Mattyboy

I was wondering when the bird jokes were going to start this time! Lovely story, Val.

Can goose warriors be a series? I think this might a strong creative path.

Oh yeah generic is good. USA Rugby HQ is in Glendale, CO, so I thought maybe you were doing that.

hooh boy. I thought you were slow revealing for a while there, but then I found out you were not. At all. Also, is this this the Glendale in Colorado or Arizona?

Ooh, I didn't get that about the gate until you mentioned it. I had noticed that the "big fence" was a nice thing to offer but I hoped it wouldn't be necessary. Thanks for this lovely story of old attachments and new creations.

I guess poor Cindy had just had an oeuf.

I'm impressed with how you get so much flavour out of the little things. The ingredients are just a boy making soup and an iPhone, but something magical happens and a star is born.

That is a very beautiful ending. All is calm, all is bright.

🎄This is fun! Looking forward to the verses! 🎄🎵🎶🎵🎶🎶

🎄This is fun! Looking forward to the verses! 🎄🎵🎶🎵🎶🎶

This is fun! Following!

I was intrigued by the setting... when you mention the Atlantic at the beginning I'd thought we were down in New Jersey or Maryland, but then it comes clear that we're up at the north edge of Vermont ! And the Bobcat persona is fascinating - at the beginning it felt like Jeremy was a really basic archetype, but over time he becomes way more complex than that. I was sort of bristling for while at the lines about soccer and the football bullies which don't really reflect Newport and Derby very well, but it becomes clear that the Bobcat was way overdoing the hostility to everyone around him, and Noah eventually soothes him out of that. Which is a classic plot-line, but the story stays fresh with the setting and the way the characters develop. I really enjoyed this, thanks for sharing it with us.

Snark is my favorite flavor. Bring it.

Intriguing start! And I like the Glendale and rugby details.

Ooh, I didn't recognize the Maple Hollow setting until this episode. I quite agree with CincyKris, I hope for this future.

"I didn’t go to the ass kicking final football game the guys had. Turned out the broken arm captain had a damn good back up and we lost fifty-six to ten." 🥚🥚🥚 "I don't want to dive too far into Cindy's home, which I say, would've been loud and preachy the moment Luke stepped through the door the other night." This is intriguing. Luke didn't actually do very much that Saturday except to drive home with his friends rather than Cindy- which I don't think he'd been ordered to do? If Uncle Tim told Cindy it was a good idea to enter the maze, that's entirely on him (although terribly irresponsible uncling on his part). I guess it would be even more annoying for Cindy to not have anything that was very tangibly Luke's fault to blame him for.

" “Oh, that can’t be good,” Luke said then he disappeared in a wall of neon green slime." This is an outstanding sentence.

Olivia : "It never made any sense, the biggest most spoiled ass in school suddenly best friends with a newbie church school kid.” The boys have under-utilized the "we're-neighbors-and-family-friends" argument. And I'm suddenly seeing some very deep subtle undercurrents in the Cindy-Grace relationship.

“I want you out of our lives, I don’t like you, I never did. You’re so full of yourself and one day I pray you realize that, if not for yourself, for your parents and the people who actually love you.” I kinda missed this line first time around. I wonder who the non-parents are on Cindy's list of "the people who actually love" Jackson?

Wow, what a chapter ! I'm intrigued by the building tension between the moments where people think setting off Cindy is an entertaining pastime, and (and sometimes it's the same people playing) the moments where people clue in that they might be endangering Luke by driving Cindy completely around the bend.

Ha, Grace was super keen on Luke earlier when she thought Jackson didn't like him. Now she's adrift! And she didn't do much asking about what Jackson wanted, either - I guess the delay was that she didn't want to spill the beans about the scholarship until the Garrison's were lined up?

Yeah, I haven't much liked Grace's momming for a bit now, but this was pretty irresponsible about the mail. And wasn't she riding him about something in the previous episode? That weekend scene at the park happened after she new? After she'd started hiding this from him? Ugh

This chapter (maybe in combo with 12) are totally the turning points. Somehow, you knew! (oh wait, this is your story, maybe you read ahead.) I hope your characters don't crumble too! I feel they do better as sticky and tough than crumbly.

I will gather my thoughts and PM

ooh, the story advances! I enjoyed all the he-can't-possibly-be-into-me comedy, but that can only last for so long. So we're on to an entirely new tier of awkwardness! And the rumor-mongers are at work! And Rusty's about to sing!