybe not the best choice of venue to visit.

I clicked LOVED IT because this chapter was a turning point in your writing. You demonstrated how you could handle a very dramatic event and smoothly switch between their shared reactions, Alex dealing with his mother, and Harry at home with his mother. It is not easy to accomplish this change of point of view in a single chapter, but you did it skilfully. The story flowed naturally and the descriptions of events were very real. Especially those little touches: "Jill grabbed a dirty cup off Harry’s bedside table, then walked towards the door. She looked back one more time, but Harry had already turned to reach for his phone." That is exactly what a mother, even in the middle of her son's crisis, would do, pick up the dirty cup. You really do have excellent writing skills. The storyline, dramatic, engaging, not what I expected, can't wait for more, it's turning into a very good story.

A beautiful chapter, a beautiful relationship, a beautiful story. It was a perfect ending, imo.

I feel that trigger warnings have their place on this site, but I also think they are all mixed up with tags. An example of a trigger warning is: This story contains references to sex and drugs and other real life incidents which may be disturbing to some readers. It may not be suitable for readers with sensibilities. A warning to readers about content. The tags on stories, especially the sex tags, are not exactly trigger warnings, except if you tag say, rape. However, I don't see a tag like anal as a trigger warning. Tags on age suitability are not trigger warnings, but a guide to parents on story content. I think it is all mixed together in tags, which include some trigger warnings, some age suitability guidance, and simply story categories. On other sites I have seen age suitability guidance clarified, along the lines of, teenager may include mild swearing, mature stories are those with adult content ( obvious really). That classification is not a trigger warning. Trigger warnings are: this story contains scenes which may hurt readers with particular sensibilities. You may then wish to add, rape, child abuse, drugs, extreme violence, etc.

Rumspringa - had to look it up and got sucked into an ABC report on Amish teenagers having to decide between family and community or joining the 21st century. So thanks for the reference it was something I didn't know about. The story is good, even educational! ☺️

Alex said his mother was always trying to set him up with eligible girls, That doesn't sound like she knows his gay, or if she suspects, she would rather he wasn't, and probably thinks it's a passing phase. I could see her blaming Harry, but count on Alex to defend him, although that would be asking a lot of Alex. Trouble ahead? This chapter was great, because it was full of teenage sex, but you handled it in a believable way, and that's difficult to do, like walking a tightrope. It was hot as well 😉

I think Kyle likes Jake quite a lot, certainly they had great sex, he couldn't help crying out, when before he'd told Jake to keep quiet. Such a romantic climax at the end there: "I wrapped my arms around him and held him against me. We fell asleep holding each other all night long." I like them both and maybe this could develop into something, who knows?

Odd title for a forum thread. It's an excuse to put up a list of stories I'm reading here on GA. They are all in process and (so far) being published regularly. So here's the list, from very popular through to promising new authors and interesting!

I'm glad Calvin survived, seems he's having a big effect on Danni. I wonder why Dinah didn't have Danni killed whilst he was laid up in the clinic. Everest must have told her, she would know anyhow, so a change of mind?

It's a heavy tale, but with some beautiful descriptions. "Planet Redemption’s three moons cast their glow through the numbing flurries of snow, looking like giant coins; the aurora shifted beneath the faces of a thousand watching stars." I don't know how they could expose themselves outside at minus fifty to rape Calvin? I would have thought they would have their bits frozen off and if Calvin's face touched the metal and his skin got ripped off, his mask and breathing apparatus were missing, his lungs would freeze up? It finished on a cliffhanger, so now I have to read the next chapter, but I would anyway. I don't hold out much hope for Calvin, which is a shame, because I like him.

What is really good about your writing are scenes like these: “What are you watching?” “Dunno yet. Maybe Brooklyn Nine-Nine.” “Nice!” They talked about their favourite characters and favourite episodes, then launched into debate about just how much Terry Jeffords loves yoghurt. That just makes the scene real and the story enjoyable, it kind of describes everything that illustrates a certain connection between them, same age, more or less, same life style, more or less. You made me laugh with: “You were supposed to call me, Harrison.” Alex put on his sternest, most serious voice. “Why didn’t you call me?” This shows you have talent as a writer, imo. I'm looking forward to the rest.

Great chapter and I loved the way you took it forward in a believable way which was not what anyone probably expected. Getting together with Kyle is full of interesting possibilities and I also love how @weinerdog is thinking, Kyle, Jake, Danny, but I can't see Danny being attracted to Kyle in anyway at all. I could see him becoming friendly with Kyle if Jake and Kyle got serious. We will have to see what happens at the little Italian place in Belle Vernon.

The list ranking of democratic countries is compiled by a branch of The Economist, a UK financial journal. The branch is called the Economic Intelligence Unit, and collects and analyses data, basically a series of questions, sixty, to determine how democratic a country truly is. I would imagine the EIU is a team of people of both sexes. You probably don't believe what you're saying, that it's crap, but I can't tell if you are serious or joking. Anyhow, by clicking the Wiki links you can read everything about the EIU and how they establish their rankings, as well as what is meant by a flawed democracy. I know that there is a widely held belief that the USA is the cradle of democracy, that it epitomises democracy, the reality doesn't quite match up.

The storyline is interesting and full of action, I hope we get to know the characters better as things moved along, there were some little hints in there. It is nice that the background is different, modelling adds another dimension. I should also say it is refreshing to see the story is well written, it makes it easy to read and more enjoyable. Evidently you took, are taking, some time and trouble over it, which is great, so well done

If you take account of the ranked list of democratic countries it is interesting to note that the United Kingdom is classified as a full democracy, Japan and the United States of America are classified flawed democracies, the Scandanavian countries are all near the top of the full democracy list. I don't therefore think a monarchy has a bearing on democracy or that it is silly and pointless, simply being a republic in no way guarantees democracy. I am not a huge fan of the British royal family, but the Queen as head of state, the army, the police, and everything else, perhaps offers a stability and in someway rather bizarrely guarantees freedom.

Mikael is psychotic, he's a psycopath with no sense of right or wrong. Without any doubt this mental illness has been omnipresent, but Danni opened a chakra and brought Mikael face to face with himself. Dinah now knows that Danni is a threat, she wants him dead. The chapter was brutal in its descriptions and I'm not sure that you, the author, needed all the violence of painting the pictures of raping children which were there lingering in the background, making the detail of the parricide and Mikael's fall into psychosis almost light, although their ghosts were there to haunt him. To, in some way, hold him up to account and possibly retribution.

Five, I think five would be an orgy, four is interchangeable couples, maybe you could call it - couples with benefits - three is fun, two is standard, and one is amusing!

Why did Danni decide to go to the sauna alone when Calvin suggested they might go together? What is on the flash drive with Danni's memoirs? No one is safe on Redemption, not even the kids, nobody cares who lives or dies. Seems like a place where you need a friend?

Jack must have superpowers - no sooner is Jeff through the door than he's on his knees and Jimmy can't wait to get a hold of it. Too bad they both stormed off before he could reach his finale!

I think you all are to quick to judge. Yes, Ryan got hurt; yes, Danny had girlfriend sex in the hot tub; yes, Jake kind of screwed things up. But, that's how it goes, no one is perfect, there are no good and bad guys, and we don't live in a fairy tale world. You can't forever try to work out who is right and who is wrong. Soulmates, you can be soulmates and screw one another over, it doesn't change anything. Soulmates don't ride off into the sunset together, they aren't necessarily life long lovers. What they are is connected through eternity. There is a romantic idea that you go through life and may one day meet you perfect partner, your ideal lover and soulmate. I don't want to dampen romance, there are perfect partners, fantastic lovers, and soulmates, they just might not be altogether in that one person, there might actually be lots of perfect partners, lovers, although only one soulmate, just think about it, and the possibilities.

This is a long shot but Jeff P https://jeffsfort.com/?t=4vbfNiC5XJ19iXmC writes stories about androids. All his stories are about androids, so perhaps it's one of his?

The story is developing nicely. I do think the chapters are too short, you might have made one chapter from these last two.

Okay, no problem, I did not know he was 82 (there are other examples, this was just the latest I read). I will message him. Thanks for the quick reply. And @Marty you might not notice on a big screen.

Stories get posted with different fonts and sometimes mixed font size (https://gayauthors.org/story/cljobe/jimmy-richie/1) that is an example of the latter, mixed font size. Is it possible to have stories load up and they get converted in the process to one easy to read font or at least the same size text (like when you post here)?

A little rough around the edges, but you have a story. I would have preferred the characters were more developed before the explosive confrontation, because it leaves the father, especially, looking very two dimensional. I think there ought to have been more in there and more family dynamics.