peter rietbergen
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Chapter 1: Shadows and secrets!
peter rietbergen commented on vanalas's story chapter in Chapter 1: Shadows and secrets!
True, he did, though in the 1930's, when labour was dirt-cheap and servants were treated like dirt, too. And yes, I suppose contemporary multi-billionaires still can command armies of servants if they so wish and raise their spoiled brats in such suroundings. So our author's "effortlessly charming", preppy-clothed, silver-spoon-fed but apparently not "to-the-manor-born" boy must, perhaps, start dealing with real life beyond the marble halls of his ancestral mansion.... -
Very clever, and thoughout the story your mastery of the technical details is astounding. And yet... I cannot get rid of the feeling that the tale lacks personal details, emotions that go beyond the political plots and counter-plots....
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Chapter 1: Shadows and secrets!
peter rietbergen commented on vanalas's story chapter in Chapter 1: Shadows and secrets!
Interesting. But: an eighteen-year-old whose nanny still lays out his clothes for him? And a grandftaher who very much dictates things in the house they share but yet has to ask for confirmation that his grandson will be going to the same school as he? -
Football and Dinner - 29 December
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Football and Dinner - 29 December
so you're presenting us with the threads that'll allow you to weave a new tapestry...? -
I think a lot happened in this chapter. No crises of epic proportions, but - yes - a crisis of greater importance, given the emotions it forced K to face. Well done.
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"No," Alex stated, his voice a low, hard vibration that cut through the noise of the argument. "I appreciate your concern, mi vida, but I need you to call your… new friends with CSIS, si?” He fished out the Satellite phone and tossed it over to Brian. I’ll go and get the vehicle alone." Am I correct when I feel that this implies that Brian must now conclude that Alex knows he has entered into a deal with the CSIS - which means that B's choice isn't a secret anymore? But what does that fact - and its consequences for B's and the others' actions - entail for the future of B's family and friends?
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Well...... Why: well? because I'm not convinced. I can see how C and J plotted this - cleverl;y. Not how, even in the privacy of their own apartment - as, e.g., in the previous chapter - they acted as if the two of them were really ending a long-standing, once loving relationship. Maybe if such scenes had not been included in the entire story to mislead us, I would have been - yes: more convinced.
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A mouth-watering tale. But no wonder so many Americans turn out obese. In my country such meals - yes, even on vacation - would be accused of seducing us to commit the sin of gluttony.
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Fascinating... Perhaps because I am a "liberated" Dutchmen, who went to boarding school (also in England, though) where we always showered naked. The idea of wearing underwear .... unimaginable. But, admittedly: over the past two decades the influx of people from, mainly, non-western - Asian and African - countries/cultures has greatly - and negatively - influenced whatver "liberation" we once enjoyed. And, alas, conversely it creates a tabu on nakedness - turning it into eroticism, sex and what not - that does not help emancipation....
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I'm constantly amazed at how prudish Americans are...😊
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One doesn't need a ghost to, sometimes, know what one has to do to help someone else....
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Weren't Byzantine emperors not only crowned but also raised on the shield and cariied around?
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Unless I'm realy dumb, I must assume that B being with Alex, now, means he has signed the agreement with the CSCI. What that means for this tale...?
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Life’s a beach – 28 December
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Life’s a beach – 28 December
I love the Holloway. I remember my Father allowing me to see the films he starred in - Whisky Galore and such. Wasn't there one about a train, too? And didn't he do Doolittle in the MFLady extravaganza? As to Josephine: ah, I suppose nowadays such a cover would be totally PC-unacceptable: coloured and near-naked, i.e. racist and sexist....Sometimes I think PCness robs us of our innocence. -
Will you raise C to the shield...?
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This is awesome indeed. The structure of the tale but, of course, in it the very emotion that it conveys - one that many people experience, sometimes (often?) without finding the "signs" to express and show their deepest feelings.
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Alas, in *Topher's" universe, that resembles ours to an alarming extent, all men working to uphold the mostly pernicious power of institutions lack any sense of moral responsibility.
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Political thriller meets near-sci-fi. An exciting mix.
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It definitely is a good chapter, but to be really honest: I feel you turn Tommy into another Jonah. For me that doesn't quite work.
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If I were Chris, I'd tell K: suit yourself.
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No James Bond film can hold a candle to this saga.
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Huitième partie : La Relève
peter rietbergen commented on W_L's story chapter in Huitième partie : La Relève
The soufflés had risen cleanly, dusted with powdered honey and the barest whisper of sweetener. Dexter noted the height, the color—and something else. No sugar on the palate. When he broke the surface with his spoon, the give was different. No egg structure. He tasted: rich chocolate, moist crumb, a silky center, a hazelnut note—Nutella, likely. Mouth-watering. A preper end to an unusual story. Thanks. -
The drone's chassis exploded in a shower of plastic and failing circuits. The world did not go black. It dissolved into a final, catastrophic error message. A scream of overloading processors, a flash of searing heat, and then… the serene, absolute zero of termination. Given the world's present, desolate state - and the role of a few men who I hold responsible - I wish I had the command over a few drones that could penetrate their defences and declare their mission an aberration - to then return to at least a modicum of "normalcy"....without, alas, holding out much hope for a really better future...
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But of course.... Even so: exciting.
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In many ways, this is a very good, and, also, convincing chapter indeed. Only the scene(s) where Christian goes down to the basement to feed J: it is told as if N and Jonah can see it. And, later, the bathroom-scene, too, seems to have conflicting "perpectives". But: never mind... As to an "ideal" sequel: hard to say. In real life, the healing of Jack would take a long time indeed. Whether it is interesting enough a process to structure another story, a sequel...? But: without it, there may be no story. A difficult choice.
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