SilentandBroken

For me it was definitely My Only Escape. For the longest time it felt like I was the only one who lived with the fear and panic I developed even after I was free of the clutches of my abuser. It was validation and I balled my ass off for myself after the first time I read the story. I cried for me. For my forgiveness. I cried because I realized it was finally over and I could talk about it. I cried because I realized someone else knew what I experienced..I mean really truly got it. I cried for them for their pain. Nobody ever put was that panic felt like into words quite like Comicality did and I will be forever grateful to him for it. Man I miss him.

Nathan is pissing me off and his true colors of a narcissistic little prat are showing. He’s teasing Robbie for all he’s worth to get him out of him. I think if Robbie tries go back to him Nathan will coldly say no.

Ok so i agree absolutely that Robbie is a survivor. I’ve been thinking lately about this story so here goes . i think that’s why when it comes down to it, why he left Nathan. He’s terrified of rejection & so instead of being dismissed, he cut bait first. That doesn’t mean he wanted to. Hence his hangup about Nathan. He doesn’t learn from his mistakes mainly because he doesn’t have anyone calling him out on them and using the results to make their point so he sees what he’s doing. This is where Jo is gonna come in and big. He NEEDS someone to be honest with him but also someone who he can trust. The only two people in this story he trusts are Jo and Rory. Speaking of Rory, I need to recant my last statement about him not being a closet gay. After I made that comment, I honestly mulled that over and his character in my head for most of the work day (odd I know but it was a slow day and autopilot won 🤷). Anyway, it occurred to me that I wonder if Rory is at least bi but closeted and perhaps he’s just scared of the repercussions of being so from Public ridicule and school . I’ve noticed a swing of public support at least a little in the school with Nathan and the last play with Peter Pan. He’s overtly gay, the start of the show, and he’s got enough influence to have some say on the writing of said play. That was a success despite Don’s formal complaint was telling and surprising to me. Could the town’s opinion’s be changing? I think seeing this (because Rory notices almost everything but rarely comments), it might be slowing softening Rory’s resistance to staying in the closet. The resistance in school is now apparently only in pockets. Is it due to fear of punishment by the school? Perhaps. Or perhaps something more in addition. Either way, I get the feeling that the argument Robbie had with Connor showed Robbie some cracks in Robbie’s own armor and I think he’s learning how to process that information. I think Rory and Rebecca shagging on the other side of the wall to Connor and Robbie pointed out a lot. I would almost bet, that if someone pitted all 5 boys, Nathan, Rory, Tom, Connor and even Alex for Robbie to choose at free will without any repercussions, telling Robbie that Rory is gay, I’d bet Robbie would pick him and not simply because he’s had experiences with the others. It’s because Rory’s personality compliments Robbie’s on a much deeper level, much more so than Tom’s. Tom and Robbie will always love and respect each other but I think it’s due to their history with Robbie’s heartbreak of losing his mom and Tom was there to support him. The respect is there but it isn’t the same. Rory hasn’t had to be there for Robbie to support him through anything painful like that and yet he still respects him. Rory seems to me like he’s still on the fence straight, bi, or gay. Robbie just needs to keep doing what he’s and let that relationship bloom. i like Connor, but I don’t think the distance will be conducive. Plus his folks are probably a bit too liberal in the mindset for Robbie’s comfort when it comes to sex. It seems there’s a bit lack of privacy in that family and I think Robbie recognizes he at least needs that. So no I don’t think it’ll be long lived. Connor is a sweet boy though. lastly, on the topic of unprotected sex. @Dodger, I think you’re spot on. Bravo. My ONE BIG concern here with Robbie is Steph. I hope he didn’t knock her up. I would also get checked because I may be mistaken but it doesn’t sound it was her first rodeo either. All in all, great chapter. I really enjoyed this one

That was exactly what I wanted to call him. Personally I think Robbie is still hung up on Nathan and he needs to move on

Flashbacks suck 😔

Ok I’m kinda peeved at Nicola and Steph here for their antics and this roping Robbie into it. I’m peeved at Robbie too for not having the backbone to resist temptation both Stephanie and again now with Nathan. He screwed up at the interview with the police. Since THEY mentioned Don first, he should’ve said his said Don’s a lying sack of shit and trying to spin things. He’s got to discredit him. I also think it’s time Robbie get an attorney and pay for it out of his own money. With regards to Nathan /connor, Nathan is not gonna stick around. He’s too toxic for Robbie. Connor is just too distant. Shit or get off the pot boy

Ugh I hope since he went in sans condom, he didn’t get her pregnant. You’re still an idiot Robbie

Yep everyone has a price. I think Don’s manipulation is complete with everyone except Robbie. This is far from over.

Oh and yeah I think Nathan was genuinely concerned with the note. He was clearly hurt by how they broke even IF he’s got some facts twisted. Now he will only deny those. Oh well. He wasn’t right for Robbie anyway.

Yes BUT it takes a skilled therapist to read body language and know how to ask the right questions and deduce what vague answers mean and how to keep fishing without appearing to do so. Jo is very good. Her laid back demeanor and rebel look help set the tone right out of the gate even BEFORE Robbie realized she’s his mom’s doppelgänger (everyone has one it’s said). There’s a lot of work to go and now comes the true test with Don showing up like a pile of dog shit where you weren’t looking where you’re stepping. Great work Doger

Skipping the commentary this time. When Robbie said “tired” after the session I flashed back to my first session. It gets worse kid. But I’m glad you can see the light at the end of this tunnel

Ok, whew..breathe Silent breathe… it’s with a very ashamed heart of pain that I can say I’ve been in Robbie‘s position of suicidal ideation triggered by teen rape and gay in a time where it wasn’t widely accepted. I’m glad my one attempt was 1/2 hearted and unsuccessful. I said it in the beginning and I’m glad to see it come to fruition. Nicola is going to be Robbie’s strongest ally and while he doesn’t yet realize it, he is going to have to rely on her very heavily very soon I suspect. She would make a good detective. Tough but has a soft side & not ashamed to show either side and knows when to use them. Robbie is obviously in a very touchy spot. I wish he spilled the beans to Nicola but I suspect it doesn’t matter. She’s figured it out. I still hold out hope Sue gets shaken enough by this to realize her mistakes and she changes her behavior too. My one hope is that by stiff arming Alex on Florida, he still has hope for himself. His hesitation with Connor is a sign of maturing. He needs to have a heart to heart with him too. No, this is too big a job for Nicola to handle by herself but I suspect she’s gonna need help and not the adult type. I think she’s gonna bring her friends, and Connor’s sister in as well as Connor to build a ring of love and support to Robbie. That’s exactly what he needs, something he’s not really gotten yet since he’s left the UK. As for Alex, there’s a lot of work that needs to be done to save him but frankly, he’s much more selfish and I don’t see him accepting any of it even if it were offered. I’m not gonna lie, that’s one I won’t miss if he’s written off. The ONE mistake Robbie did in this chapter aside from not spilling the beans to Nicola, was going to Amy and apologizing. I think he really hurt her. He needs to right that.

I just want to know who has the smokes in the work shed 😆

Omg I knew Alex was gonna spring on Robbie again but I didn’t expect it to be so violent. Some yes. I am confused as to why Alex was crying at the end. Maybe I missed something. Anyway, Nathan has a LOT of holes in his argument and justification but like a true narcissist, he made himself the victim and he loved an audience with those girls so he used it to his full advantage and I believe he lied on how many he’s been with. He’s an actor after all. Back to Alex, that piece shit. Unfortunately the only way to get anyone to believe Robbie is have the cops find Robbie first. But of course that isn’t going to happen. What if Nicola comes home first? Or Daniel? They’re the only ones who will be even capable of backing up Robbie. Speaking of Daniel, I wonder exactly what Nathan told him. Anyway, back what needs to happen .911 and charges. Which won’t. But a hospital might due to the concussion. Although I doubt it. I think Robbie still won’t say anything. He COULD try Mr Andrews but I don’t see that. Good chapter yet again.

I’m seeing Robbie really become better at being a conversationalist. This is good because I think he’s learn not to fly off the hand so much at negative comments. This in turn hopefully will help him get some of anxiety under control. Part of me feels like because he’s so focused on it right now, he’s seeing it happen more. I still think he needs therapy. And quickly. Conner is very appealing. I think he will honestly compliment Rory’s style of how to care about Robbie very well. I think Robbie needs this and deep down, I think even he knows it. The exchange between Nathan and Robbie in the hallway was very telling. Nathan is very hurt but he doesn’t understand why Robbie left. His personality blinds him of seeing his faults. That’s a narcissist for you. They mean well in the moment but in the end if it doesn’t serve them, they move on. In the end, they’re only ever truly able to love themselves. On the face there’s nothing wrong with that mentality but there is when it comes to how cheap and used they make others feel while propping themselves even higher on the pedestal they built. Unfortunately, like most narcissists, their colors don’t really truly show until about 6-8 months in. The sadder thing is, while Nathan is like-able for sure, he can’t help that behavior. Therapy to “cure” narcissism takes years and often doesn’t work. Good chapter

Good chapter outright. I enjoyed the joking around in conversations throughout. I noticed very quickly is that Fran, regardless of what Robbie thinks, knows him pretty well and seems to have his best interests at heart which is good. So does Rory. I have a feeling Sue is feeling pretty frustrated herself given her tone when Robbie firmly yet politely told her honestly what’s what with him. I think she feels like she’s losing the control she always thought she had and that includes influence with Don. I expect her frustration to continue to grow in the coming chapters and she is not going to end up handing it well. Alex is clearly feeling better. This is going to be a problem and as others stated, he’s in for a shock because he doesn’t know about Connor and probably thinks now that Nathan is out of the way, he can have Robbie whenever he can sneak it. Robbie better not cave. I think he will be VERY tempted but I think especially after Nathan and now the very good bonding with Rory lately, he seems to have found a measure of self worth he actually enjoys. Now he’s starting to fight for it.

It saddens me but I am convinced now that Rory is officially off the board. Yeah reading the prior comments the passing out is more likely than anything simply the body’s physical reaction to mental stresses. No it doesn’t happen for everyone. It’s quite possible the fall he had exacerbated things. It IS possible there’s a small bleed that wasn’t picked up but I highly highly highly doubt that. A CT scan could show it, even with the technology back then. Anyway, the other possible boy out there, was the kid who slipped Robbie his number. Whatever became of that or him? How long ago in the story timeline was that little exchange? i must say Robbie did manage to do a little better with maintaining his temper after the conversation with Sue. God some people never change. Speaking of never changing, Don is a as transparent as a politician’s lie. Home Bible study? Ha. That whole charade is going to explode again yet and this time it’ll be right in front of Sue’s face. She won’t be able to deny it any more. It’ll cause Robbie to pass out again and then she’ll be pissed at Don and maybe just maybe she’ll get a fucking clue. They are incredibly pathetic. Good chapter

Ok there was a LOT to unpack yet again in this chapter. Kudos @Dodger for your craft in this. This is going to be a long as there’s a lot to address so apologies in advance. Robbie is still hoping for Rory and I don’t know if Rory is 💯 straight, bi, super closeted gay, or quite simply cannot decide and is too terrified to decide. I’m at a loss there other than thinking possibly he LIKES Robbie enough to where he’d consider going further but his paranoia is keeping any option from partially going there. To me Rory seems smarter than he lets on and knows that IF he and Robbie go further and try to keep it plutonic at school and in public, it won’t stay that way for long and rumor mill has already proven that. I think he also knows playing straight in public would Be pointless as it wouldn’t last long either. In short, the only person who is learning from Robbie’s repeated lessons is Rory. Don IS manipulating everyone not just Robbie. Let’s get that clear now. He controls Sue and his kids too. The second smartest kid to learn from Robbie’s mistakes is Daniel. Not dating, arguing or anything. He speaks when spoken to and does his best to remain invisible. Don absolutely will flex again with Symmons who while he may be a fully trained counselor, is one is name only. The man is muscle. All of this is nothing more than more abuse. Robbie’s passing out I highly doubt is caused specifically by his TBI or traumatic brain injury as that isn’t how the body works. But, it could be possible that something physically has developed in his brain due to his increased stress level as of late. However, typically, what you’re seeing is the physical results of even MORE failed attempts of the psychological mind trying to be defensive and protect Robbie physically. What’s happening is that because Robbie’s heart isn’t getting adequate oxygen exchange to the brain, caused by the anxiety and panic attack, he passes out. NOW, that said, it IS also entirely possible that his TBI has weakened his physical ability to cope with the physical stress caused by the anxiety. Remember, he hasn’t had this level of stress since his injury BUT, he also hasn’t been physically so active in a bit too. I know I know, get out of the weeds. No steamy hot boy sex or swimming and well, with no physical outlet for that tension and this is what you see. Been there done that. The shit Don is forcing on Robbie is only exacerbating everything. Finally, the meeting with Andrews and Walter was interesting and foreshadowed a lot. It seemed at first Walter had tried to get a bead on what happened with Symmons and how much they tried to pressure Robbie. Once that was established, their demeanor changed and I kind of got almost the same vibe from them as I did with Symmons. They have a script to follow and damn the consequences. This concerns me greatly and has given me less reasons trust them blindly now. It was pointed out above that Robbie’s grieving still hasn’t completely come full circle & that everyone has essentially ignored he still is even after he’s discussed his mother as of late. This is another stress. Robbie would benefit greatly perhaps most, speaking with a grief counselor. It would help him get a handle on a lot of the issues he’s facing. The anger, coming out, his depression, his overall poor emotional control, which as we see left uncontrolled, only creates MORE stress. But, being so stubborn as he is, I think he’s got to hit bottom before he recognizes how bad off he is. No, he’s not hit bottom yet, but he’s screaming towards it quickly. Robbie fairs much better when he has full loving support and affirmation and affection from non judgmental people who accept him for who he is. He isn’t really getting that. Rory seems to be the only one at least consistently. I said that in the beginning. Nicola is slowly coming around to being one of those but Robbie continues to poke her to get the rise out of her and frankly, that’s just undoing all the progress Nicola starts to make. Unfortunately Robbie is 💯 blind to it. Because of the bullshit deceptive behavior that Nathan and Alex have done to him as well as Don’s, Robbie is quickly learning to trust less first and this is where things are getting dangerous. The Andrews/Walker conversation might just push him to shut down completely on everyone. Robbie will completely get spun up in his own head and trying to get him out of that will be much harder than what is happening now. I don’t see him getting the support he needs soon much less in time before he retracts himself mentally. The bottom is coming up quickly. good chapter.

I didn’t even read the comments last chapter after reading it I was so pissed off. The comment that Don behaves much more like a Mafia Don vs a caring devoted parent (to any of his kids much less his dead sister’s). Mr. Symmons came off to me as hired muscle NOT a counselor of any type and this church? Don’t get me started. It sounds almost like a cult with muscle as the worker bees. Something tells me Sue has her head in the sand here too about that. Also, the pontificated idea that Don is Robbie’s father is off the mark. I don’t think it’s Mr. Andrews but I DO think he may have courted Robbie’s mother. I DO suspect that possibly it was the pastor or someone in this fundamentalist cult/church that Don was a part of and when Robbie’s mom got pregnant because they used that to keep her as part of their little hoard, that’s when she fled and met Mr. Andrews. I think she fled to the UK for safe keeping and to keep Ronnie away from that group. Unfortunately she got cancer and well here we are with no legal wiggle room. I think she tried to get Robbie under Andrew’s care but I don’t know Canadian law but my guess is that since Don being his uncle, so long as he was a suitable provider (which he meets in the eye of the court) there was no more choice. This whole church thuggery just pisses me off. I hope so wakes up but I’m quite certain she’s in the dark here

I just finished the chapter. I haven’t read the rest of the comments yet but I’ll scroll up to do so after this. . yeah safe mode is real fucking familiar. So is the cold sweats. Decent job articulating that . I’m glad you didn’t go into more detail there. Sue’s honey do list is well timed. It keeps Robbie from furrowing deeper inside his own head and becoming toxic to himself. Because, you see, that’s what really does it. I’m sure others have seen some of my comments on other stories in stories. But for those who haven’t, here’s the footnotes. I was coerced and under an older student who turned out to be a narcissist while we were in high school. A hot sexy af soccer player. (Side note, why are they ALWAYS soccer studs?) the relationship developed quickly over a year and deeply . I was hooked much like Robbie was to Nathan. Only my Nathan was much more like Alex minus the charade of being straight. I mean, yeah he dated girls too but it he wasn’t “out” with me. So I guess maybe. Fuck idk. I was 13. He was sweet at first. Then his grip tightened the more I tried to establish my own freedom. He got mean. He raped me a few times. Well in truth, every time but I was complicit a first bc I was into him badly but I say it wasn’t consensual because he used vodka and weed to lull me. Once he had me, he didn’t need it anymore. He was my Visarys in Game of Thrones. I didn’t want to “wake the dragon did I?” Hell i was terrified. I only tried to resist later. Anyway, at the end, once I found my Backbone he thought I was gonna go to the cops. So he got me to show up one morning at his place before school after the rest of the house had already left. I watched him put a 22 snub nosed revolver to his temple and pull the trigger while I stood 15 feet away and pulled the trigger. He died instantly. I shut down. Literally instantly blocked all the abuse out and blacked that out in my memory for decades later. For yrs I blamed myself. I was suicidal after that for a long time. A walking soulless kid who hated himself. It took more losses yrs ..decades later to get my into therapy that lasted 5 yrs. I’m ok now. Then however? Hmph every waking moment I wasn’t. Good chapter

Ok. I just read up to “maybe I do need some kind of help” and I have been waiting for the author to address the issue of his mom’s passing and the sheer lack of guidance offered to Robbie in the way of grief counseling. Forget EVERYTHING else. Forget all the gay teen drama, the sex, etc. it has been a a glaring gap in the story so far. That is obviously intentional and I’m not criticizing the author’s decision to do so. But why has it not been offered? Why wasn’t it pressed to him? This story is based in the early or at least mid 2000’s and we had to have known more about teen suicide and grief counseling by then. If it weren’t for Robbie having been relocated and adopted and distracted by all that and of course Nathan, I’d have expected Robbie to quit life after losing his mother his only close relative. I have been waiting for this to come up and haven’t said anything because frankly because learning how to grieve by yourself is something I unfortunately have a LOT of experience in. I expect the rest of this chapter to be very difficult for me and that’s ok. I know how to cope now. Back to the chapter.

You’re not wrong there. Ignorance would certainly be better even if it is far from innocent

Great chapter l loved the picking on Daniel conversation. Big points to Nicola and Alex for ganging up on Don. Double points for Nicola for voicing her thoughts on Nathan’s sexual history prior to Robbie. One big point I haven’t see mentioned but the results of opinions essentially say is that Nathan has already cheated and he’s trying to cover it up with the guy he did it with by saying he wanted to do a 3 way. I think Robbie’s refusal er at least his conditions foiled that plan and when Robbie put him in his place as well. I’m sure Nathan’s version of the breakup is making Robbie look like a complete ass when really the he’s the one looking slimey. Typical fucking narc.

Great chapter l loved the picking on Daniel conversation. Big points to Nicola and Alex for ganging up on Don. Double points for Nicola for voicing her thoughts on Nathan’s sexual history prior to Robbie. One big point I haven’t see mentioned but the results of opinions essentially say is that Nathan has already cheated and he’s trying to cover it up with the guy he did it with by saying he wanted to do a 3 way. I think Robbie’s refusal er at least his conditions foiled that plan and when Robbie put him in his place as well. I’m sure Nathan’s version of the breakup is making Robbie look like a complete ass when really the he’s the one looking slimey. Typical fucking narc.

Bravo to Robbie for stepping up and finally putting Nathan in line. There were so many comments and analysis I agreed with. I do not think Robbie should go rebound to Alex though it’ll probably happen and end just as quickly. The cabbie is right. Dating Rosie won’t hurt Robbie at all for a while. Most of what I felt was already said above. Onward!