Nephylim
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Everything posted by Nephylim
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I absolutely adore you; both of you. Our evening in London was AMAZING, especially as it was unplanned and unexpected. We had a blast. (that woman was... WOW and the guy with her wasn't half bad). I had a wonderful time with wonderful people and yes, I did wish I was there.
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You must be a mindreader. I have been thinking of both of you these last few days. I was wondering where you were and how he was. Now you've answered one question.
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Chapter One: Broken Records, Broken Hearts
Nephylim commented on Bumblebees and Roses's story chapter in Chapter One: Broken Records, Broken Hearts
I get the impression that perhaps Adrian was cold becuase he knew he had no choice and if he had been warmer he would have broken down. No excuse but we protect our hearts as best we can. A very emotive and well written start. There are emotions everywhere as is only to be expected with thirteen year olds. Looking forward tot the next chapter -
Another good chapter. There were a couple of little mistakes so it might be a good idea to read it through and do a quick edit. Wow, Andy's dad has some power. I suppose that judges would in a small town. It might be sinister if J Collins wasn't such a good egg. I hope that this is a turning point for Joey and that he will be able to start a new life where he is safe. Somehow I doubt it but still...
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Chapter 5 Red Storm Rising
Nephylim commented on Enoch's story chapter in Chapter 5 Red Storm Rising
This is a very tense chapter and you've got the emotions pinned for sure. Unfortunately this is all too familiar a story. Sometimes those who should be most open hearted are the most closed and cruel. Poor Joey. I think his father might have more than met his match this time -
Chapter 4 Black Clouds on the Horizon
Nephylim commented on Enoch's story chapter in Chapter 4 Black Clouds on the Horizon
I think we can make an educated guess what happened. There were again, just a couple of places where it got stiff but on the whole that was a great chapter. I love Andy's dad, he seems to be a really good guy; and he's a lawyer. It's good to see that not all laqyers are bad -
I agree with Conner that the story is an easy read. There are one to two places where it backs up a bit and gets slightly stilted but on the whole it is still very easy on the eye. Things are moving on and developing at just the right pace. Nice work
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Nice. Violence and the church in the same chapter... who would believe it. I am liking the characters very much and the story is progressing at a nice pace. Poor Andy.
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I like it. Andy looks set to be an interesting and endearing character and Joey is just a sweetheart. I have a deal of trepidation as to what lies before them but I am looking forward to finding out. The story flows smoothly and the dialogue is natural and easy on the eye. Yep, I like it
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Maybe it's just because I have a dirty mind but the m/m in the Pern books was quite obvious to me; in fact it was my first exposure to the concept of characters who just happen to be gay rather than the story revolving around it. It is so sad that she's died; her books have been very much a part of my life for a very long time RIP
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As is the way of the cat, as soon as he cums he is gone. I can't move to see where. Oh hell that was... was... At least he’s let go of my neck, I thought he was going to break it. Another thing I can add to the list of reasons to hate him. My God, I can believe what he just did. The fucker raped me... well okay, it’s not exactly as if I was complaining too loudly but the fact was that I couldn’t have even if I had wanted too. What’s that sound? God it’s me. I haven’t mewled like this since... si
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If I could grow a moustache i would. Wait... um...
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Chapter 18 Meet me at the crossroads...
Nephylim commented on Naptowngirl's story chapter in Chapter 18 Meet me at the crossroads...
I have absolutely no sympathy or understanding for Helen at all. I'm afraid i can't even say she's trying to be a good mother because she's not. She's just trying to keep control. I despise her. I don't know what she's planning but I know it's not good. I just hope that Chase stops her before Kayleb gets too hurt. -
Oh NO. Poor Kaleb. Am I the only one who thinks that he is, actually, perfectly capable of caring for himself AND a baby. And I think he should paint it pink.
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Happy Mike Birthday. Happy Birth Mikeday. Mikey's Birth Happyday. Whatever. Have a great day
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And there's angels too? Can the story get any better I really enjoyed that chapter. Andrew's inner dialogue is fun. It's helping get to know Andrew from the inside out so to speak. I have a theory about the guy in a baseball cap and, if I'm right, it's going to cause considerable complication between Kevin and Andrew. We'll see. In the meantime I am going to enjoy watching Kevin and Andrew get to know each other.
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Clearly your housemate has no taste in women
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Very nice ending. I like Kevin. Yes, Andrew was a silly boy to fall asleep on the beach in the snow. but the world is strange in that way. Great story.
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I like the sea. It calms me too. Strangely the more angry it is the calmer it makes me feel. I soak in the energy. Andrew is hurting and he's tying himself into knots, poking at the sore place over and over. Oh, I know how that feels
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My first car was Daisy. She was an orange mini clubman with white daisies. Kids used to run down the street after me, waving. Well, I was only 18. The story is unfolding very naturally. I love the way that Andrew remenisces and the feeling is very bitter sweet, as it always is when a relationship ends. Everything is going so well and then BAM a sight, a sound, a smell and it's all fresh and raw again. Nice work.
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Very nice start. You've drawn the characters very well, even the one who isn't in the story. I like the way you use the snow to enhance the feeling of coldness that Andrew feels at his break up. It's already interesting and the story hasn't really started yet. And. I. Love. Dee Dee. Late forties and mad as a fish... does that remind you of anyone
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Oooh I love Dolphins. This is a sweet start.
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Well so far the story is living up to expectation. You still have a bit of trouble with tense but it's not so bad in this one. I am more and more curious about Andrew and his issues. He is a very 'real' feeling character and I am looking forward to seeing more of him.
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I loved it. As a prologue that was perfect. Short and sweet and setting the scene perfectly. It was polished pretty and shiny like christmas party nails. Ahhh... getting carried away with the christmas spirit already. Next time put in spiced wine and apples and i'll be purring.
