Talo Segura

@Mark Ponyboy Peters you paint a beautiful romantic picture, deserted, hidden beach, and a first encounter, their lips gently touching, their hearts beating. It's so sensitive, almost unreal, and yet for a brief moment they are both alone, together, it is real! Whatever happens I would be certain Danny remembers this moment for the rest of his life.

Nothing beats reading and getting educated at the same time. Colour TV came to the USA in the mid-50s, but it was, I think, 426 lines, NTSC as opposed to colour TV in the UK starting in November 1969 which was 625 lines and PAL. The more lines the better the picture which is why US NTSC color TV was nicknamed Never Twice the Same Colour!

You have to understand that 80% of the English language comes from French and words got changed through poor pronunciation or accents. Hence, couleur (coo-ler) French, became colour (cul-ler) British, became color (cul-law) American. That's what happens with language, just as usage changes. You might say it's lazy speech or you might say it's simply inevitable. As we progress into the future we start to find missing, mis-spelled, and wrong words, and this because often written articles are dictated if they are even published by humans!

PHRASES WHICH CAN MAKE YOU SOUND LESS INTELLIGENT article published by RYAN HAWKINS “I could care less.” the correct phrase is “I couldn’t care less.” When you say “I could care less,” you’re implying that you do care to some extent. “It’s like, you know…” Filler words like “like” and “you know” can make you sound uncertain or unconfident. They tend to creep into our speech when we’re trying to think of the next word or phrase. “Literally” often misused to exaggerate statements that are not literal at all. “I’m not sure, but…” Starting a sentence with “I’m not sure” can undermine your credibility. It suggests a lack of confidence and can make others doubt the validity of your statement. “No offense, but…” often a precursor to something that might be offensive, which makes it disingenuous and somewhat passive-aggressive. “At the end of the day…” this phrase isn’t inherently incorrect, but it’s overused to the point where it has become a cliché. “Just saying…” Similar to “No offense, but…,” this phrase is often used to soften a blunt statement or opinion. However, it can come off as dismissive. Read the full article here: https://greyjournal.net/play/learn-culture/culture/stop-saying-these-phrases-sound-smarter/

Is it suspicion or just questions? Perhaps both, the boys certainly have lots of questions! I'm getting educated in Australian literature, I'd never heard of the play before, but I guess every country has it's set books, for me it was J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye. @Mark Ponyboy Peters engaging story and interesting characters, great dialogue and a nicely flowing narrative.

Ronyx has written a different sort of story here, peopled with well drawn characters both past and present. The main character who is in his twilight years recounts his life story to new friends who enter his life. The narrative cleverly mixes past and present as we discover the good and the bad as was and as is today. We get to see life as it used to be for a gay man forced to hide his sexuality, how he struggled, overcame prejudice, but at what cost? And today, in the present of the story, we see what has changed and what is still a struggle. The story is beautifully told from the heart and is likely to touch your soul lightly or profoundly. You may be a reader of a generation who relates intimately to the history, but if not you will learn about life and struggles, friendships and love, heartache, remorse, and triumph. This story has it all, it only remains for you to read it!

@Summerabbacat evocative song with one line that struck me, God sent his only Son, to live and die and live again... aren't there truths in every religion? Perhaps we all live and die and live again? Isn't it a mystery how every child discovers the world for the first time as if it were created just for them and when you're young you won't ever die you don't even think about it. The older generation who have lived their lives can only smile at such naive innocence, but that is life filled with a journey, memories, love and much more. This story humbly captures all of this and can't fail to touch deeply anyone who reads it. A pretty incredible account, with the good times and the bad.

So did I by quite simply doing a search for completed stories, then looking through the list for something halfway decent in writing terms and subject. I read any reviews, in this case two, which prompted me to read the first chapter... now the second... and so on. As I said before it's well written with the exception of using wrong prepositions which an edit would sort out.

Yeah, it's super well written, descriptions, characters, plot. The narrative evokes the place and atmosphere. The only frustrating thing is the Greek doesn't translate so I'm guessing what Niko is saying. I went looking for a good completed book and found two thanks to the reviews you got. The second book seems equally promising, A Home at The End of the World, but that's for later.

A voyage into another world and other people's lives is always intresting and even more so when it's such a good voyage and so well done. The characters were wonderfully drawn, the situations well plotted, and the dialogue spot on!

I'm basically with @Lee Wilson, I read it to the end, but the promising start kind of exploded with the bright light in the tunnel. It's a personal thing, but I don't think you can make a good story out of a video game. You start to allocate points for Intelligence, Agility, whatever, you get attacked, must complete a challenge... The land of Sod could be a reference to the Japanese porn games company, or maybe not, but it's certainly got that edge to it, green goblins that impregnate their victims! OMG, let me out!!

Great life story. We all die in the end, so the sadness is a part of life and death, you remember the good times and Carver's best friend, our narrator, did just that!

Like the faded peeling wallpaper which once was bright and modern, the teapot held such promises that never were. The torn, ripped, and discarded photos left behind a void of empty dreams. Perhaps one day that teapot might be bought at a jumble sale where someone in a different lifetime simply appreciates the beauty transformed over time, patternated and wrinkled, yet still there waiting. And we never knew their names!

My opening thoughts: the synopsis grabbed me, the first chapter less so with the room numbers game seeming a diversion about nothing at all other than the ship is odd. One small edit I'd point out: Beckett refrained from saying that his parents could also use the Lady Peppermint in the years to come when he had joined the temple to visit him. Beckett refrained from saying that his parents could also use the Lady Peppermint to visit him in the years to come when he had joined the temple.

The time lapse is a little problematic for me, it fractures the story. We have Ahmet getting his freedom and flying home from New Zealand which is two years earlier and the two paragraphs are interspersed with the present. I would have either put Ahmet's leaving the yatch in with the story two years earlier or put the paragraphs together at the start of this chapter with the convention, two years earlier. The first option fits better I think and would leave this chapter entirely in the present. I am presuming Kanaan dealt with Ahmet's betrayal two years ago, or there abouts, I can't see him waiting two years with Ahmet locked in his cabin, although it could be read that way? Whilst talking about the writing I noticed you often refer to Andy as the writer which I find a bit detached. Similarly, his mother calls her son, her child, Doreen interrupted her child. Kind of odd, more a term you'd use to refer to her youngest child. Final point: It was a haven of privacy and peace when she needed time to think a̶n̶d̶ to herself. I won't talk about the story plot itself because everyone has commented already. It is developing nicely and I can anticipate a few more twists to come.

I am wondering why in a lot of American stories writers often mention the make and model of car someone drives. I can understand if it's some special car, a collection vintage model or perhaps a luxury prestigious car, but a Honda SUV! Probably here the car is mentioned so Phil can tell us he has an eighty thousand dollar Cadillac Escalade in the garage, which looks not dissimilar from the President's vehicle (without the armour proofing etc.).

I like very much the descriptions you weave into the story, the brewing storm and wind, it brings the narrative alive and evokes the places where we are without being the so often mundane descriptions commonly found in story narratives. The reflections of the characters, intrinsic to the story, I find that narrative expression different. Maeve watched her young boss. Something is going on. He'll tell me when he's good and ready. These inner thoughts might have been more usually expressed as: Maeve watched her young boss and knew something was going on, she was confident he would tell her when ready. The italisising of the different characters inner reflections and putting these in the present tense I find jarring. I hope and am expecting that something of the two year gap will be included somewhere in the story later, because some major plot points are up in the air, namely what happened for Matt to end up back on the Market?

Yeah, for me too, I think it was just starting...

On the Atlantic coast of Southwest France where I live, along with the beautiful beach that stretches for 168 miles from the Gironde to the Spanish border, there is the same ever present danger from strong rip tides known here as baïnes. If caught in one you will be swept out to sea hundreds of metres with no chance to fight it. The only way to survive, is not to panic and conserve your energy until the rip tide fades and you can try to swim back to shore or get rescued. People drown here every year despite the warnings, the red flags, and the life savers stationed on the most popular beaches.

I have made comments about the story, the characters, and how I see the plot. My view may not be quite the same as some other points of view, I think that only serves to broaden horizons. I don't tell other readers what I think of them or how they view the world. I don't surmise that someone's opinion is given through a cursory glance at the story and as such is ignorant and I wouldn't presume to tell someone how to read a story. Everyone is invited to comment on the story and the writing, whilst you may or may not agree with a comment, it doesn't seem appropriate to comment on the commentator or draw conclusions about them as a person. Think about it and if @Mikiesboy (the author) and or @kbois (the editor) prefer not to have my comments, then just say so and I will not comment on the story.

The prepositions are all mixed up in that final paragraph. His nose is Logan's nose I'm presuming, but who is the I who is rubbing his nose? I dont understand the end paragraph. Plus you introduce Qí Yuè, did I miss something? Who the hell is Qí Yuè?

Finally an acknowledgement of what I have been saying all along, @Mikiesboy wrote: "In some ways, Andrew is no different than Mr Black. This non-fiction book he is writing is to prove he's a good writer. It is his vanity project. It's all about his ego. Just as his father told him earlier in the story. When Robert said it was a selfish thing to do and not selfless..." I also don't see the romantic development of Matt ever getting together with Andy. What would Matt want with another egocentric and selfish guy in his life, if he ever escapes his captivity?

The whole scenario is a little odd. The Child Welfare department, which I'm presuming this is, would not ask the potential father to fly halfway across the country to wait two or three days for a DNA paternity test and start discussing the childrens' case before anything has been confirmed.

"...Thinking logically, could you have stopped Black and all his men alone?" Andy's father tries to give a perspective which justifies his son's actions. The real answer to that question is yes, he could have done something. Perhaps he could not have stopped the so called Mr Black, but it is only safely back from the meeting that he considers contacting the police. In effect, Andy has as much profited from the situation as all the evil men. He has done nothing other than gather material for his book. He has not acted in any way to help. In my country it is a crime to not assist a person or persons in danger. Maybe he didn't fully realise what was going on, but I doubt that. So he has become just another criminal, another guy who profits from human trafficking. The story steers clear of detail which is just as well because the author is taking us on a perverted journey into the depths of depravity. I'm not sure anything remotely good will come out of this and I have absolutely no empathy with Andy, his family or any of the characters apart from the victims.

I have a feeling that we are not out of the woods yet and something might happen which is not quite what we are all expecting!