SilentandBroken

And they still happen. I know it looks bleak. I’m not denying that.

Gary, Thank you. C-ptsd is a real curse but with a lot of Emdr therapy, much more than most insurances cover, I’ve made a LOT of progress. 5 yrs every Saturday for 2 hr sessions off the books because my therapist knew I needed the help but couldn’t afford it and he could write me off. His way of giving I guess I don’t know. He essentially says I’ve “healed” because the night terrors are rare and generally don’t occur unless life is generally stressful and I’ve learned how to manage my stress. I have a job that pays decent, is low stress and fits my personality well. I am very very fortunate in those areas. I’ve had a lot of help. I’ve learned so much about myself in the process, how to ground and counter panic attacks and most importantly stand up for myself against narcissistic people. I recognize my recovery is a dream for most. Admittedly, I still carry a lot of guilt and it makes me feel very unworthy for the progress I’ve made..but I then realize no.. I worked HARD to get where I am and so have others to help and support me. I guess that’s how I’ve earned it. I didn’t resist the help when given. I went to therapy for years and did the worst of it when I didn’t want to anymore. Nothing was worse than where I was before I told someone finally and recognized I wanted to live because yeah, I wanted to quit. I was just too chicken shit to pull it off for real. I only ever had 1 attempt early on. I applaud those who stand up and help us afflicted like Jeff and myself because they help bear the burden and after a while it tends to be absorbed into their own mind. It truly takes a very special person to push us when we fight back. (I’m getting misty eyed thinking about some of those sessions) I am glad @Jeff Burton writes describing the care in their facial expressions when Gavin is in session with folks because I can definitely remember seeing my therapist’s expressions when I battled myself and wanted to ..to..run away and scream and hide and I cried..God I cried..Folks who care like Gavin and pick us up are the real hero’s. They’re out there.

I’m sure this isn’t compatible with iPhones. They have their own highlight and speak /read option which is what I use. I love it

Dammit Chris is NOT dead yet! I hate that everyone acted as if he died on scene! Haven’t they have ANY hope?! UGGGGGGHHHH!!!

Great observations and points

The crossovers are interesting angles to do so far me. It took me a minute to remember who is where and what at first. I like how it is looking so far. Chris obviously sees parallels with Ben and Nate but I don’t think he yet knows how to handle them or his emotions.

It appears Josh has been slightly tunnel visioned with his own feeling towards Ben and was completely oblivious to the obvious ones Ben had towards him. Kudos to Gus for seeing it for what it was and knowing how to handle the situation in the school. Sure Gus might’ve been a bit…abrasive towards the staff but they were all standing around like a bunch of clueless chickens with no idea what to do so Gus had to do what Gus does best. Grab the room’s attention and lead.

That poor poor boy 😔

True. But in this context, I think the group of Norwegian boys haven’t told them everything about this group they’re splitting from and my point is, I think they’re going to be forced to do some more explaining very soon. The tension and buildup here as of late is palpable.

I think you’re right. Although unfortunately I don’t think anyone will be given a choice and Ben will be speed dialing Josh for help within the week because after all…no cops right? If Ben is smart he gives Josh a copy of a the key to his place. Ben is so innocent still. Naive even. Josh seems a bit more…aware of the immense and potentially immediate risk Ben is now in and I don’t think he will sit back and let Ben fight the world by himself once more. Right now I’m totally loving these characters. Masterful job @Jeff Burton

Awaiting patiently.

I don’t think that’s everything. Not even close. They’re holding back info in themselves

While this chapter was overall positive, I can’t help but be concerned about Jacob right now. Matt’s comment at the dance of Tyler and Travis complicating things also concerns me bc Matt understands where Jacob is at right now. IMO Tyler needs to tread carefully if he wants to save Jacob from himself. Right now I’m betting Jacob’s world is teetering on implosion. I’m worried that any thing more like something like Tyler and Travis might push Jacob to harm himself

I’m not sure the site could handle the epic meltdown that’d be sure to happen..

Shh don’t give them any ideas

I mean @Jeff Burtonhe's not wrong lol

That was what I was thinking too

I don’t anymore. I saw more in 4 yrs that most paramedics see in 20. Just a bad string of calls and I damn near broke. Childhood narcissistic abuse victim, raped as teen by an older student who turned out to be a narc (I REALLY fell for him too), lots of loss around that time, friends to suicide ..I ran to EMS to just to be able to FIX SOMETHING. It turned out to be a super bad mistake. Only made it worse with more losses responding to calls of kids I grew up with and knew since kindergarten. I was a sick sick puppy for a while so when you describe Nathan as numb and depressed..I FEEL that shit. It took 5 yrs of weekly hard core therapy to get my head straightened out so I could just function without risk of a daily panic attack bc I couldn’t stop worrying over the what ifs over no reply’s from significant others or ppl k cared about or whatever. Somehow I did it all without meds. Ironically they made life worse with side effects and I told my doc no more. Nothing but Straight therapy every week for 2hrs. It was brutal. But it was worth it. I’m stronger mentally for it today but I won’t lie, I had suicidal ideations for a yr. But thank you for understanding .

I still have night terrors about some of those calls. I can recall everything.

Whew ok ..I’m ok ..I’m ok Jesus dude…as a former Emt who’s responded to friends killed in wrecks in my early 20’s and as a motorcyclist who’s had a few near misses myself i certainly wasn’t expecting this.. breathe dammit…I’m ok… he better live AND WALK AGAIN dammit! Quit stomping on my feels dammit. ok ..ok..sigh..I get it. Nathan deserved that slug by Corey for sure. The rest? I just can’t right now. Great chapter now leave my emotions alone dammit shame on you (I jest)

Oh Comsi would literally eat this up and the song too.. too cute https://youtube.com/shorts/-YPLooVKcjM?si=oCuvHqeuhgbLY8Jy

I am enjoying it

Sigh…. Stupid stupid stupid… nate royally fucked up lying to Corey. That’s when I knew things were gonna spin out of control. The only thing he didn’t fuck up was how he handled the idiots at his locker. Now I worry Corey is at risk for self harm

I agree we’re not seen the last of the 3 stooges and their 5 collective brain cells. Other than that, nothing to add. Good chapter

Great breakthrough chapter. I think….yes there’s issues coming. Quitting football the least of them. I think Max will try to be competition to Corey. There will be issues too if Nate goes out for basketball. The Asperger’s story line is a nice twist .